by Olivia Evans
“Wow,” Grace exhaled. “For your sake, I hope the risk is worth the reward.”
“Me too.”
She wasn’t going to forgive him anytime soon, and while I was working toward that, he wasn’t off my shit list either, but he was getting there.
I have spread my dreams beneath your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. ~W.B. Yeats
“Are you sure I can’t change your mind?” Tucker asked for the hundredth time. I smiled, a light laugh escaping my chest.
“Maybe another time. I have some things I need to take care of.” I moved toward the exit, hoping he wouldn’t try to convince me to change my mind again. I walked into the cool, damp air and pulled in a deep breath, my eyes fluttering closed for a moment before a shiver ran down my spine and my eyes flew open. My lips parted in surprise, and my skin heated with anger when my eyes focused on the man in front of me. He’d been someone I’d cared for, opened myself up to, only to have him fuck me over.
“Matt,” I said, my voice strained.
He shifted his weight and shoved his hands in his pockets before rocking on his heels. It reminded me so much of Brennan. I shouldn’t have been surprised; they were best friends and roommates for years. That was, until he fucked Brennan’s girlfriend and sent him on an out-of-control spiral that landed him in my life with the most deceitful intentions. I hated Matt for the pain he brought into my life. But if he hadn’t, I never would have met Brennan. I gritted my teeth. I wasn’t in the mood for “I’ll take emotionally deranged and drained for $1000, Alex.”
“How are you?”
I wasn’t in the mood for pleasantries either. “What do you want, Matt?”
He winced from the bite of my words, and I couldn’t find it in me to feel bad. It was much easier to be mad at the guy I wasn’t in love with. He pulled in a deep breath and shrugged. “I wanted to talk to you. About Brennan.”
“You can’t be serious.” He had to be out of his fucking mind.
“Listen,” he said before releasing a heavy sigh. “There are some things I need to set straight. It’s the least I can do after what I did to both of you. Please, just hear me out. I promise I won’t bother you again if you do.”
“Who’s this?” Tucker asked, appearing behind me. Shit. This was the last thing I needed.
“This is Matt.”
“Oh,” Tucker said with a raised brow. “Is this why you can’t have dinner with me?”
A look of surprise flashed across Matt’s face, and I knew immediately what he thought. I had moved on. Brennan was out of my life for good. A feeling of panic raced through my veins. What if he went back to the fraternity house and told his buddies I was going out with another guy? Would one of them tell Brennan? For a moment, like a flash of lightning streaking across the sky, I understood Brennan a little better. I hated it.
“I’m not having dinner with you because I have plans with Matt and because Charlotte couldn’t come with us. Don’t try to make this seem like something it isn’t, Tucker. You’re better than that.”
Tucker’s face paled a bit, and I heard Matt snicker. I rolled my eyes. It looked like I would be speaking with Matt whether I wanted to or not, if for no other reason than to make sure he didn’t have the wrong impression.
“No problem, Sky. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Tucker mumbled before scurrying off. I felt a little bad for the way I spoke to him, but I had made it clear we were never getting out of the friend zone. I didn’t need Matt getting the wrong impression and it getting back to Brennan. Speaking of Matt…
“You have ten minutes.”
Matt nodded and inclined his head toward the bar across the street. “Can we grab a drink? This is really going to fucking suck for me.”
“How terrible for you,” I said before following him across the street. A drink didn’t sound so bad to me either. Once we were seated at a table in the back of the room, each with a drink in front of us, I wrapped my hands around my glass and looked at him expectantly.
“Shit,” he whispered before taking a long pull from his drink. “I, um, I wrote Brennan a letter. Well, I sent him an email,” he amended with a chuckle. “No one writes letters anymore. Lame.”
A jolt of shock shot through me. What on earth could he have to say to Brennan? My curiosity gave way to something else as my lips curved in an indulgent smile. People did, in fact, still write letters. Brennan wrote lots of letters. Not that I was going to share that with Matt. It felt nice knowing something about Brennan that he didn’t.
“I’m sure that went well.”
“He didn’t respond.”
