My Dearest Love,
Have you abandoned me?
Frederick went to the next page to read the final line.
Please, let me hear word from you, or I shall imagine the worst. My heart is in your hands. Yours always,
Molly
The in-between contained the pouring out of her love and faith, the celebration she was planning for his return, and her sincere hope his feelings for her remained true. He dropped it to the floor.
“Bloody hell!”
He knew what he had to do. It took little time for him to pen a reply.
Dear Molly,
Forgive me for what I am about to write. My circumstances have dramatically changed, and I fear I can no longer continue our friendship. I have decided to stay in America and pursue a life here. It is my sincerest wish you find happiness in your own life.
I will forever think fondly of our time together.
Frederick
He would send it to his mother, hoping she would smooth it over with Molly. Hesitating, he drew in a breath, then sealed the outside envelope and returned to his thoughts of Miss Jessica Messing.
Chapter Fifteen
Throughout the summer Jessica accepted many of Frederick’s invitations. At her parents’ insistence, she had decreased her hours at the gallery, giving her no excuses. He took her to the theatre, the ballet, on strolls in the manicured park where she often painted the scenery, and several dinners at the restaurant where they had first dined. Chaperoned by her parents, Miss Hargrove, or Winnie, when out socially, they often strolled the Messings’ two-acre estate and around the outside perimeters unaccompanied. It was her parents’ plan, and she felt caught in their web. Yet, she enjoyed the freedom from watchful eyes. Her social calendar was filled with parties, charity events and balls. Juggling her days and nights had become a full-time exercise. But she still made time for Jacob and they met at the pond, stealing kisses, swimming playfully, and talking about the future. She waited impatiently for each Sunday when they would ride together. At times they rode at a quiet and easy pace. On some occasions, they rode with wild abandonment, racing dangerously through the field, with her adrenaline pumping through her with the same lust she held for him. This summer had been the happiest she had ever known.
It wasn’t until the end of the season when she met her obligation to invite Frederick to dine with her family. Choosing just the right time was essential. This Sunday, Jacob and Will would be out of town. Keeping Jacob and Frederick apart as long as possible gave her time to sort out her feelings. Her thoughts drifted to Frederick more often than she wanted them to and it unnerved her.
This evening, she and Frederick strolled the sidewalks of Washington Street. The pink-and- cream waist jacket she wore failed to keep the chill away, but it complemented her ruffled blouse and matching striped skirt so well, she was willing to endure some discomfort. It wouldn’t be long before she would have to put it away as the season changed. She knew they made an elegant portrait strolling arm in arm. Jessica took a moment to admire the large maple trees lining the street, sprinkled with orange, yellow, and red leaves. Autumn would be in full bloom in a few weeks. She loved the fragrance of fall, its hint of winter’s approach and the holidays thereafter. It gave her time to construct an invitation that would not encourage Frederick’s eagerness as he’d tried to kiss her on the lips the last time they had returned from dinner after her parents went inside the house.
“Frederick, as you know, my family suppers most Sundays at my aunt June and uncle Burt’s home. Our family would like to have you join us this coming Sunday.”
“I look forward to having dinner with your family.”
A smile and nod felt sufficient to Jessica. The street lamps were being lit and the sun began to fade. She would be home soon.
“Tell me, my dear. Does this invitation come from your own desire to have me at your family’s dinner?”
Without daring to look at him, she said, “We all desire your company.”
Frederick stopped in front of her, taking her hands in his. “Jessica, I would like to know where we stand with one another. Are you as drawn to me as I am to you?”
The strength of his grip held her captive, and she was taken aback by it. Before she could answer, he pulled her away from the lamplight. Looking around, she could see they were alone. Frederick came closer to her and brushed his lips against her cheek. She felt the warmth of his body wafting up from his coat. The smell of his earthy perfume sparked her desire. Placing a hand to her flush face, she stepped back. “I … I haven’t made up my mind, Frederick.” Her body wanted to flee. Instead, she grinned and held her pink, silk purse in front of her with both hands. “I think you should know that I want to do more with my life than most other women. I want to be an artist. It’s not just a pastime. I also want to travel and … all sorts of things.” The words caught in her throat, as this was the first time she’d spoken of her desires to him.
