Kayla And The Devil

by Bryan Smith

  “About what?”

  “I think you know.”

  Kayla rolled her eyes. “It’s the devil thing, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, what’s there to talk about? He owns my ass, right? There’s nothing I can do about it.” She tilted her head and squinted at him. “Right?”

  “I’m afraid so, more or less.”

  “More or less?”

  “That’s what we need to talk about. There are some gray areas, as you may have guessed by now. I can help you sort through it all.” He swept a hand toward the Mellow Mushroom. “We could discuss it over lunch. My treat, of course.”

  “Angels eat?”

  “When we’re corporeal, yes.” His smile returned as he said this, bigger than before. It was dazzling in its brilliance. He really looked like an angel in that moment. Minus wings and a halo, of course. “In fact, there are few sensory delights I enjoy more. Sex is the best of course, but a fine meal can occasionally rank a close second.”

  “Hold on. You have sex with human women?”

  “When they are willing, certainly.” His smile broadened again. “They often are.”

  Kayla felt herself melt just a little as she looked into his absurdly soulful eyes again. She experienced an unexpected renewal of the unsatiated lust that had tortured her for much of the semester.

  Easy now…

  “Hmm, well…” She chewed her bottom lip a moment, frowning as she thought it over. Then she gave in. What the hell, right? Might as well get the heavenly perspective on the whole situation. She smiled. “Okay. Your treat.”

  “My treat.”

  They entered the restaurant, which was moderately busy. A cute hostess with her hair pulled back in a ponytail ushered them to a corner booth with a street view, which was always Kayla’s preference. She liked to people watch while she ate. The hostess, who never once stopped smiling, handed them menus and expressed the hope that they would enjoy their meals. Kayla matched the girl’s smile and assured her they would in her most gushing tone. The girl’s big smile slipped for a second, came back, and then she hurried away.

  The angel opened his menu, glanced at it, and peered across the table at her in an appraising way. “I haven’t been observing you long, but I’ve noticed you do that a lot.”

  “Do what?”

  “You’re reflexively mean.”

  “Oh, yeah? You should burn that jacket, by the way. That’s douche attire. I’d expect angels to have better taste.

  “This is what I’m talking about. Why can’t you just be nice to people?”

  “Is this whole meal gonna be one long dump on Kayla session?”

  “I’m just trying to talk to you. To understand you.” He ventured a smile again, this one with a touch less ethereal wattage than before. “Perhaps even to help you.”

  “Well, helping me would be great. God knows I need help.” She paused, thinking about what she’d just said. Then she laughed. “Obviously, right? That’s why you’re here.”

  “Well…not exactly.”

  She frowned. “What do you mean? Wait a minute. You’re not fucking with me, are you? You’re not really an agent of the devil in disguise or some shit like that, right? Because I could totally see him pulling some devious shit like that.”

  His expression darkened slightly. “I am not aligned with Lucifer, I assure you.”

  She believed him. The disdain in his voice was a palpable thing. “Okay. And you’re really with the God Squad.”

  “Yes.”

  “So what’s this ‘not exactly’ bullshit?”

  Their waitress--another cute young blonde in a ponytail--came by and introduced herself, delaying the angel’s answer. Kayla hadn’t yet opened her menu and asked for another minute. She ordered a beer, though, and the angel requested the same. Kayla had to drag her wallet out of her purse when the waitress asked for her ID, biting off a nasty comment as she made eye contact with the angel. The waitress squinted at the fake ID longer than strictly necessary, then finally smiled and passed it back to Kayla.

  Kayla shot a smirk across the table. “See? I can be nice.”

  The angel laughed. “That wasn’t being nice, Kayla. That was just being civil. Basic, everyday human courtesy. There’s a difference. Besides, you wanted to say something mean. I could see it in your eyes.”

  “Yeah, well, whatever, I didn’t. Back to the point. So you’re saying you’re not here at God’s direction?”

  He nodded. “Correct.”

  “Then why are you here? And why isn’t God interested in me?”

