Planes, Trains, and Auto-Rickshaws

by Laura Pedersen

  However, it seems the critics are outsiders, since locals all told me that the bull-taming sessions are an important part of their culture and history. Apparently, a wealthy prince could easily and efficiently sort through competing potential sons-in-law by putting them to the test. And so residents are put out by interlopers wanting to interfere, the way Buffalonians don’t like Floridians making fun of their blizzards, and people actually from Detroit are the only ones allowed to brag that they make the best car thieves.

  In the end, it might be good old-fashioned Western-style ambulance chasing that redefines this increasingly controversial tradition. Villages wanting to hold bull-taming festivals are now required to put down large deposits since victims and their families are starting to demand compensation for accidents and injuries.

  I’d be able to tell you more about all of that, but several days of monsoon rains (heavy to very heavy rains, according to the local newscaster) ripped through the South and slightly altered my plans. Much the way Western New York has two seasons, allergy and flu, India has tourist and monsoon. So I’ll leave off with some fluid dynamics factoids: Whereas buses and taxis tend to sink in large quantities of water, wooden rickshaws do not.

  Q: Do cows float?

  A: Yes.

  Q: Do pregnant cows float?

  A: Especially so.

  So Many Gods, So Little Time

  India is a predominantly Hindu country (83 percent of the population), but out of 1.2 billion people, that still leaves several hundred thousand, and therefore one can also find a good many Muslims (11 percent), Christians (2.5 percent), Sikhs (2 percent), Buddhists (about 1 percent), and Jains (less than 1 percent), along with a smattering of Parsis, Baha’is, and Jews. With about 177 million Muslims in total, India has the third-largest Muslim population after Indonesia (204 million) and Pakistan (178 million). Aside from occasional outbreaks of violence, India’s Muslim communities are not associated with terrorist activities. In fact, the country’s wealthiest man is a Muslim, as are many highly placed government officials and popular film stars. Muslim men and women are allowed by law to fully function within this democracy, and all have a vote. Membership in a minority religion does not impede advancement in business, politics, or the professions. At least three Indian presidents and three chief justices have been Muslim. Many prominent lawyers and doctors have been Muslim, Christian, and Parsi. In fact, not long ago, India had a Muslim president, a Sikh prime minister, and a Congress party leader who was Christian, all democratically elected in a country with a Hindu majority. Furthermore, no one has declared that there’s a war on Christmas, Holi, Wesak, Ramadan, or Hanukkah. Now that’s diversity.

  Hinduism, which has more than 800 million followers, encompasses a wide range of beliefs and practices. A PBS program explaining Hinduism is going to run substantially longer than the Richard Gere–narrated two-hour PBS special on Buddhism. Hinduism has no single sacred text, dogma, founder, prophet, or worship schedule. What is clear to the outside observer is that Hindus don’t eat beef, although chicken and fish are okay. Otherwise, the basic idea is that the human soul is considered to be everlasting and in a perpetual state of development, so reincarnation is an important element of the Hindu faith. After death, the soul is born again on earth in a new form, with the purpose of bettering itself until perfection is attained. Rebirth is governed by karma, which states that we regularly have a choice between good and evil, and each decision will impact our future experiences accordingly. There is also the idea that the sins of our past life will be visited upon us in our next life. It can hardly be a coincidence that both doctrines uphold my kindergarten teacher’s second-favorite expression, “We reap what we sow,” which came directly after “Just because you can say anything you want doesn’t mean that you should.”

  Although we usually employ the word karma in a philosophical sense in the West—what comes around goes around, cast your bread upon the waters, and so forth—in India, the belief discourages people from attempting to cross caste lines for social relations and therefore isn’t entirely in tune with modernity. Likewise, dharma, the obligation to accept one’s condition and perform the duties appropriate to it, puts a burden on the poor or low caste and gives the rich and those of high caste a license to behave in a superior manner, ignore the plight of the downtrodden, and take privileges, such as cutting in line and taking the best seats.

