Jim watched as Ryan ran back out onto the training pitch, a small smile forming as he removed his sunglasses and slid them back into his pocket. He had Ryan Fisher right where he wanted him. And a new game had just begun.
‘What’s the matter?’ Ronnie asked, looking over at Amber, who was suspiciously quiet.
‘Hmm? Sorry? Did you say something?’ Amber looked up at the ceiling. ‘Do you think that needs painting?’
‘What’s wrong?’ Ronnie asked again, leaning back against the wall, putting the colour charts he was holding down on the chest of drawers beside him.
‘Nothing’s wrong. And if one more person asks me that question, I swear I’ll scream.’
‘Well, forgive us all for caring,’ Ronnie sighed, turning his head to look out of the window.
Amber looked at him. ‘It’s too early to be doing all of this, isn’t it? I mean, I’ve still got about twenty weeks to go, anything could happen in that time…’ She stopped talking, turning her attention back to the bedroom wall.
‘Amber, sweetheart, you need to stop that.’
‘Stop what? Stop worrying? Stop thinking that something bad could happen? Stop being so superstitious?’
‘Yeah. All of those things. It isn’t doing you or the baby any good.’
She turned round to face him again, smiling slightly. ‘Sorry. I can’t help it. I just keep thinking…’
‘Well, don’t. For once in your life stop with the thinking and just get on with your life.’
‘That’s easier said than done,’ Amber muttered, throwing herself down into the big, blue comfortable armchair by the door. ‘My divorce is due any day now, I have no idea what’s happening with Ryan, and we’re supposed to be back down in London in a couple of days.’
‘Which is probably a good thing.’ Ronnie smiled, sitting down on the arm of her chair, playfully ruffling her hair. ‘It might take your mind off everything.’
‘You think?’
‘Well, okay. Maybe not everything, but at least it gives you a bit of distance, a bit of time to get a clearer view of things, maybe?’
She looked up at him, returning his smile. ‘Yeah. Maybe.’
Ronnie took the paint colour chart she was holding out of her hand and flicked through it. ‘So, are we going with the stereotypical blue for this room, or a more neutral yellow?’
Amber pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on them. ‘What if all of this is a waste of time?’
‘Huh? What do you mean?’
She crossed her legs up underneath her and looked up at Ronnie again. ‘What if I… if I do decide to give things another go with Ryan?’
‘And by that do you mean moving back in with him? So decorating this place is pointless, then?’
‘Oh, I don’t know, Ronnie. I don’t know what the hell to do. I suppose, at the back of my mind, I haven’t stopped wishing for the impossible, for Jim to tell me he could cope with the fact this baby isn’t his…’ She stopped talking, not really wanting to go over something she was tired of replaying over and over in her mind – the perfect scenario. Because it was never going to happen.
‘Are you seriously considering that? Giving it another go with Ryan?’
‘There’s still something there, Ronnie. And no, before you ask, it isn’t just because of the baby. It was still there before; I’m not even sure it ever went away. At Gary’s party, when I saw him, when I let myself get close to him again, I could still feel it – that attraction, that chemistry…’
‘You were drunk at Gary’s party, Amber.’
‘Not so much that I didn’t know what I was doing, thanks.’
‘You’re just confused, after all this shit with Jim. So don’t go rushing into anything you’re not 100 per cent sure of.’
She pulled her knees up again, hugging them tight as she stared straight ahead. ‘Am I ever going to be 100 per cent sure of anything, Ronnie? I thought I was 100 per cent sure of my relationship with Jim, but if I’d been as happy as I thought I was, would I have even gone near Ryan?’
‘I still think you should take things slowly, Amber. Ryan Fisher, he’s… Can you trust him? After everything he put you through?’
‘I’m not going over this again… He’s changed, all right? He’s not the same man he was this time last year. Back then he was some arrogant, egotistical idiot who thought he could have anything he wanted and fuck the consequences. Now he’s… he’s different. He’s grown up.’
‘You reckon?’ Ronnie asked, raising a cynical eyebrow.
‘I know.’
