‘Before Amber… before Amber there was nothing, okay?’
Brandon frowned. ‘Nothing? Come on, Dad. You must have had other girlfriends before you met Amber. You were twenty-seven when it all started with her, so… there must have been others before that.’
Jim looked down again, pushing his reading glasses back down over his eyes. ‘Nobody that meant anything. Now, can we leave this alone, please?’
‘Do you miss her?’
Jim took off his glasses, throwing them down on the arm of his chair. ‘What the hell is this, Brandon?’
‘I just don’t understand why you’re divorcing her. I can’t get my head around it. She still loves you, because she told me so, she said those words. And you quite obviously still feel something for her, otherwise you wouldn’t get so worked up over all of this.’
‘The only reason I’m getting worked up over anything, Brandon, is because you’re pushing a subject I really don’t want to talk about. And shouldn’t you be getting home? It’s late.’
‘Thought I’d stay the night, if that’s okay.’
‘I don’t need looking after, thank you.’
‘I didn’t say that was the reason I was staying, did I? If anyone doesn’t need looking after it’s you. You seem to like being on your own, the way you push people who love you away.’
‘I really don’t need this, Brandon, and if you are going to stay then quit with the questions, okay? And any conversation concerning Amber is over now. Do you hear me?’
‘So why are you staring at pictures of her in the paper?’
‘I’m not…’
‘You are. I know what you’re doing, I can see. She’s over there, and it’s killing you to know why.’
Jim closed the paper, standing up and throwing it aside. ‘I’m going up to bed.’
‘You might just have pushed them together again, that’s what’s bothering you, isn’t it?’
‘I’ve told you, Brandon. I’m not talking about this.’
‘But you still love her. You’re still in love with her, aren’t you?’
Jim remained silent.
‘Aren’t you, Dad?’
‘Yes, okay. Yes. Is that what you want to hear? Yes, I’m still in love with her.’
‘So why the fuck are you divorcing her?’
‘Jesus Christ… what is the matter with you?’
‘Why, Dad?’
‘Because I have to, Brandon. I have to. And don’t… please don’t make me talk about this anymore. Please. This conversation – it’s over. You got that? It’s over.’
‘So, what are you going to do now?’ Ronnie asked, watching Amber as she lay down on the sun lounger next to him, the black bikini she was wearing leaving little to the imagination. It was hard to believe she was pregnant to look at her.
‘That question is really starting to give me a headache, Ronnie.’ She propped herself up on her elbows, sliding her sunglasses up onto her head. ‘Honest answer? I don’t know. In a perfect world I’d like to think that Jim would try and forgive what’s happened and tell me we can try and work something out, but…’
‘Hang on. Why is Jim the only one forgiving here? Have you forgotten what he’s done to you?’
‘Keeping a few secrets isn’t quite the same as sleeping with one of his players behind his back and getting pregnant, is it?’
‘Keeping a few…? I don’t believe you. You’re talking like some lovesick teenager, have you heard yourself? He’s no saint, Amber. And the sooner you wise up to that the better off you’re going to be.’
‘He’s my husband, Ronnie.’
‘And he’s told you he wants a divorce. He wants to end the marriage, Amber. Have you got that yet?’
‘Because I betrayed him.’ Amber’s voice was quiet as she stared out ahead of her at the stunning view of blue sea and cloudless sky, the palm trees swaying gently in the wonderfully warm yet cooling breeze.
‘You betrayed him,’ Ronnie repeated. ‘And he’s never done that to you before, huh?’
She turned her head sharply to look at her friend. ‘Once upon a time, yes, okay. He did. But since he… since he came back… Look, what do you want me to do, Ronnie? Forget Jim, just like that, and let Ryan back into my life just because he’s the baby’s dad?’
‘I didn’t say that, did I? And I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do, but I am going to try and make sure you don’t make the same mistakes twice.’
‘I think we’re over making mistakes, Ronnie. Don’t you?’
