Heartthrob

by Willow Winters

“About what, Mom?” I ask her easily. As if I didn’t have a clue.

  “About a boy. Ashleigh said you did date him, Nathan Hart?” My mom says as if it’s a question.

  “I did, Mom,” I tell her and nod my head. I’m surprised my voice is so upbeat and that I can pretend it’s alright.

  “And what about now?” she asks me and I wish I had an answer for her. “The papers make it seem like--”

  “The papers lie, Mom,” I tell her quickly and a little agitation slips out. “Can I tell you all about it tomorrow?” I ask her and I feel like I’m lying to her because I already know some of it I won’t tell her. And other bits, I won’t have answers to.

  “Sure, baby,” my mom says softly as if she knows how much I’m hurting.

  “I love you, Mom,” I tell her as my emotions start to surface. “I have to go.”

  “I love you too, Harlow,” she says but she’s already lost my attention. A car screeches to a stop in the middle of the road and then reverses. I hang up the phone with my mom, letting it fall to the seat before jamming the keys forward and starting my car.

  My heart races. Stupid, stupid.

  Frantically, I look back at the car as it pulls into the lot, even though his face is a mix of anger and worry, everything inside me settles and I drop my hand to my lap.

  It’s Nathan. Even as he quickly parks the car and slams his door shut on his way to me, I don’t have an ounce of fear in me.

  I don’t know how he found me, but he did.

  Chapter 23

  Nathan

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” I practically scream as I rip the passenger side door open and slam it as I fall into the seat. She’s got to be out of her mind.

  She wasn’t at her parents’ house, or her aunt’s on the other side of town. I thought maybe she’d go to the school. All Nancy said was that Hally wanted to go home. But I couldn’t find her anywhere.

  The last thing I thought as I went to drive by my old house, was that she’d be here. I was just retracing our steps from when we were kids, praying that’s what she was doing too.

  “Stop yelling at me and telling me what to do,” Hally snaps at me the moment I look at her. My hands clench into fists and my jaw tightens as my teeth grind.

  “You don’t get to control me,” she adds and then seems to settle, but it’s because she thinks she’s won this round. And that’s bullshit.

  “You shouldn’t be here,” I tell her simply. I try not to make my words harsh. I try to say it like a statement, like a fact. She should know better.

  I almost tell her those exact words, but it will just set her off. So I wait. I hold my breath until she concedes.

  “I know,” she says after a moment and reaches behind her to put her cell phone in her purse which is at my feet. “I was just leaving,” she says as she turns to sit straight in her seat. She doesn’t look at me and I get the impression she wants me to leave.

  But I can’t go that easy. I can’t just let her walk away.

  “Don’t shut me out, Hally. I fuck up; I know I do. But I’m here and I want to be here. Please don’t push me away. I can’t take it again.”

  She seems to soften slightly and I keep going. It’s a sign that she’s listening at least and I don’t even know if I deserve that much.

  “I have problems,” I start to tell her and I don’t know exactly how to say what I need to say, but I just keep going. “I don’t have people in my life. I never really did except for you and I know I do stupid shit.” The words fall out of my mouth as if they’re pushing each other to get out and go to her. Like everything in me has been waiting to tell her exactly how I feel. “I’m not good with words or with being there for people because I don’t know how. But Hally, for you, with you, I want to do it all right. I want to be the man you need and deserve and I refuse to be anything else.”

  Hally watches me, searching my expression for something, although I’m not sure what she’s looking for. “I hope you believe me,” I tell her. “You can talk, and I’ll listen. We can start with that and I’ll learn. I promise I will.”

  I only stop speaking because she reaches out to me, putting her small hand against my cheek and I lean forward, wanting more of her touch. My lips graze her palm as she pulls away and I snatch her wrist, refusing to let her go until I can plant a kiss there.

  My fingers loosen and I watch her as she withdraws again, my heart beats slowly, each thump noticeable until she answers me.

