‘Yeah.’ She smiled, running her fingertips over his rough chin as she felt him push deeper, rocking her body back with each gentle thrust. ‘You’re right. I don’t.’
‘You taste fucking amazing,’ he whispered, his mouth so close to hers now. ‘Do you know that?’ And then he was kissing her, and she could taste herself on his lips, something which only served to turn her on even more, and she ached for the coming climax, for those sweet and sensual shockwaves to invade her body and send her reeling. ‘See?’ He grinned again, his thumb gently stroking her cheek. ‘See how good you taste?’
‘You are so bad, Ryan Fisher.’
‘But you know how good I can make you feel,’ he whispered, his mouth resting on hers.
Her breathing was getting heavier now, speeding up as he continued to push in and out of her, and she wrapped her arms around him, clinging onto him as the wave began to rise, growing closer, getting nearer, because he was touching her now, too. He was touching her as he pushed inside her, sending her whole body into some kind of erotic overdrive until she didn’t know if she could control it any longer. She certainly knew she couldn’t hold back anymore as everything seemed to hit her all at once, all those incredible feelings and that white hot pain, it all seemed to come surging forward in some epic tidal wave of emotions and she couldn’t stop the cries of pure pleasure from escaping. She could feel him come, too, his body stiffening and jerking with the effort, that one last thrust that was so hard and final before that moment of silence, that tiny time frame of peace that always came before the reality returned.
‘I want to be a proper dad to our son, Amber,’ Ryan breathed, his body still inside hers, his arms holding onto her, not wanting to let her go just yet, and she was fine with that. She really was. Because she wasn’t ashamed or regretful of what they’d done. Not anymore. Her dad was right – she had to start thinking about what was best for this baby now. Her son.
‘You will be,’ Amber said, her voice quiet as she looked right into his eyes, almost falling into them because that’s where she wanted to be. Right at this second that was where she wanted to be.
‘Do you understand what I mean by a proper dad?’
‘As long as you’re around, Ryan, and not acting like the first-rate prick you used to be, then you will be a proper dad. I have no doubt about that.’
‘Move in with me.’
She felt her stomach jolt as he spoke those words to her a second time, but this time under completely different circumstances. And she’d made the mistake once, hadn’t she? By doing exactly that – moving in with him. Something which had been an unmitigated disaster. But who was to say this would end the same way? Things were so very different this time.
She shook her head, common sense and reality suddenly kicking in big time. ‘It’s too soon, Ryan. And anyway, until we know exactly what’s happening here…’
He stopped her from talking by kissing her, long and slow and deep, holding her close as his tongue danced around hers, his arms still holding her close as he finally left her body. ‘We’re having a baby, Amber. That’s what’s happening here.’
She looked at him, not really knowing what she should do next. ‘I need to get dressed,’ she said, gently pushing him away and sliding down from the table, quickly retrieving her clothes from the floor.
‘Amber, please, come on… We need to talk.’
‘And you think here is the best place to do that?’ she asked, running her hands through her hair and shaking it out.
‘I don’t know what to do, babe. I really don’t. All I want is to be with you, and I know it’s hard to believe that I mean that this time, after everything…’
‘Let’s not go over old ground, Ryan.’ She turned to look at him, walking over to him, sliding a hand round the back of his neck and pulling him down for another slow kiss. Because she liked it, kissing him. She’d almost forgotten how good he was, how wonderful he felt; the way that stubble of his tickled her skin, giving her no doubt that it was him she was kissing. It was him she was with. And it was then that she realised, for the first time in a long time, that she hadn’t been thinking about Jim. All the time she’d been with Ryan, even when they’d been having sex, he hadn’t crossed her mind once, not even fleetingly. He just hadn’t been there. Whether that was a good thing or not, she had yet to work out, all she knew was that it felt like progress. Of some kind.
‘You still love Jim, right?’ Ryan asked, his hand slipping into hers, pulling her closer.