The doorbell ringing interrupted the conversation. ‘I’ll get it,’ Ronnie said, giving Amber back the paint colour chart. ‘You stay where you are. And no, by the way. I don’t think the ceiling needs painting.’
Amber smiled as he ran down to answer the door. She got up and walked over to the window, opening it slightly to grab a breath of fresh air. Peering down onto the street below, she recognised the car immediately, the voice she could hear talking to Ronnie down in the hall confirming it, and she felt her stomach jolt up into her throat as she heard footsteps running back up the stairs.
She turned to face Ronnie as he came back into the bedroom.
‘Do you want to talk to him?’ he asked. ‘Because if you don’t, I can always tell him to come back…’
‘It’s okay,’ Amber said, giving Ronnie a small smile, folding her arms across her chest as she leaned back against the windowsill. ‘Tell him to come up.’
‘Do you want me to stick around?’
She shook her head. ‘No. I’ll be fine. I’ll see you tonight, okay?’
He looked at her for a few seconds, trying to gauge whether she really was all right, or whether she was just putting on that brave face again. ‘Okay. Well, call me if you need me. You know where I am.’
She closed her eyes as Ronnie left, waiting the few seconds it took for more footsteps to be heard coming up the stairs, her stomach tying itself up in knots as she waited for him to get there.
‘Since when did he become your bodyguard?’
She opened her eyes and looked at Jim, her heart picking up speed as it began hammering away, hard and fast. ‘He’s just looking out for me, whether I like it or not. Is something wrong?’
He shook his head, standing a few feet away from her, his hands in his pockets. ‘No. Well, not really. I just… the divorce. It’s… it’s final. I know your own lawyer will let you know officially, but I… I wanted to tell you myself.’ His eyes met hers, and she felt a pain so raw cut right through her that it took her breath away. ‘I’m sorry, Amber. I never wanted this to happen, I really didn’t…’
‘It’s okay.’ She interrupted him before he could say anything else. She didn’t want to stand there and analyse everything, she was over that. It had happened, and now it was over. They were finished. Done. And she really didn’t have the strength to fight it anymore. ‘It’s just one of those things.’
‘You were never just “one of those things”, Amber.’
She looked down at the floor, at her tanned bare feet with their bright pink nails standing out against the light beige carpet. ‘Thanks for letting me know.’ She looked up at him again, trying to force a smile onto her face. ‘It’ll be less of a shock now, won’t it? When the confirmation arrives in the post.’
‘I’m sorry all this had to happen now, with the baby and…’ His eyes met hers again, staring right into them. ‘I really am sorry, Amber. For everything.’
‘Don’t be,’ she whispered. ‘Please. Don’t be. Neither of us were blame-free in all of this.’
‘You take care of yourself, and that baby, okay?’
She nodded, knowing that if she tried to speak she was going to start crying, and she was so tired of crying. So, so tired.
‘Well, I’d… I’d better get going. We’ve got this charity dinner to get ready for tonight and… you are still coming to that, aren’t you? Only, I know Cloud Sports are involved and…’
�
��I’m still coming,’ she whispered, her voice not willing to go any higher.
‘Okay. Good. I’ll… I’ll see you there.’
She smiled at him, nodding again, willing him to leave now because she didn’t know how long she was going to be able to stand there and pretend she was feeling all right about all of this. Because she wasn’t. Her head was hurting and her heart was breaking but she knew that was a reaction that she’d never have been able to avoid, no matter how much she’d told herself she was going to be fine about this when the time came. That time was now, and she wasn’t really fine with it at all.
‘I’ll see myself out,’ Jim said, pausing for a second, as though he was thinking about coming closer but then thought better of it. And she watched as he left the room, closing her eyes as she heard the front door shut. She was finally alone.
Keeping her eyes closed, she sank to the floor, her hand on her tiny baby bump as those silent tears began falling.
‘Did you know she was seeing Brandon Palmer?’ Gary asked Ryan as they made their way across the car park at Red Star’s training ground.
Ryan shrugged. ‘Got nothing to do with me anymore who she sees, mate.’
