Tangled Lives

by Hilary Boyd

  He gazed at her for a moment, as if he were almost puzzled by her presence in front of him. ‘Oh, Annie. I hate what’s happening to us. We used to be so happy … before all this.’

  ‘I know things haven’t been easy. But we’re getting through it, aren’t we?’

  Richard’s expression was sceptical. ‘Are we? I don’t see it. I feel I’m married to a woman I don’t even know.’

  ‘I know I’ve been distracted, but is it really that bad?’

  ‘Distracted? Is that what you call it? You’re tense all the time, always complaining that I’m late, or I don’t call enough, or I drink too much. We never talk any more, not least because you’re so wrapped up in Daniel – or his father.’ He gave a deep sigh. ‘For instance, when was the last time we made love? The last time I touched you, you jumped away from me as if I’d scalded you.’

  ‘That was the night you came home late and hadn’t called me. I was angry. Angry that you hadn’t called and angry because I thought you were avoiding Daniel.’

  He shrugged. ‘I’m under enormous pressure, you know. This merger is a massive amount of work …’

  ‘I know, I appreciate that. But it’s not fair to put all the blame on me. You have been late and drinking more than usual … and you have been avoiding Daniel.’

  Richard raised his hand in objection, but Annie cut him off. ‘Please … don’t deny it.’

  A dull silence filled the room. She moved away from the bed and sat in one of the faun and brown-striped armchairs in the window bay. She felt too tired to keep up this circular argument.

  ‘Look, I’m sorry,’ she finally muttered.

  He stared at her for a moment as she waited for another onslaught. But suddenly his gaze softened. ‘What are we to do? I hate fighting with you.’

  She nodded agreement. ‘Can’t we just do what we’ve always done? Pull together?’

  Her husband shrugged. ‘If only Daniel hadn’t moved in …’

  ‘Christ, Richard! He’ll be gone in ten days. Will you be happy then?’ Her words flew across the space between them.

  ‘You’ll still be obsessed.’

  She was heartily sick of his repeated use of that word.

  ‘That’s unfair and you know it.’

  He slumped forward, covering his face with his hands. When he raised his face she was shocked to see the beginnings of tears. Richard never cried. He lifted his glasses, sweeping them away quickly with his fingers. ‘I love you, you know I do.’

  She came to his side, leaned against him as they sat on the bed. His arm went round her, clutching her fiercely to him. She felt a surge of relief.

  ‘And I love you too.’ She sighed. ‘I’ve been so paranoid. I’d convinced myself that you were just about to leave me … or were having some stupid affair with someone.

  ‘Don’t be daft, Annie.’ His voice was even. ‘We’d better get some sleep, don’t you think? Long drive tomorrow.’

  15

  ‘Where shall we put the ice bucket?’ Emma was standing next to the lurid yellow-rubber container, looking helpless.

  ‘On the deck?’ Marsha suggested. ‘We don’t want it in here because of all the water.’

  ‘When’s Ed coming with the ice?’ Lucy looked up from her task of removing garlic bread from plastic wrappers and placing them on a baking tray. ‘It’s five already. The beer won’t be cold if he doesn’t hurry up.’

  Emma looked at her watch too. ‘I’ll call him.’ She wandered out into the garden.

  ‘Lucky it’s not up to her to get things organised.’ Marsha shook her head indulgently at her friend’s retreating figure. She looked at the baking tray. ‘God, Mum would have a fit if she saw that.’

  Lucy laughed. ‘Yeah … and the ready-made pizza and plastic coleslaw and Iceland cheesecakes. We’d better destroy the evidence.’

  ‘Hope they’re having a good time in Cornwall.’

  ‘Ed’s on his way to pick up the ice, but he says he’s not feeling that great.’ Emma was back, looking worried and waving her phone in the air. ‘He says he’s got a stinking headache and feels, like, shivery and sick.’

  ‘No! Tell him to get something to take … Lemsip, Neurofen … anything.’

  Emma put the phone to her ear again. ‘Hear that? Just get over here, then you can lie down and we’ll minister to you.’

  ‘What’s with the “we”?’ Lucy snorted.

  Ed stumbled in half an hour later, looking like death, lugging a huge plastic bag of ice.

  ‘Go and lie down.’

  ‘Can’t. Bloody Daniel’s in my room.’

  ‘Well, go up to the parents’ room then,’ Marsha urged. ‘Have you dosed yourself up?’

