by Lisa Dyson
Ashleigh’s shoulders drooped. “I know he loves me and I love him. But that doesn’t mean I can make him happy. It’s not going to work out with us. If he’d wanted me to stay, both now and two years ago, then he would have said so. All he ever did was research into how we could have a successful pregnancy. He just kept trying to fix me.”
Paula would have loved to have extended the conversation, but a nurse came in to check her incision and Ashleigh’s phone began to vibrate.
“I need to take this.” Ashleigh rose, then squeezed Paula’s hand. “I’ll be back later. Take care of yourself and your little girl—Cora,” she corrected, before leaving Paula’s room.
* * *
“HELLO.” ASHLEIGH MODERATED her voice when she answered her cell phone while hurrying down the hallway to find a quiet place to speak to Samantha.
“Hi, Ash,” her friend and colleague greeted her.
“How are you, Sam?” Ashleigh was almost hoping Sam was about to tell her she would be delayed in coming to Grand Oaks. That would give Ashleigh a few extra days before leaving town. She’d enjoyed practicing medicine again, once she’d gotten over her initial anxiety. Even being around Kyle had been incredible, except when they disagreed.
Not that she would have to worry about that anymore.
The reality was that she needed to get back to Richmond before her boss started complaining again. Having someone take over her pediatric practice was the single thing keeping her here now that Paula had delivered her baby.
No matter how much Paula might try to convince her otherwise.
Sam and Ashleigh chatted a few minutes before Sam said, “I’m getting settled in the quaint hotel you recommended and wondered if you wanted to meet for dinner.”
“That sounds great.” Ashleigh had no other plans. “Oh, wait, I can’t.” She’d forgotten about picking up the boys from Aunt Viv’s. “Let me get back to you.” She could ask Kyle to take them, but she didn’t know if he was working.
Ashleigh ended the call and hesitated before punching Kyle’s number. She wasn’t in the mood to hear him berate her for whatever it was he thought she did or didn’t do this time.
She took the coward’s way out and texted him. He responded almost immediately, but not with the answer she expected.
Sorry, I can’t. Maybe Aunt Viv can keep them longer?
He couldn’t? He had plans? He would have said he was working, if that were the case, right?
Her chest tightened and she struggled to breathe. She didn’t like where her mind was going. He discovered she wasn’t pregnant and he’d moved on? Already?
Did he have someone waiting in the wings?
Undoubtedly someone who didn’t possess her flaws.
* * *
KYLE HAD RECEIVED Ashleigh’s text while he sat at a table in the break room after spending the morning on duty in the E.R. He took a bite of his apple and wondered what she had to do on a Sunday night that she needed someone to watch the boys.
Anything family-related probably would have included the boys.
His chair scraped the linoleum floor as he stood, then tossed the apple core in the trash. He had a few minutes, so he ought to go see how Paula and Cora were doing. His sister-in-law might even know what Ashleigh was up to.
“Hey,” he said to Paula when he arrived at her doorway.
She greeted him with a huge grin, a proud mama with her newest offspring in her arms.
He came over to get a better look at Cora and couldn’t help but be in a better mood.
“She’s perfect,” he told Paula.
“Yes, she is,” Paula agreed. “And she’s so perfect that she can stay in my room with me.”
“That’s great!” Relief washed over him after all Paula and Cora had been through. “Did Ashleigh come in to see her today?”
“She was just in here with me.” Paula remained cheerful, unusual for when the subject of Ashleigh came up.
“Go on,” he prodded, tilting his head toward her and narrowing his eyes.
Paula had a silly grin on her face. “We made real progress this morning. I think we’re close to a mutual understanding.”
“Really?” He had a hard time believing that after the way Ashleigh had been so cool toward him.
Or maybe it was only Kyle she had a problem with.
“Yeah,” Paula said. “She asked me why I didn’t side with her during the divorce.”
“What did you tell her?”
“The truth. I wanted her to fight for her life, her marriage, her family. I never thought she’d give up.”
“Me, either.” He’d never imagined them divorced and to this day it still didn’t compute.
“She’s really hurt that everyone was against her. She had no one left to confide in or just talk to.”
He never should have allowed Ashleigh to leave. He should have fought harder, but at the time he was grieving for their lost children and not thinking straight.
“We also had differing views of the other one’s life,” Paula continued, “and I know for me I see her differently now.”
“How’s that?”
“Turns out we’re both jealous of what the other one has or has accomplished.”
Kyle’s eyes widened. “But you’re both successful in different ways.”
Paula continued, nodding her head. “Believe me, I was astonished to find out she assumed I was living the easy, perfect life here while she had the career and everything else I thought I wanted.”
“Do you think Ashleigh really wants a family?” he asked.
“More than anything, from the way she spoke,” Paula said. “But you know that, don’t you?”
“She always said she wanted a family for me. I guess I just began to doubt whether or not it mattered that much to her.”
This time Paula’s eyes widened. “Kyle, of course she cared. She was devastated each time she miscarried—over and over again.”