  “He’s interested in you in the way He’s interested in the fate of all humans. But it’s in a general, abstract way. It isn’t God’s way to interfere in the lives of human beings, except in very rare cases. Yours isn’t the sort of case where He would feel moved to intervene. However, those of us in His employ have some little bit of leeway to occasionally lend a helping hand to humans in distress. Even then, we almost never make our presence known.”

  “So this is an exception?”

  “Very much so.”

  Their beers arrived. Kayla still hadn’t looked at the menu. She ordered a basket of cheese sticks to start with and asked for still more time.

  She knocked back a big gulp of beer and set the bottle down. “So it was your call to approach me. Why did you do that? And how did you even get on to what was going on with me in the first place?”

  He smiled and sipped some of his own beer. He waved vaguely at the window. “This is my territory. Think of me like an FBI agent. We’re all assigned to various offices in the field. Word of what was happening to you came to me through certain channels. What the anti-terrorist operatives in your government might call ‘chatter’. I decided to investigate and here we are.”

  “Maybe we should start with you telling me what you think you know.”

  The angel took another sip of beer, glanced out the window, and smiled when a young girl holding hands with her mother on the sidewalk caught his eye and waved at him. The smile slipped away as his gaze shifted back to Kayla. “Here’s what I know…”

  Kayla slumped down in her side of the booth as she listened to the angel recite in precise detail every aspect of her deal with the devil. She grabbed her beer again as he finished his account and chugged down half of it in one go. Condensation had caused the napkin on which it had been sitting to adhere to the bottom of the bottle. She peeled the napkin away, crumpled it into a wet ball, and dropped it on the floor.

  Then she downed the rest of the beer and thumped the bottle down hard on the table. “Well, shit. Your sources are really fucking good, Mr. Angel. By the way, do you have a name? It’s not fair that you know mine when I don’t know yours.”

  “My name is Daniel.”

  “Huh. Well, that’s disappointing. I was expecting some mystical-sounding shit, Dan.”

  “I have a longer name with several awkward-to-pronounce syllables. I prefer Daniel when doing business with humans.”

  The waitress returned to their table and nodded at Kayla’s empty bottle. “Would you like another beer?”

  “Hell, yes. Keep them coming.”

  The waitress smiled again, but didn’t leave right away.

  Kayla looked at her. “Yeah?”

  The waitress looked uncomfortable and was struggling to maintain her professional smile. “I saw you drop that napkin on the floor.”

  Kayla’s eyes widened.

  Holy shit, bitch, are you really gonna start something with me?

  Her instinct, of course, was to rip the girl a new one. So what if she’d dropped the napkin on purpose? It wasn’t like she was starting a fight with another customer or making some kind of scene. But she caught a glimpse of Daniel’s disapproving stare and managed to keep a lid on her fury.

  So she smiled instead and said, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” She leaned down and snatched the balled-up napkin off the floor, setting it on the table as she sat up straight again. “The
re ya go. Won’t happen again, I promise. Now hurry up with that beer, okay? I’m thirsty.”

  Daniel sighed as the waitress scurried away. “I realize that could have gone much worse, given your personality, but I’m disappointed with the nasty tone you took with her at the end.”

  “Hey, I made a real effort there.”

  Daniel nodded. “I know. That’s the sad part.”

  Kayla shrugged. “Look, I’m trying. Cut me some slack.”

  “I did a bit of research after deciding to make contact with you. You’re very intelligent, Kayla. You had a near-perfect GPA in high school. Academically, you continue to excel. Someone like you could make a real difference in the world, yet you choose to spread negativity wherever you go. Why is that?’

  Kayla made her face droop. “I was beaten as a child.”

  “That’s not true.”

  Kayla grinned and sat up straighter. She propped her elbows on the edge of the table and leaned closer to the angel. “Yeah. You’re right. That’s a lie.”

  “So how about a real answer to my question?”

  Kayla shrugged again. “I don’t know, man. I think it’s just the way I’m wired. I was born to snark.”

