Chapter Twenty
Tynebridge was packed with waiting press and media, and Amber couldn’t help but wonder how many of them actually had an inkling as to what this press conference was really about. As far as she was aware, nobody except a handful of people knew anything about Ryan Fisher’s request to be loaned out to a foreign club. And, right now, she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about it all. Part of her thought it was for the best. Being around him hadn’t been a great idea before, but now it was positively reckless. But there was another part of her that didn’t want him to go anywhere, for reasons she didn’t even want to think about.
‘How’s your head?’
She turned quickly to see Ronnie standing beside her, looking handsome and smart in a black suit, white shirt and red tie, his short dark hair slightly spiked. He looked good, but then, he always did. ‘My head’s fine, thank you.’
‘So, did you sleep with him?’
She narrowed her eyes as she stared at Ronnie, looking around to see if anyone was within earshot. The amount of people milling about in the main entrance was huge, and considering most of them were press, she really didn’t want to give them anything they could twist into something she didn’t want the world to know about. ‘Who?’
‘Oh, you know who, Amber. Don’t play dumb.’
‘I didn’t see you leave the party last night.’
‘You’re changing the subject.’
‘Because I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘Nobody saw him leave either.’
‘There were a lot of people there, Ronnie. It would have been pretty difficult to keep track of everyone’s entrance and exit.’
He laughed, looking down at the ground, his hands in his pockets. ‘Yeah. You really know how to try and detract from a conversation, don’t you?’
‘I told you. I don’t want to talk about it, especially not here.’
‘Why? In case your husband gets wind of the fact you fucked your ex-boyfriend the night before the press conference to announce his departure from Newcastle Red Star? That abstinence from sex didn’t last long, did it?’
‘He isn’t leaving permanently.’
‘There you go again!’
‘What?’
‘Veering off the real reason I’m trying to have this conversation with you. Did you sleep with him?’
‘Yes. Is that what you want to hear?’
‘No, Amber. Of course it isn’t what I want to fucking hear. For Christ’s sake… what the hell were you thinking?’
‘I wasn’t thinking anything, Ronnie. I was drunk.’
‘So he took advantage of you?’
‘No…’
‘Well what then? You were drunk… so…?’
She turned away, sitting down on the edge of a nearby sofa. ‘It was a mistake.’
Ronnie gave that laugh again, pushing a hand through his hair. ‘You’re telling me. After I told him…’
Amber looked up. ‘After you told him what, Ronnie?’
‘I told him to leave you alone.’
‘And you think you had a right to do that, do you?’
‘I’m your best friend, Amber. I care about you, and if I think you’re about to do something stupid…’
‘Like what happened between us?’
He looked at her. ‘That was different.’
‘How? How the hell was that different?’
‘I would never, ever hurt you,’ Ronnie hissed, moving closer to Amber so as not to make their conversation too obvious. ‘I genuinely care about you, and okay, what we did was a mistake, I accept that. But we do that sometimes, kiddo, me and you. We make that mistake, we do it and then we walk away, and even though we shouldn’t have done it at all now you’re married, it isn’t the same as you letting Ryan Fisher back into your life.’
‘That speech was so full of double standards it’s unbelievable,’ Amber gasped, shaking her head. ‘So it’s okay for you to sleep with me because you really care for me, but it’s not okay for Ryan to do the same?’
Ronnie pushed a hand through his hair, messing it up slightly as he turned away from her for a second. ‘Jesus, you really are one fucking frustrating woman at times.’ He turned back to face her. ‘Have you forgotten what you went through with him? How much he hurt you? The crap you had to deal with? Have you forgotten all of that?’
‘For Christ’s sake, Ronnie. It was a drunken fuck, we weren’t planning a life together.’
‘Well, you might not have been.’
She stared at him. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
Ronnie said nothing, his eyes never leaving hers as she stood up.
‘It’s a mess, Ronnie. I get that. But I am not planning on letting Ryan Fisher back into my life, okay?’