He held up a hand. “No, I knew that.”
“She thinks she failed you,” Paula said. “Life had always come easy for her, until she tried to have a baby. And I think that just broke her, Kyle.”
Everything made so much more sense. He took a breath and tried to vocalize his thoughts clearly. “How can she think she failed me? This is all my fault. I always told her she was perfect, that we were perfect together. But when things unraveled, I didn’t do enough to help her through it.”
Paula didn’t comment, merely waited for him to continue.
“There are other ways to make a family...if that’s what she wants—we want. Truth is, children or no children, I just want to be with Ashleigh no matter what.” He truly believed it. His mouth went dry. He knew in his heart he didn’t want to live without her.
Paula didn’t say anything for a moment. “You know how she feels about adoption,” she said quietly. “Whether it’s fair or not, she’s not going to change her mind. She’s afraid she’d be devastated if an adoption fell through.”
“I know, but we could use a surrogate or even become foster parents.”
“Have you mentioned that to her?”
“Well—”
Her mouth twisted into a scowl. “That’s what I thought,” Paula scolded.
“You’re right,” he said with conviction. “There’s a lot we haven’t talked about.”
“You have to talk to her,” Paula said. “You can’t wait for her to come to you. She thinks she failed you. That you don’t want her if she can’t give you children.”
“But she didn’t fail me.” He wanted her more than air to breathe and had never considered their miscarriages as her failure. “I want her whether we have children or not.”
“Then tell her that—show her. And then ask her what she wants.”
&nb
sp; Paula’s advice sounded a lot like the advice Stan gave him last night. Maybe they had a point.
“What if she doesn’t want to talk to me?” he asked. “She told me we were through. She doesn’t want to try again.”
“How much do you want her in your life?” Paula asked.
Kyle didn’t hesitate. “More than anything.”
“With or without children?”
“Absolutely.”
“Then tell her that—tell her what you’ve just told me and don’t let her walk away from you.” Paula was adamant. She looked him straight in the eye. “You’re running out of time.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
WEDNESDAY MORNING DAWNED dark and cloudy, as if the weather had become the barometer of Ashleigh’s life.
She’d showered and dressed, done everything she needed to do, and now she sat at Paula’s kitchen table sipping coffee, reading the Washington Post on her laptop and drumming her fingers.
Sunday night she’d met with Sam to discuss the pediatric practice over dinner. Sam was so enthusiastic that Ashleigh experienced a touch of jealousy.
Was she having second thoughts about giving up medicine once again?
Of course not. This was the right thing to do. It was the only thing for her to do.
Being in the same town with Kyle would be impossible. She’d spent the past three days dodging his calls and messages, but they both knew love wasn’t enough to make their marriage work.
Now he was free and so was she.
Her mother had finally arrived home Sunday afternoon, so Ashleigh had left her in charge of Mark and Ryan, while she took care of personal business out of town.
Drinking down the last of her coffee, she rose from the table, rinsed the cup and put it in the dishwasher. Then she powered down her laptop, zipped it into its protective sleeve and slid it into her briefcase that sat next to the front door.
Her car was already loaded and once she made sure Paula got home okay and was settled, Ashleigh would be on her way to Richmond. Their mom was anxious to help out and Emma would be available when needed, but Paula was recovering nicely.
After all, Ashleigh would only be two hours away. Now that she and Paula had reconciled, Ashleigh had a reason to come back to visit. She and Paula had spent several hours on the phone and in person over the past few days, talking and laughing and getting back to being sisters again.
Even if she and Kyle hadn’t worked out, at least she had her sister back.
Ashleigh took a last turn through the house, making sure everything was in order for Paula and Cora’s arrival home. Nothing left to do but drive to the hospital.
Yesterday afternoon she’d installed Cora’s car seat in Paula’s van, which wasn’t an easy proposition. No wonder they said so many people didn’t install them properly. She’d barely made it to the police station in time to have it checked and she was pleased when they gave her the okay.
Sadly, it wasn’t a skill she’d ever need again.
Fifteen minutes later, she was standing at the doorway of Paula’s hospital room. “Ready to go?” Ashleigh asked.
Paula’s grin was huge as she sat on the edge of the bed in the clothes Ashleigh had brought her Monday morning. She held her daughter, who was wearing the cute pink outfit Aunt Ashleigh had bought her.
“Is the car seat installed?” Paula asked.
“Perfectly,” Ashleigh told her. “At least according to the Grand Oaks Police Department.”
“Very impressive.” Paula grinned.
“I have some skills.” Ashleigh laughed, wishing she had more time to spend with her sister. If her boss hadn’t pressured her into coming back to Richmond for a meeting later today, she would have spent a few more days with Paula and her family.
After going over discharge instructions with the nurse and being pushed to the main entrance of the hospital in a wheelchair, Paula and Cora were ready and waiting by the time Ashleigh pulled the minivan into the circular driveway in front of the hospital.
Ashleigh snapped Cora’s infant carrier into the car seat base so Paula didn’t have to do more than get herself buckled in.