‘You’re not bothered, then?’
‘Why would I be? It’s not like I haven’t got a hundred and one more important things to think about, is it?’
Gary slung his bag onto the roof of his Range Rover as he opened the driver’s door. ‘Okay. I can tell you don’t want to talk about your ex-girlfriend’s new conquest.’
‘You got that right.’
‘You coming to this charity event on your own tonight?’
‘Got no choice. As far as I know Amber’s going with Ronnie, and why wouldn’t she? It’s not like we’re a couple or anything. To be honest, I could do without it. I’m not really in the mood.’
‘Yeah, well, the boss wants us all there, doesn’t he? He keeps banging on about how we’re a community club and should be showing our faces more at events like this one tonight. Anyway, Debs is looking forward to it. It’ll be the first real chance she’s had to get dressed up and venture out for an evening without the baby. And if she’s happy…’ He rolled his eyes and Ryan laughed.
‘Yeah, well, you’ve probably got a point there. See you later, mate.’
Ryan turned to walk over to his own car, hitting the key fob to unlock it, when he heard someone walk up behind him.
‘Looking good, Mr. Fisher.’
He swung round to see Ellen standing there, all sexy secretary in a tight black pencil skirt, close-fitting white top and skyscraper heels, her blonde hair tied back in a high ponytail.
‘You don’t look too bad yourself.’ He smiled, he couldn’t help it. She did look like a walking fantasy. All she needed were the glasses so she could whip them off, let her hair down, and make a man’s wet dream come true.
‘Tenerife suited you. That tan makes you look even sexier.’ She moved closer, reaching out to trail her fingertips over his upper arm.
‘I hear you’re shacked up with the boss’s son now,’ Ryan said, quickly steering the subject onto something else.
‘Well, what did you expect me to do? Sit wailing in a corner because God’s gift to football didn’t want me anymore?’
‘It wasn’t like that, Ellen.’
‘What was it like, then?’
‘I’m not getting into this.’ He turned to go but she grabbed his wrist, stopping him from walking away.
‘I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to sound all bitter. You just look really hot, that’s all. Even after a morning’s training. You kind of caught me a bit off guard.’
‘Brandon Palmer wasn’t exactly last in the queue when it came to giving out looks, Ellen. As long as he hasn’t inherited any of his dad’s less attractive qualities, you might have found yourself your perfect man there.’
‘I doubt it,’ Ellen muttered under her breath, too quietly for Ryan to catch exactly what she’d said. ‘Anyway, will you be at this charity event tonight?’
‘Got no choice, have I? Jim Allen’s got us all under orders to be there.’
‘Yeah,’ she sighed, hitching her bag back up onto her shoulder. ‘He’s been a bit like a bear with a sore head today, hasn’t he?’
‘Has he?’ Ryan frowned. ‘He seemed okay this morning.’
‘Well, there’s a rumour going round that his divorce became final today. So he’s not in the best of moods.’ Ellen’s eyes met Ryan’s. ‘I would have thought that was good news, as far as you’re concerned. It means Amber’s a free woman again.’
‘You trying to make some kind of point here, Ellen?’
‘You can pick up where you left off now, can’t you? Especially now Ms. Wonderful’s having your baby.’
She almost spat the words out and Ryan narrowed his eyes as he looked at her. ‘I thought you didn’t want to come across as bitter?’
She tossed her ponytail back over her shoulder. ‘I’m not bitter,’ she sniffed.
Ryan raised an eyebrow. ‘Really?’
‘Really. Why would I be? Brandon Palmer is ten times the man you’ll ever be, Ryan. So you’ve probably done me a favour.’
Ryan laughed, he couldn’t help it. Today was throwing up one surreal conversation after another. ‘Glad I’ve been able to help you in some small way, Ellen. You have a nice day now.’
She watched him walk over to his car, silently berating herself for letting her true feelings show more than she’d intended them to. He didn’t seem to be in the least bit bothered that she was now with another man, and someone younger, just as handsome, and just as talented as he was. He should be seeing Brandon Palmer as a threat, not as someone who’d taken her off his hands.
