by Lisa Dyson
She kept her head high, barely making it down the hall and into the vacant restroom before she doubled over and wept uncontrollably.
* * *
KYLE WATCHED HELPLESSLY as Ashleigh hurried away. He didn’t know what more to say to her. Didn’t know what to do to make her accept the fact that whether they had a child or not didn’t matter to him. He wanted to reach out and hold her until life became tolerable, but she wanted nothing to do with him.
He could barely handle the news that there was no pregnancy—she had to be crushed. No wonder she’d lashed out at him. She couldn’t possibly believe he thought she’d failed him by not giving him children, could she? That was ridiculous.
But he realized that this had been their one chance at getting back together. Now that she wasn’t pregnant, she had no reason to stick around. No reason to stay with him.
He hadn’t been able to keep her from leaving two years ago and now they were repeating history. He couldn’t see any way to avoid the same outcome—at least not when she was so upset. Maybe when she calmed down he might have a better shot at making her see reason. Maybe.
He walked to the bank of elevators and went down to the E.R. to make them coffee. When he stepped off the elevator on the first floor, he ran into Stan and his wife, Linda, walking down the hall.
“Hi, Linda. Hey, Stan,” Kyle greeted them. He forced a smile, not in the mood to have a friendly conversation, but he asked Stan, “How are you?” Kyle hadn’t been to see his friend and colleague in a few days and he could see he was still a patient by the dark brown bathrobe over his hospital gown and tan moccasins on his feet.
Stan grinned and put an arm around his wife’s shoulders. “Thanks to my lovely wife, I’m doing much better.” He hugged Linda close and kissed her temple.
“He gives me too much credit,” she said pleasantly, then smiled indulgently at her husband.
“Not true,” Stan insisted. “If you hadn’t noticed my shortness of breath when we did our daily walks around the hospital, then no one would have picked up that I had a touch of pneumonia.”
“I’m sure your doctor would have,” she said.
“Good catch,” Kyle said. “I wondered why you hadn’t been discharged yet.”
“Listen,” Linda said to both men before pointing to a bank of chairs next to the wall. “Why don’t you two sit over there and catch up while I get our ice cream from the cafeteria?”
“She worries I’m overdoing it,” Stan said in a stage whisper.
“There’s no worrying involved.” Linda grinned. “You’re definitely overdoing it. And as a doctor, you should know better.” She patted her husband’s arm then asked Kyle, “Can I get you anything?”
He shook his head. “No, thanks. I came down for coffee. Ashleigh’s sister is in labor.”
“Is that good news?” Linda’s eyebrows rose. “I knew they were keeping her here so she wouldn’t have the baby too early.”
“She’s far enough along now.” Kyle wished he didn’t have to pretend that he hadn’t just been kicked in the gut.
“That’s good,” Linda said, then told Stan, “I’ll be right back.”
When his wife was gone, Stan said, “I’m a lucky man, Kyle. Truly a lucky man.”
Kyle smiled, unwilling to acknowledge a twinge of jealousy. “Yes, you are, Stan.” The guy had suffered a heart attack, open-heart surgery and now pneumonia, but still Kyle was envious because Stan had a happy marriage.
“Want to know the secret?” Stan asked.
A magic pill or potion? “Sure.” Kyle was anxious to get back to check on Ashleigh, but he had a few more minutes for Stan.
“Don’t be a mind reader.” Stan laughed. “Don’t assume you know what she wants or when she wants it.”
Kyle waited for him to go on.
“Ask her what she wants,” Stan said. “Don’t do what I did. I almost learned that lesson too late.” He stopped to turn his head away and cough into the crook of his arm before he continued. “I thought I knew Linda, but when we finally sat down to talk, I was dead wrong. Turns out all she ever wanted was me.” He laughed. “Not the house, the cars, the vacations. Just time with me.”
Linda came around the corner then, holding two cardboard cups of soft ice cream with spoons sticking out. “Is he boring you with his insights into life?” She handed a cup of ice cream to Stan, along with a napkin she pulled from her pocket. “Ever since he had his heart attack he’s been telling everyone who’ll listen about how to improve their lives.”
“Simply offering a little advice.” Stan took a bite of ice cream.
Linda rolled her eyes. Kyle stood so she could sit down next to Stan.
“I better get back with that coffee I promised,” Kyle said. “Thanks for the advice, Stan. Bye, Linda.”
Linda waved and Stan said, “Anytime,” as Kyle retreated in the direction of the E.R. break room.
As he waited for the coffee to finish brewing, he considered Stan’s advice and shoved it to the back of his mind. This was not the time to ask Ashleigh anything, much less what she wanted from him. He could pretty much guarantee she didn’t want a damn thing from him right now.
Maybe ever.
* * *
ASHLEIGH HELD COOL, wet paper towels to her eyes in hopes of easing the redness and swelling from her crying. According to the large mirror in the ladies’ room, the towels weren’t helping. Her nose was red, too. She searched in her purse to see what makeup she had with her to mask the damage.