‘I don’t know.’ She shrugged, an action which surprised her more than anything. ‘I don’t know whether I’m willing to waste yet more energy loving someone who really can’t love me back. I spent over twenty years doing that – do I really want to waste another twenty?’
He gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, leaning in for a quick but still incredibly sexy kiss. Her hot, young ex-fiancé. The father of her baby boy. What exactly did she do with that scenario?
‘I’m still in love with you, Amber. And you can choose to believe that or not, but I am.’
‘Are you sure those feelings aren’t just there because of the baby, Ryan?’
‘Come on, Amber. I laid my fucking heart open to you before we knew about the baby. I told you how I felt back then, so, no, this isn’t just because of the baby. It’s because I still regret, every single day, the shit I put you through. The way I treated you, I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to come near me anymore…’
‘Well, I think we can safely say that isn’t going to happen.’ Amber smiled, playing with the hair at the back of his neck.
He smiled, too, gently stroking the small of her back. ‘Give me another chance, Amber. Please.’
She looked up into his eyes again, still smiling, still wondering if this was the right thing to do, or whether it could turn out to be the biggest mistake of her life. ‘Maybe. And that’s all I can say for now, Ryan. Maybe.’
‘Then I’ll take that.’
‘Good. ’Cause that’s all you’re getting. Anyway, come on. You’d better get out there before everyone gives up and leaves, and you wouldn’t want to miss your hero’s welcome home, would you? I can’t believe Ryan Fisher’s changed that much.’
‘No. I guess he hasn’t,’ he whispered, lowering his mouth down onto hers again in one last kiss that still had the ability to rock her all-over-the-place world. Suddenly all she wanted was to feel his lips on hers and his arms holding her close. Because it didn’t feel wrong anymore. It didn’t feel right, but it didn’t feel all that wrong, either. ‘I’ll see you later. Okay?’
He looked at her with wide, hopeful eyes and she folded her arms against her, a small smile still there on her face. ‘Yeah. Okay.’
And as she watched him run out of the room, her young, hot, handsome footballer, she knew this was just the beginning of another new chapter in a life that was already reading like some 80s soap opera. And how it was all going to end was still anybody’s guess.
Chapter Thirty-Five
‘What are you doing?’ Ellen asked, slipping her arms around Brandon’s neck as she stood behind him, leaning over his shoulder to see what he was up to.
‘I’m doing some digging,’ Brandon replied, swinging round in his chair and pulling her down onto his lap.
‘Digging?’ Ellen frowned as she sat astride him, her arms circling his neck again.
‘For information. About my dad.’
‘Your dad? Why? Is something wrong? Or are you just trying to get some kind of heads-up on the local competition?’
Brandon smiled, pulling her down for a quick kiss. ‘I wish it was that simple.’
‘I don’t understand.’
He sighed, throwing his head back, keeping his hands on her hips to hold her steady. He didn’t want her to go anywhere just yet. It was about time he had a break, and the kind of escapism she could give him was exactly what he needed right now. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘Well, it looks like it does. Do yo
u want to talk about it? Is it something to do with him and Amber?’
‘Yes… No… look, it really doesn’t matter. It isn’t important.’
‘You sure? Because when I get back from work tonight we can have dinner and you can talk all you like. I’m a great listener.’
He smiled, pulling her down for another kiss. ‘It’s fine, really.’
‘Okay. If you’re sure.’
‘Where are you going?’ Brandon asked as she climbed off him, slipping on her jacket and grabbing her bag from the table.
‘Work.’
‘Now?’
‘We don’t all have the luxury of footballer hours.’ She winked at him, running back over to give him one last kiss.
‘Jesus…’ he groaned, swinging round and round on his chair. ‘I was really hoping you could give me some light relief before I head off to training.’
‘And you think that’s a good idea, do you?’ she asked, raising a questioning eyebrow.
He grinned, reaching out to grab her, quickly pulling her back down onto his lap.
