“Caelynn,” he whispers. His voice sends every rational thought fleeing from my mind. His eyes flicker from dark to silver and back, like he’s unsure what to feel. I swallow, unable to take my eyes off of him.
My hands move—of their own fruition, I swear, because I never consciously decided to touch him this way. My fingers slide up his stomach, feeling the ripples and curves of his muscles, up over her chest to his shoulders.
There, that’s a safe place to stay.
He steps closer so that his hips rest against mine.
“Rev.” I groan. My eyelids flutter closed as his warmth seeps into my skin, making me realize how cold I’d been. How starving I’d been.
Starving for him. Starving for his touch, for his closeness.
I grit my teeth, knowing that’s not true. Knowing it can’t be true. I can’t need him because I won’t have him. Rev is not a possibility.
But then, his fingertips glide up my arm and my head falls back against the stone. His thumb hooks inside the strap of my tank, gliding down, and a gasp escapes my lips. He pauses, fingers lingering at my neck. I resist the urge to look at him—to find out why he’d dare stop—because part of me is relieved.
He lets out a breath and then gently grips my chin. “Look at me.”
I oblige. He’s so close, his nose inches from mine.
“I know...” He winces, a myriad of emotions flashing over his features. “I know everything sucks right now. I know this world has never been kind to you. I know you’ve let go of your hope. But...” He licks his lips, and my stomach flips irrationally. “I want to give some of that back to you if I can. I want...” He closes his eyes. “I don’t know what the right thing is. But I do know what I want...”
My chest heaves, hardly able to get enough air through my aching lungs.
“Will you tell me what you want? Not forever. Not in a week or a year. Because I know that’s impossible to know right now. I know you refuse to hope for more than right now. So, tell me, now, what do you want?”
I swallow, my heart throbbing in my chest. Tension in my gut rushes down, making my head spin. I want him. I do. But I’m so beyond terrified of wanting anything that I don’t think I can have...
He examines my expression closely, seriously. His eyebrows pull down, and pain flickers over his expression. Then, slowly, he pulls away.
My first instinct is to pull him back, to wrap my arms and legs around him and hold him in a damn vice grip, but my fear closes over my throat, and I don’t move. I don’t stop him as he crouches to reenter our cave, taking his warmth with him.
And I don’t say a damn thing as he hides his pained expression from me.
Rev
I endure another long stretch of awkward silence and consider the wisdom of taking another trek out to the wall. We need to gather more information, but that creature—
I shiver.
And Caelynn seems so weak after that fight.
We can’t sit here forever, though, and I find myself restless. The sting of rejection still lingers. She doesn’t want me.
Or maybe she does, but she’s too stubborn to admit it.
The wolf-wraith is still out there. I could have killed him. Should have, I realize, but I was more preoccupied with making sure Cae was okay than anything else. And by the time I got her to her feet, the wraith was gone. Vanished from the place he’d fallen.
I didn’t want to freak Caelynn out any more than she already was, so I didn’t mention that fact and just quickly moved us to as safe a place as we could get. We are only a few miles from the cabin, which is now being watched by wraiths. Maybe it’s even been destroyed by now, for all we know.
To waste time and occupy my mind—anything to stop thinking about that rejection—I pull out the map of the Schorchedlands and stare at it absently.
“Think of something new?” Caelynn asks.
“No. Just bored.” I drop the thin paper to my lap. Caelynn needs to recharge, and it seems best for us to wait out whatever the other that creature was. Tomorrow, I fully intend to scope out the flame wall, see if we can find some evidence that the wolf-wraith was telling the truth. And if so, we’ll then make a plan on how we can cross with at least an attempt at gaining the element of surprise.
Until then, we wait. In the tiny, cramped cave.
“Well, let’s talk through what we know we have to do,” she says. “First, we cross the fire wall. Risk of death or not, we pass through the damn thing.”
My eyebrows rise.