  “Can we start now?” she asks me and for a moment I’m confused. “Can I ask you something?” she asks. I look out of the window at my car and then to the street. I’m tempted to tell her no, that we need to leave. But I can’t tell her no.

  I nod my head and she asks, “Do you ever think about it?”

  “All the time,” I answer her quickly and it’s the truth. I’ll never forget it. “The sound of,” I swallow before continuing and she interrupts,

  “His head cracking,” she says as she stares out of the windshield and looks at the brick wall of the church.

  “No,” I answer in a breath and she looks at me. “Of you crying out for help.” I’ll never forget how terrified she was. What almost happened to her will haunt me for the rest of my life.

  She steadies her bottom lip in her teeth, refusing to cry as she turns away from me again.

  “Talk to me,” I tell her, reaching out and resting my hand on her thigh. “Please,” I beg her.

  “I wish you hadn’t pushed me away. I needed someone, Nathan.” Her admission makes me feel like less of a man. I only pray she can forgive me. It’s all I need.

  “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I left you,” he tells me, as his eyes stare deeply into mine, the seriousness beneath the dark color is enough to paralyze me.

  “I’ll never throw you away again.”

  It hurts to hear him say it like that. But even more so to admit it. I cover my face with my hands and let the tears fall.

  “I won’t let you leave,” Nathan breathes the words and it sends a chill down my spine but in the best of ways. All I ever wanted was for him to want me as much as I wanted him. Even if we’re crazy for it. “Fight me, hate me, whatever you need… Just don’t stop loving me.”

  Her lips turn down and her forehead bunches. “Nathan, you have no idea, do you?” she asks me and her words are filled with nothing but sadness. My heart doesn’t beat until she finishes her thought. “I could never stop loving you. I just don’t know how to make you happy. I don’t know how to make us work.”

  That’s all it takes for me to reach across the seat and wrap her in my arms. Everything feels right again when she holds me back. Her cheek rests against my shoulder as I whisper to her, “I’ve made so many mistakes, but pushing you away was my greatest sin.”

  I kiss her hair, her forehead, every inch of her that I can without letting her go.

  “I love you, Hally, I always have. And I’ll tell you every day,” I tell her and run my hand over the back of my neck and throw my head back to mutter, “Twenty fucking times a day,” before looking back into her beautiful blue eyes. “Whatever it takes for you to believe it.”

  She stares back at me without saying a word, just watching me spill every bit of truth to her that I have.

  I whisper my greatest insecurity, “I can’t lose you again.”

  Hally’s hesitation kills me, every second making me exceedingly more nervous that this is the end.

  “I don’t think I’m cut out for this world,” she tells me. “I don’t want to risk my heart with you again. Not if it’s just going to be shattered.”

  “Then we don’t go back,” I tell her quickly. Problem solved.

  She stares at me with disbelief.

  “We can go anywhere and do anything, Hally. You name it and it’s yours.” It’s really that easy for me. I’ll live to make her happy. To keep her with me until the day we die.

  “You really love me?” Hally asks me and I hate that she questions it.


  “Of course, I do. I mean it when I say I always have,” I tell her, pushing the hair from her face. “I love you, Hally. I’ll spend every day proving it to you if I have to.”

  The tips of her fingers glide down my forearm as she looks me in the eyes and says, “I love you, too.” I already knew she did. What I don’t know, is if it’s enough. If I’m enough.

  “I just want you.” The words are raw and full of nothing but the truth. “Don’t leave me,” I beg her again.

  She closes her eyes and rests her head on my shoulder. “I promise I won’t if you won’t,” she whispers.

  “Then you’re mine forever.”

  Chapter 24

  Harlow

  “Don’t forget to smile,” Nancy whispers as I prepare to head out of the St. Gerard and back to normal life. Semi-normal. As normal as it will ever be I suppose.

