by Lisa Dyson
CHAPTER NINETEEN
ASHLEIGH HAD TOSSED and turned from the moment she hit the sheets, so she was surprised to be jolted awake by the ringing phone. The time was almost noon. She reached for her cell phone, but the sound wasn’t coming from it.
Paula’s house phone was ringing.
She hauled herself out of bed to get it. The answering machine beat her to it.
Kyle’s voice penetrated her sleep-deprived brain as she came down the stairs. “Ashleigh, are you there?” He paused. His tone became harsher. “Ashleigh? Come on, pick up. I’ve been calling your cell and you’re not answering.” Another pause. “If you don’t pick up, I’ll have to come over—”
She grabbed for the extension. “I’m here.”
“Is there a problem?” he asked.
“No, I’m just pretty tired,” she replied. “Has something happened?”
“Happened?” he echoed. “You disappeared from the hospital last night. You barely spoke to your sister after you examined Cora.”
“Oh.” He’d called to berate her for not doing her duty as a physician, as well as not being a good sister. Why had she hoped he might be concerned about her or their personal situation? “Are you at the hospital?” She was hoping to deflect his criticism.
“Yeah, I slept here. I’m filling in this morning.” His self-righteous attitude was unusual. Bunking at the hospital when he was on duty was the norm. “Aunt Viv and the kids have already been here and gone after seeing Paula and Cora.”
“Okay. So is something else wrong?”
“Are you kidding?” He spoke so loudly that Ashleigh had to pull the phone away from her ear. “You’re doing it again, Ashleigh. You’re running away when things don’t go the way you expected.”
She wasn’t alert enough to have this conversation. “I can’t do this right now.” She disconnected. A little more anger from him at this point wouldn’t make much difference in the end.
She padded back upstairs to find that her cell phone had several missed calls and voice messages from Kyle, as well as a missed call and a voice message from Rosy. She also had two text messages from Kyle and one from the doctor who was coming to replace her in the pediatric practice.
As soon as Dr. Samantha Collins took over, Ashleigh would be free to go back to Richmond. She waited for the relief to wash over her, but it didn’t come.
She replied to Samantha’s text first.
Can’t wait to see u, Sam. Meet at office tomorrow morning? Is 8 too early?
She hit Send and then listened to the message from Rosy.
“Ashleigh, please call me back as soon as possible. Either page me at the hospital or call my cell. I need to speak with you.”
Adrenaline shot through her. Was there something wrong with Paula? Complications after the C-section? Ashleigh’s hands shook as she pulled up Rosy’s cell number and waited for a connection. The phone rang three times before Rosy came on the line.
“Ashleigh.” There was relief in Rosy’s voice. “Are you okay?”
“Why is everyone asking me that?” Ashleigh wanted to know. “Of course I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?”
“We’re concerned,” Rosy said.
“We?” Ashleigh asked. “As in you and Kyle?”
Pause. “Yes,” Rosy admitted.
“You’ve been talking about me behind my back?” Ashleigh’s temper flared. How dare they?
“Like I said, we’re concerned about you.” Rosy’s gentle tone annoyed Ashleigh even more. “I know you’re upset about the negative pregnancy test. Can we get together to talk?”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Ashleigh stated. “I’m not pregnant. Period.”
“But you still might be,” Rosy said. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. The test might have been done too early to detect elevated hCG levels, even in a blood test.”
Ashleigh didn’t know what to say. She already knew the test could have been premature, but she couldn’t get her hopes up. Couldn’t bear to be disappointed again. Her temples pounded.
When Ashleigh remained silent, Rosy said, “I’d like you to have another blood test in a few days.”
Ashleigh’s mouth went dry, making her words difficult to form. “I’ll think about it. Thanks, Rosy.” She disconnected before Rosy could say anything more.
There was nothing to think about. She knew her body and from the way she’d been acting and snapping at people the past twelve hours, Ashleigh would swear she was experiencing a definite case of PMS. A clear sign that she wasn’t carrying Kyle’s child.
* * *
ASHLEIGH SHOWERED AND DRESSED, unwilling to deal with anyone else who thought there was something wrong with her.
Of course there was something wrong. She was seriously flawed. She couldn’t do the one thing that would make her life perfect. Give Kyle a family.
When she entered the hospital’s nursery later that afternoon, the distinctive high-pitched sound of a crying newborn stopped her. A nurse was leaning over the child’s bassinet. “He’s not happy about having blood taken, Dr. Wilson,” the young woman told Ashleigh. “Let me take him back to his mother and then I’ll brief you on your patient.”
The nurse guided the bassinet and wailing baby out the doorway and down the hall.
Ashleigh read the placards on the two bassinets left in the nursery and stepped to the one holding her niece.
She was sleeping soundly, oblivious to her aunt’s anxiety. “Just wait.” Ashleigh spoke more to herself than to the baby. “Before you know it, life will disappoint you and you’ll start making decisions no one agrees with.”
She pulled out her stethoscope and unwrapped the blanket swaddling the baby. She listened to the child’s heart and lungs, pleased to find nothing out of the ordinary. The little girl stretched and scrunched her face when Ashleigh inspected her umbilical cord, as if annoyed at being disturbed, before relaxing back into sleep.