“After that, there is a swamp, possibly a forest, and one single mountain right in the center of it all. It’s only a three-mile journey from flames to spell book.”
“Simple,” I say and smirk. “Should be easy.”
“What do you think the swamp will be? Flesh-eating bacteria? Dismembered limbs? Blood sacrifice?”
“A swamp filled with thick warm blood,” I say because that sounds exactly like something this place would hold.
Caelynn shivers, and I chuckle. “That’s disgusting. You’re probably right.”
“The farther we travel, the worse it’s supposed to get. And I don’t suspect they mean by gross factor.”
Caelynn nods. “It’s hard to imagine it getting worse than what we’ve already faced.”
I agree but don’t bother to say the words. This place has lived up to my every expectation. Including the fact that my mate is trapped here with me and only one of us can leave.
Can’t get much more tortuous than that.
Aside from the whole man-eating trees and corpses brought to life, I shudder to think what else might be waiting for us beyond that wall of flame. Other the obvious—Caelynn’s personal nightmare monster.
I wring my hands, wondering if there is some way to convince her to stay. She shouldn’t have to face this. This time, it’s my turn.
“Caelynn,” I say, low and slow.
Her eyes linger on my lips for a moment then move up to mine. “No.”
My heart sinks.
“I’m not staying behind.”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t make sense for you to keep going, Cae. For so many reasons. You don’t need to do this. It’s not your fight, not this time.”
Her head falls back against the damp stone as she stares up at the narrow rock above. “It’s both of our fights.”
“You’ve done enough. You’ve faced them already. I want to save you from this.”
“I’m sorry, Rev. But you can’t. Neither of us ever had a choice, but this was thrust on us. I can handle it, okay? I can and will face the Night Terror when the time comes. I’m scared, but I’m not afraid.”
My lips curl into a sad smile. “What’s the difference?”
She shrugs. “My mind knows I’m scared of them. Panic still hits sometimes. But my heart is willing because it’s worth it.”
Her determination to save me is strong enough to overcome her fear. Or maybe she’s just too damn stubborn. Why does she care so deeply for my wellbeing but continues to push me away physically?
“But what if you didn’t have to?” I ask. “What if I’m capable of doing this on my own?” Caelynn is brave and strong but stubborn as hell.
She narrows her eyes, watching me. “Maybe you could. But I don’t think you understand what being left behind would do to me. On the other side of the wall was one thing—when I didn’t know what monsters you were facing. But to expect me to sit here and do nothing. To just wait, even while knowing she’s coming for you—a creature more powerful than both of us even understand—trying to kill you.” Her bottom lip trembles, and it’s like a knife to the gut. “I can’t.”
“Okay,” I whisper. I hate it. I don’t want her putting herself at risk when it’s something I’m convinced I could do alone... But I can understand why it would be incredibly difficult for her, so I concede. Because if it were me, I’d fight too.
Rev
Caelynn slips into a restless sleep less than an hour later. I watch as she curls up awk
wardly on the damp soot. I gently pull her hair from her face and tuck it behind her ear, if only so it doesn’t fall to the mud-caked ground.
I consider, not for the first time, if maybe Caelynn isn’t as healed as I’d thought. She was on the brink of death only days ago. Wraith magic carved a hole through her chest and grazed her heart. Maybe that had a larger effect on her than I’d thought possible.
Physically, she should be fine. My magic is fully capable of stitching up every inch of her. It can search her body for anything amiss.
Her chest rises and falls, her muscles flinch periodically.
So maybe... maybe what’s happening with her isn’t physical. Maybe it’s mental. Maybe it’s magical. I don’t know. Maybe she doesn’t want to live anymore.
My stomach clenches at that thought. This female has me wound like a top. Physically, I want her, but she won’t reciprocate. Which would be fine, except I’m convinced she wants me just as badly. Emotionally, I’m compelled to protect her and care for her. I cannot fight this urge to save her.
And to be honest, I’m long past done fighting it.