  ‘Yeah. I took some of Emms’s hayfever pills. I found them in the glove compartment in the car.’

  Marsha groaned.

  ‘I’ll go and get him something stronger.’ Emma looked around for her bag. ‘You’ve got to be fit enough for tonight, Eddie.’

  ‘Should we light the candles?’ Lucy asked later, when all the preparations were finished and they were sitting round the table in the garden with a cup of tea, all dressed up, a buzz of contained excitement between them. Just a small breeze stirred the warm evening air, mixing the scent of lavender with the girls’ perfume.

  ‘Too early … it won’t be properly dark till nine-ish.’

  ‘Thank God it didn’t rain.’

  ‘Hi …’ Daniel put his head round the French doors. He held up two blue carrier bags. ‘I brought some wine, and crisps and stuff.’

  Emma jumped up, smiling at Daniel. ‘Great.’ She took one of the bags and peered inside. ‘Yum. Love Doritos. Well done, you.’

  ‘Anyone ready for a proper drink?’ Daniel asked. ‘The white’s cold.’

  The three girls nodded enthusiastically and he disappeared into the kitchen, to arrive back a couple of minutes later with a tray containing four paper cups, a bowl of Doritos and an opened bottle of cheap Chilean white.

  ‘You all look very gorgeous,’ he commented with a smile, glancing round at them as he poured the wine. Marsha had on a short red dress with spaghetti straps, her blonde hair loose around her shoulders. Lucy was in a knee-length white lacy dress, more demure and bohemian. Emma looked like the poster girl for Agent Provocateur in a black, tight-laced bustier dress, her ivory-cream breasts barely contained, her lips a startling red. Marsha saw Daniel’s eye linger on her friend and wished her brother was here.

  ‘Where’s Ed?’

  ‘He’s upstairs sick … flu or something.’

  ‘He isn’t coming to the party?’

  ‘He’ll be down later, he’s had a ton of medicine,’ Emma assured them blithely, lighting a cigarette and turning her beautiful head to blow the smoke away from the group.

  ‘Not sure about that. He looked pretty rough to me when I went up,’ Marsha commented.

  ‘Oh, Eddie’s tough. This was his idea. He won’t want to miss anything.’

  Much later, Marsha stood with Daniel just inside the kitchen, a cup of red wine in one hand, a chunk of cold garlic bread in the other. It was after midnight and she was pleasantly drunk. The music had been turned down half an hour ago, as a nod to the tolerant neighbours, but the slow, heavy beat of the bass lent an erotic note to the warm summer night.

  ‘Good party,’ Daniel said.

  ‘Yeah, it’s gone OK. Shame Eddie didn’t make it down.’

  ‘See anyone you like?’ he asked, sweeping his hand towards the crowd in the garden.

  She shook her head. ‘Na. I know them all. You?’

  ‘I’m not looking at the moment.’

  She giggled. ‘Aren’t we always looking … whatever we pretend?’

  Daniel didn’t reply and she looked up at his handsome face. ‘No?’ She still couldn’t get her head round the fact that they were related. And the brother thing wasn’t happening for her. Never would, she was sure about that.

  He hesitated, as if he was considering whether to tell her somethi
ng, then obviously decided against it and shrugged, giving her a half-smile. ‘Maybe you’re right.’ They were silent for a moment, watching the action on the terrace. ‘Emma’s not overdoing, it is she?’

  ‘Never does anything else!’

  She watched her friend dancing in a circle of men, her body gyrating slowly to the music, alabaster skin almost iridescent in the candlelight, her features softened, louche with too much alcohol. Emma must have seen them watching and waved, blowing a pouting kiss to Daniel and holding his gaze, in Marsha’s opinion, for just too long.

  ‘She’s a very beautiful girl,’ Daniel mused.

  Marsha felt a frisson of jealousy. Why didn’t I pick a dog for a best friend? She laughed silently at herself because, despite any frustrations, she adored Emma, had done since they were eight and both pigtailed new girls in Lower Fourth.

  ‘Mash … Mash, wake up.’ She felt a hand tugging at her arm, then the same, urgent voice: ‘Marsha, wake up, please. Please wake up.’ She forced herself upwards through layers of sleep, finally opening her eyes. In the beginnings of the dawn light she could just make out Emma’s face, tear-stained and puffy, hovering within inches of her own.

