‘And… does Amber know about this?’
‘No, she doesn’t. Well, she didn’t, but apparently Jim broke the news to her this morning, although Christ knows why he hasn’t told her before. The kid’s twenty-years-old for heaven’s sake. But who am I to question what kind of relationships these people have?’ He took another sip of coffee as Ryan continued to stare at him in disbelief. ‘Anyway, thank heavens Amber’s playing ball and acting the role of the proud stepmother. It’s a wise move. It won’t cause any added or unwanted media attention, which I know she hates. We’re trying to keep the focus on Brandon here. She’s a good girl is Amber. Sensible. She knows the score. No pun intended there by the way.’
Listening to Max talk about Amber so candidly made Ryan flinch slightly.
‘But…’ Max went on, oblivious to Ryan’s feelings, ‘… as far as I’m concerned it’s going to make great headlines. And it won’t do her new career any harm either. Married to the Premier League’s most successful manager, step-mum to his extremely talented son – and an extremely beautiful step-mum at that. Actually, that’s just reminded me, I’ve got a few men’s magazines chomping at the bit to have her featured on their covers wearing nothing but a Newcastle Red Star scarf and a smile.’
‘Jesus fucking Christ, Max…’
‘What? What have I said?’
‘Have you heard yourself? Jim Allen has only now told Amber that he has a twenty-year-old son? And she’s okay with that?’
‘I have no idea whether she’s okay with that or not, Ryan. What happens between her and Jim behind closed doors is none of my business.’
‘Shit! This is fucking crazy.’
‘All I know is I’ve now got half the Allen family on my books, and that equals big bucks. For everyone concerned.’ Max didn’t usually represent TV presenters, or any other kind of entertainment-based celebrities – he was a football agent. That’s what he specialised in. But he’d seen something in Amber, and he wanted to be the one to guide her to exactly where she needed to be. As far as he was concerned she’d been wasted in regional TV. She deserved a bigger platform, and he’d gotten her exactly that. And the fact he now represented her stepson, too, well, Max couldn’t be happier. ‘The money is gonna come rolling in, I can feel it.’
‘And fuck how people may be feeling, is that it?’ Ryan sneered, his mind now on something other than his own problems.
Max arched an eyebrow again. ‘Sorry? And who are you? Mr. I-give-everything-I-earn-away? This is what I do, Ryan. I’m an agent.’ He put his now-empty mug down on the counter behind him. ‘Anyway, what did you want to speak to me about?’
Ryan leaned back against the wall, pushing a hand through his hair. He’d almost forgotten that it was him who’d asked Max to come over. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
Max looked at him through slightly narrowed eyes. ‘Well, it sounded like it mattered when you called me yesterday.’
‘It can wait,’ Ryan sighed, his headache now a thing of the past. ‘It’s not important.’
‘You sure?’ Max asked, his expression conveying that he didn’t entirely believe what Ryan was telling him. ‘Look, Ryan, if there’s something going on…’
‘I’d tell you, Max. All right? I’d tell you. I promise.’
That seemed to placate Max, but for how long Ryan had no idea. And it wasn’t that he’d changed his mind about what he was going to do, it was just that, after what Max had told him, he wasn’t really in the mood to talk about it right now.
‘Okay,’ Max said, keeping his eyes on Ryan. ‘Well, come on, then. Let’s get going. I want to have a word with Brandon before kick-off.’
There were people Ryan wanted a word with, too. But Brandon Palmer wasn’t one of them.
‘Everything all right?’ Ronnie asked as Amber joined him up in the makeshift TV studio in the corner of the ground.
‘Everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be?’
Ronnie diverted his attention away from what was happening on the pitch outside to look at her. ‘Sorry, am I missing something here? Didn’t your husband just inform you, not an hour ago, that he has a secret son? A son who just happens to be making his debut as a Premiership player for a rival local club this afternoon?’
‘I’m dealing with it.’
Ronnie turned back to look outside. Some of the players from both teams were warming up on the pitch, but there was no sign of Brandon Palmer. ‘Yeah, well, maybe you need to stop “dealing” with things in your usual way.’