I’d once thought it was only the magic of the mating bond—something mystical that was entirely out of my control. But I know better now.
That was just an excuse.
Now, I know she’s perfect for me. I press my eyes closed as a new wave of pain washes over me. She’s the one. My perfect partner. I’d kill for her. I’d die for her.
I don’t deserve her.
But I don’t know how to do this right. She pushes me away. She draws me in. She deserves so much more, but she’s not willing to fight for it.
I turn to the gentle glow of light shining from the opening of our tiny cave. I’m glad Caelynn is getting the rest she clearly still needs, but I’m restless. Eager for answers. Dying to do something.
Now that Cae is resting, maybe it’s a good time to do a little bit of spying. Without her shadow magic, I’ll be more exposed, and I’ll have to travel at least two miles south to reach any place I could get a vantage of the wall.
I’ll risk running into that crazy looking creature. Is it guarding the wall? Will it remain there so long as we are seeking a way to cross?
My knees ache from the awkward position I’ve stayed in for the last hour, and if I choose not to go exploring now, I’ll be stuck in this little hole for another twelve hours. Once the sun goes down, we won’t have a choice but to hide away.
I’ll go crazy if I don’t stretch at least a little bit.
The rocky hillside has been dead quiet since the moment we arrived here. There’s always the possibility that something is watching us, but that remains true no matter if I stay still or take a walk.
I crawl out of the cave and take a moment to stretch and then examine the hills around us. The sky above is hazy red, like constant fog. I realize now that the red is likely due to the wall of flames considering how bright the entire sky got as we’d drawn closer to the magical force field.
The two mountains towering over us are tiny in comparison to the rest in this range. The main trail that leads from the valley to the wall of flames is half a mile west. There’s at least one large mountain between.
The stone is lighter here, more grey than black.
It’s too far to go all the way to the wall without Caelynn, I decide. I don’t want too much distance between us. But I begin to walk in that direction slowly, sticking close to the stones just in case I’m being watched.
The gravel crunches beneath my feet as I get closer to the nearest trail, where part of the path is blocked by fallen rocks. There are tracks along the sides of the mountains here, where landslides have occurred. Rivulets of rainwater trickle down the slope, slipping into cracks and fissures.
I stop when the gravel pathway comes into view. I shouldn’t go any further.
I’m itching to move forward with my quest, but moving into the open isn’t a wise choice, not without Caelynn at least. I stop, though, when a few speckled flowers catch my attention. Around fifteen feet up, growing out of the side of the darks stone is a set of four scarlet flowers.
I smile. Also, probably not worth the risk. And yet, I’m going to do it anyway.
I make the climb in three fluid leaps, careful to keep my next landing place planned just in case any of them give way. I grip the flowers between my fingers and rip them violently.
I’m back on the flat valley ground, flowers in hand, in only a few seconds.
“Lovely, but oh so foolish.” The deep voice sends shivers down my spine.
I spin to face a wraith blocking my path back to Caelynn.
Caelynn
My head throbs, pounding in waves. I groan. My cheek sticks to damp dirt as I pull myself up. Well, that’s not a very pleasant way to sleep.
I blink, heavy lids barely able to open. The uneven, curved opening to the cave appears as a gentle glow. Everything else is pitch black.
It’s daytime. It wasn’t night when I fell asleep, so that may mean it’s only been minutes. Maybe a couple hours. Or maybe it’s been an entire day. Who the hell knows?
The next thing I realize is that I’m alone. I jerk upright, causing a wave of nausea to wash over me. Where is Rev? I scramble out of the cave, muscles roaring in protest.
“Rev?” I croak through cracked lips. “Rev!” I say louder, risking exposing our hiding place, but I don’t care.
I look up and down the valley we fled to. Ciffsides rise a few hundred feet into the sky, jagged grey stones jutting out here and there, and on the gentle slope of the valley floor, there are a few patches of grey grass. No paths, no sign of life. I don’t even remember getting here. I press my eyes closed. Rev isn’t here. Not at all.