“Shocker,” I deadpanned. When Matt remained silent, I let out a long breath. “I suppose you want me to ask why you wrote to him? The problem with that is… I honestly don’t care. The bullshit between the two of you has caused me enough problems, as you well know.”
Matt straightened his shoulders and leaned forward, his eyes taking on a faraway look. “Did you know I met Brennan freshman year? Things were so different then. I think about it a lot these days. I remember this one time I was mad at one of our fraternity brothers, for something stupid I’m sure, and Brennan covered for me while I pissed in the guy’s $400 shoes. And God,” he laughed, his face split into a wide smile, lost in nostalgia. “This one time we were at a party, and this girl wouldn’t leave Brennan alone. I was drunk and decided to bail him out by pretending he was my boyfriend. I’ll never forget stumbling over to him, wrapping him in a hug, and planting a kiss on his cheek before telling her I was his boyfriend. I thought he was going to die. He didn’t speak to me for a week while trying to convince people he wasn’t gay.”
As much as I hated it, I couldn’t help but laugh. Just picturing the look on Brennan’s face caused a feeling of warmth to surge through my body. But as quickly as it began, it ended with Matt’s next words.
“Apparently the girl was a friend of Terri’s.” Matt shook his head and took another sip of his drink. “Fucking Terri. I made such a mess out of that. I know it doesn’t change anything and it’s not an excuse, but Skylar, I never meant for things to happen the way they did. I’m not asking for understanding or forgiveness. This isn’t about me. I’m not here to make things better with us. I’m here because I fucked Brennan over too many times and I just want to try to make things right.
“I’m so ashamed of what happened. I’d hinted to him over and over again that she wasn’t who he thought. Guys are stubborn as fuck. They only want to see what’s in front of them. Brennan is no different. He just wouldn’t listen. Then he brought up Lacy. I told you about her.”
I nodded and took a sip of my drink. Matt had told me all about her. He’d also told me most of this the day everything went to shit. He was rambling now, and my patience was beginning to wear. Before I could speak, he continued with his trip down memory-from-hell lane.
“After our fight, I got drunk. Really fucking drunk. Again, I’m not making excuses, just telling you what led to the biggest mistake of my life. I wanted to expose her. Let him see what a piece of trash she was and show him he deserved better. God, everything got so fucked up. All I wanted to do was have him see. I wanted to show him Terri wasn’t good enough. Then the alcohol caught up, and everything started to blur. All I’d planned to do was set her up, get her to confess to something, or catch her doing something. But trying to be slick and clever, it doesn’t work out so well when you’re shit-faced.”
I couldn’t do this again. I couldn’t listen to Matt rehash the entire reason I became collateral damage. “Matt, what’s the point of all this? You’ve already told me this stuff. About that night, about Thanksgiving, everything. Why are you bringing it up again?”
Matt scrubbed his hand over his face and motioned to our server for another drink. “Because I owe him. What Brennan did to you is fucked up, but that’s not the real Brennan. I created this hateful, vengeful other version of him—”
“Brennan is a big boy,” I interrupted. “No one forced him to be a gig
antic douche canoe.”
“I know that, but if I hadn’t fucked him over like I did, none of this would have happened.”
“And if humans hadn’t evolved, we’d still be dragging our knuckles and living in caves. What’s your point?”
“I think you should give him another chance,” he said in a rush.
My mouth fell open. “Umm…” What the hell?
“Look, I know I have zero business giving you relationship advice, but I know what I saw when you two were together. I saw the old Brennan, but better. And you, Skylar, never once have you smiled at anyone like you smile at him. The way you look at him when he’s not watching, I would have given anything to have you look at me like that.”
“Does stalking run in your circle of friends, because I’ll be honest, you’re creeping me out a little.” What was with these guys always lurking in the shadows? Shit like that was how people ended up with their picture on the side of a milk carton.
“Fuck, Skylar, we go to the same school. For as big as the campus is, it gets incredibly small when you’re trying to avoid people.”
He wasn’t wrong about that. As much as I’d tried to avoid Brennan, I still saw him all the damn time. “So, what you’re saying is you want Brennan and me back together? The guy who used the girl you liked to get back at you? You realize how insane this sounds, right?”