“She had a good night according to the night staff.” The nurse had returned, silent in her rubber-soled shoes. “I’ll get her chart for you.”
“Thank you.” Ashleigh wrapped the infant securely in the standard plaid hospital receiving blanket. She stared at her a moment, unable to ignore how much she looked like her brothers with her dark hair and pouty lower lip.
“Have they named her yet?” Again, the nurse came up on her soundlessly.
“What?” Ashleigh said automatically. “Oh, yes. Her name is Cora.”
The nurse smiled. “How pretty. And not a name you hear all the time. Is it a family name?”
“It’s her paternal grandmother’s name,” Ashleigh answered.
“How special.” The nurse switched suddenly to business and handed over Cora’s chart.
Her vitals had remained stable, no change that would warrant additional monitoring in the nursery. Blood tests revealed a slightly elevated bilirubin—not unexpected with a preemie. They’d have to keep monitoring it because it would probably continue to rise over the next several days.
“She’s ready to room-in with her mother now,” she told the nurse as Ashleigh wrote on the chart. “I’d also like to have a monitored car seat session done before I discharge her. There’s no hurry, though, since her mother had a C-section and will be staying a few extra days.”
“Would you like me to take her to her mother?” the nurse asked. “Or are you headed that way?”
Ashleigh ought to go see her sister since everyone thought she’d been horrible for being more doctor than sister. Last night Kyle had been right beside her while she’d examined the newborn. She’d briefed him and then she’d updated Paula, too. Everyone knew the baby was doing well. What more did they want?
“I’ll take her,” Ashleigh said. “I have no other patients to see on this floor.” She doubl
e-checked what room Paula was in and headed down the hall in the direction of Maternity.
She stopped right before the doorway of Paula’s room when she heard voices. Theresa and Tom were visiting Paula. Ashleigh continued into the room, pushing her charge ahead of her.
“There she is,” Theresa cried, ignoring Ashleigh to come over to peer at the baby. “She’s beautiful!”
Tom stood behind Theresa, his hand on her shoulder as he, too, looked at the newborn in her bassinet.
“We should go,” Theresa said suddenly.
“You don’t have to,” Paula said.
“You need your rest.” Tom had an arm at Theresa’s waist. “Ashleigh, it’s good to see you.”
“You, too.” Ashleigh’s gaze moved to Theresa, who was giddy with excitement. Her contented smile told Ashleigh everything. She forced herself to smile at Theresa, whose smile grew even bigger.
“Bye,” Theresa said when they were almost out the door. Then to Ashleigh, she whispered loudly, “We’re taking it slow for now, but I love the house!”
Ashleigh gave her a thumbs-up and couldn’t help wishing she could say the same about her relationship with Kyle. Not that they had a relationship anymore.
“How is she?” Paula’s anxiety concerning her daughter was obvious, effectively bringing Ashleigh back to the present.
She picked up the baby and laid her in her mother’s waiting arms. “She’s doing very well.” She filled Paula in on the baby’s progress. “She can room-in with you now that she’s stable.”
Paula’s eyes were glassy with tears. She peered down at her daughter and the tears spilled down her cheeks and onto the baby’s forehead and cheek. Paula kissed them away before looking up at Ashleigh, “Thank you.”
A lump formed in Ashleigh’s throat and her own eyes welled up at Paula’s emotional response to her daughter.
To deflect her reaction, she turned away to pull the chair next to the window closer to Paula’s bed. She quickly brushed an errant tear from her own cheek and took a seat. Pretending she was holding herself together as her sister fussed over her newborn daughter would not be easy.
When she was finally sure her voice wouldn’t crack, Ashleigh voiced the question everyone had been asking her. “How are you doing?”
“Pretty good.” Paula’s exhaustion was clear in her eyes, while still gazing at her daughter. Then she raised her head to look at Ashleigh. “I wasn’t expecting a C-section. I’m sure that will slow me down.”
“Knowing you, it won’t keep you down long,” Ashleigh said.
Paula cocked her head. “What do you mean?”
Ashleigh said lightheartedly, “You make everything look easy.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Paula wasn’t smiling.
Ashleigh squinted at her. “No, I’m not kidding. Look at your life. You have a great family. A wonderful, loving husband, two terrific boys, and now you top it off with a beautiful daughter. How much more perfect could it be?”
“Do you actually expect me to believe you think my life has been easy?” Paula asked. “Coming from you, that’s quite a joke.”
“What do you mean?”
Paula laid the baby on her legs and counted off on her fingers. “You were a straight-A student and I was up all night studying to get B’s. You were captain of the cheerleading squad and I couldn’t get past the first round of tryouts because I couldn’t do a proper backflip.”
“That was high school.” Ashleigh was surprised at Paula’s mixed-up view of how easy she thought Ashleigh had it.
“Then there was college,” Paula said. “You were accepted at your first choice of college, dean’s list every single semester. You got into your first choice of medical schools, which happened to be where your boyfriend was accepted also.” She stared wide-eyed at Ashleigh. “Then there was me. Sure, I got into my first choice of college, but I put my degree on hold when I got pregnant with Mark.” She held up a hand. “I know, it was my fault—mine and Scott’s—but don’t you see? This fall was supposed to be when I went back to finish my degree because the boys will be in school full-time.”
