“These are interesting,” she said, glancing down at the cover. I’d gone with a hunting theme and the albums were covered in the same type of camouflage Jesse and his dad wore in so many of the pictures I’d seen.
“I think it’ll remind Jesse of his dad,” I said as I started breaking down the larger box to throw in the garbage.
“That’s really sweet of you, Riley,” she said, stacking the album she’d been holding on top of the other one. “Speaking of Jesse,” she continued and then her voice seemed to fade. “How are things going with his mom?”
“According to who? Me or him? Because it all depends entirely on who you ask. If you ask him, everything’s just dandy. Marlene is a peach.” The sarcasm was thick as I rolled my eyes.
“And I take it your thoughts aren’t in line with his?”
“Not at all, but I don’t dare tell him that. I don’t like her, but he won’t hear it.”
“And he won’t, Ry. I doubt you would either if you were in his shoes.”
“I know you’re probably right.”
“But just so you know, I think I share your sentiments,” she said and I was happy to know I wasn’t a total heartless bitch if my mother felt the same way I did. “We just need to support Jesse though while he figures this out.”
“That’s what I’m doing,” I said, motioning towards the albums. “I need to try and make a peace offering. He’s been pretty annoyed at my attitude towards his mom.”
“I hope it works,” she said and then started chopping again. “Would you mind setting the table?”
I nodded, thinking back to how I was when I first moved to Carver. I did everything to avoid spending time with my mother, including blowing off dinners. I didn’t do that anymore and I was ashamed I ever had.
****
By the time I’d finished helping my mom wash and dry the dinner dishes, it was dusk. Jesse had texted me right as we sat down to dinner to let me know he was on his way home from the shop and that I should come over and watch a movie with him and his mom. While I wasn’t exactly crazy about spending the evening with Marlene, I did want to be with Jesse and hopefully when we were done watching the movie, we could do some work on the albums.
When I pulled up to his house, the Wagoneer was out front, but I didn’t see Marlene’s car. I smiled a little, hoping maybe she’d found something else to do other than bother us.
I turned off my car and saw Rocky and Jasper bound out through the doggie door. I grabbed the albums and got out, petting each of the dogs on the head before I trotted up the stairs to the door. I knocked and waited for a few moments, expecting to hear footsteps. When I didn’t, I knocked again, and again, the house was silent. I looked around to see if maybe Jesse was outside, but the yard was quiet too. Opening the door carefully, I poked my head inside.
“Jesse?” I called out, but heard nothing. Hesitantly, I stepped inside and began looking for him. After I checked every room, I realized he wasn’t there. I suddenly felt my earlier excitement at the possibility of a Marlene free night dwindle. I figured the reason her car wasn’t out front was because Jesse had gone somewhere with her and he hadn’t bothered telling me. I dropped the albums on the kitchen table more forcefully than I probably should have and pulled out my phone, dialing his number. A text wouldn’t do. I needed to talk to him. As the first ring came through the receiver, I heard music coming from Jesse’s bedroom. Pulling the phone from my ear, I realized the music was Jesse’s ring tone. I walked down the hallway and saw his phone lying on the dresser.
There I stood, waiting for him and he didn’t even have his phone. I was annoyed now and decided I wasn’t going to wait around for him all night when he hadn’t even had the decency to tell me he wasn’t going to be home, even though he’d told me to come over.
Leaving the albums on the table, I flung the door open and walked back to my car. Just as I was opening the door to get in, something caught my eye. The door to the shed was open. Jesse rarely left it open unless he was inside.
I walked over to it, but it seemed just as quiet as the house.
“Jesse?” I called, but again, there was no response. I put my hands on my hips, looking around and wondering where the hell he was when I realized one of the quads was missing. It was his favorite one. Bright blue with white flames and incredibly fast. I’d never ridden on it. The thing scared me too much, but Jesse would fly around the property jumping and spinning and freaking me out. I noticed a set of tire marks just outside the door and they looked fresh and deep, like the wheels had been left to spin while the engine revved. My eyes followed the tracks as far as the setting sun allowed until they faded. I started walking then and saw they led out to the road in the direction of Mrs. Kramer’s house.
I felt a pit in my stomach as I went back to my car, got in and started driving towards the old house.
A few minutes later, I saw the familiar grove of trees come into view and there was just enough sunlight left that I could see the quad sitting there. I pulled up beside it, turned off the car and nervously got out. The worn down house looked peaceful and then I saw a figure sitting on the end of the dock. Jesse. His shoulders were hunched and he was staring down at the water.
I walked slowly, the pit growing bigger as I realized things weren’t right. He didn’t look up until I called his name.
“Jesse?” I spoke softly and his head turned slowly.
When his eyes met mine, I saw they were red, as if he’d been crying. He only looked at me for a moment before turning back to the water. I sat down beside him, dangling my feet above the pond, just as he was, before I finally spoke.
“What are you doing out here?” I asked gently, resting my hand on his back.
“She’s gone.” His voice was low and quiet, cracking as the words left his mouth.
“What do you mean, she’s gone?”