“Oh, believe me, no matter how many times I went over this conversation in my head, it never sounded remotely sane. But that doesn’t change the fact that I should have talked to him or at least waited until I calmed the fuck down after I saw him with Terri. But I was hotheaded and jumped to conclusions. Or maybe I wanted to believe what I saw was real. Maybe I was pissed that you chose him. I don’t know.”
I ground my teeth together. I’d considered Matt’s motivation a million times, and more than once, I’d wondered if his sudden confession was from a more selfish place. To hear him hint at that possibility caused angry tears to shimmer in my eyes. I wanted to punch his face. Matt noticed my change in demeanor and held up his hands.
“I know. I’m a dick. I just… I need you to know what happened that day, when he came to my room. I’m sure you’ve heard from other people, but they didn’t see him the way I did. It scared the fuck out of me. I hated myself the moment I realized I’d fucked him over again. I’ve never seen someone have a panic attack, but Skylar, it was terrifying. It was like watching someone have their heart ripped from their chest while being suffocated. I guess, in a way, that’s exactly what was happening.”
Matt downed the rest of his drink while I fought to keep my emotions under control. I didn’t know. “Brennan had a panic attack?” I asked, my voice breaking.
“Skylar, I thought he was having a heart attack or some shit. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. No one could reach him. I see his face sometimes…” Matt dropped his head. “I ruined everything.”
“Like I said, Brennan is a big boy. He made his own decisions.”
“The bottom line is, you two are the real deal. Brennan and I will never be friends again. I’ve accepted that. I deserve that. But you two? Don’t let it go. Brennan did some horrible shit, but you have to know that’s not who he is. Give him a chance, Skylar. For both your sakes.”
I cradled my drink in my hands and let his words sink in. This was the most ridiculous, fucked-up situation I’d ever been in. And considering the shitshow that happened in Austin, those were pretty big shoes to fill. “I appreciate the gesture. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you.”
Matt threw a twenty on the table and stood. “It was easier than all the other shit I’ve dealt with. Take care, Skylar,” he said before dropping a kiss on top of my head. “I’m so sorry for everything. Be happy.” Before I could respond, he spun around and disappeared into the crowd. I looked at my drink, my eyes wide. What the fuck just happened?
September 2016
I stood by the jellyfish exhibit, laughing as a group of kids stared at the bright colors with open mouths and wide eyes. I remembered that feeling of childlike wonder. It wasn’t so long ago I stood in that very spot with the same expression on my face. My mind drifted to my date with Brennan here, and a slow smile spread across my face. Suddenly, heat crept over my skin, the hairs on the back of my neck rising. I felt like I was being watched. The moment the thought passed through my mind, I knew why. I stood frozen as gentle fingers wrapped around my shoulder and turned my body.
“Brennan?” All the air left my lungs in a big whoosh.
“Hey, Skylar,” he whispered, his eyes sweeping over my face.
“Wha—”
“You don’t know me, but I couldn’t help but notice you,” he interrupted, a cheeky grin on his face. “I wanted to introduce myself. I’m Brennan Dixon.” He extended his hand like he wanted me to shake it. What the fuck? “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he added like a crazy person.
I furrowed my brows as I looked from his hand to his face and back again. “What are―oh my God, Brennan, what are you doing here? And what’s with the whole, ‘I’m Brennan Dixon,’ thing?” Had the FBI broken him?
“I’m here for the weekend. As for your other question, we’re starting over. Just like we said. The way it should have been.” His eyes drifted to his hand before meeting mine again, his brow lifted in challenge.
“This is so weird,” I mumbled, a small grin tugging at the corner of my mouth as I shook his hand. “Skylar Griffin, and it remains to be seen if it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
He barked out a laugh. The sound caused warmth to spread through me. “Well, I’ll see what I can do to make sure I don’t disappoint you.”
“And exactly what did you have in mind?”