From the early days of her internship, she’d kept herself well stocked with makeup, snacks, toothbrush, hair ties and clips. Anything she might need to make it through twenty-four-hour or longer shifts. Back then she’d had a locker at the hospital for everything, but she’d never been able to break the habit of carrying her necessities in her purse.
She fixed the damage to her face as best she could and reapplied clear gloss to her parched lips. A large glass of water sounded like heaven right now, after she’d cried herself dry.
Finally ready to go back out in public, she had a sudden urge to cry again. “Are you kidding me?” she said aloud to her reflection in the mirror. Her emotions were all over the place, which was unusual for her. Thankfully, no one had come into the restroom the entire time she’d been there, probably because it was late at night.
She took several deep, cleansing breaths to calm down. There was no way she was going to start crying all over again. If she didn’t return soon, Kyle would certainly come looking for her.
Raising her head high and swallowing back her emotions, she exited the ladies’ room and walked straight to the waiting area on wobbly legs. There was a flurry of activity happening on the floor and Kyle was seated in a chair, his head bowed and a covered cup of coffee in each hand.
“What’s going on?” Ashleigh asked him.
Her words startled him as he raised his head abruptly to look at her.
“Paula.” He handed her a cup. “The baby is in distress. They’re doing a C-section.”
Ashleigh’s legs refused to hold her. She carefully lowered herself into the chair next to Kyle, careful not to jiggle the coffee too much that it would splash out of the hole in the plastic lid.
She was about to automatically place her hand on his knee, but she stopped. “Are they going to be all right?” she asked. “What did Rosy say?”
“She didn’t have time to say anything—she sent Jenny over,” he said, referring to the floor’s ward clerk.
“We should know in a few minutes,” Ashleigh said unnecessarily. They were both doctors and knew how quickly a Cesarean was performed. The closing of the incision was what took the most time. “I hope the baby won’t have to go to the NICU.”
Kyle looked at her. “Me, too.”
She held her emotions in check. If she
thought of the baby as her niece or nephew, then she might get emotionally involved and make a grievous error.
“Did Stephanie go to Delivery with Paula?” Ashleigh wondered if Paula’s labor coach was up to witnessing the surgical birth. The hospital’s labor rooms were set up for uncomplicated deliveries. That way, women didn’t have to be moved down the hall. A C-section, however, was a complication that necessitated moving to the delivery room.
“She was right next to Paula’s gurney going down the hall,” he said. “How are you doing?”
She shrugged, adopting nonchalance. “I’m fine.”
“I hate waiting.”
“Me, too,” she agreed.
She stood and didn’t look at Kyle, unable to stand another minute of tension-filled conversation with him. “I should go wash up and be ready to check out the newest member of the Jennings family.”
His heated gaze nearly burned a hole through her as she left him.
* * *
“IT’S A GIRL!”
Paula’s friend, Stephanie, had practically run down the hall from the delivery room to tell Kyle the good news.
“Are they both okay?” He was unused to not being in the thick of the action like in the E.R.
Stephanie nodded vigorously, her dark ponytail bobbing with the movement of her head. “The baby looks perfect, but Ashleigh’s checking her out.”
“What about Paula?” he asked.
“They’re stitching her up right now.” She lowered her voice. “I need a break. You can go in if you want. Ashleigh and Dr. Bausch said it was okay.
“You’re going to wait to go back in?” He didn’t want to abandon her.
She nodded. “In a little while. I’ll get some coffee. It’s been a long night.”
That it had.
“I’ll see you later then.” He waved and walked quickly down the hall to meet his newest niece.
He stopped to wash up before entering the delivery room and stood at the doorway a moment to watch the activity going on. Paula’s head was hidden by a vertical drape while Rosy concentrated on suturing her, assisted on the other side of the table by a nurse.
In the far corner, Ashleigh had her back to him as she stood in front of an exam table and listened through her stethoscope to their niece’s heart and lungs.
Kyle chose to speak to Paula first and made his way to the head of her bed. “Hey there,” he greeted her, kissing her forehead and pulling a nearby rolling stool closer so he could sit level with her head. “How’s it going, Mom?” He adjusted the IV stand slightly so he wouldn’t knock it over.
She smiled that serene smile he’d seen many times over the years right after a woman gave birth. “I have a daughter.” She spoke softly. “I can’t believe it.”
He chuckled. “Amazing. Congratulations.”
“How is she?” Paula asked. “They haven’t told me anything yet.”
“She seems fine from here.” There were no signs of concern in the baby’s caregivers. He rose. “I’ll go check on her.”
Exhaustion was evident in Paula’s heavy-lidded eyes. “Wait.” She reached out for him and he turned back to hear her say, “Her name is Cora.”
He smiled. His and Scott’s grandmother’s name.
He crossed the room, coming up behind Ashleigh. As he reached out to put a hand at her back, he hesitated at the last minute. She was intense as she examined Cora, very professional. She didn’t speak to the infant as he’d imagined she might have, nor touch her in a soothing way. Clinical was the description that came to mind.
Was she shielding herself? Unwilling to become emotionally attached to her niece because she would be leaving her soon? Or did it have more to do with the negative pregnancy test?
“How is she?” Kyle asked.
She didn’t answer, merely continued the exam.
