Crush (Elemental Hearts, #3)

by Morgan, Jayelle

  Ajax clapped him on the back as he went past to the elevator.

  He stayed where he was in the empty hall another minute, thinking about all that Ajax had said. Talking with him one on one had helped, and had been easier than he'd expected. He'd likely never be comfortable talking to everyone at once, being open with them. But one on one... he could work on that. Had to, because there were a few more private conversations he needed to have. One with Walker, one with Jade.

  No, he wasn’t strong enough to lose her. If it ever happened, he might crumble into dust and die.

  But he was strong enough to love her.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  AFTER A QUICK TRIP to his room to prepare, Micah pressed the button outside his closed door to let him know someone was there to see him. It opened with a click and he walked through, stopped, and then slowly began backing out. Until Walker saw him and waved him forward.

  Ajax and the new Warrior were nose to nose yelling at each other. Emory was off to the side with baby Jackson in her arms, rolling her eyes. She had a swift smile and a “Hi, Micah,” for him. Walker was sitting at his desk, arms crossed and fingers tapping on his biceps.

  Before he could get Walker’s attention, Levi jogged into the room and motioned to Emory, and ran out again with a hurried head nod toward him.

  With a kiss, she handed Jackson to Ajax and rushed out behind Levi, a brief touch to Micah’s arm as she breezed past.

  Ajax went right on yelling at the other Warrior while bouncing Jackson, the little one grabbing and gumming his hair.

  Micah approached Walker’s desk, eying the two in the corner.

  “What’s going on?”

  Walker leaned back in his chair, outwardly relaxed, but the start of the glow of power behind his eyes.

  “This is our new Warrior, Rowan. From the Silverthorne base. Apparently, he and Ajax don’t like each other. I’m letting them duke it out now so I don’t have to deal with it for years the way I did with Ajax and Levi.”

  He lifted a brow at Walker. He nodded with a quick close of his eyes. They both knew who the common denominator was.

  “Oh, and Brooke has gone into labor,” his commander added, gesturing at the doorway that Levi and Emory had just rushed through.

  Micah squeezed the back of the chair in front of him. Levi had looked very nervous, and so had Emory. That made him nervous, and he didn’t even know why.

  “She okay?” he asked, stomach clenching.

  Walker studied him for a second and then nodded. “As far as I know, everything is fine. Emory is helping with the birth.”

  Micah nodded. Emory was a nurse, a fine one, and he felt better knowing she was with Brooke.

  That covered, he and Walker turned back the squabbling Warriors in the corner. They were winding down, finally.

  “If you two are done,” Walker said loudly over the top of them, “I’d like Micah to officially meet Rowan.”

  With a hot green glare Ajax’s direction, he stepped forward and held out a hand. “I’m Rowan.”

  “This is the Warrior that helped dig you out of the landslide,” Walker said.

  When the mountain had come down, Ajax was still at the base, Levi still with Brooke, and apparently Walker and Rowan had come back just in time to realize what was happening and come to his aid. He was thankful they had.

  He and Rowan grasped each other’s wrists in a traditional greeting, and Micah felt a jolt of recognition, a strange affinity. Rowan was Earth, but he wasn’t. He was a type of Warrior he hadn’t ever met in person.

  Hands still clasped, Micah rotated Rowan’s arm and eyed his glyphs. Vines and leaves and blossoms, in between black, covered most of the skin on his arms, down to his wrists.

  “Yeah,” Rowan said with a nod as Micah let go of his wrist, “I’m Botanical.”

  “Flora,” Ajax scoffed, dragging out the word, making it sound dirty.

  To Rowan’s credit, he ignored Ajax this time, though his hazel eyes heated to a supernatural green.

  Botanical, the power of living green things. He was a real Elemental, but a young one. It made no sense why he would harass Rowan over it, but that was Ajax.

  “Welcome Rowan,” Micah managed with a nod, and then shook his head at Ajax, who shrugged in return.