“I thought maybe I could buy you an ice cream.” He shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets like he was having to restrain himself. That was when I noticed them. His arms. Holy shit. While Brennan had never lacked in the looks department, his body was a work of fucking art now.
“Ice cream?” My words came out in a squeak. My thoughts were drifting far from innocent things like ice cream.
“Yeah. The weather’s nice. We could walk down to the pier, hang out for a bit.”
“I don’t know… My dad’s in law enforcement, and he taught me to be leery of strangers. Especially when they know your name,” I joked, trying to get my shit together. I still couldn’t believe he was here. “Stranger Danger and all that.”
“Even starting over, I manage to come off like a creepy stalker,” he laughed.
I nodded; it was true. “Well, we will be out in public, so I think I should be relatively safe,” I mused, loving the easy banter between us. My stomach fluttered just like it had all those months ago when he’d accosted me at the coffee shop. Suddenly his expression changed, and his eyes took on an intensity that caused my pulse to hammer in my ears.
“When are you done here?”
His eyes bored into mine, unblinking, the shift in the air around us undeniable. “Five,” I whispered, my knuckles turning white as I tightened my grip on the clipboard clutched to my chest.
“You’ll let me come back here when you get off? Take you out, maybe go for a walk or something?” I watched as his hands curled into fists in his pockets, his body seeming to vibrate.
“Yeah. You can meet me back here.”
“Is it okay if― Will you let me hug you, please?”
I dropped my arms to my sides and nodded once. I needed to feel him. I hadn’t even finished nodding before he ripped his hands from his pockets and crushed me to his chest. All at once, I was invaded by his warmth and smell. My body sagged in his arms, and I hugged him tightly, the clipboard digging into his back as I clutched his shirt in my hand. He slid his arm up, pushing his fingers into my hair, and lowering his head before pulling in a lungful of air.
“Fuck,” he gasped. “I’ve missed you.”
A throat cleared next to us, and I loosened my grip, slowing dropping my arms. Brennan was slower to break
our embrace as he ghosted his hands from my shoulders and down my arms. I looked toward Tucker, who was staring at me like I’d stolen his lunch money. I felt Brennan tense. Great.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Tucker drawled, not sounding sorry at all. “But we need you over at the stingray exhibit.”
“Okay, no problem, Tucker,” I said. “I’ll be there in just a minute.”
He stood rooted in place for a couple seconds, like he had no intention of leaving. That was, until his eyes finally drifted over to Brennan. The look Brennan gave Tucker must have been terrifying because Tucker flinched, his eyes widening before he spun on his heel and took off in the other direction. Brennan huffed and turned back to me as I stared at him with a What the fuck was that? look on my face.
He shrugged. I knew he wanted to ask about Tucker, but he didn’t. I was impressed by his restraint. “So, I’ll meet you back here at five?” he asked, cupping the back of his neck as he lowered his eyes to the floor.
His sudden change in body language, from caveman to shy and insecure caused my heart to ache. “Yes. Five. It seems we have a lot to talk about.”
“Yeah, we do.” He smiled, his silver-blue eyes bright, mesmerizing.
“Well, I better…” I motioned in the direction of the stingray exhibit.
“Okay.” He nodded, unmoving.
“Okay.” I didn’t move either.
We both chuckled. He shook his head, and I looked at my feet to hide my smile. I felt like we were at a middle school dance. I rolled my eyes. “God. Bye, Brennan.”
My body buzzed with anticipation as I watched the clock. Time dragged painfully slowly. I avoided Tucker and his wounded puppy expression. Instead, I thought about how seeing Brennan had affected me. For months, I’d cycled from angry to sad and everything in between. I’d convinced myself that even if I found some way to forgive him, we would never be the same. That a part of us would always be tainted. I never allowed myself to believe that he could make me feel like I was floating again. I wasn’t sure if it was because I really believed it or because it was safer to think that way. Regardless, I’d been dead fucking wrong, and it surprised the hell out of me. Had I really forgiven him, or was my reaction based off months of reading his letters and not seeing him face-to-face? Jesus. I needed to get out of my head before I ended up in a padded cell. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I looked at the text, disappointed to see it was a message from Grace.