“Are you sure she’s secure?” Paula asked.
“Yes, Paula, she’s fine.” Ashleigh didn’t tell her she’d practiced last night with one of Ryan’s stuffed bears. She didn’t want to appear incompetent today. Even though it had been Paula who had buckled Cora in before leaving her hospital room, Ashleigh had wanted to be prepared. “I even bought one of those mirror things for her seat. That way you can see her when you’re driving.”
The mirror was lined up with the rearview mirror, so Ashleigh had a good view of her niece, but Paula appeared satisfied her daughter was safe.
They arrived at Paula’s a few minutes later. Kyle’s truck was parked at the curb. “I wonder why he’s here.” Ashleigh hoped she sounded casual even though her heart pounded loudly in her chest.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you he texted me while you were getting the car, to find out when I’d be home,” Paula said. “He decided to meet us at my house since we were leaving the hospital. He has a present I’m guessing is for Cora, but he wouldn’t say.”
Ashleigh pulled into the driveway, her legs wobbly as she went around to help Paula out of the van and then Cora. As they turned to walk to the front door, it opened and there stood Scott, with Kyle right behind him.
The next few minutes were a blur. Much kissing and hugging were done by Paula and Scott as Ashleigh and Kyle looked on. Tears were plentiful and even Ashleigh became misty.
“Kyle drove to Norfolk to pick me up,” Scott explained to Paula after they were settled with Cora on the couch. “The sub docked earlier than we’d planned and I was able to get leave.”
Ashleigh was the outsider as they all chatted, Kyle included. Watching her sister with her husband and new baby was as painful as a knife stabbing Ashleigh’s chest. She didn’t want to be jealous, but there it was.
The giant green monster was front and center, and definitely not going away.
She excused herself and went to the kitchen. Pulling her sister’s van keys from her jeans pocket, she placed them next to a note she wrote to Paula.
I’m sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. My boss is adamant I get back for a meeting and I didn’t want to intrude on your homecoming. Will call you soon. Love you, Ash.
She slipped out the back door without anyone noticing and started her journey back to her apartment in Richmond to resume the life she’d made there.
* * *
“CAN I GET you guys anything?” Kyle asked Scott and Paula.
“Water would be great,” Paula said, and Scott agreed.
He wanted to give them a few minutes alone, but most of all he was anxious to speak to Ashleigh. She’d dodged his calls and had been missing in action the past few days. She had to be calmed down enough by now to rationally discuss their future.
When he entered the kitchen, where he expected to find her, she wasn’t there.
“Paula?” Kyle shouted. He picked up the note and headed back to the living room. “Did you know Ashleigh was leaving?”
“She’s gone?” Scott said.
Kyle was numb. “Appears so.” He couldn’t decide if he was more hurt or angry that she’d left without saying goodbye.
Or that she left at all.
“I knew she was leaving today,” Paula admitted. “I thought she’d stick around longer. At least to say goodbye.”
“She did,” Kyle spit. “In a note.” To her sister. Nothing to him.
He wasn’t sure why he was surprised. He’d known all along she’d leave town at her first opportunity.
“Where are you going?” Paula asked when he put his hand on the doorknob.
“I’m going after her,” Kyle said th
rough gritted teeth.
“You two never talked?” Her eyes widened in surprise.
“She’s been avoiding me since Sunday.” They needed to work things out, once and for all. “This has got to stop.”
Paula didn’t say a word, simply stared at him expectantly until he left her house.
Why hadn’t he pushed Ashleigh harder to discuss a reconciliation?
* * *
THE DRIVE TO RICHMOND wasn’t as simple as it should have been. Kyle encountered a thunderstorm that matched his mood, as well as traffic on 95, adding another twenty minutes or more to the trip.
Late in the afternoon, Kyle finally arrived at Ashleigh’s apartment to discover she wasn’t home. He returned to his truck and called her cell, but she didn’t answer. He declined to leave a message.
He considered texting her, but figured she wouldn’t reply to that, either.
Ashleigh’s apartment building was one of several sixties-style buildings all in a row with tan brick facades. Traffic was heavy on the main road and three stoplights could be seen from where Kyle was parked. So different from the small, quiet town where they’d both been raised.
Kyle had never been here before. Had never been privy to any part of the new life Ashleigh had forged in Richmond.
Was she truly happy here? Happier here than in Grand Oaks with her family? With him?
Of course she was. He’d let her down. He hadn’t given her what she needed—the freedom to accept her own limitations.
He leaned his head back on the seat and closed his eyes, resting until she pulled into the apartment complex’s parking lot. He jolted awake when a closing car door slammed nearby.
It wasn’t Ashleigh, but her car was now in the lot. She must not have noticed his truck when she’d arrived.
He made a quick decision and started the engine. He pulled out of the parking lot in the direction of the little shop he’d seen upon his arrival.
Ten minutes later he was back at Ashleigh’s door. He lifted his hand to knock, said a little prayer that she would at least listen to him and rapped on the door.