Ragamuffin Angel
Page 40
‘I’ve . . . killed someone.’
There was an abrupt movement on the other side of the grid and the sound of the Father clearing his throat some number of times before he said, ‘You mean literally? You have committed murder?’
‘Aye, yes.’
‘Are you sure?’ That sounded ridiculous and Father Hedley quickly qualified it with, ‘We can all feel guilty when someone we dislike dies, and remorse can make us believe all sorts of things.’
‘Oh I disliked her, Father, but it was nothing to do with that. And . . . and I don’t feel remorse. At least, if I was faced with the same situation again I’d do exactly the same, so that can’t mean I feel remorse, can it?’
Dear God, dear God.
‘I . . . I knew she was going to destroy someone I loved, this woman, and she was bad, Father. Really bad. It would have gone on and on, the hatred and the wickedness, and they are young, Father, they’ve got the whole of their lives before them. Why should she be allowed to go on wrecking lives?’
Connie and Dan. She was talking about Connie and Dan. Father Hedley drew his lips into his mouth and breathed out heavily through his nose before he said, ‘You say she was going to destroy someone?’
‘Aye, Father, and with lies. Terrible, wicked lies. He . . . he’s been through enough, the lad. And so I pushed her. It was just a little push with the flat of me hand, but it was enough to. . .’
Kitty was telling him she had caused the accident which had killed Edith Stewart. Father Hedley sat in stunned silence for a moment before he managed to say, ‘You’re aware this is the greatest of sins, to take a mortal life?’
‘Well, the way I look at it it was one life to save two – no, more than two, because you can be sure she would have hounded their bairns an’ all. She was vicious see, you don’t know how vicious, Father. It was her that provoked John to set about Jacob all them years ago, and she was behind the firing of the cottage an’ all. And she wrote letters, filthy letters, about the lass. She would have followed them and then it would’ve been their bairns that suffered too, and there’s been more than enough of making the bairns suffer for the sins of the parents, if you know what I mean, Father.’
Father Hedley ran his hand about his face. A little while ago his feet had been as cold as ice and he had been feeling chilled to the bone, but the last few minutes had brought on a hot sweat that was causing the perspiration to flow from every pore of his body.
‘An’ there’s my Mavis stuck in that godforsaken place down south and now John’s a raving lunatic, worse than her. No, I don’t feel sorry, Father, I don’t. I can’t say I do in all honesty. And rightly or wrongly I feel God understands why I did it. It wasn’t for me. I’d have put up with things, I’ve put up with things for years, but they are young. The future is theirs. He came through the war and I was blowed if I.was going to stand by and see him destroyed by his own mother.’
‘There is no justification for cold-blooded murder if that is what you are saying happened.’
‘It wasn’t exactly cold-blooded, Father. I didn’t plan it or anything, but after what I heard her say to the lass I knew she was hell bent – sorry, Father – I knew she was determined to hurt them and go on hurting them. And then there she was in front of me and me hand just sort of came out like.’
‘You’re saying you were momentarily unhinged?’
‘Unhinged?’ There had been what was almost a pleading note in the priest’s voice, and now Kitty considered the word for a second or two before she said, ‘Aye, well I suppose you could look at it like that, Father. I’ve peace about it anyway.’
‘You haven’t given me the names of the person or persons involved in this . . . crime, and of course I can’t force you to go to the police or come to see me out of the confessional.’ Was he countenancing murder here? He knew his duty – he should make her see that this terrible act had to be reported and then she must let justice take its course. That was his duty. ‘You have confessed to God that in a moment of madness you behaved’ – Father Hedley swallowed hard – ‘out of character, and now you must seek Him for direction.’
Would he be acting like this if the people involved didn’t include Connie? But what would it do to the lass, and Dan, if Kitty came clean to the law and the whole sordid mess was raked up for public gaze? Further heartache, further pain and suffering, and for what? Edith Stewart was dead, nothing could bring her back, and Kitty had confessed her trespass to God. He was the great Judge, the Rock of Ages.
‘Aye, I’ll do that, Father, but like I said, I’ve peace about it and I can’t say any different. I just needed to get it aired official like, in His house.’
In His house. The coals of fire were beginning to smoulder on the good Father’s head. ‘Make a firm act of contrition.’ His voice was hoarse.
‘Oh, my God, I am very sorry that I have sinned against Thee because Thou art so good and by the help of Thy Holy Grace I will not sin again. Amen.’
Kitty waited for a moment. Surely she wasn’t going to get off this light? she asked herself silently. She had expected her prescribed penance to go on for hours. She rose creakily to her feet off the wooden kneeler and hesitated again before leaving the box, but there was no further sound from the priest’s side.
The church was dimly lit and very peaceful as Kitty gazed around. She felt better now. She had been putting it off for weeks, telling Father Hedley, but it hadn’t been so bad. She would light a candle, several candles. She nodded to herself, walking quietly towards the altar. Life was good. It was, it was good, and by God’s grace she would be around to see Dan’s bairns born and grow up. She had a lot to thank God for . . .
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Part One – 1900
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Part Two – 1905
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Part Three – 1913
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Part Four – 1914
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Part Five – 1918
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Epilogue