‘You sure about that?’
‘Jesus… What do you want me to say?’
‘I don’t know, Amber. I’m just so disappointed that you let that happen last night.’
‘You’re not my fucking father, Ronnie, so back off.’
‘Everything okay here?’
Both Amber and Ronnie swung round at the sound of Jim’s voice. He stood a small distance away from them, dressed in his trademark dark suit, white shirt and no tie, his grey-flecked hair pushed back off his face, his expression stoic.
‘Everything’s fine,’ Ronnie said, backing away from Amber slightly.
Jim raised a questioning eyebrow, but said nothing.
Amber felt her heart start to beat faster, an overwhelming feeling of guilt washing over her as she looked at her estranged husband. How had it come to this? This huge mess that stretched out in front of them. How had it got this bad?
‘Can I have a word, Amber?’ Jim looked her straight in the eye, and she felt a shiver run right through her, her skin breaking out in thousands of tiny goose bumps.
‘Now?’ she asked, slightly surprised at his timing. ‘Isn’t the press conference…?’
‘We’re running a bit late. Still waiting for a few people to turn up. So can I have that word? Please?’
She looked at him, trying to read his almost blank expression. He was too good at hiding his real feelings sometimes, and it was never something she felt comfortable with as far as he was concerned.
Ronnie just shrugged before turning and walking away.
‘Come on.’ Jim smiled, something which threw Amber slightly, given his demeanour. ‘We’ll go to my office. It’s a bit more private in there.’
She fell into step beside him as they walked the short distance from the main entrance to his office beside the dressing rooms, just a few metres away from the Press Lounge.
‘You and Ronnie – was that some kind of disagreement happening there?’ Jim opened the door, standing aside to let her through.
‘No.’ Amber walked over to his desk, leaning back against it as he closed the door behind him.
‘Well, you could have fooled me, honey. Because it certainly didn’t look like one of your usual friendly conversations from where I was standing.’
‘It was nothing, Jim. Okay?’ Amber pushed a hand through her long hair, not really wanting to get into this conversation. ‘Anyway, this press conference. I’m assuming it’s to announce Ryan Fisher’s imminent departure from Newcastle Red Star? Am I right?’
‘He’ll be leaving us for a while, yes.’
‘You’ve managed to keep it very quiet.’
‘I haven’t really been in the mood to court publicity lately, Amber. Despite you doing your level best to make sure I attract it anyway.’ He slipped his jacket off and threw it over the back of the sofa.
‘Is there something you want to say to me, Jim?’
He moved closer to her, reaching out to gently tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘When my wife – my exceptionally beautiful wife – is all over one of the country’s most popular men’s magazines, naked for all the world to see, in photographs taken in various locations around my club’s stadium, that’s going to guarantee publicity. Wouldn�
�t you agree? Especially as everyone knows we’re not together right now.’
‘You could have been there, Jim,’ she whispered, that brief touch of his fingers on her skin sending a tiny electric shock coursing through her. ‘Despite our situation, you still could have been there.’
‘I know, baby. I know. But how could I stand there, watching you lie naked across the benches in the home team dressing room, and not want to fuck you so hard they’d hear you screaming all the way over at the training ground?’
His mouth was almost touching hers now, and she felt her resistance weakening by the second. Suddenly, all thoughts of Ryan and what had happened last night were washed away by her need for this man in front of her. Her husband. Jim Allen. The love of her life.
‘I’ve got a copy of that magazine right here, in my drawer.’ He smiled, lightly running his thumb over her slightly parted lips, ‘… so I can look at those pictures any time I like.’
‘I thought you weren’t happy with me doing that shoot.’ She could feel her stomach flipping over, her heart leaping about like an over-excited jack-in-the-box as his mouth gently brushed over hers.
‘I wasn’t. At the time. I mean, we’d just split up, meaning you were back out there in the big wide world, looking like that… What husband could possibly be happy with that scenario?’