“I expect only that you stay true to your passions. Allow me to be one of them.” He looked deeply into her eyes with a most engaging smile. Jessica stepped farther away. “You have a very modern attitude, Frederick. I think, however, that you will expect much more from me, but as a friend, I will surely remind you of your words in the future.”
Frederick gave a jovial laugh. “I can see you’ll not make this easy for me. Very well, then, until Sunday.”
When they finally reached her home, he took her hand and bowed his head. His eyes stared up at her as his lips touched the back of her glove. “Your coyness is fine for now, but I will expect a more mature answer from you in the near future.”
Whispering good night, she hurried inside. Upset by his words, she stopped in the foyer to wipe the back of her hand on her skirt. The warm feeling in the pit of her stomach gave way to a tepid nausea.
~
“Here they are!” June sang. “Welcome, Mr. Moore!”
The ballooning skirt of her aunt’s dark-violet dress filled the space between her and Frederick. Jessica glanced at Frederick with an apologetic look, and he smiled with understanding. She hoped her aunt’s exuberance would be short-lived, but she knew better. After a drink, they all proceeded to the table where June’s hired servants had set a feast.
“Now, Mr. Moore, I will seat you next to my niece where you may converse easily. I’m so pleased you and Jessica are becoming friends. I knew the first time I saw you at the offices, well, I’m just very pleased.” June gave a dimpled smile to Jessica.
“Thank you, Mrs. Stanford. I’m very fond of your niece.”
Noticing the wide grin on her father’s face gave Jessica no satisfaction. She folded her hands on her lap and waited for him to speak. “We are quite pleased as well, Frederick. Why Mrs. Messing and I were …” A commotion was heard coming from the back of the house.
June turned to her husband. “My goodness! Burt, go see what that’s all about. I don’t know what it could be. The stablemen have all gone home.” She stretched her neck in the direction Burt was now taking as he disappeared down the long hallway.
The voices preceding them had Jessica’s heart fluttering. Burt returned with Will and Jacob following behind. “Well, what do you know. Here are two hungry travelers. We didn’t expect you two back for a few days. And just in time for dinner. They must have smelled June’s cooking from the road.” Burt jovially took his seat.
Jessica fidgeted with her blouse and hair. How did she look? Would Jacob find her beautiful? Dressing plainly to discourage Frederick had now backfired on her. When Frederick touched her she withdrew sharply. Checking herself, she flashed him a smile then turned her attention to Jacob.
There he stood at the head of the dining table, as handsome as ever–the man she loved, and the man who proclaimed his love for her. He stood nearly as tall as the curved entrance. His hair was a bit shaggy and a light beard lined his chin and jaw, showing his travels. Jessica’s heart swelled, lighting her passion for him even more.
Walking arou
nd his cousin, Will sat beside his mother. “Father, Mother. Mr. Moore, what a nice surprise.”
“You and your cousin seem to be the surprise tonight,” Frederick replied.
The conversation became a mumble through the blood pumping in Jessica’s head. She arranged the silverware near her plate, brought the napkin to her lap and took a drink from her water glass. Finally, she felt a small sense of calm. The confinement of her corset would be her brace. It would keep her steady. Jacob smiled at her with a wink, and a fresh wave of nerves flew up into her chest. Feeling Frederick’s eyes on her she gave him another smile and looked away.
Burt made the introductions. “Frederick, this is my son, Jacob, and you already know William.”
Jacob sat across from him and Jessica. “A pleasure to meet you.”
An odd tension enveloped the room until June broke it with a story of finding a frog in the bucket of greens she had brought in from the garden, and what a time she had getting it out of the house. Soon she had everyone laughing. Frederick remarked on making frog leg soup, to which she teased, “Well, I’m always open to new recipes.”
As she nibbled on her food, Jessica’s discomfort grew. By the end of the visit she was tired and had a headache. Pretending to be someone she wasn’t exhausted her. Jacob seemed agitated, but she could not reassure him of her love. It would have to wait.
Meanwhile, Frederick took it upon himself to make them a couple. “Jessica and I went to see the recent play,” and “Jessica and I love the desserts at Brower’s.” She desperately wanted him to shut up.