‘Brandon!’ she squealed, putting up no real fight to stop him from keeping her there. ‘I’m gonna be late, babe.’
‘Just five minutes, I promise. I’ll be quick.’
She shook her head, untangling herself from his grip and climbing off him again. She really didn’t want to be late today. She was working over at Newcastle Red Star’s training ground all morning, and with it being Ryan Fisher’s first official day back with the Red Star squad, being late wasn’t an option.
‘Well, I don’t want you to be quick.’ She smiled, slinging her handbag over her shoulder. ‘I want you to take your time, so we’ll save this for later. Okay?’
‘If we have to,’ he groaned. ‘Have a nice day!’
She threw him one last wink and a smile over her shoulder before running out the door.
Brandon swung his chair back round to face his laptop, tapping something new into the search engine. He didn’t know all that much about his father’s private life, but he was now on a mission to find out everything he possibly could. Whether his father wanted him to, or not.
‘I can’t get me head around you being a dad,’ Gary said, throwing the ball back to Ryan from the touchline as they trained together for the first time in months.
‘I could say the same about you.’ Ryan smirked, kicking the ball over to another team-mate.
‘Yeah, well, kids change you. Believe me. I’m not saying I want to spend every night sat on the sofa with Debbie watching Coronation Street while she feeds the baby and goes on and on about the search for the perfect high-chair, but sometimes it’s nice, you know?’
Ryan stood still, his hands on his hips as he looked at his best friend. ‘Well, not yet I don’t, but I guess I’ll find out soon enough.’
‘So, you and Amber getting back together then or what?’ Gary asked, sitting down behind the touchline.
Ryan sat down next to him, pulling his knees up to his chest as he stared out ahead at the familiar view of fields and trees and houses, so different from the training ground at CD Adeje with its view of palm trees, the sea, and Mount Teide looming large in the distance.
‘You tell me, mate. I have no idea what’s happening. All I know is we’re getting closer, and that can only be a good thing.’
‘You’re fucking her again, you mean.’
‘Jesus, Gary, come on.’ He looked at his friend, trying to keep his stare stern, but he couldn’t help smiling. ‘Yeah, okay, I am. And I can’t tell you how good it feels to be that close to her again, but…’
‘But what?’ Gary asked, twisting the cap off a fresh bottle of water.
‘I dunno.’ Ryan shrugged, taking the bottle when Gary offered it, swigging a large mouthful of water down.
‘Is it the right thing to do?’
Ryan looked at Gary again. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You’re not just doing this because of the baby, are you?’
‘No. And I wish people would stop accusing me of that, that isn’t what’s happening. I’m not doing anything because of the baby.’
‘You cut your loan period short because of the baby.’
‘That’s different, Gaz, and you know it is. Of course I want to be a part of this pregnancy. I want to be there every step of the way, I want to feel as close to this baby as I possibly can, in case…’
‘In case that’s as close as you get?’ Gary asked, taking a swig of water himself.
‘No. No, that isn’t gonna happen, Amber isn’t like that. She’ll let me be a part of that little boy’s life, that isn’t what I mean. I just… I just want more, Gary. I want to be there all the time. I don’t want to be a part-time dad.’
‘Have you told her that?’
‘I’ve tried. But I think it’s just too soon to be pushing her on relationships, considering her divorce from the boss is due any day now.’
‘Oh, yeah. I’d forgotten about that.’
‘I wish I could,’ Ryan sighed. ‘He’s forever gonna be this fucking cloud hanging over us, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.’
Gary nudged him gently, smiling. ‘Hey, come on. It’ll all work out, you’ll see. Amber’s a sensible girl. She’ll do what’s best for that baby.’
‘Yeah. I know. I know that…’
‘You might want to lose that mañana attitude, Fisher. You’re back home now, and we’ve a title race to win. I haven’t brought you back here to sit on your ass and chat to your friends.’
Ryan quickly pulled himself to his feet as Jim Allen stood over him, hands in the pockets of his suit trousers, his white shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows.