‘And what way would that be?’
‘Burying your head in the sand and trying to pretend that things don’t exist, or that the problem will just go away if you leave it alone for long enough.’
‘Jesus, Ronnie, credit me with a little bit of intelligence, will you? We’re talking about a human being here, so he isn’t just going to “go away”, is he?’
‘No. He isn’t.’ He turned round and leaned back against the huge plate-glass window that looked out over the pitch. ‘So, have you met him yet?’
‘No. Not yet.’
‘And, are you going to?’
‘In a minute, yes. Jim’s just talking to him.’
‘Telling him what to say, huh?’
‘What is wrong with you?’
Ronnie let out a cynical laugh, folding his arms. ‘Well, forgive me, Amber, but it would appear that Jim’s spent twenty years making sure that kid was kept a secret so…’
‘Can we stop this now, please?’
‘Stop what? Me telling you how it really is?’
‘I don’t need this, Ronnie. I’ve got enough on my mind…’
‘He lied to you, Amber. Again.’
‘I’m aware of that.’ She looked at him, reaching out to take his hand, squeezing it gently. ‘And I’m also aware that you’re only looking out for me, that you care about me…’
‘Yeah. I do. And never forget that.’
She couldn’t help smiling, squeezing his hand again. ‘You never give me a chance to. Look, I know it sounds as though I’m… as though I’m just turning a blind eye to what he’s done, but what’s the point in going off on one, huh?’
‘To let him know how you feel?’
‘He knows how I feel.’
‘Does he?’
‘Yes. He does. But I love him, Ronnie. I can’t help it, okay? I love him, and this isn’t going to change that. I won’t let it. Because I won’t lose him, not again. Yes, I’m angry. Yes, I’m upset that he didn’t tell me and yes, I still don’t know how this is all going to pan out, but… but I need him right now, you know? I really need my husband.’
Ronnie pulled her into his arms, hugging her tight, kissing the top of her head. ‘I know, kiddo. But you’ve always got me, you know that, don’t you?’
She pulled away from him slightly. ‘Yeah. I know.’
He kissed her forehead, stroking her fringe away from her eyes. ‘You’ve been crying.’
‘I got tired of trying to be Superwoman. Sue me.’
He smiled at her, reaching out to gently stroke her cheek. ‘Sometimes it’s good to just let go of those emotions. You should try it more often.’
She stood on tiptoe and kissed him quickly on the mouth before letting him go, throwing herself down into one of the chairs that surrounded the small glass coffee table which Ronnie and his fellow pundits – her new work colleagues – would soon be sitting around to discuss the match, both on and off-air. Part of her wished she was joining them. If she was working she wouldn’t have time to think about everything that was going on.
‘So, tomorrow…’
‘What about it?’ Amber asked, crossing her legs and looking straight at Ronnie.
He returned her stare through slightly narrowed eyes. ‘They’re coming back up, aren’t they?’
‘What are?’
‘Those barriers. I can almost hear the crashing of steel as they fall right back into place.’
She said nothing, just looked down at her wedding ring, twisting it
round her finger.
‘Have you told him? About…’ Ronnie stopped talking, not quite sure how to put it.
‘Told him what? That I might be barren?’
‘Jesus, Amber, come on…’
She threw her head back, closing her eyes for a second. ‘Well, that’s what it comes down to, doesn’t it?’ She looked at Ronnie again. He was staring back at her with a somewhat despondent expression on his face. ‘If I can’t have kids, then that’s exactly what I am.’ She felt hot tears start to threaten again and she quickly rummaged round in her pocket for a tissue, dabbing at her eyes before anything had a chance to fall.
‘Are you sure you’re okay to be here?’ Ronnie asked, his voice softer now. ‘I mean, today’s been one hell of a mind-fuck, Amber. Maybe you just need some time to…’
‘To what? To sit and dwell on everything? To over think it all? Yeah, because that’s what I really need, isn’t it?’