Paula was trying not to cry as she spoke, but she wasn’t succeeding.
Ashleigh could barely hold back her own emotions. “Paula—”
“I wanted something of my own.” Paula’s voice broke. “A success I could be proud of. Like you have.” She stopped speaking, visibly struggling to stay in control.
“But you have the one thing I can never have.” Ashleigh choked on her tears. “You have your family.” She swallowed thickly. “I’d give anything to have that.”
“Then what’s stopping you?” Paula asked. “I’ve worked hard for what I have. Did you ever consider that because things came too easy for you that you never learned how to work for them? Maybe that’s why when things got tough between you and Kyle you ran away rather than working through it. You didn’t know how to.”
Ashleigh couldn’t name one thing she’d wanted and not gotten with very little effort. Except a family.
“I thought I did work at it—I thought we worked at it.” She pushed the chair back as she rose quickly. She walked to the window, her back turned to Paula. “Am I really so shallow that I’m jealous of your life, your family?” She spun to face her sister. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing,” Paula replied. “When things got difficult, you gave up and walked away. You left your husband, your family, even your profession, to start a new—perfect—life somewhere else. Ashleigh, you never gave yourself the opportunity to learn how to behave differently. To be less than perfect.”
Ashleigh couldn’t deny anything Paula was saying. She hadn’t looked at it that way before. “Aunt Viv told me I was being unfair to Kyle.... Did she ever tell you about Clint?”
“Clint?”
“He was the love of her life, but he left her when he wasn’t the same man physically that he was when they fell in love.” Ashleigh explained about the accident and Clint’s refusal to even speak to Aunt Viv after he moved away.
“That’s so sad,” Paula said. “I can’t believe we never heard about him.”
“I know. Anyway, she compared me to Clint.”
“That’s pretty harsh,” Paula said.
“Harsh but true. I didn’t realize it before.” She was seeing a lot more clearly now. “You’re right, Paula. I need to fight for what I want.” Her voice was shaky and her emotions were bared. She asked the question that had plagued her for too long. The question she’d hesitated asking during Paula’s high-risk pregnancy. “Why did you take Kyle’s side in our divorce?”
The baby began to fuss and Paula put her to her breast before answering. “It wasn’t that I took sides. I’ve always been on your side, Ashleigh. I wanted you to fight for your marriage, for Kyle, for your life. I thought if you realized how much you were losing by giving up—not only Kyle, but everything you had, including your sister—that you’d reconsider. Maybe I went about it the wrong way....”
Ashleigh sat in the chair by the bed and saw her sister in a different light. “But it didn’t work out that way. All because of me. I’m the reason we lost two years as sisters. I’m so sorry.”
“I never should have turned my back on you. I’m so sorry.” Paula reached out with her free hand to take Ashleigh’s. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you more.”
“I know how difficult it was for you to come back to help me. You didn’t have to.” A tear ran down Paula’s cheek. “I know I never said it, but I really do appreciate it.”
“No matter what was going on between us, you have to know I’d always be there for you.” Ashleigh squeezed Paula’s hand. “We’re family. Always and forever.”
* * *
PAULA WAS OPTIMISTIC about her relationship with her sister for the fi
rst time in years.
“I’m so sorry for everything.” Ashleigh rose to reach for a tissue on the table next to Paula’s bed. She gently blotted away the moisture under her eyes. “I was extremely confused back then.” She let out a self-deprecating laugh. “I still am.”
“It’s not too late to get what you want,” Paula told her.
“If only that were true.” Ashleigh proceeded to tell her about the pregnancy scare and the negative test.
“I can’t believe it.” Paula was incredulous. “You two have been so at odds whenever I’ve seen you. You’re back together? I knew something was different, but I didn’t know what.” Paula’s mood brightened.
“I wouldn’t say that we’re back together,” Ashleigh said. “We had it out and I told him it’s over. He’s been pretty cool to me since then. I can’t do anything right in his opinion, including being a doctor.”
“Maybe he’s as upset about everything as you are and he doesn’t know how to express it.” Paula knew she was digging, but she was determined to be optimistic.
Ashleigh didn’t say anything, merely shrugged as if she didn’t care. Paula knew otherwise.
She switched Cora to the other breast, running a fingertip over her little one’s temple as she latched on. She actually had a daughter. How could she ever have doubted that she wanted this child?
“So what do you want?” Paula asked Ashleigh. “Do you want to go back to Richmond, back to the life you’ve made for yourself there?”
Ashleigh didn’t meet her eyes, didn’t answer.
Paula continued. “Or do you want to work it out with Kyle, here?”
“That would never work.” Ashleigh spoke quickly, shaking her head vehemently.
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t give him a family,” she said. “And that’s what he wants more than anything.”
Paula couldn’t believe her sister. “You’re kidding, right?”
Ashleigh cocked her head. “No, I’m serious.”
“Don’t you know he loves you no matter what?”