Ronnie sat forward, looking straight at her. His beautiful best friend. He’d do anything to make sure she was happy. Anything. But what he didn’t want was for her to repeat the past. He wanted her to move forwards, not backwards. Repeating the past wasn’t going to solve anything. ‘When are you going to tell Jim about the baby?’
She pushed her sunglasses down over her eyes, lying back on her lounger. ‘As soon as I get home. He needs to know before it becomes obvious. Before the press get hold of it.’
‘And you think it was wise coming out here? With the possibility of being seen with Ryan? You know how the papers love to put two and two together where you two are concerned. You’re probably giving them all the ammunition they need right now.’
‘They can think what they like, Ronnie, because I’m still living in a time when they weren’t on my back 24/7. I didn’t invite them to stalk my every move.’
‘Then you should be more careful who you hang out with, shouldn’t you?’
She lifted up her sunglasses and threw him a warning look. ‘I had to come here. It wasn’t fair to tell Ryan something like this over the phone. The least I could do was tell him in person.’
‘Speak of the devil…’ Ronnie sighed, hanging his head, knowing this conversation was finished now. But it was far from over.
Amber sat up, removing her sunglasses as she watched Ryan stride through the pool area of her hotel, handsome, hot and sexy as hell in three-quarter-length cargo pants and a black t-shirt, his dark hair all ruffled and messed up by the breeze. He had a wide smile on his face, and he looked happy. Happier than Amber had seen him look in a long time. She didn’t know whether that was a good thing or not. She couldn’t ignore the little flutter inside her, though. As much as she wanted to.
‘Hey, beautiful.’ He grinned, sitting down on the edge of her lounger. ‘You okay this morning?’
‘I’m fine,’ she replied, not missing the look Ronnie gave her. ‘Good win for Adeje the other night, by the way. And a couple of great goals from you.’
‘Yeah. It wasn’t a bad game. Did you watch it?’
‘We saw it on TV in a bar down on the seafront, didn’t we, Ronnie?’
Ronnie just looked at her, saying nothing.
‘I’m impressed,’ Amber went on, knowing full well she was only talking about football to avoid having to talk about anything else. ‘You’ve slotted into the team really well.’
She threw Ronnie a look as he let out a snort of derision that Ryan must have heard.
‘You all right, Ronnie?’ Ryan asked, not managing to hide the fact he wasn’t entirely happy to see Amber’s close friend here on the island. He was all too aware that she probably needed him right now, but Ryan could well do without his presence.
‘Yeah, I’m fine. How are you feeling? After hearing Amber’s news, I mean?’
Ryan let out a small laugh, looking down at his hands clasped between his knees. ‘I’m good, thanks.’ He looked back up, still speaking to Ronnie, but directing his gaze at Amber. ‘It was a shock, I can’t lie, but…’ He smiled, and Amber couldn’t help but smile back. Why was that smile of his so infectious? Was it something to do with the sun? With the change in atmosphere a different setting could create? ‘Yeah. I’m excited. It’s like I’ve been given that new start I’ve been looking for.’
‘Jesus Christ…’ Ronnie sighed, pushing a hand through his hair as he stood up, leaning over to kiss Amber quickly on the mouth. ‘You take
care, all right? And remember what I said. About being seen with him.’ He cocked his head in Ryan’s direction, without looking at him. ‘I’ll see you later.’
‘Yeah. Later,’ Amber said quietly, watching Ronnie walk back across the pool area towards the hotel.
‘What’s he mean? About being seen with me? What’s he talking about?’
Amber sat up, twisting her hair into a loose knot and pinning it up on top of her head. ‘He thinks that if I’m seen here with you it’s only going to cause more tabloid gossip back home.’
‘Okay. Well, it doesn’t have to, does it?’
She looked at him, arching a sceptical eyebrow. ‘You know, for someone who’s a veteran of the gossip columns you can still be incredibly naive sometimes. Me and Jim split up, and then all of a sudden I’m spotted hanging around with you – and you don’t think people are going to start talking? You don’t think rumours are going to start flying around?’
‘So why did you come here, then? If you knew that’s what was going to happen?’