Ronnie said nothing. Those barriers really were well and truly back up now and there was a part of him that couldn’t blame her for resurrecting them. Not today, anyway. This situation between her and Jim, it wasn’t anything new. His lies, the way he’d treated her in the past, the way he’d broken her heart so many times Ronnie could never understand why she kept running back to him, that was the reason why she’d always closed herself off to relationships. Especially relationships involving footballers. She’d erected those barriers around herself because of what Jim had done to her. Because she hadn’t wanted to be hurt again. But he had hurt her again, and now those barriers were back up, and there was every chance that, after tomorrow, she may well leave them there for quite some time yet. Ronnie could only hope that he was wrong – about the barriers, and about what was going to happen tomorrow.
‘I’m better off keeping busy,’ Amber sighed, hauling herself up out of the chair, pushing both hands through her hair. ‘Better off facing up to things and getting on with it. So, I guess I’d better go meet my stepson.’
Ronnie indicated with his head for her to come over to him, which she did, stepping into his arms and letting him hug her again. ‘Take it easy, okay? And if you need me you know where I am.’
She smiled, gently placing the palm of her hand against his cheek, looking into his dark eyes. Honest eyes. Loyal eyes. Eyes that had never hurt her, ever. She loved those eyes. ‘I’ll see you later, Ronnie.’
Ronnie watched her walk out the door, exhaling loudly as she pulled it shut behind her. ‘Yeah,’ he whispered, still staring at the door. ‘Later.’
‘Looks like everyone thinks this whole keeping me a secret ploy was just that – a ploy, to gain maximum publicity. And it’s working!’ Brandon beamed, receiving an encouraging slap on the back from Max.
‘It sure is, kiddo. It’s working like a dream. You, this bright young player from across the pond with the successful manager for a father and the beautiful TV presenter step-mum – it’s publicity you couldn’t buy! Not for any amount of money.’
Jim watched his son as he engaged in conversation with his agent. Looking at him he was surprised nobody had guessed the connection earlier because Brandon’s resemblance to him was quite unmistakeable. He had the same mouth, the same eyes, and Jim knew he possessed that same talent for this game that he’d once had. But the one big regret he couldn’t shake was that he should have gone about things very differently. He should have handled this situation a lot less selfishly, for Amber’s sake. And for Brandon’s.
‘You should be very proud of this one, Jim,’ Max said, his voice shaking Jim back to reality. ‘He’s going to be one hell of a player, I can feel it.’
Jim managed a small smile, although inside he still felt a little uneasy. Amber had yet to meet Brandon, and he had no idea how that eventual meeting, when it happened, would pan out. She was vulnerable, to say the least, right now, and even though the official line was that Amber had always known about Brandon, it was also common knowledge that she had yet to meet him in the flesh. So it stood to reason that reporters and photographers would be lurking somewhere, just waiting for that money shot of the three of them together.
‘I am proud of him, Max. I’m very proud of him.’
‘Good. So you should be.’ Max gave Brandon another friendly slap on the shoulder. ‘Right then, kiddo, I’ll see you after the match, okay? You have a good game now. Show them what you’re made of.’
Brandon watched Max leave the dressing room before turning his attention back to his dad. ‘Are you? Proud of me, I mean.’
‘Of course I am,’ Jim replied, surprised that he should even begin to think otherwise. ‘Just because I haven’t been there constantly it doesn’t mean to say that I haven’t followed your career or kept up with what you’ve been doing, it’s just that…’
‘Hey, I understand, Dad.’ Brandon smiled, reaching out to gently touch his father’s arm. ‘Really, I do.’
Jim smiled, too, a small wave of relief flooding over him. But that relief wouldn’t be complete until Amber had met his son. Maybe then, with that hurdle cleared, they could concentrate on creating a family of their own. And he could only hope they’d be lucky enough to be given that chance.
‘Jesus, Ryan, what are you doing here?’ Amber gasped, turning a corner to find him standing there, finishing a call on his mobile phone.
‘Nice to see you, too,’ Ryan muttered, sliding his phone into the back pocket of his jeans. ‘I’m here with Max. I’ve come to watch the game.’ He looked straight at her. ‘Is that a crime?’