  “The guy interrupted my plans for food and... other things,” Ajax said with a smirk.

  “We need to discuss the Premiers and other important matters,” Walker said pointedly, “but I’d rather wait until Levi can join us. So you’re excused for now.”

  Micah turned toward the door with the others.

  “Except for you, Micah.”

  With a deep sigh, he pivoted back toward Walker as Ajax passed, an oddly sympathetic look on his face.

  Ajax leaned in close. “You’ll thank me later.”

  What did he mean? It made him wary.

  As soon as the door shut behind them, Walker leaned back in his chair and stared at him for a full minute before he motioned to the chair. “Sit.”

  Walker was calm, no anger in his face, but it was clearly an order and not an invitation.

  So Micah sat.

  “I want to know what happened.”

  He swallowed. “I already gave you my report, sir—”

  His commander waved a hand, cutting off his words. “I don’t mean a report, Micah. I mean what happened. With Jade. With you. On the mountain. I have my suspicions, but I’d like to hear it from you.”

  He closed his eyes for a second and then took a steeling breath. He might crack yet.

  “Micah.” Walker’s voice was soft but firm.

  He opened his eyes and met Walker’s.

  “We’ve been together a long time, you and I. I know you must have gone through something hard, painful before we met. I’d hoped that over the years you would get more comfortable with me, be able to open up a bit. And you have, to a degree. But you’ve become more withdrawn than ever since Jade. I need to know what is going on. I need to know I can still rely on you.” Walker’s voice lowered. “I need to know you’re okay.”

  Micah looked down at his hands clasped in front of him and squeezed them together until his knuckles ached. He was not okay. Jade was alive and well and knew what he was, what they were. And yet she was gone and that hurt every bit as bad as when Tokoni had died. But now the memory and the pain of that were muted by time. Jade’s memory was fresh and cut him every moment he was awake.

  He missed her so much. A piece of him was missing, a piece he hadn’t realized he’d given away. Jade was a piece of his soul that he’d missed even in the afterlife.

  And it was his own damn fault. He couldn’t open his mouth and ask her to stay, couldn’t tell her how he felt with everyone around. He couldn’t open himself up, so he’d just let her go.

  And it was because of his past, because he couldn’t let them go.

  Maybe he could, now. He had to try.

  “My first assignment here was on an island in the Pacific, under a different commander...” Micah started hesitantly, but he kept pushing through, and the words came easier. He told his story, the story of his village and of Tokoni, with all the parts he’d left out for Jade. All the parts that Walker would understand, even some of those he’d wanted to tell his first commander.

  He told him about the young man at the portal, too. The one he’d thought he could save as atonement for Tokoni. The one that had instead caused all the danger to Jade.

  When he was done, he took a deep long breath, holding it a minute before slowly letting it out and looking at Walker. He’d told his story twice now, and with each telling the decades-old knot in his chest loosened a little more. Maybe that was what he needed, to share it. To not be alone with it anymore.

  “I’m sorry,” Walker said simply. “They want us to blend in and to be invisible, and they spend so much time teaching us to speak the languages and to act naturally that they neglect other important things. They do a shit job of preparing us for what it’s like, for t
he effect a world of Chaos has on our emotions. They do a shit job preparing us for caring...” He looked down at his desk. “And for losing.”

  Spoken like a Warrior, a man, who had plenty of experience with both. Loving, and losing.

  “Your turn. What’s with the painting?” Micah asked, raising his chin to it.

  Walker’s lips tipped up into a smile, but then twisted until the corners pointed down. “I guess that’s what I get for encouraging us to be open with each other, right?” He glanced at him with a blue flash and then back down at his desk. “But I’m not ready to share that story yet.”

  It was a gift that he could talk about Tokoni and his village. Only due to Jade. If it weren’t for her, he probably wouldn’t have been ready to share either. So he understood. But he also knew sharing was required for healing. He nodded to Walker. “Someday, then.”