  She shot up. ‘Emms? What is it? What’s the matter?’

  Emma collapsed on the bed beside her. ‘Mash … something terrible’s happened. I can’t bear it.’ She began to cry, sobs that shook her body but were almost silent, a stained tea-towel clutched to her face.

  Marsha tried to focus, pulled herself up against the headboard. She reached over to her friend and held her bare arm, which was cold to the touch. Emma was still dressed in her party clothes, her feet bare, the blue checked rug from the TV room slung half around her shoulders.

  ‘What is it? Tell me, Emms, come on,’ she urged, yanking the tea towel free of her friend’s face so that she could see her properly. ‘Why are you still up? It must be nearly morning.’ Marsha herself had gone to bed around two, leaving the remaining stragglers with Daniel, who’d promised to lock up. Her friend took a few shaky breaths, trying to control herself, then fixed her huge dark eyes, bright with tears, on Marsha’s face. ‘Daniel … he … Oh, God, I don’t know how to tell you …’

  Daniel? What was she talking about?

  ‘Just say it, will you?’

  ‘He … he came on to me. He forced me to kiss him, then he …’

  ‘What?’

  ‘He was really strong, and he … you know … he grabbed my breast. I was so frightened.’ She dropped her head in her hands. ‘I tried to tell him no, to fight him off, but he wouldn’t listen to me. It was disgusting … and with Eddie asleep upstairs.’

  ‘He didn’t …?’

  Emma looked up again. ‘No, he didn’t actually rape me, but he would’ve if I hadn’t threatened to scream. Look.’ She held her arms out, where there were large red marks on the pale skin above both elbows.

  Marsha stared. ‘Where were you when this happened?’

  ‘In the TV room. I was on the sofa. Everyone had gone, and I suppose I must have dropped off because the next thing I know, he’s leaning over me, his hands everywhere. Oh, Mash … I can’t believe he’d do this, he’s always seemed so polite, so … decent.’

  Would Daniel do that? Had she got him so wrong? Marsha wondered.

  ‘Have you told Ed?’

  Emma shook her head. ‘I can’t tell him. He must never know, he’d go absolutely mental.’

  ‘You can’t just ignore what’s happened, Emms. Where’s Daniel now?’

  ‘No idea. I’ve been sitting downstairs for ages, not daring to wake you.’

  Marsha got out of bed. ‘I need to speak to him.’

  ‘No … no, don’t do that. Nobody can find out, specially not Ed. Please, Mash … don’t.’ She clutched onto Marsha’s T-shirt.

  ‘I mean Daniel, not Ed. I need to hear what Daniel has to say for himself.’

  Marsha gently prised her friend’s fingers from the cloth, grabbed her cotton dressing gown from the chair and crossed the corridor to knock on her half-brother’s bedroom door. There was no response, so she knocked again, louder this time. She heard a muffled groan and pushed open the door.

  Daniel’s head rose a small way from his pillow. ‘Marsha?’

  She went into the room and closed the door behind her, standing at a distance from the bed. ‘Daniel … we need to talk.’

  He blinked sleepily, but sat up at once, pushing his auburn hair back from his face. ‘What’s happened?’

  ‘Don’t you know?’

  He shook his head. ‘Know what?’

  ‘Emma? Ring any bells?’

  ‘Sorry …?’

  ‘Daniel, Emma’s in my room right now, almost hysterical, saying you came on to her and would have raped her if she hadn’t threatened to scream and wake the whole house.’

  He gaped, hauling himself out of bed until he was sitting on the edge in his T-shirt and shorts. He didn’t speak for a moment, then held his hands up.

  ‘Listen, I’d never have told anyone this, it wouldn’t be fair … she was so drunk. But it was Emma who came on to me, not the other way round. I had to push her off. She was really out of it, Marsha. I didn’t take it seriously.’

  ‘So you didn’t force her to kiss you, touch her breasts?’

  Daniel looked horrified. ‘Christ! Of course not. Is that what she’s saying?’ His expression was beseeching. ‘I’d never do a thing like that – come on to Ed’s girlfriend when he’s upstairs sick – or at any other time for that matter. Marsha, you know I wouldn’t. It’d be crazy in my situation …’

  Those were Marsha’s own thoughts exactly. Why would he jeopardise his relationship with all of us like that? Her head spun. Who could she believe? she wondered.