  All the footage is workable and unless Stevens calls us in for some extra shots, we should be able to take a nine-month break at which point, we either have a Season two or not. I think I’ll be fine either way, but this isn’t something I can see myself doing all the time. I think being an extra or small roles are way more my thing. It’s hard enough being attached to Nathan, the Heartthrob of the big screen. I chuckle at my inward thought.

  They can say whatever they want about him, but he’s mine. All mine and I’m never giving him up.

  “How could she not?” Nathan answers her, startling me and slinging one of my duffle bags over his shoulder.

  “They could get those for you,” Nancy suggests, her eyes wide as she realizes Nathan’s carrying all of my bags and dragging his own suitcase behind him.

  Nathan shrugs, “I’ve got them.”

  “Remember you have the Casitas tonight; it’ll be a private interview in the back dining room,” Nancy says as we all walk out of the doors of St. Gerard, the bellman holding the door wide open and the warmth of summer and the sounds of the hectic city street hit us both at once.

  “Is that for Hally alone or…?”

  “Both of you, of course. It’ll be extremely important to mention each other from here on out to help promote the show,” Nancy answers him and then licks her lips.

  “Easy enough,” Nathan answers and then nods to someone I don’t see, slipping the bag off his shoulder and letting it sit on the cement.

  “If anything changes,” Nancy starts to say as Nathan wraps his heavy arm around my shoulder. “If you two, get into a..,” Nancy starts to say, but she doesn’t finish her uncomfortable sentence.

  “It’s not going to happen,” Nathan says easily. There’s so much confidence in his voice and it echoes exactly what I feel. There’s nothing in this world that will tear me from him again.

  A soft smile pulls at my lips as he looks down at me and then plants a small kiss on my nose.

  A flash goes off behind me and it makes me jump. I turn but don’t see anyone at all. It’s not until Nathan chuckles that I realize he must’ve set something up.

  “Are you planting that one?” Nancy asks Nathan beneath her breath, a mischievous look on her face, also something else, admiration maybe?

  “Mark’s idea, not mine. I’ll be taking Hally and hiding away with her every chance I get.” Nancy nods resigned to the fact that neither of us really want to be in the spotlight more than we have to. My hand slips into Nathan’s at the thought of doing this once a year or more. It’s hectic, but I love the hustle of it. I would never have thought my life would turn into this.

  “I’m kind of going to miss it in here,” I say aloud, although it really wasn’t for either of them.

  Nathan opens his mouth to say something, but at the same time, our car pulls up to the curb and he reaches down to grab the bags. “We’ll be back,” he tells me and then starts to load up the car.

  It makes my heart swell to know that I’ll be leaving with him.

  It doesn’t matter what happened before. The sadness and pain will always be there. But if I can look at him and only see a man who loves me and who I love back, then we can survive it.

  Even if it shattered us and the pieces will never be the same.

  They can fit together and make something beautiful. Something it was meant to be from the very start.

  “Well I’m off,” Nancy says and gives me a small hug. She holds me at arm’s length as she adds, “You know my number if you need anything.”

  I nod my head, “Of course.”

  She lets me go with an easy sigh. “Drive safely,” she says and I know she’s ready to leave until she has to check on me again.

  “Thank you for everything,” I tell her before she can turn away from me. “I really mean it,” I say and try to put every ounce of conviction I have for her in those words.

  She gives me a small smile as Nathan calls out, “We’re ready to go.”

  “It was my pleasure,” Nancy says and then she’s off, fading into the crowds along the street. It’s funny how life sets you up with people who will change your fate forever. How easily they come, but how they’ll stay forever.

  The driver opens my door as Nathan shuts his on the opposite side. It’s one step off the curb until I’m tucked away and ready to go back to our hometown.

  “I love you, Hally,” Nathan tells me as I settle into the back of the car. The leather seats are cool and it makes me shiver.

  “I love you too.”

  I eye Nathan, taking in his words, the same that he told me last night and this morning.

  “Are you going to say it all the time now?” I ask him teasingly more than anything.