  Hinduism is about as far from monotheism as you can get, since instead of one god there are literally thousands of gods and goddesses, most with their own personal modes of conveyance, not unlike the modern-day Popemobile. One has to be born a Hindu, so don’t worry about anyone pushing leaflets into your hand or ringing the doorbell and wanting to tell you what a friend he has in Vishnu. But this doesn’t mean you can’t dive headlong into Hinduism, since it has a considerable emphasis on personal religion. Most of the thousands of ashrams all across India, where holy men teach visitors in small groups, are Hindu affiliated. Yoga and meditation and sometimes a diet regimen can also be offered as elements of the spiritual journey. Yoga was originally developed by men and continues to be practiced by men in India, from regular working folk to weightlifters, so be prepared to see eighty-year-old guys knocking out handstands, backbends, the flying crow, and the one-legged king pigeon. In fact, former prime minister Jawaharlal Nehru regularly engaged in long conversations while standing on his head. Indian men are also known for being world-record holders in the category of longest fingernails and thus are way ahead of the United States when it comes to the whole metrosexual craze.

  Interestingly, there’s a group of Indian Americans who have recently mounted a Take Back Yoga campaign, as if the lotus position is under siege like Christmas decorations in public squares. Much like the Take Back America campaign it raises some obvious questions (from whom?). Take Back Yoga crusaders don’t require practitioners to take up Hinduism or even study the religion but want devotees to recognize that the philosophy of yoga was first described in Hindu texts. (Although it would appear that yoga’s roots can be traced back to before the start of Hinduism.) Still, it seems to me like trying to take back peppermint chewing gum, butter brickle ice cream, or plain old fire. The downward-facing dog genie is out of the bottle.

  Yoga began as a sex cult, according to The Science of Yoga, a fascinating new book by American author William J. Broad, which gives an account of what yoga can and cannot do to heal the body and mind. Reports show that yoga may cause a surge of sex hormones that can improve the love lives of both men and women, writes Broad, while advanced yogis can close their eyes and light up their brains in states of ecstasy indistinguishable from sexual climaxes or (you knew it was coming) yogasms.

  The red circle that a Hindu woman wears in the middle of her forehead is called a bindi, which is Sanskrit for “drop” or “dot.” This effect used to be created through the application of a red powder, but nowadays disposable peel-and-stick bindis are available in a wide range of colors, including ones that sparkle like disco balls. The red-hued bindi originally symbolized marriage but has become mostly decorative, the equivalent of a butterfly tattoo above your butt or a handgun in America.

  When India became an independent nation in 1947 and formed its own constitution, a certain amount of leeway had to be allowed for existing religious traditions with regard to birth, marriage, and death, and thus Muslims in India can practice polygamy. It’s also practiced by a small percentage of Hindus, along with some Buddhists and Adivasi (also known as tribal or aboriginal groups). Among the Hindu and Buddhist communities in northern India’s Himalayan valley, which is notable for its harsh living conditions, you occasionally find polyandry, where a woman has several husbands. In such situations, one may wonder how it is known which children belong to which father. This is decided by the mother, and apparently whatever she says goes, and there’s no such thing as paternity tests. However, polyandry is dying out as these communities become less isolated, more educated, and have increased access to earning
opportunities. Interestingly, in plural-marriage societies, as a male gains wealth and stature, he wants more wives, whereas when a woman improves her lot, she apparently desires fewer husbands. Go figure.

  Islam is a one-god shop, like Christianity and Judaism, and as with those religions, followers have divided into various degrees of devoutness, from Muslim-in-name-only to peace-loving practitioner and productive member of society, all the way to militant jihadist. A Muslim has five duties: believe in one God with Mohammad as his prophet, pray five times a day, fast from dawn until dusk during Ramadan, perform charitable acts, and make a pilgrimage to Mecca at least once. Islam can be a bit like the mail-order Columbia Record Club of the 1980s in that once you signed up it was difficult to unwind the relationship. To become a Muslim, one need only declare in front of an Islamic official, “There is no God but Allah, and Mohammed is his prophet.” However, to exit Islam is illegal and, among some sects, punishable by death.

  Sharia (Islamic law) enforces differences between the roles of men and women with regard to marriage, divorce, legal status, dress code, and education that vary from place to place and family to family. Women have built careers and even achieved high political office in Muslim majority states, but many are prevented from realizing their academic and professional potential because of sharia, despite arguments that the Koran clearly states that men and women are equal.