‘Yeah, sorry, boss. I was just taking a break.’
‘I wasn’t aware Colin had called one.’ Jim fixed Ryan with a look that unnerved him slightly. ‘And what are you still doing here, Gary?’
Gary pulled a face behind Jim’s back and ran off to join the others.
‘You settling in back home okay?’ Jim asked, his expression softening slightly, which didn’t actually make Ryan feel any better.
‘Yeah. Yeah, I am. It’s good to be back.’
‘Well, I imagine Amber’s pleased to have you home.’
Ryan narrowed his eyes as he looked at his manager. Where was this conversation going, exactly? ‘I don’t… I don’t know that she is, actually.’
Ryan kept his eyes fixed firmly on Jim when he said that, but his boss showed no change in expression or emotion. His face stayed stoic, almost, giving nothing away.
‘Is she okay?’ Jim asked, his stare never wavering from Ryan.
‘Why don’t you ask her yourself? We’re not together like everyone seems to think we are. There’s no relationship there, except for the fact we’re both going to be parents to this baby.’
‘I see… Listen, Ryan, everything is okay, isn’t it?’
Ryan held his arms out, laughing a slightly confused laugh at this almost surreal conversation. ‘Listen, boss, I don’t know what you’re trying to ask me here, but…’
‘Do you love her, Ryan?’
Ryan laughed again, confusion well and truly setting in now. ‘I… this is crazy…’
‘Do you love her?’
Ryan stared at Jim, not knowing what to say next. What was it he wanted to hear?
‘I can’t be there for her, Ryan,’ Jim went on, and as Ryan stared at his boss, he saw something in his eyes that he’d never seen in Jim Allen before – vulnerability.
‘I don’t… why?’ Ryan just couldn’t shake the confusion, and even though he didn’t want to be saying the words that were about to come out of his mouth, he knew he had to say them. ‘You know she still loves you.’
Jim looked down at the ground, pulling his aviator shades out of his pocket and slipping them on, covering his eyes, hiding away any more emotion he didn’t want anyone else to see. But Ryan had already seen it.
‘I can’t be there for her, Ryan,’ Jim repeated, ignoring Ryan’s co
mment. ‘So I need you to…’ He looked up, but his eyes were hidden behind those sunglasses now. ‘I need you to step up and look after her. Do you hear me?’
‘Is this…?’ It was just getting more and more surreal the longer the conversation went on, and Ryan wasn’t comfortable. Something just didn’t feel right. ‘I really don’t understand what you’re saying, boss.’
‘I brought you back early, Ryan, not because the team necessarily needs you. As you may have noticed we’ve been doing pretty well without you. Although, to be fair to you, we probably could have done better if you’d been here. But… I brought you home early to be with Amber. She thinks she can do this on her own, but I think she needs you there with her.’
‘You do?’
‘This isn’t a trick, Ryan. I’m not trying to fool you into anything, believe me. I just think it’s time we all moved on and got on with our lives, don’t you? But I still care about Amber. I always will, even if I can’t be the one to…’ He trailed off, looking away for a second, almost as if he was deep in some kind of private thought, and Ryan felt the uneasiness return. ‘The divorce will be final soon,’ Jim said, regaining his composure as he turned to face Ryan again. ‘Time for us all move on, don’t you think?’
Ryan narrowed his eyes again as he looked at Jim. ‘This isn’t making a whole lot of sense to me…’
‘You’re home, Ryan. Be grateful for that. Now just… just step up and look after Amber. I really need you to do that for me, okay?’
‘But what if she…? For Christ’s sake, she doesn’t even want me like that.’
‘Look after her, Ryan. In any way you can. That’s all I’m asking you to do. Now, get back out there and do what we’re paying you to do. With you back in the squad we might just be able to regain that league champions title a little easier than we first thought.’
Ryan held Jim’s stare for a few seconds longer before turning away, not really feeling as if he understood anything any better after that conversation, but it was quite obvious it was over. For now.
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