  “Yes, every second I have the chance to so you’ll never forget it.” I don’t know when he turned into this man, but I’m ever letting him go.

  Chapter 25

  Lydia

  Months later

  The phone rings once and I glance to see who it is. Smiling, I let it ring, only picking up just before it goes to voicemail.

  “Hello?” I answer innocently before settling down on my couch. My fingers trail along the dark blue velvet and I absently think about getting a new one. Not that I spend enough time in this NYC condo to justify it.

  “How is my favorite shit stirrer – oh I mean starlet?” Joey jokes on the other end of the phone and my lips curl into a smile.

  “Just getting comfy at home before heading out to visit a few friends.”

  “Oh?” she asks, “Any friends I want to know about?”

  Page Six is calling. I don’t do it for the cash, which is the sad part. So many people would be pissed if they found out it was me spilling the tea. But when push comes to shove, shit gets taken care of… so I do the pushing.

  “Of course, you do,” I say confidently as I rise from my seat and strut to the kitchen. This place is empty, which makes the large eat-in with a single slab of twelve-foot granite counter look… lonesome. I ignore the feeling, turning my back on it as I walk to the floor to ceiling windows. “You want to know about all my friends,” I tell Joey. And she does.

  The line is quiet for a moment as I stare out of the 50 story building, the tallest on this side of the Park. The cars are so small they’re like the heads of pins and there’s no noise at all. Just silence. I swallow thickly, “I’ll be meeting them soon and I’m sure I’ll have something interesting to report,” I say as I lean against the window.

  I wasn’t meant to be alone; I need to get out of here and move on to my next conquest. My phone beeps and I move it away from my ear, completely missing what Joey said to read what Harlow’s sent.

  I let out a laugh at the picture of them on the beach with the message, “Wish you were here!” I’ve never been happier for anyone else in my life. But damn, I miss her. It’s not too often in this industry that you meet someone so genuine.

  I text her back quickly, telling her that I miss her too and I truly wish I was with her. I let out an easy sigh knowing I’ll see them when they get back, “What was that Joey, I missed it.”

  “So, do you have anything for me or
not?” she finally asks.

  “I do.” My lips twitch into a smile. “It might be a little bit of a lie though,” I say picking under my nails. “Only a little.”

  Epilogue

  Harlow

  Page Six of the New York Post

  A whirlwind romance on the set of Night Fire has lit more flames than anyone saw coming. The well-known bad boy, Nathan Hart, and the unknown darling, Harlow May, started a passionate affair that was more than obvious to the Director Blake Stevens. Capitalizing on the heat that sizzled between the two, the show itself was adapted to sneak in footage the famed director caught of the two while filming off set.

  Reviewers and critics agree that the passion between the new couple is one for the big screen and can’t wait for the premiere this fall. Even former costar Julie Rays has stated publically that she couldn’t be happier for the couple and hopes to be at their wedding where she jokingly promised not to steal the show.

  More scandalous than the affair on set, is a picture captured of the couple on an island getaway in the south of France. Sporting a small baby bump and a ring on her finger, Miss Harlow May is sure to be Mrs. Hart before the year is up! Friends and family close to the couple swear the two are inseparable and couldn’t be happier for the recluse couple.

  Although the pair usually has no comment for the press, Mr. Hart responded to our request with a single line: I lost her once, I won’t lose her again.

  “We’re still making headlines,” I tell Nathan from across the hotel kitchen as my hand slips to my belly. “And apparently, I’m pregnant.” The small smile that had graced my lips falls and I peek down below my bikini top. They can go get fucked, there’s no way I actually look pregnant. We’ve been vacationing for almost a month now and it's time to get back to real life and everything that lies ahead for us, but I didn’t relax that much. I may have gained five pounds, maximum. I half wonder if Nancy told them I was pregnant. She has a bet going with Mark, I know she does. The papers are calling them the matchmakers and soon to be Godparents.