‘Okay. What side of the bed did you get out of this morning? Sounds like you’ve been taking lessons from me on how to give attitude.’
‘Guess I learnt from the best.’ He grinned, and Amber couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face, the atmosphere changing in an instant.
‘Yeah, you did, and don’t you forget that.’
‘So, how is the ice-queen today, then?’ he asked, sticking his hands in his pockets as he leaned back against the wall, one foot up against it.
‘She’s fine, thank you.’
He looked at her again, and she frowned slightly.
‘What’s the matter?’
‘Hmm? Oh, nothing. Just wondering why, all of a sudden, Jim Allen’s chosen now to unveil his secret son to the world. Oh, and to his wife.’
Amber shifted from foot to foot, desperately hoping her expression didn’t convey what she was feeling inside.
‘When did he tell you?’ Ryan went on, asking a question he already knew the answer to. But he just wanted to see how honest she could be with him.
‘Ryan…’
‘When did he tell you, Amber? When you were a teenager, lying in his bed, giving him exactly what he wanted whenever he wanted it? When he came back to the North East all those years later? Did he tell you then? Huh?’
‘This has got nothing to do with you,’ Amber said, starting to walk away, not in the mood to get into anything this personal with him.
Ryan reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her in her tracks. ‘I care about you, Amber. That didn’t stop. Those feelings, they haven’t gone away.’
She looked at him, right into those deep, dark blue eyes of his. ‘He told me about Brandon, okay? When he chose to tell me has got nothing to do with anyone…’
‘I care about you, Amber.’
‘So you said. Can you let go of me now, please?’
Ryan loosened his grip on her elbow, shoving his hand back in his pocket. ‘And this is the first chance you’ve had to meet him, is it? Seems a bit strange, to be honest.’
‘Look, Ryan, Brandon has been living in New York, okay? He’s been living in New York, playing his football in New York…’
‘And you didn’t think going over there to meet him, in private, would have been a better idea than doing it now? In the middle of a Premiership football ground on the day of his first match for one of the biggest clubs in the league?’
She didn’t reply. What could she say? Everything he was poi
nting out was true. People probably were going to find it hard to believe if she’d known about Brandon before, that meeting him here, amidst all this publicity and media frenzy, was a great idea. It was a terrible idea, but what else could she do? It was the only option she had left. Thanks to Jim.
‘It’s complicated.’ Her voice was quiet, tired of trying to protect her husband yet again. He had lied to her, of course he had. But she didn’t really want to give Ryan the pleasure of knowing he was right. Even if he was.
‘Isn’t it always, Amber.’ It wasn’t a question.
‘I’ve got to go. Jim and Brandon are waiting.’
Ryan looked at her through slightly narrowed eyes. He knew she wasn’t telling him the whole truth, but maybe pushing it wasn’t the best idea. Not here, anyway. ‘And you’re okay with that, are you? You don’t mind that your first meeting with your stepson is going to be in front of the waiting media? You know they’re queuing up to get that first shot of you together, don’t you?’
Amber looked briefly down at the ground, sticking her own hands in her pockets to stop them from indulging in some nervous fiddling with something. Anything.
Ryan saved her from answering his question by asking her another one, his voice slightly less confrontational this time. ‘Are you okay? Only, you look a bit…’
‘Ryan, listen, we might share an agent now but that’s about as far as our relationship goes, all right? And sharing an agent doesn’t give you the right to… to…’
‘To, what? To ask how you are? Is that forbidden now?’ He moved closer, his breath warm on her cheek as he spoke. ‘We used to fuck, Amber. Me and you. Do you remember? We used to do things to each other that, if I remember rightly, you couldn’t get enough of. We were close, we were really close, so I think that gives me some small right to ask how you are, don’t you?’
She stared at him as she backed off, shaking her head as she walked away. Shit! Why had she reacted like that? With Ryan, of all people.
‘Hey, there she is! Great timing.’ Jim smiled as he came out of the Wearside Spartans home team dressing room. ‘I was just about to come looking for you.’
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