by Olivia Evans
“Are you okay?” she asked, her hand sliding over my knee.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” I focused on her hand rubbing back and forth across my knee. “So, are you going to talk to Matt?”
She sighed. “Yeah, I mean, I tried to be considerate, not flaunt that I was dating someone until I figured out how to tell him, but I guess the cat’s out of the bag now.”
And because I was a man, my eyes immediately fell to her pussy.
“Hey,” she laughed and smacked my arm. “Stop that shit, you perv.”
“Whatever. You like that I’m a perv.” She totally liked it.
“I kind of do.” She nodded and stood from the bed.
“Hey, where are you going?” I asked, reaching for her hand.
“I’m going to talk to Rachel about Thursday. Come on.” She tugged my arm and pulled me off the bed.
I sighed and followed her into the living room. I was pretty sure this was going to turn into the “let’s fuck with Brennan” game, but I really didn’t see any way out of it. As expected, I was right. Again. Big surprise there. After an hour of listening to the two of them go back and forth talking shit about me and making plans for Thursday, Skylar said she had to go home.
The rest of the week passed as usual. Laura still hadn’t said anything to Skylar about last week, which she found highly amusing for some reason. And the only communication she’d had with Matt was a few text messages. I was still a little uneasy about what he planned on saying to her when the conversation came up, but worrying served no purpose, so I tried to let it ride.
I walked into the sports bar where we were meeting Rachel and Drew, spotting them sitting in a round booth across from the bar.
“Hey, guys,” I said, sliding into the seat across from them.
“Where’s Skylar?” Drew asked, not bothering to return my greeting.
“Nice to see you too.” Apparently, Rachel giving Skylar her stamp of approval had shocked Drew so much, he was having a damn fit about meeting her. He pursed his lips and stared at me expectantly.
“Fine. Jesus. She just texted that she was running a couple minutes late. Calm the fuck down.”
Rachel shook her head and laughed, her eyes bouncing between the two of us. “Give him a break, Brennan. He’s just happy for you.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
The waitress came over and took our drink orders just as Skylar walked through the door. I caught her eye and motioned for her to come over.
“Hey, sorry I’m late,” she said in a rush. I stood from the seat so she could slide around toward the middle, next to Rachel.
“No problem.”
Drew cleared his throat, causing everyone to look at him. I rolled my eyes.
“Skylar, Drew. Drew, Skylar.” I waved my hand between the two of them.
“Sup,” Skylar said with a nod, her voice a little deeper than normal.
I cut my eyes at her, trying to figure out what the fuck that was about.
“What?” she laughed. “He’s a big guy.” She nodded at Drew. “I was trying to sound intimidating.”
Drew choked out a laugh as Skylar puffed out her chest and scrunched her face into a scowl before looking at me. “It’s not working, is it?”
“Not even a little,” I laughed.
“Yup,” Drew chuckled, wiping beer off his chin. “I like her.”
“See?” Rachel beamed. “Told you.”
We drank beer and ate, just talking and hanging out. I was having a good time. Not that I didn’t normally have a good time with Skylar or Drew and Rachel, but it was just…different.
Over the next hour, the bar filled with people. They crowded together, yelling and cheering at whatever games were on the televisions. From the position of our booth, we could see the entire bar, which had become way more entertaining the drunker people got. Or maybe it was the drunker we got.
I stretched out in my seat and scanned the room. Skylar and Rachel were laughing and cutting up, both of them well on their way to being trashed, and Drew was engrossed in the game. I suddenly had a weird feeling, like someone was staring at me. I looked directly across from our booth, and there was Matt. He was standing with a couple guys from our fraternity, his fist clenched around his beer, his mouth set in a hard line.
I chuckled and slid around in the booth until I was pressed completely against Skylar’s side, my eyes never leaving Matt. This really couldn’t have worked out better. I threw my arm around her shoulders, tucking her into my side. I leaned down and pressed my lips to her temple just as Skylar brought her hand up to my chest and grabbed my shirt.