“Ashleigh?”
Still she didn’t notice he was there. He came around on the opposite side of the table and reached out to grasp her wrist to get her attention.
Startled, Ashleigh’s head jerked up to look at him before returning to her patient. “What?”
“I asked how she’s doing.” He clenched his jaw as his patience grew thin.
“So far, so good,” she said. “Heart and lungs sound good and her APGAR scores were nine and ten. Her weight is six pounds, five ounces, and she appears to be closer to thirty-six weeks than thirty-four plus.”
“Her name is Cora,” he said quietly.
“What?” She spoke brusquely, as if annoyed.
“I said her name is Cora.”
Her throat worked as she swallowed. “After your grandmother?”
He nodded.
She sniffed and her few seconds of emotion were gone as suddenly as they’d appeared. She directed her attention to the nurse waiting to take Cora to Paula. “I’d like her to spend the night in the nursery as a precaution, rather than rooming in. No need for NICU, though.”
Ashleigh turned from the exam table, allowing the nurse to take Cora.
She hadn’t even picked up her niece to hold her and coo.
Ashleigh left the delivery room and he assumed she was heading to the nurses’ station to write orders.
Figuring she’d be back in to let Paula know how Cora was doing, Kyle followed Cora and the nurse over to Paula, who was now sutured and anxious to see her daughter, wrapped in a plaid blanket with a pink stocking cap on her head.
“She’s beautiful,” Paula said as her baby girl was placed into the crook of her arm. “Where’s Ashleigh?” She craned her neck to peer around the room, but she was flat on her back and unable to see much.
“She had paperwork to do.” He kept his observations of Ashleigh’s detached behavior to himself. “I’m sure she’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“I can’t wait for Scott to see his daughter.” A tear ran down Paula’s cheek and she brushed it away.
“Want me to see if he’s available to video chat with you?” Kyle asked.
“That would be great,” she said. “He knew my water broke and he was ready to be here by video when I was close to delivery. But then everything happened so fast when Cora went into distress.” She broke down and began sobbing. “I feel bad that he wasn’t here for her birth.”
“I know,” Kyle sympathized. “Let’s get you settled in your room and I’ll get in touch with Scott.”
He left the delivery room to search for Ashleigh, but she wasn’t at the nurses’ station. “Have you seen Dr. Wilson?” he asked the young male nurse behind the desk.
“She left,” he said.
Left? “Did she say where she was headed?” Kyle reined in his anger at the fact that she hadn’t come back in to see her sister. “Maybe she went to the nursery?” he suggested.
“I honestly don’t know.”
Kyle went down the hall to the nursery and asked the same question of the R.N. on duty.
“She was here and said she’d be back in the morning.”
“She went home?” He was incredulous.
The R.N. replied, “That’s what she said.”
“Thanks.” Kyle was sullen as he walked away. He didn’t have time to go after her. Right now his job was to fill the gap that his brother’s absence had caused.
Because Paula’s sister sure wasn’t concerned about it.
By the time he reached Scott and then made his way to the room on Maternity where Paula had been taken, he was surprised—no, shocked—to hear Ashleigh at her bedside with the curtain around the bed closed.
He gave them a few minutes of privacy, but he couldn’t help overhearing. He wasn’t happy with what he heard.
Ashleigh spoke to Paula like a doctor to the parent of her patient, rather than sister to sister. Once again, she was clinical, show
ing no emotion. “I’d like your baby to spend the night in the nursery. The staff can monitor her and you can get some rest.” She didn’t even call the baby by name.
She could have been speaking to any stranger on the street. He flexed his fingers, which had been tightly fisted, ready to pull back the curtain to make his presence known, when he was paged over the loudspeaker.
“Dr. Jennings, please call extension twenty-one. Dr. Jennings, extension twenty-one.”
That was E.R. Someone must have figured out he was in the building. He hurried down the hall, deciding he could make it down to the emergency room faster than if he stopped to call.
What he wanted to say to Ashleigh could wait.
* * *
A LITTLE WHILE LATER, Ashleigh was driving to Paula’s. She was glad now that she’d insisted both she and Kyle take separate cars to the hospital from his apartment.
Exhausted beyond belief and keeping a weakening hold on her emotions, she had barely escaped the hospital with her dignity intact. Now she was able to be alone with her thoughts and had no need to put on an act, which she would have had to do if Kyle had been driving her home.
Examining her niece had been excruciating. The child was beautiful and healthy. Everything Ashleigh had ever wanted. Now her sister had three children and Ashleigh still had nothing. Not even the possibility of being pregnant with Kyle’s child.
Her phone buzzed in her purse. At the next stop sign she withdrew it to see who it was.
Kyle. He’d sent a text message.
He probably wanted to know where she was. She tossed the phone into her purse and continued driving the deserted roads. She’d get back to him when she reached Paula’s.
The sky was beginning to lighten when she pulled into Paula’s driveway. She dragged her exhausted body into the house and stripped off her clothes, not caring about anything but the relief of sleep.
She wanted the oblivion of unconsciousness for as long as it took for her to get over the emotional pain grinding her into pitiful pieces.