‘To tell you about the baby… Jesus, Ryan, come on. Would you rather I’d sent you an email? A text? Stuck a message on Facebook? I wanted to tell you in person, that’s all. It’s the least you deserve.’
‘And what if those rumours were true?’
She looked at him, pausing for a second before saying anything else. ‘But they’re not, are they?’
He looked down at his clasped hands again, and for a brief second Amber saw a glimpse of the ordinary young man he could be – underneath that famous footballer façade was the man she wanted to have as a dad to this baby, if that was the only choice she had. And it was. She could lie there, night after night, crying herself to sleep, wishing this baby was Jim’s, but nothing could change the fact it wasn’t. And she had to begin accepting that.
‘Ryan… Things are just… they’re so complicated right now, you understand that, don’t you? And what’s to come… we both need to be ready to face Christ knows what once news of this baby gets out and… and I need you, all right? We’re going to need each other.’
‘I want to be there for you every step of the way, Amber.’ He looked up at her, those beautiful dark blue eyes staring deep into hers. ‘I meant what I said the other night, about wanting you in my life – permanently. I know I don’t deserve any second chances…’ He noticed the look she gave him, and he smiled slightly. ‘Okay. Third, fourth, whatever. I don’t deserve another opportunity to show you how much I regret throwing away what we had before. I know I don’t deserve that. But ever since the day I lost you I’ve wanted you back. I’ve wanted that life we could have had…’
‘Ryan, baby, it was never going to happen. The circumstances, the fact Jim was back… that life you think we could have had, it was never going to happen.’
‘But it could – now.’ His eyes were still fixed on her, boring right into her, sending a small shiver running up and down her spine. ‘Circumstances have changed, haven’t they?’
‘Jim’s still there, Ryan. He’s still in my life.’ Her voice was quiet, a slow realisation sinking in. ‘He’s still in my life.’ And, if she was completely honest with herself, that’s where she wanted him to stay.
‘He doesn’t want you anymore, Amber. Please, babe, you have to start realising that.’
She was. She was beginning to realise that, but it didn’t make any of it any easier to deal with. ‘None of that means I’ve stopped loving him, Ryan. I can’t just switch those feelings off, feelings I’ve carried with me for over twenty years… I can’t…’
He reached out and touched her cheek, gently stroking it with his thumb. ‘I know. I know you can’t. So you’ll understand when I tell you I can’t just switch off what I feel for you either. You’ll know what I’m going through, how fucked up my head is, how I can’t stop thinking about you, about how much I want you. And it was bad before, Amber. It was bad before I knew about the baby, but now it’s just got a hundred times worse because all those feelings have just intensified tenfold. Have you any idea how much what you’ve told me has affected me? How it’s changed the way I think, changed the way I want to live my life?’
Amber shook her head, pulling away from him, aware that he was now way too close to her in a very public place. Ronnie was right. She did need to be careful.
‘Not here, Ryan.’
He watched as she covered up with a short, thin, black kaftan, her eyes doing all they could to avoid his.
‘Come with me this afternoon.’
‘Come with you, where?’ Amber asked, slipping her sunglasses into her bag.
‘I’m doing a photo shoot for one of my sponsors, down on the beach in Adeje. Come with me.’
She looked at him. ‘You think that’s a good idea, do you? Given what we’ve just talked about?’
‘Max’ll be there. Come on, Amber. He’s your agent, too…’
‘I shouldn’t really be anywhere near you, Ryan.’
‘Jesus, Amber… Fuck all of that shit, okay? Just, fuck it! It’s all going to come out eventually, that we’re expecting a baby together…’
‘Except that, we’re not together, are we?’
The way she looked at him almost broke his heart. Her eyes had developed a sudden coldness; she was pushing him away. He could almost see those barriers flying right back up around her again.
‘He’ll keep on doing this to you, Amber. And if that’s the way you want to live your life then I can’t do a thing to stop you. But, like it or not, I’m a part of your life now, and I’m going to be there for a very long time. That baby in there connects us, it means I’ll never go away. Ever.’ He held her gaze, desperate for her to see the truth in his eyes. ‘Can you say the same about Jim?’