“I came home from the shop and all her stuff was packed up and she was gone.”
“Maybe she had to run an errand or something,” I said hopefully, knowing I was only being naïve.
“No, Riley. She left and she’s not coming back.”
I didn’t know what to say. The very thing I’d worried most about had come true and now he sat beside me, crushed and defeated.
“Why do think she left?” I asked gently.
“I know exactly why she left,” he said, his voice laced with bitterness. “I told her I wasn’t selling the house.”
“Why would she leave because of that?” I asked and I heard him sigh.
“She only came here because she thought she might get something from my dad’s estate.”
“Why do you say that?” I asked and he didn’t speak for a while.
“It wasn’t long after she got here that she started asking about my dad’s life insurance and stuff,” he finally said. “I thought she was just worried about me. She wasn’t.” His tone was turning angry now and I gently stroked his back, trying to keep him calm. “When I told her about all the unexpected crap…the bills and debt and how I had to use it all to pay those off…that was when she suggested I sell the house. She told me we could probably get at least a hundred grand for the property and house. She kept pushing me, saying I needed to look out for my future. She didn’t give two shits about my future. She just wanted a piece of the cut.”
“Maybe you’re just reading into it.”
“You never liked her, so don’t start defending her now.”
“I’m not defending her,” I said softly.
“The moment she realized I had nothing to give her, she left. I came home tonight to a completely empty house. Not even a note or anything. She just vanished. She never wanted me. She only wanted money.”
“Oh, Jesse,” was all I could muster through the lump forming in my throat.
“You were right,” he said as his voice cracked again and I saw his eyes shut tightly. “You knew she was worthless from the moment you met her, but I defended her. I got mad at you for even questioning why she’d de
cided to finally be a mom. But, you were right the whole time and I wouldn’t listen to anything you said.”
“You can’t do this to yourself,” I said, knowing all too well how he was feeling. It was just like when I’d been with Alex. Jesse had warned me about him. He’d said Alex was bad news and I’d chosen to ignore him because I knew better. And while our situations were very different, we both knew how it felt to be betrayed by someone we thought loved us. It was a feeling I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
“I was so stupid,” he said quietly, shaking his head.
“No, you weren’t,” I said quickly, wrapping my arms around him as he buried his face in my neck. “She’s your mom. You wanted to believe her. I would’ve done the same thing. You can’t beat yourself up though.”
“She didn’t want me,” he said and he started sobbing. “She didn’t want me again. She left me again.”
I pulled him closer as I cried with him, my body aching for him, wishing I could take the pain from him. He didn’t deserve this. He’d been through enough. His dad had died and left him with more burdens than any eighteen-year-old deserved and now his mom had abandoned him again. Jesse was strong, but this was too much.
“Am I that worthless? So worthless my own mother can leave me twice?” he cried, his words almost inaudible through the sobs. I held him for a moment more as his words pierced through me and then I pulled back, turning his face to look at me and I stared hard into his sad, gray eyes.
“You. Are. Not. Worthless.” My voice was stern and serious as I said each word. “You are the most worthwhile person I have ever met. You are amazing and I am so privileged to know you and love you and I’m even more privileged to have you love me back. You have so much to offer this world, Jesse Dean Baylor, and nothing is going to stop you. Yes, you’ve hit a bit of a roadblock, but your dad’s death isn’t going to stop you. He was so proud of you and he’s going to be even more proud of who you will become. And your mom isn’t going to stop you either. As far as I’m concerned, she’s missed out on the last sixteen years getting to know her incredible son…the son that was incredible despite her. The son who will become even more incredible despite her. I want to hate her, but I can’t hate her because without her, I wouldn’t have you.”
He smiled timidly and I couldn’t help but think of the little boy in the pictures. Here he sat before me now a man, and a good man at that. He’d grown up so much over the past couple of months and even though it had been rough and seemed impossible at times, I loved him more now than I ever had and all I wanted was for him to be okay again.
“I love you, Riley,” he said softly, his fingers brushing against my cheek gently as I leaned into his touch, cupping his hand with mine. “I know this summer has sucked, but thank you for sticking by me, even when it wasn’t easy.”
“Always,” I said, as my lips brushed lightly on his cheek, lingering as I tasted the saltiness from his tears. “We’ve been through a lot from the moment we met and we’ve always gotten through it…together. This time will be no different.”
He swallowed hard and then nodded as he pulled me to him, tightly, almost desperately before I felt him relax and I prayed he would be okay.
“I guess I should thank her,” he said a few minutes later as I dabbed at his wet cheeks with my sleeve.
“Why’s that?”
“This whole experience has cleared a lot of things up for me,” he said and I couldn’t tell if his tone was hopeful or not.
“Are you gonna be okay?” I said softly, linking our hands together.
“I’ll be fine. I always am,” he said, but his voice seemed defeated.
We sat together, just holding hands and staring out at the pond. It was dark now and the crickets started to chirp. A train whistle blew in the distance and I leaned my head against his shoulder and he put his arm around me. It was a memory I would always treasure.