  Walker looked at him for a long second and then nodded. “Someday.”

  Speaking to his commander about his past made it easier for him to speak to him of other important things. He took a breath and looked his Commander in the eye and said, “I was coming to discuss this with you, anyway. I am not okay, but I could be.” It was hard to admit, but he had to. “I need to go to her. I need to fix things, to make them right.”

  Micah could tell Walker didn’t need an explanation of why he’d gone right from talking about Tokoni to talking about Jade. He swallowed hard. “We’re bonded.”

  That was the closest he could come to saying how he felt about Jade. How she was his happiness and his life and his soul. How she made him feel like the strongest man on Earth, and the weakest, simultaneously. How he couldn’t be complete without her.

  The bond was something only rediscovered since Levi and Brooke got together. A sharing of powers, of souls, due to love for each other.

  “I thought that might be it.” Walker stared, thoughtful. “That’s how survived the landslide, came back from your Elemental form. Jade was sending you some of her power through the bond.”

  He nodded, remembering that thread of warmth from her that brought him back from darkness, in more ways than one.

  Walker pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “Micah, you’re the very last person I expected to fall in love with anyone. The very last.” His hand dropped to the table with a thud, and Micah stiffened, body, heart, and soul tensing for a battle.

  “But I’m glad you did.” Walker’s voice was soft, his eyes sincere. “You can have a few days off. Rowan can pick up the slack. Go to her,” he grated, tipping his head towards the door.

  Micah stood quickly, blood racing through his veins. He would go to her, but there was something he must to do first, something he had to get. “Thank you, Commander.”

  Walker’s reply was a sighing nod and a wave of his hand, a dismissal.

  He turned and strode to the door. As he pulled it shut behind him, Walker turned away in his chair and stared up at the painting behind his desk.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  WHAT DO PEOPLE DO WHEN they’ve been through something crazy, something unbelievable? They return to normal life, of course. They go back to work, back to everything they had to do before because the world doesn’t stop turning just because your soul has been rocked by something unimaginable or terrifying or amazing.

  Jade went back to her life and her routine, normal on the outside, but on the inside, nothing felt normal anymore. Nothing felt real anymore. What she went through didn’t feel real, the mundane stuff didn’t feel real. She didn’t feel real.

  She tried not to think about anything too deeply for the fear of spinning off into the deep end. Afraid she’d discover that nothing was real, or that everything was.

  She was in a perpetual state of limbo where externally, everything seemed the same. Work was the same, her mom was the same. Her mornings and evenings and nights were still the same.

  But on the inside, so much had changed.

  She probably needed therapy, but that seemed like a one-way ticket to a mental hospital. Who would believe her? It all seemed unbelievable, and she’d been the one who lived through it.

  And Micah... She couldn’t think too deeply about him either. She’d given her heart to him, had it battered repeatedly by all the experiences of that day. And she’d kind of expected, hoped, he would come after her. But he hadn’t. The days ticked by, her heart cracking open a little more.

  She was grateful to be alive, truly, but also broken up inside. Everything between her and Micah had apparently been for the sake of duty, for her protection, and nothing more.

  The problem was, that was only true for him. All her feelings had been real, were real, and were eating her up. She missed him.

  It was probably better this way.

  Micah was free to protect the world from those awful Chaolt, and she was free to care for her ailing mother. Only an insane person could ever think those two things could mesh. Only an insane person would wish, ache, for a way for it to work out, after everything.

  Turns out, she was insane. Maybe she should look up a therapist, after all.

  Jade gave a sad laugh as she threw her truck into park in front of the Shady Oaks Nursing Home. Hands resting on the wheel, eyes seeing nothing, she tried to just breathe around the constant ache in her chest.

  She had nothing to even prove that Micah was real, that everything she thought had happened, actually had. Her scrapes and bruises had healed. The only things she had were her memories and her feelings.