My face broke into a wide smile as Matt’s expression twisted in…anger? Anguish? I couldn’t be sure, but he sure as fuck wasn’t happy. Which was perfect. Skylar shifted, pulling my eyes from Matt to her. She tilted her face, a lazy smile tugging at the corner of her mouth, her eyes heavy.
She stretched up and pressed her lips against mine. “Hi,” she giggled.
“Hey.”
Rachel grabbed Skylar’s arm, pulling her attention away from me. I looked back at the bar in time to see Matt walking out the front door. I guess he didn’t enjoy our moment nearly as much as I had. For the rest of the night, I kicked back, drank, and relished the feeling of satisfaction.
December 11, 2015
Dinner. At her apartment. With Martin. Why didn’t I make up a fucking excuse that I couldn’t go? Not that I don’t like Martin, because I do. That’s the problem. I don’t want to like him; I don’t want to know him—or anyone else in her family. It was simple before, just her and the plan. The Plan. I’m not sure I even know what the fucking plan is anymore.
A man has to live with himself, and he should see to it that he always has good company. ~Charles Evans Hughes
December 2015
“Get up!” Rachel yelled through the door.
“Fuck off.” I groaned. It was Friday morning. Why was she banging on my door like the place was burning to the ground? Honestly, that was the only acceptable excuse.
“We’re going Christmas shopping.”
I buried my head in my pillow. She was out of her damn mind if she thought there was a chance in hell I was going Christmas shopping with her. I didn’t have class on Fridays so I could sleep in, and she knew that. Besides, I’d had to do that bullshit with Terri for the last four years; it wasn’t happening again. No fucking way.
“If you aren’t out of that bed in five minutes, I’m going to call your parents and tell them Drew and I decided to go to my parents’ house instead, so it’ll just be the three of you.”
I raised my head from the bed and glared at the door. She couldn’t be serious right now.
“Five minutes!” she yelled.
I let my head fall back onto the pillow and bit it to hold back all the nasty things I wanted to say. I yanked the covers back and rolled out of bed, stomping to the bathroom.
“You suck,” I said, slamming the bathroom door. I could still hear her laughing when I turned on the water to take a shower.
I took my sweet time showering and even longer getting dressed. When I was done, I strolled into the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe, watching as Rachel moved around the room, getting her coffee and breakfast.
“Do you mind explaining exactly why you need me to go shopping with you?”
“Because I know you haven’t bought anything yet. You’re going to feel like a real asshole on Christmas morning when everyone is exchanging presents and you don’t have anything for anyone.”
I laughed through my nose. “I think you have me confused with someone who gives a fuck, Rachel.”
She scrunched her face. “I guess I had you confused with the old Brennan who used to love buying people stuff for Christmas to see them smile. My fucking bad.”
She turned her back to me. Goddammit, I didn’t want to feel like shit about this, but she was right. I was being an asshole. Lately, though, I’d felt different. The contradiction of shit going on in my head was me
ssing with me.
“Fine. Let’s go.” I turned to leave the room and noticed Rachel was still standing in front of the sink, her back to me.
“Are you coming?” She didn’t move, but I caught the jerk of her back, like she took in a sudden breath. Ah fuck.
“Are you crying?” I asked, my voice rising. She shook her head, but she still hadn’t looked at me. I crossed the room and tugged her shoulder until she faced me. Her eyes were red, a glassy sheen covering them.
“Rachel,” I whispered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Come on, let’s go buy some shit. Whatever you want.” She still hadn’t spoken or looked me in the eye. “I’m an asshole. Please don’t cry.”
“But why are you still an asshole, Brennan?” she croaked, her tears brimming. I furrowed my brow, not exactly sure what she was asking. She sighed and wiped under her eyes.
“You have Skylar now. And she’s great. And you’ve seemed so different at times. I don’t understand why you’re still an asshole. I thought…” She took a deep breath and straightened her back. “I thought you were going to be you again.”