  Sikhism arose in the northern Punjab region during the fifteenth century and nowadays includes elements of both Islam and Hinduism. However, Sikhs aren’t considered Hindus or Muslims, and their main goal is the union with (just one) god. Male Sikhs are easily identifiable by their turbans and heavy metal bracelets, and they’re also required to carry a dagger, just FYI. If you enjoyed studying sets and subsets in seventh-grade math, here’s one: Sikhs are all Singhs but not all Singhs are Sikhs. Singh means “lion,” and all male Sikhs have this component in their name, while many Sikh women have Kaur in their name, which means “princess.” At any given time, there are about forty Singhs in the Lok Sabha, the directly elected lower house of Parliament, which currently contains 545 members, including a speaker. Trying to find a specific Singh must be like trying to locate a particular Vinny at the Feast of San Gennaro. On the plus side, it’s easy to be polite, since any time a man with a turban helps you it’s possible to say, “Thank you, Mr. Singh.”

  Sikhs have much in common with the Italians in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn, in that they pay a lot of attention to their hair, think yoga is for sissies, and have a reputation for being very tough, so don’t mess with them. In American movies and sitcoms such as Outsourced, the Sikh typically ends up playing “the scary-looking guy.” Sikhs are also like the Chinese in America in that you never see them begging on the streets, which leads one to assume that they take care of their own. In addition to being community minded, they’re generous to outsiders, and therefore Sikh temples offer meals to thousands of people from all walks of life every day of the year. Sikhs aren’t supposed to eat meat slaughtered in a cruel manner, drink alcohol, use tobacco, or commit adultery and are commonly mistaken for Muslims, especially by Westerners.

  Sikhs deserve a big shout-out for incorporating into their religious bylaws that a Sikh woman is equal to a Sikh man and that the souls of women and men are the same, therefore women can participate equally in all religious, cultural, and social activities, including the leading of congregations. Does this mean that Sikhism provides women with an oasis of liberation? No. Local traditions and social mores remain strong, the way they do everywhere until enough people say enough is enough. I’m reminded of my Western New York public school, where we said a pledge every morning to a single god (no matter that students might be atheist or polytheist), fish was served every Friday for the benefit of the many Catholics, we sang mostly Christian music in chorus despite the presence of a dozen or so Jews, girls were issued “previously enjoyed” boys’ soccer uniforms since our sporting endeavors apparently didn’t merit splurging for something new with darts and other concessions to the female form, and we were bused to an elementary school gym for practice so as not to scuff the precious floor of the boys’ gym.

  The spiritual center and holiest shrine of Sikhism is the Golden Temple in Amritsar, not far from the border of Pakistan. This gleaming gold and polished marble complex is a popular destination for celebrities and politicians. Even Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip have padded around in their stockinged feet. However, President Obama, a Christian, was advised to skip this stop on his 2010 India trip because wrapping a cloth around his head would have fueled rumors that he’s a Muslim. The act of tying has spiritual significance for the Sikhs, and thus a Chicago White Sox baseball cap was not an acceptable compromise.

  Buddhism, like Hinduism, originated in India. It’s the world’s fourth-largest religion and is centered around the search for inner peace, which usually involves practicing hours of meditation on the road to enlightenment. Buddhism is, of course, the religion of the Dalai Lama, with whom most of us are familiar as a result of the political situation whereby Tibet, Buddhist HQ, is being claimed by the Chinese. Or because we watched Caddyshack several hundred times, where Carl the groundskeeper, played by Bill Murray, supposedly caddied for the Dalai Lama and in lieu of a cash tip received eternal consciousness on his deathbed, at which point he states, “So I figure I got that going for me.”

  Technically speaking, His Holiness retired on March 14, 2011, but his followers didn’t take it very seriously. It was like my friend Mary’s house, where there were nine kids and her mother used to throw her hands up and “quit” at least once a month, but all the kids showed up at the dinner table just the same. As a result, his formal title changed from Head of Nation to Protector and Symbol of Tibet and Tibetan People. More importantly, by installing an elected prime minister, the Dalai Lama is betting that democracy might prevent China from claiming Tibet after his death.