‘You wanted a word, Jim,’ Amber said, trying to keep her emotions under control, because, to be fair, they were a bit all over the place right now.
‘I wanted to see you, that’s all. I miss you.’
‘Yeah,’ she whispered, tipping her head back slightly, his hand resting on the back of her neck. ‘I miss you, too.’
‘So why don’t we use this opportunity to make the most of the fact we’ve got a bit of time together, huh?’
She closed her eyes, trying not to let the confusion take over as his mouth touched hers, kissing her so gently she literally melted in his arms, her whole body falling against his.
‘I want to fuck you,’ he said quietly, his mouth resting against hers as he spoke. ‘Now. Here.’
She quickly tried to get her head around what he was saying, because, from where she was standing, it sounded very much like he was trying to take control of things, which is what Jim Allen did best. From the second they’d met, all those years ago, he’d taken control of her life, and whether she’d realised that or not, that’s what he’d done. But now – now she couldn’t help but think what a really bad idea it would be to allow him to continue to do that, given their circumstances. But then again, despite everything that had happened with Ryan, she wanted him. She wanted her husband. She wanted him so much. So she put up no fight, keeping her eyes closed as he slowly unfastened her shirt, his lips on her neck as he pushed it back off her shoulders, and she said nothing as he slid her skirt down over her legs, throwing it aside, running his fingers back up her thighs as his mouth fell onto hers again, the kiss deepening this time, his tongue slipping inside her mouth, tracing the back of her teeth, making it feel like the thousands of tiny shivers she was experiencing had just merged together to make one huge, body-tingling spasm.
‘Come here.’ He took her hand, leading her over to a full-length mirror he kept in the corner of his office. ‘I want to watch everything I’m about to do to you.’
Amber felt another shiver run through her, something deep inside her telling her this didn’t feel right, but there was also a level of excitement rising up that she couldn’t ignore.
‘See how beautiful you are?’ Jim whispered, standing behind her, his mouth close to her ear, his hands on her hips.
Amber briefly closed her eyes before looking at their reflection, her body naked and exposed – except for her knee-high boots – against his fully-clothed one, and she was surprised at how much that turned her on, looking at herself, knowing what he was about to do to her.
‘For over twenty years all I ever wanted was you.’ His hands moved towards her inner thighs, pushing her legs slightly apart. ‘You were my beautiful baby girl, Amber. My teenage dream, my fantasy… and now you’re this incredible woman. This beautiful, sexy, vibrant woman, and I don’t even know when you became that person. When you became someone that every man I know wants to sleep with. When the only man you should be sleeping with is me.’
She bit down on her lip as his hands travelled back up her body, over the curve of her waist until they reached her breasts, his fingers running over them so lightly she couldn’t breathe. For a few seconds she literally couldn’t breathe as his thumbs flicked over her nipples, stroking them until they were hard, and all the time she watched him do it, as those butterflies in her stomach continued to fly wildly round and round, making her breathless.
She wanted him to touch her so badly, so much it hurt, but when he finally slipped a hand down there, touching her briefly before pulling away again, she felt something shift inside her. Something that told her she couldn’t let him do this. No matter how much she wanted him – and she did want him. She really wanted him. No matter how strong those feelings were, something was telling her to stop this, now.
‘No, Jim.’ She walked away, grabbing her clothes up off the floor, pulling them back on as quickly as she could.
‘I thought you wanted this as much as I do,’ Jim said, watching her as she pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail.
‘I want normality, Jim. That’s what I want. And this – this isn’t normal. Sex isn’t going to put right everything that’s gone wrong with our marriage. It goes deeper than that, don’t you see? We need to talk, that’s what we need to do. We don’t need this.’
He pushed a hand through his hair, turning his head away from her for a second or two. ‘Yeah. You’re right.’ He looked at her, right at her, his eyes staring deep into hers. ‘You’re right, Amber. We do need to talk. I just wanted… I just…’
She continued to stare at him, even though he’d looked away again. ‘You just wanted what, Jim?’