My throat tightened and my jaw clenched. I’d let this thing with Matt get out of hand. I’d dragged way too many people into this mess, and it was going to hurt more people than I’d ever intended. Skylar included. I had to do something; something had to change. I couldn’t keep going like this.
“I’m just having a bad morning. Let’s go shopping. I’ll even buy you lunch at that place you like so much.”
She cracked a small smile and nodded. I followed behind her, my body taut with anxiety. How much longer could I keep lying to everyone? For the first time since this all started, I felt like somehow getting what I wanted wasn’t going to be as satisfying as I’d expected.
I spent the rest of the morning following Rachel around the mall, buying shit from every store she passed. I thought she’d finished and we were going to leave when she stopped in front of a jewelry store and turned to me.
“What are you getting Skylar?” she asked, her eyes flicking to the front of the store.
Fuck no. There was no way I was getting her something for Christmas. It just…wasn’t happening.
“I’m not getting her anything,” I said, my words slow and measured.
“Why the hell not?”
“Why would I?”
“Because you’ve been dating her for over three months! That’s way past the point where it’s acceptable not to buy someone a gift.” She eyed me for a second, her brows pulled down, a scowl on her face. “What the fuck is going on with you, Brennan?”
Shit. Everything was spinning out of control. There was nothing I could say to explain why I didn’t plan on getting Skylar anything. Why didn’t I just say I’d already gotten her something? Of course, then Rachel would want to know what. So, either way, I was fucked. I guess I was buying my fake girlfriend a Christmas present. I could get something now with Rachel, then return it later.
I sighed and ran my hand over my face. “Nothing is going on, Rachel. I’m just…I’m freaking out, okay? I feel like after what happened with Terri, maybe this is moving too fast.”
“If you weren’t ready, then why did you start dating her, Brennan? Help me out here, because I don’t understand. And why are you just now figuring this out?”
I threw my hands in the air; I couldn’t win. More fucking lies. “I am ready. Let me freak the fuck out for a minute that I’m already dating someone else, then I’m dragging you into this store to help me pick something out for her.”
She laughed and shook her head. I felt bile rise in the back of my throat at the realization of how good I’d become at lying. We walked into the store, and I looked through the glass cases, wave after wave of nausea rolling over me.
“What about something like this?” Rachel asked from the other side of the store.
I walked to where she stood, my feet heavy, my pace slow. I peered over her shoulder at the case filled with silver bracelets. A piece of paper taped to the inside read “Charm Bracelets.”
“You could get her one of these and then pick out a charm of some sort, something she likes or reminds you of her.”
I blew out a heavy breath. I could do that; I could get her something small without it having more meaning than intended.
“Thanks, Rachel.”
She smiled. “No problem.”
We picked out a bracelet, and I added a charm of a gun to it. I laughed, thinking about her face when she saw it, before reminding myself she never would.
The trip back to the apartment was quiet. My mind spun with a million different scenarios. As much as I hated to think about it, I had to decide how long I realistically planned on dragging this out. When would it be enough? I spent the next couple hours working on a project due Monday. I couldn’t believe I only had one semester left before I was done with school and could get the hell out of this city. Thinking about moving and the future was enough of a distraction that everything from this morning felt like a distant memory. At least I could see Skylar without being weird.
I caught up with her later that afternoon at the library. I met her on the steps, and a smile broke across her face when she came out the door. The sight caused my chest to tighten. Over the last couple weeks, I’d noticed how she’d become more relaxed around me. It made me all the more aware of the fact that Matt wasn’t the only person I was going to hurt.
“Hey, Stalker, how’s your day been?” she asked, pinching my waist.
“Ouch!” I rubbed my side. “You’re just begging for me to press you up against that wall and teach you a lesson, aren’t you?”
She swept her tongue across her bottom lip, her eyes darting to my mouth. “Maybe I am.”