He left me.
Panic rises in my throat.
He asked me to stay behind, and I explained how I couldn’t do that. How it would kill me. But he went anyway. He went to try to save me from the Night Terror. Or maybe it was to take the glory for himself. To say he did it by himself.
I shake my head. It doesn’t matter what his motives are. It doesn’t matter what he feels about me, about the world outside these scarred lands. What matters is that he left, and I am going to find him.
My mind settles enough for me to think things through a tad longer, and I realize my forearm is aching. Throbbing. Burning.
I rip up my sleeve and find an open wound where the wolf clawed me. In my very non-physical panic, I’d forgotten about the injury. I don’t even think it bled, but... my flesh hangs open, blotches of red skin sagging and grey. That’s not a trick of the light, right? It’s not a natural color.
I quickly pull the sleeve back down and push the sick feeling away, a sour taste in my mouth. Rev brought me here then left me behind. Determination swirls in my gut. I’m going to figure this out.
The sky is a scattering of shades of grey with a red tinge. To my right, the sky glows the brightest. Bright red. The flame wall. That’s where he would have headed. I don’t let myself dwell on the what-ifs. If Rev tries and fails to cross the wall. If he’s found by wraiths or worse, that horned creature. I shiver.
No, I focus on the anger. I focus on what I must do.
I sprint in the direction of the red glow.
I will find him, and then I’ll kick his ass for daring to leave me behind.
“TELL ME WHY I SHOULDN’T kill you now, foolish child.” The voice trembles in simmering rage.
I follow voices that mutter angrily just around the corner...
“Do you think she’ll just turn back and do as you wish because my heart has stopped?” Rev asks. “If so, you do not know her very well.”
“Oh, but you do? The mate that rejected her?”
Deep black smoke forming the shape of a man in a wafting cloak comes into view. Anger fuels my magic, swirling in my palm. Ancestor or not, I am ready to destroy him for threatening my mate.
“Move away now, wraith,” I roar, lip curling.
The wraith spins as I pull my arm ba
ck to attack. He hisses and twists away from us both, stopping feet away.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, seething.
“Helping,” he says, his eyes narrowed, watching my hand still poised to shoot him with my shadow magic.
“You’ve made it very clear that you are not our ally. So, sorry if I’m hesitant to believe you.”
“I am your ally, Caelynn of the Shadow Court. I am simply not his.” He points to Rev.
“Which makes you my enemy. Now, leave before I kill you.”
“He was just taunting me, Cae.” Rev steps forward, hands up in surrender. “He didn’t—”
“I don’t care what he did or didn’t do.” I bare my teeth at Rev, feeling wild. Hot rage thunders through my veins. Destroy. “And don’t you dare think I’m not also pissed at you.”
“Me?”
“You left,” I spit. “After everything we talked about, you were leaving without me.”
Rev’s mouth falls wide, his eyes soft but large. He’s surprised. “No, Cae, I wasn’t. I just got restless and went for a walk. I was going to come right back.”
I turn my attention back to the wraith.
“Trouble in paradise?” He grins.
A sound rips from my chest, and I throw my shadow ball straight at him. He hollers as it slams into his chest, and he flies back into the stone fifteen feet back.
My chest heaves, rage still simmering, but I allow him to pick himself back up.
He exposes his teeth. “Are you done yet?”
“Are you?”
His eyes are narrowed as he slithers closer, drifting right and then left. “You are changing,” he whispers.
“Caelynn...” Rev’s soft voice drifts through me.
I put my hands down. I allow my muscles to relax, and I face him.
“Are you okay?”
I cross my arms, my rage drifts away. I am tired. I am sad. I am still a little mad, but... I shrug.
Rev approaches me like a spooked animal, and I resist the urge to roll my eyes.
Soul of Thorns (Wicked Fae Book 3) Page 6