  “I suppose there’s a chance you’ll mature out of the behavior.”

  Yeah, right.

  Kayla kept her smile in place. “I bet you’re right.”

  The waitress returned with Kayla’s second beer and the basket of cheese sticks. Kayla popped one in her mouth immediately, savoring the cheesy goodness as Daniel flipped his menu open again, glanced at it quickly, and ordered a large Hawaiian pizza. Kayla finished her cheese stick as the waitress walked away, sucking a strand of gooey cheese from the tip of her forefinger as she stared at Daniel.

  Daniel smiled. “Was that meant to be sexually provocative?”

  “Yes. Wasn’t it?”

  “You’re very attractive, Kayla, but nothing will happen between us on a physical level.”

  Kayla pouted and sat back from the table again. “I thought you were banging earth chicks on a regular basis, or did I misunderstand?”

  “The nature of your predicament means I cannot involve myself with your affairs in any intimate way.”

  Kayla grabbed her second beer and downed a third of it in several long swallows. “Right. Well, enough with the flirting bullshit then. Let’s finish this so I can get away from you.”

  “Kayla, I’m sorry, but--”

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Tell me about these gray areas you mentioned.”

  “The bottom line is we can’t save you. The girl’s father followed accepted procedure for engaging a contract with Lucifer.”

  Kayla sneered. “Great. So you heavenly types are totally okay with letting the devil wreak havoc in people’s lives. What use are you, then?”

  Daniel winced. “We are not ‘okay’ with it. However, there is a delicate balance to maintain. Lucifer is able, through the observation of certain ancient protocols, to meddle in human affairs in a limited fashion. He must be summoned in the correct way. A contract with established parameters must be engaged. He is not allowed to run rampant causing any amount of chaos he wishes. God would interfere if Lucifer made the mistake of acting in an uncontrolled manner.”

  Kayla knocked back more beer. Getting buzzed seemed like a good idea. Getting blind drunk might be an even better one. Maybe she’d spend the entire next week bombed out of her mind. It couldn’t be any worse than wandering around in a directionless panic for the next several days. “Way to draw the line there, oh heavenly emissary. Pardon me if I’m not impressed. Why does God tolerate the devil’s bullshit at all?”

  “Because to do otherwise would be to risk open spiritual warfare between Heaven and Hell on earth. It would mean the end of your world. No one wants that. Not God. Not Lucifer. No one. So the boundaries that were established long ago are observed, and Lucifer is allowed to operate in the mortal realm within a set of very strict rules. It’s unfortunate, but the alternative would be infinitely worse.”

  Based on her experiences so far, what Daniel was saying made a fucked-up kind of sense. It explained a lot, actually. But that didn’t mean she had to like any of it. “Can you help me at all?”

  “Potentially. To a very limited degree.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “Your one chance to avoid damnation is not to fulfill the contract.”

  “The way I understood it was I was going to Hell either way.”

  Daniel nodded. “That’s true, as things stand. However, if you agree now not to fulfill your contract with Lucifer, I am empowered to use that leeway I referred to earlier to engineer another outcome.”

  The lip of the beer bottle was at Kayla’s mouth again. Frowning, she lowered the bottle. “You mean…I could go to Heaven?”

  Daniel grimaced. “I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. No, you cannot go to Heaven. Ever. Your soul has been irreparably tarnished by your decision to agree to a contract with Lucifer.”

  “But I thought I didn’t have a choice!”

  Daniel spread his hands in a what-can-I-do gesture. “And I’m sorry for that. There’s a reason Lucifer is known as the Father of Lies.”

  “Fuck!” Kayla slammed the bottle down on the table. She folded her arms and glared at Daniel. “So what’s this other outcome, asshole?”

  “Purgatory.”

  Kayla did a double-take. “Fucking purgatory!? Is that what you just said to me?”

  Daniel frowned. “This isn’t the reaction I was expecting. Purgatory is an infinitely preferable option to an eternity in Hell, I assure you.”