“I brought some photo albums with me,” I said quietly and he looked at me with a grateful smile. “I thought we could start putting some of those pictures away.”
“I’d like that,” he said, standing up as he held his hand out to me. I took it and he helped me up. We held hands as we walked down the dock back to the shore. “Meet’cha back at the house.” He climbed onto the quad and tore down the road entirely too fast for my taste, but I got in my car and followed. He was walking out of the shed, closing the door behind him after he put the quad back inside, when I pulled up.
“It’s too damn quiet in here,” he said when we walked into the kitchen and I noticed the way he looked around, almost as if he was looking for his dad or mom or someone to appear. It broke my heart to see the momentary hope in his eyes.
He moved into the living room and a moment later, Blake Shelton was streaming through the stereo speakers and I had to admit, it seemed to lighten the mood. Jesse walked down the hall, disappearing into his father’s room and coming out a moment later with the box of pictures. I saw his eyes drift to the albums and the corners of his mouth curled up into a smile. “I like the design.”
“I thought you would,” I said as we both sat down. He started thumbing through pictures and then looked at me.
“Should these go in some kind of order?”
“That’s up to you,” I answered and he shook his head.
“Let’s just start putting them in,” he said and we each started stuffing pictures into the plastic sleeves of the albums.
“Have you had anything for dinner?” I asked, realizing it was nearly 8:30. He’d been expecting dinner from his mom, which he’d obviously never gotten.
“No,” he said, focusing on the pictures.
“Let me make you something,” I said and he looked up at me in obvious amusement.
“You wanna make me dinner?” he said with a light laugh. “You’ve never made me dinner and you don’t cook.”
“Well, tonight will be yet another first we share,” I said, placing the picture in my hand into the album and then standing up. I started looking through the cabinets and fridge. At least Marlene had gone to the grocery store, on Jesse’s dime, no doubt.
“What are you gonna make?” Jesse asked as I pillaged the kitchen.
“Well, considering this is spur of the moment, I’ve gotta be creative. However, I think I can make tuna melts and tomato soup.” I heard him chuckle and I turned to see him grinning at me, shaking his head. “That doesn’t sound okay?”
“It sounds great,” he said, smiling softly at me and I smiled back.
I gathered everything I would need and got started.
“Did you and Glenn get a lot done today?” I asked as I worked.
“Yeah,” he said softly, pausing for a moment before continuing. “He’s gonna buy out the shop.”
I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. His face was sad and relieved all at once.
“Is this a good thing?”
“Yes. I can’t do it and truthfully, I don’t wanna do it. It’s better for everyone.”
“I think you’re right,” I said gently. “You’re having a hard time though, aren’t you?”
He nodded and I waited for him to talk.
“It’s my dad’s shop, but I can’t do it.”
“I’m sorry, Jesse.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s a relief actually. It’s one less thing I have to worry about.”
I turned back to the stove and flipped one of the sandwiches over while I stirred the soup.
“Are things okay with Glenn then?” I asked hesitantly.
“Yeah, I think they are.”
“That’s good. Really good.”
I finished the soup and sandwiches while Jesse worked on the pictures, the only sound being the music flowing from the stereo. I set Jesse’s plate in front of him and poured us each a glass of water before sitting down too. I really wasn’t hungry, having eaten dinner before I came, but I didn’t want him to eat alone.
“This is really good, Ry. Thank you,” he said after the first
bite.
“You’re welcome,” I replied and reached over and squeezed his hand.
****
I’d tried convincing Jesse he should spend the night at my house. I didn’t think he should be alone, but he said he was fine. I stayed until practically midnight and we got both albums filled. It was fun listening to him tell me about the pictures as we worked and I knew he appreciated the gesture when we were done.
When I got home, my mom was already in bed, but I changed into my pajamas and woke her to tell her about Jesse’s mom.
“Mom,” I whispered, nudging her gently. It took a moment, but her eyes eventually opened.
“Riley. What is it?” she asked groggily.
“Jesse’s mom left,” I said quietly and she sat straight up.
“What?” she exclaimed quietly.
“He got home today and she was just gone.”
Even though it was dark in the room, I could see the look on her face and she looked downright pissed off.
“What else does that poor boy have to endure?” she asked rhetorically. “Is he okay?”
“He’s pretty devastated, but I think he’ll be okay. I hope so anyway.”
“Did you ask him to sleep over here tonight?”
“I asked, but he said no.”
I heard her sigh and I saw her shake her head.
“Mom,” I said softly and her eyes met mine in the darkness. “Thank you for being a good mom.”
My eyes welled with tears and I wrapped my arms around her as I cried. I cried not for myself, but for Jesse who would never know the feeling of wrapping himself in his mother’s arms when everything else was going wrong. He’d never known and never would know the one place that was always safe. I did know though and I was so grateful for that.
She stroked my hair as I cried and held me until I settled down.
“Can I sleep with you tonight?” I asked softly as she wiped my tears.
“Of course, baby,” she said, pulling the covers back and I slid in next to her. She continued to stroke my hair, the way she used to when I’d crawl into bed with her when I was little. I closed my eyes and eventually drifted off.
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