  She didn’t know what to think, how to feel about him. She’d fallen in love with him, but then he’d betrayed her, screwed her out of a way to give her mother better care. But then it turned out he’d done that for a good reason, saving her from death. Probably saving her mom from it too, because if Jade was gone, she would just wither away here until she died an early death. And she couldn’t forget the home itself, all its occupants and workers. The entire town and population of Topaz Ridge. He’d saved them all from the landslide.

  Jade focused on the mountain on the horizon behind the home. It wasn’t visible much lately, the storms of fall shrouding it in clouds and snow. But she was seeing it now, the outline of it lit with the light of the setting sun. She could see the scar the landslide left from here, a darker shadow in the amethyst light of dusk. Sometimes she felt like she was still there, the rocks coming down on her, and other times she felt like she was as far removed from the event as she was from the mountain while sitting here in her truck.

  That had all happened to someone else, right? Not her. Someone else had been targeted by beings of Chaos, had almost died in a landslide. Had fallen in love with an Elemental.

  Was he up there, now? Still watching, waiting, still guarding? Maybe he was. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t contacted her. But she couldn’t be that hard to find in a town of this size.

  Maybe he didn’t want to find her. Did she want to be found?

  Most of the time the answer was no. She had her mother to care for on top of a full-time job to pay bills, and a part-time job to try to save enough money to get her mom to a better home. She didn’t have the time, or the energy, for anything else.

  But sometimes it was an unequivocal, aching yes.

  Jade looked away from the mountains and took several deep breaths to center herself and keep the sting in her eyes from becoming anything more.

  She went inside, to her mother’s room, and almost turned back. Her mom held that glazed look as she stared out the window at the sunset that said she wouldn’t know if anyone had been there to visit today or not, anyway. She wouldn’t know if she had eaten either, or soiled herself, or even put on pants. And that was what ultimately brought Jade another step into the room.

  She needed care. Her mind was gone today, but the vessel, her body, was still here. And Jade would take care of her body, of her, in preparation for the next time she returned.

  “Hi, mama,” she murmured as she stepped forward.

  “Oh hello, dear. Can I help you?
”

  Rather than upset her mother with the things she couldn’t remember, she would be anonymous today.

  “Hi, Mrs. McNally. I’m Jade. I’m here to see if you need anything?”

  Jade put the tiny solar flower, the ones that move with the sunlight, on the windowsill. She brought her one sometimes. No dead flowers to depress her mom, or live ones to kill with over or under-watering. When she was lucid, maybe she’d notice she had a new one and know Jade had been here to visit.

  “Oh no, I’m just fine. I don’t need anything.”

  She ran through her list of questions to see if she had eaten, changed. Even moved from this spot at all at any point.

  She put a straw in a glass of juice and handed it to her. Her mom said she wasn’t thirsty, but she drank it anyway. Could one dehydrate on accident? Jade hoped not, but wasn’t taking the chance. But that also meant she’d have to get her mom to the restroom before she left for the night.

  Not always easy when your mom was a strong-willed woman who thought you were a stranger.

  She flopped into the chair across from her, lacking the strength and fortitude that today required of her.

  Her mother didn’t notice, merely continued to stare out the window and sip her juice.

  Thank god it wasn’t a questioning day, a belligerent day, a try-to-leave day. A weeping day. Jade just didn’t have the strength for it.

  She dropped her head on the back of her seat and closed her eyes, throat closing with tears and guilt.

  It wasn’t fair of her to think about her mother like that, wasn’t nice. She shouldn’t be thankful for a day when her disease stole all of her mind, instead of just parts of it.

  But she was. And that made her feel like shit.

  Jade shifted her chair around until she was sitting beside her, and stayed there until after the sun set, the sky darkening to deepest purple.

  “Time for bed, Elaine.” It hurt to use her given name instead of ‘mom’, ‘momma’ or ‘mother’, but when she couldn’t remember, it would confuse her, upset her, and keep her from resting.