It took three strides to grab her and have the glass of the floor-to-ceiling window pressed against her back. I dipped my head, sliding my arms between her and the glass before I literally fucked her mouth with my tongue.
“Let’s go back to my place,” she whispered, her hips pushing against mine.
“Okay.” I wrapped my pinkie around hers and practically ran down the stairs of the library. She let out a loud laugh that caused me to laugh as well. We must have looked like our asses were on fire.
“Shit,” Skylar mumbled, her finger tightening around mine as she slowed her pace. I followed her line of sight and watched as Matt and two other guys stood talking outside the art building. The two guys had their backs to us, but Matt…he was staring directly at us, his expression dark, face taut.
All of a sudden, I dropped my eyes to the ground, my pinkie gripping Skylar’s just as tightly as she held mine. I was pretty sure from the look on his face he’d seen us kiss, heard her laugh, and everything else. So why the fuck couldn’t I look at him? Why wasn’t the pain on his face making me giddy? Skylar raised her free hand and offered him a small wave with a matching smile. I cut my eyes to him again and saw him mimic her gesture.
“Let’s get out of here,” she sighed. I gave her a nod and tugged her hand in the direction of her apartment, making small talk about her plans for Christmas. She’d considered going to visit her mother, but in the end, decided she’d rather stay here and spend time with her dad.
Once we were inside her apartment, she kicked off her shoes and pulled me into the living room to the couch. She pushed me down and stood in front of me, kicking my legs apart until there was enough room for her to stand between them.
“C’mere,” I whispered, my voice dropping.
She climbed over me, straddling my lap. “I know that was weird with Matt, but please don’t let it ruin how things were before we saw him.”
I licked my lips. “Okay.”
“Touch me,” she murmured.
“Okay.”
I ran my hand up her thigh and around to her ass, squeezing it once before slipping underneath her shirt. I dragged my fingers over her skin, around her sides, and up until I brushed the underside of her bra. With a shaky exhale, I met her gaze as I slid m
y hand over her bra until I cupped her breast. She let out this half sigh, half moan, and I lost it. I dug my fingers into her skin as I wrapped my other hand around her back to support her. In one quick motion, I stood and flipped her onto the couch. She let out a squeak, but that was the only noise she managed before I kissed her.
I pushed her shirt up until I had a full view of her bra then shoved the material out of the way, exposing her to me. I kept my eyes locked with hers as I slid down her body. I flicked out my tongue and dragged it across her nipple, causing her to gasp and arch her back.
“You like that, don’t you?” I brought my mouth back down and sucked her nipple into my mouth, biting down gently and scraping my teeth against her skin.
“Less talking and more of that,” she hissed, her chest heaving, voice gritty.
“What about this?” I moved my hand to the button of her jeans and tugged.
“Yup, that too. Get them off—right the fuck now.”
“Fuck,” I groaned, wrapping my fingers around the top of her jeans and yanking until the zipper split. I grabbed at both of her hips and tugged the material down her legs as she twisted and turned, kicking her legs free.
I dropped them to the floor as I stood over her. She had on gray panties that looked like men’s underwear, and her sweater was still pushed up to her neck. I leaned over her, our eyes locked as I gathered the material of the sweater and tugged it over her head.
I stood there for a moment, staring down at her wearing nothing but her bra and panties. Motherfucker, she was gorgeous. Her legs were long and smooth, her stomach flat, her waist curved, and her tits were fucking perfect. She slid her hand across her abdomen and drummed her fingers over her belly button. I looked at her face to find her smirking.
“Are you just going to stand there and stare? Make me take care of this myself?” she sassed like the smartass she was.
“No fucking way,” I laughed and pulled my shirt over my head.
I crawled over her, reaching around her back and popping the clasp of her bra. I braced myself with one hand by her head as I pulled down the straps. I let my fingers glide over the top of her bra and down to the middle, and I hooked my finger underneath before pulling it slowly down her chest until it was lying against her stomach.