Chapter Thirty-One
‘Maybe he’s right,’ Amber said, kicking her heels against the low wall she was sitting on as she watched Ryan get ready for his photo shoot down on Costa Adeje’s white-sand beach, one of the few amongst the more familiar black sand that was more common on the island. A group of tourists and assorted passers-by had gathered to see what all the fuss was about, and Amber hoped she’d disguised herself well enough so that nobody would recognise her in oversized dark glasses and a huge sun hat. She figured she’d be safe. She wasn’t that well-known. She just wasn’t in the mood for small talk that was all.
‘Maybe he’s right about what?’ Ronnie asked, taking a sip from the bottle of beer he was holding.
‘About us. Me and him.’
Ronnie looked at her. ‘What do you mean? Oh, hang on. Come on, Amber. Don’t rush into something just because you think it’s the right thing to do.’
‘Well, maybe it is. I mean, I loved him once, didn’t I? And there’s still something there. Still something that… that makes me want him. I wouldn’t have slept with him the other day if…’ She stopped talking, looking down at her naked left hand, now devoid of the wedding ring she’d, so far, declined to put back on. What was the point? The marriage was over. And every second it sunk in that little bit more, it hurt like a fresh dagger to her heart.
‘You had sex with him? Here? Jesus, Amber…’ Ronnie closed his eyes, letting out a loud sigh. He couldn’t even begin to describe the frustration he was feeling now. ‘Before or after you told him about the baby?’
‘After,’ Amber whispered, looking back up at Ryan. He’d finally noticed her, the smile on his face widening the second their eyes met.
‘You really know how to complicate a situation, don’t you, kiddo?’
‘Yeah, ’cause it wasn’t complicated enough already.’ Amber continued to watch Ryan as he talked to one of the models who was taking part in the shoot with him, a beautiful blonde girl who couldn’t have been more than twenty-five. The kind of girl Ryan usually went for. The kind of girl that scared Amber when they were that close to a man she – what? A man she still had feelings for? Well, she knew that already. She’d just told Ronnie that, hadn’t she? A man she still loved? She felt a shiver run all the way th
rough her body as he turned to look at her again, that smile back on his handsome face, and all she wanted to do was run.
‘I shouldn’t have come here,’ she said quietly, looking down at the sand.
‘Well, I told you it wasn’t a good idea.’ Ronnie sighed again, reaching out to take her hand, squeezing it gently.
She looked at him, smiling slightly. ‘Don’t start with the lectures.’
‘I’ll keep my mouth shut, I promise.’ He smiled, too, squeezing her hand again. ‘Doesn’t mean to say I can’t think these things, though.’
‘Everything okay?’
Amber looked up to see Max standing in front of her, as suave and sophisticated as ever, looking cool and relaxed – even in 85 degree heat – in light chinos, a white linen shirt and dark, undoubtedly very expensive, glasses pushed up onto his head.
‘Everything’s fine,’ Amber replied, still clinging onto Ronnie’s hand.
‘Ryan said you might be passing by.’
‘I told him I wasn’t coming, actually,’ Amber corrected, taking another furtive look in Ryan’s direction. He was doing what Ryan Fisher did best – flirting outrageously with the two female models he was working with – and that’s what sent the warning signals racing to Amber’s brain. It really did seem as though he’d changed after everything that had happened, but had he? Really? Deep down inside?
‘I told her being seen with Ryan wasn’t the best idea right now,’ Ronnie said, taking one last swig of beer, ‘… given the circumstances.’
‘It’ll be fine,’ Max sighed, leaning back against the wall beside Amber, his hands in his pockets. ‘I’ve got it all under control. We’ll keep everything under wraps until it needs to come out. Until those that need to know first have been told.’
Amber said nothing. She just stared down at her naked left hand again.
‘I’ll go get us some more drinks.’ Ronnie smiled, squeezing Amber’s other hand one last time before sliding down from the wall and making his way over to the bar a few yards away.
‘You sure you’re okay?’ Max asked, his tone now less business-like.
Extra Time Page 48