  ‘Does Ed know?’ Daniel asked quietly.

  She shook her head. ‘Not yet. But she can’t not tell him.’

  Daniel threw his hands up in frustration. ‘But it’s not true! I didn’t touch her.’

  ‘There are the beginnings of bruises on both her arms.’

  ‘Yeah … well, that might have been me, I suppose. I was trying to hold her off.’

  ‘But why would she lie?’

  He shook his head. ‘I have no idea.’

  ‘She’s in a terrible state, Daniel. She was pretty bloody convincing.’

  ‘Marsha, I DIDN’T DO IT. You have to believe me.’ He stared at her desperately. And, looking into his eyes, she could see no trace of guilt.

  Marsha sat with Lucy, both cross-legged on the grass in the garden.

  ‘Thank God you’re here,’ Lucy said. ‘They’ll be home in a minute.’

  ‘Yeah, well, they weren’t too happy about it at work, but I couldn’t let you do this on your own.’

  It was Marsha who heard the front door. ‘Here we go!’

  ‘You tell them,’ Lucy whispered, then leant back on her elbows as if she was trying to seem relaxed.

  ‘Hi, darlings!’ Her mother came out onto the terrace. ‘I didn’t expect to find either of you here. What a nice surprise.’

  They both jumped to their feet.

  ‘Mum … hi.’ Marsha could see at once that her mother had clocked something in her expression – she was looking at her so intently.

  Lucy gave her mother a hug.

  ‘Sorry. Did I startle you?’ Annie asked.

  Marsha shook her head and put on a bright smile. ‘Uh, yeah, I was miles away. How was Cousin Enid?’ She kissed her father.

  ‘Her usual amazing self,’ he replied.

  ‘Is Daniel in?’ her mother asked, as her dad moved off to put the kettle on.

  ‘Marsha?’

  Marsha took a long breath. Sunday morning had been a nightmare. It’d all blown up as soon as Emma told Ed what had happened. Marsha had been getting dressed when she heard the rumpus outside her door. She’d found them all in the corridor.

  ‘You fucking bastard!’ Ed was shouting. ‘Who the fuck do you think you are? You barge into our lives and think you’re fuck
ing God. How dare you? I should fucking kill you.’

  ‘Eddie, stop it, Ed …’ Emma was screaming hysterically. Marsha watched in horror as her brother suddenly pushed Daniel violently in the chest. He held a handful of Daniel’s shirt in his right hand, his closed fist up under Daniel’s chin, his other hand pinning his half-brother’s shoulder to the corridor wall. She saw the watercolour of Leeds Castle clunk sideways in the fracas.

  Lucy emerged from her room on the other side of the corridor. She was still in her pyjamas. ‘Guys! What the hell’s going on?’

  Marsha stepped forward and grabbed her brother by the arm.

  ‘For Christ’s sake, Ed. Get off him.’

  Ed spun round. ‘Oh, take his side, why don’t you? He’s only fucking nearly raped my girlfriend, and you’re standing up for him.’

  Daniel, looking pale and shocked, shook himself and stepped back, his arms held up defensively. ‘Look … I promise I didn’t touch her,’ he said, his voice flat.

  ‘Yeah … well, you would say that, wouldn’t you?’ Ed sneered.

  Emma was crying again. Marsha saw her try to take her boyfriend’s hand, but he brushed her off angrily. Marsha thought how absurd she looked, done up like that in broad daylight. But she also looked a proper mess. She could see why Ed was upset – something must have happened.

  ‘Ed, please, let’s go upstairs. I need to change … please, come with me,’ Emma begged through her tears.

  Ed was still glowering at Daniel, but Emma managed to pull him away and upstairs to the parents’ room. Marsha went down to the kitchen with Lucy and Daniel. The place was a mess, and Marsha, still in her pink dressing gown, began silently emptying the scattered paper cups of any wine dregs and throwing them into a black plastic bin bag.

  Daniel just stood outside on the deck, his arms folded tight across his chest, staring out across the garden.

  ‘Mash,’ Lucy whispered, ‘what happened? What did Daniel do to Emms?’

  She gave her a tired, clipped account.

  ‘Wow! Do you think he did it?’ Lucy cast a glance at the tall, still figure of her half-brother.

  Marsha shrugged. ‘Who fucking knows?’

  ‘If he didn’t, then why would she make something like that up?’ Lucy asked.