  Meantime, the Chinese have decided on their own candidate to fill the Dalai Lama’s saffron-and-maroon robes. However, he threw some ferocious logic at them: as Communist atheists, they can’t possibly believe in reincarnation and therefore cannot identify the next Dalai Lama. I wouldn’t want to play chess against that guy. And I’ll bet he does crossword puzzles in ink.

  Fun fact: The current Dalai Lama, who was born July 6, 1935, and took the throne at age five, has served his followers longer than such long-lasting rulers as Queen Elizabeth II , King Rama IX of Thailand, and Fidel Castro.

  The Buddha, or “Enlightened One,” was Sidd­hārtha Gautama, who lived in the sixth century BCE. Siddhārtha was the son of a Hindu ruler of a small kingdom in the Nepalese foothills and a member of the warrior caste. Raised in a sheltered atmosphere with plenty of servants, his life was one of luxury and comfort. However, a fortune-teller predicted that because of his concern for human suffering, Prince Siddhārtha would one day forsake the world, and so his father ordered that he be shielded from pain and unpleasantness. Nonetheless, Siddhārtha gradually became aware of the sorrow and affliction in people’s lives and set out to fix things. At the age of twenty-nine, he renounced the palace lifestyle, his wife, and his young child. Siddhārtha dressed as a hermit, and since it was not yet possible to join the Peace Corps and build irrigation ditches, he set out on a journey to seek spiritual truth, timeless wisdom, and the secret of sorrow. But despite his asceticism and deprivations, Siddhārtha failed and sat meditating under the Bodhi tree at Bodh Gaya, near Benares (now Varanasi). After forty-nine days, enlightenment finally dawned, the meaning of sorrow became clear, and he preached his first sermon. The essential message was that sorrow is the cause of all the evil and suffering in the world. Because pain and bad behavior arise from unhealthy desires (basically, anything that doesn’t involve yearning for enlightenment), each individual must start tearing up his wish list and learn selflessness. By not having any local priests, Buddhism provides a less hierarchical way of life for all of its practitioners, so you tend not to encounter leaders with
television stations, theme parks, private jets, and monasteries full of designer clothing.

  More importantly, why are there so many statues of a fat, bald, laughing Buddha for sale at every kiosk when Siddhārtha Gautama was supposedly tall, serene, and slender? Just as there’s more than one guy in the American South named Bubba, there are a number of men called Buddha in the East. The jolly, heavyset “rub my belly for good luck” Buddha is most likely a depiction of an eccentric Chinese monk who lived during the Later Liang Dynasty. However, there are conflicting stories and it’s possible that after Buddhism’s Buddha achieved perfect enlightenment, he may have rewarded himself with too many slices of triple chocolate bliss cake.

  Today, Buddhism has an appealing ambassador in the exiled Dalai Lama (a Mongolian name that means “Ocean of Wisdom”) along with sensible, easy-to-understand tenets, such as: be cool, exercise moderation, do the right thing, no pain no gain, respect nature, try to leave the world better than you found it, and beware of the butterfly effect—that actions cause other actions. So think before you act, or as my friend likes to tell her four-year-old, “Make good decisions.” Like most religions, Buddhism has parables. When a mother loses her only son and takes his body to the Buddha to restore the boy, he tells her to go from house to house and bring back a handful of mustard seed from a family that never lost a child, husband, parent, or friend. When the mother is unable to find such a house in her village, she realizes that death is common to all and she can’t be selfish in her grief. In other words, it’s not suffering, but our response to suffering, that defines who we are. Buddhism also serves up lots of proverbs, such as “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear,” and “If we are facing the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.”

  Despite their regard for all sentient beings, Buddhists aren’t required to be vegetarians. In fact, the omnivorous Dalai Lama enjoys bacon and eggs for breakfast, roast veal for lunch, and a good flank steak dinner. He also prefers to wear black leather Doc Martens instead of grass-rope sandals. In general, Buddhism is not a religion of rigidity, and therefore anyone is welcome to join at any time just by deciding that they like what they see. No trial by fire, immersion in water, financial contribution, or pledge of allegiance is required. Likewise, there’s no punishment for deserters.