Still, she shouldn’t be expecting the earth just yet. He was bound to be a bit distant right now, with everything that was going on. But Ryan Fisher wasn’t cut out to be a dad. He wasn’t the type. He wasn’t ready to be tied down or trapped by a life of domesticity. Ellen knew exactly what he wanted, and what he didn’t want. She just had to sit and wait it out until the time was right. Until she could make him see just what it was he needed. But, until then, she had Brandon. And who said waiting around had to be boring?
Ryan closed the car door and leaned forward, resting his forehead on the steering wheel, breathing in deep.
Amber was free. And even though he knew she wouldn’t exactly be celebrating the news, he couldn’t help that feeling of hope from swelling up inside him. There was nothing holding her back now – oh, who was he trying to kid? She was never going to forget Jim Allen, and how could she? When he was still a big part of both their lives. If he wanted to turn this around; if he wanted to chase that future he’d thrown away before and now had a second chance to grasp with both hands, he had a tough job ahead of him. He wasn’t naive enough to think otherwise. But they had a special bond now, him and Amber. They had something no one could take from them – they had their baby. And that had to mean something.
He sat back, opening his eyes, breathing out slowly. He could do this. He could make her love him again, he knew he could. Hadn’t he already shown her how much he’d changed? So he could do this.
He wanted Amber Sullivan. And he knew Amber Sullivan wanted him. He just had to make her see that. And tonight, he would.
Chapter Thirty-Six
‘It’s crap, isn’t it?’ Debbie said, straightening the top of her bright white tube dress. Now she was getting her figure back she wanted to flaunt it.
‘What is?’ Amber asked, leaning back against the bar in one of Tynebridge’s bigger function suites, which was host to the evening’s charity dinner in aid of a local hospital.
‘Not being able to drink champagne.’
Amber grinned. ‘Because you knock it back like water, huh?’
Debbie smiled. ‘How many happy pills have you taken tonight? For a woman who’s just been told her divorce is final, you seem overly cheerful.’
‘I’m sick of being miserable, Debbie. I seem to hav
e spent most of the past few months being bloody miserable and I haven’t got the energy to waste any more time on that emotion. It’s exhausting!’
‘So, you’re over him, then? Jim, I mean.’
‘I’ll never be over him, Debbie. I’d be stupid to think that could happen. But, I’m learning to deal with the fact that we just can’t be together. It doesn’t work, does it? As much as I want it to… We tried, and it failed. It’s time to move on.’
Debbie looked at her out the corner of her eye. ‘You sure you’re okay? You’re not just putting on some kind of brave face because you think that’s what we all want to see?’
‘I’m fine. Really.’ She smiled, taking a sip of her non-alcoholic wine. ‘I guess seeing Jim today, it knocked me into a reality I’ve as yet been unwilling to face.’
‘So, what does that mean for you and Ryan?’
‘It doesn’t mean anything. As far as me and Ryan are concerned, things are exactly the same as they were before – he’s the father of this baby, and that’s the only connection we have.’
Debbie looked over towards the door as it opened, heralding a fresh intake of guests. ‘Speak of the devil…’
Amber followed Debbie’s gaze, her heart skipping those proverbial beats as she saw him walk into the room. Dressed in dark trousers, a beige shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbow, his dark hair all mussed up and sexy, he was quite obviously, without a shadow of a doubt, the most beautiful man in the entire room. Heads turned the second he walked in, and she was sure she could hear audible gasps from a group of women standing behind her.
‘So, you don’t care one iota that the father of your baby looks hot tonight?’ Debbie asked, smirking slightly.
‘Hot as hell,’ Amber groaned, unable to stop herself from blushing. Where the hell had that come from? What was she – fifteen?
‘Ha! So you do care, then?’
‘Just because I agreed that he looks hot tonight doesn’t mean to say I’ve suddenly decided to pack my bags and move in with him. And even if that was the case, which it isn’t, I’m talking purely hypothetically here, that apartment of his is totally unsuitable for a baby.’
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