  Kayla laughed. “Your sources must have left out the part where the devil dragged me through purgatory on the way to Hell. Purgatory sucks.”

  Kayla thought of those few moments she’d spent in that dark place, shuddering at the memory of the creepy, insidious voices whispering in her ear as she floated in formless blackness. The prospect of spending forever there was hardly more appealing than an eternity in Hell.

  Daniel leaned over the table, his voice low and earnest as he attempted to sell her on the idea. “Please consider it, Kayla. I promise you, it is your best option. Purgatory may seem like a scary place, but you cannot be hurt there. You won’t be tortured. You won’t be punished for your sins. Once you are permanently consigned there, you will forever be beyond Lucifer’s reach.”

  “And if I don’t fulfill the contract, there’s nothing you can do about the shunning spell?”

  “I’m afraid not.”

  “Great.”

  Daniel picked up his beer for the first time in a while. “Are you ready to commit to the course I’ve outlined now?”

  Kayla frowned. “That’s the second time you’ve said I need to commit to this right now. Are you saying this won’t still be an option if I leave without saying yes?”

  Daniel let out a big breath. “Yes. That’s what I’m saying.”

  “But…why? The devil’s deadline is still six days away.”

  “Because doing what I’ve proposed means slightly exceeding the authority I have. I can take the necessary measures, and likely endure no consequences, but only if I act right away. Please, Kayla. I beseech you. Make the right choice.”

  A waiter in a starched white shirt and a red tie arrived bearing a steaming tray with the Hawaiian pizza Daniel had ordered. Daniel and Kayla fell silent as they cleared room for the tray. The waiter set it down, told them to enjoy their meal, and departed.

  Kayla glanced at the pizza, but didn’t touch it.

  Daniel slid a slice off the tray and took a big bite. Kayla just watched him as he devoured the rest of the slice. She no longer felt like eating. Or drinking, for that matter. She thought about everything he’d told her, considering all the implications as carefully as she could, and came to a decision.

  In the end, it boiled down to not liking being put on the spot. She slid out of the booth, stood, and stared down at Daniel.

  “The answer is no.”r />
  He didn’t look surprised. Just…disappointed. He opened his mouth to respond, to perhaps beg her one final time to reconsider, but Kayla didn’t hear anything else he might have said.

  She was already on her way out the door.

  19.

  Another half hour of aimless wandering was all Kayla could stand. Unfortunately, nothing about her situation had changed. She still didn’t want to return to the dorm and have to deal with Sheila. Her final class of the day was already well underway, so that was no longer an option either. And she didn’t want to hang out in a bar or coffee shop where some stranger might butt into her business again. She needed to discuss what was happening with someone she could trust, but the nature of the situation meant she couldn’t have a serious conversation about it with anyone truly close to her. Minus an unlikely appearance by the devil to confirm her story, nearly anyone she might talk to about her plight would believe she’d lost her mind.

  With one possible exception.

  Lee Stanley.

  She gave the idea a few moments serious thought, ignoring her initial no fucking way knee-jerk reaction. He was just about the last person she ever wanted to see or talk to again. She didn’t like him. That hadn’t changed. And, anyway, he probably had no interest in talking to her again after the way she’d treated him last night. These were some pretty compelling reasons to ignore the impulse. On the other side of things, he was a bright guy. Hell, he had more brainpower than the last dozen boys she’d dated combined. Or any random dozen boys she’d ever dated, for that matter. In addition, he already had an inkling that something weird was happening. Looking at it in that light, it was possible he was the only person anywhere who might feasibly believe her.

  Oh, just do it.

  She moved out of the stream of pedestrians and stood in the recessed doorway of a comic books shop on Broadway. She opened her purse, dug around a bit for her phone, and pulled up his number after she found it.

  She hit the dial button and put the phone to her ear.

  Same result as last night. One ring, immediate answer. She tried not to feel smug about it. Smugness was an attribute reserved for non-desperate people.

  “Kayla? Is that you?”