‘Nothing.’ He smiled at her, but Amber didn’t return it. ‘It doesn’t matter.’ Checking his watch, he retrieved his jacket and slipped it back on. Amber could see his mood changing right in front of her eyes, shifting instantly into professional mode. ‘I’d better go and make sure everything’s ready for the press conference.’
‘Jim?’
He turned round to face her, his hands firmly in his pockets.
‘This is about Ryan, isn’t it? The press conference. It really is happening?’
He looked at her for a few seconds, saying nothing.
‘Jim…?’
‘How does that make you feel, Amber?’
She frowned, but she didn’t break the stare. ‘What… what do you mean?’
‘About Ryan leaving Newcastle Red Star. About him leaving the country. How does that make you feel?’
‘I don’t… It doesn’t… It doesn’t affect me in the slightest, Jim. Why would it?’
He raised an eyebrow before walking out of the office, leaving Amber wondering where everything went from here.
‘Shouldn’t you be somewhere else?’
Ryan looked up, realising he’d just bumped straight into Amber coming out of Jim’s office.
‘Well?’ she asked, staring straight at him. Jesus, she was hot. Even now, in the cold light of day, dressed all business-like with her hair pulled back off her face, she was managing to turn him on as memories of last night came rushing back, flooding his head, which wasn’t a great idea just before one of the most important press conferences of his life. Especially as he’d be sitting right next to her husband. But how could he forget what had happened between them? All the things they’d talked about, the incredible sex they’d had.
‘You weren’t there. When I woke up this morning, you weren’t there.’
Amber leaned back against the wall, folding her arms in a way that told him in no uncertain terms to come no closer. That would be a really bad idea. ‘I was up and out of there before 5 o’clock, Ryan. I had to get ready for this,
didn’t I? Maybe you should’ve got up a bit earlier, too. You look rough as hell.’
‘Amber, last night…’
‘You need to go and find Jim.’
‘Isn’t he in his office?’
Amber shook her head. ‘He’s gone to the Press Lounge. And I’m guessing that’s where you should be, too.’
Ryan said nothing for a second, staring down at his feet before facing her again. ‘What happened last night…?’
‘Shouldn’t have happened at all, Ryan. And I’m sorry, for giving in to feelings I really should have pushed aside.’
‘But you didn’t. You didn’t push them aside. Doesn’t that tell you something?’
‘Yes, Ryan. It tells me that what’s happening here, this morning – you leaving the North East, it’s for the best.’
He stared at her, looking right into her eyes. ‘You really believe that, do you?’
She nodded, pulling her folded arms tighter against her. ‘Yeah. I do.’
‘Well, this looks cosy. My two favourite clients, together.’
They both looked up to see Max standing there, looking very much the power magnate he was. Dressed in a dark grey suit, red and white tie, dark glasses covering his eyes, and the most highly polished pair of shoes Amber had ever seen, he looked every inch the famous football agent that he was.
‘Shouldn’t you be somewhere else?’ he asked, directing his question at Ryan.
‘That’s what I said,’ Amber muttered, looking down at the ground, her eyes focusing on the red carpet.
‘Okay, I’m going,’ Ryan sighed, pushing a hand through his dishevelled hair. ‘Amber?’
‘I’ll see you in there, Ryan.’ She didn’t look up when she spoke and that frustrated the hell out of him. Shit! That could have been his last chance to get her alone before those wheels that had now officially been set in motion began turning too fast for him to concentrate on anything else. Why hadn’t he said anything last night? When they’d had all that time alone? Because they’d both been drinking, that’s why. Which should have given him the confidence he’d needed, in reality. But even if he’d had that confidence to ask her, she wouldn’t have taken him seriously anyway. She would have put it down to the drink talking. But she would have been wrong. Because he still felt that way, and he was stone-cold sober now.
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