At the end of the evening, Jacob gave Jessica a polite kiss on the cheek and offered to walk her home. Frederick stepped up to her side. “My dear, I would be most honored to walk you back home.” He placed a hand against her back, and she felt its slow movement across her satin dress. “Thank you, Jacob, but you needn’t go out of your way.”
“It wouldn’t be at all out of my way.” His eyes bored into her.
“Oh, don’t be silly,” Jessica’s mother chimed in. “Frederick will escort her.”
A silence followed. Being strangled by her tightly buttoned waistcoat and corset bones, she felt claustrophobic. “I … um … I came with Frederick, and we’ll be walking back to the house with Mother and Father. Thank you, Jacob.” Her insides were in turmoil.
Her brother placed a kiss on the top of her head. “Well, that’s settled. Let’s go, Jake.”
~
“What the heck was that all about?” Will caught up with Jacob.
“What?”
“You know what I mean,” Will insisted.
Jacob came to an abrupt stop. “Look, I can’t stand seeing Jess pushed into something she doesn’t want so your parents can feel they’ve made a good match. You should be even more concerned than I am. She’s your sister.”
“How do you know if she’s being pushed or goes willingly? Frederick seems to care about her.”
“I have a feeling it has more to do with your father’s pursuit of happiness than Jessica’s. He’s been after this match before he even set sail to England.”
“All right. But what can we do about it? We’ll be gone soon, and she’s going to have to figure things out for herself. Damn it, Jake, you’re going to have to let her go. She’s not going to marry someone she doesn’t love. I know you’ve been just as much of a brother to her as I have. It’s time we let our little sister grow up.”
Resuming his quick pace, Jacob felt the clarity of Will’s statement sound a bell in him. If she truly didn’t care for Frederick, she would have put an end to it right away. At the same time, he tried not to think about Jessica as his sister. Although she was in the background of his life growing up, she lived in her world and he in his. Now she was far from being a sister or even a cousin to him. His heart felt like a lead ball in his chest. His fate was sealed. It looked as though she had made her choice. Leaving her and their relationship behind would be better for both of them. He would make a life for himself, but somewhere else–somewhere far from her and Hartford.
~
Just behind her and Frederick, Jessica’s parents kept to themselves. Frederick had wrapped her arm in his and spoke softly as they strolled. “My dear, you didn’t tell me that you were so attached to your cousin.”
Brushing a stray wisp of hair from her cheek, she shivered. Frederick offered her his woolen overcoat. “No, I’m quite all right. I heard there may be an early frost this week. The sidewalks will be slippery.” There was an uncomfortable pause.
“Have you always been close?”
“Close to Jacob?” She chuckled. “We had very different childhoods, as you would expect, him being a male and me a female.”
“Yes, that would be the case. Yet I saw this evening a certain … well, if you weren’t related, I would be very jealous indeed.” He drew her closer.
“Oh, you have little to worry about.” A feeble laugh followed.
“I hope that is so.”
Jessica winced at the flatness of his voice, and she was startled by his assumption. They walked the rest of the way without a word until they came to the gate of her home. What was always a short distance had seemed like a mile tonight. Eager for her parents to catch up she wanted to walk to them, but he still held her arm. “Father, Mother, wasn’t it a lovely supper?”
With a polite, but quick goodnight, her parents were in the house, leaving her alone with Frederick.
“It’s been a lovely evening, Frederick. I should go in.” Turning for the safety of the door, she was about to grasp the knob when he stopped her.
“In such haste? I thought we might sit for a while. Perhaps discuss our … association.”
With a generous smile, she replied, “I really must turn in early tonight. I fear I will be too tired to get through my day tomorrow.”
The corners of his mouth turned down. “Am I to take it that you no longer wish for us to be friends?”
“No. I feel … that. …” A few polite words and she would be done with him, but the words stuck in her throat. She had enjoyed his company more than she realized. “We will talk again soon, Frederick. I’m so tired I’m finding it difficult to think.”
“Yes, I see. Good night, Jessica.” With a few long strides, he stepped into his waiting carriage without looking back. The hackney lurched and with the spewing of tiny pebbles it was swiftly away, leaving her to ponder his remarks.
“Good night, Frederick.”
Chapter Sixteen
Jacob’s inquiries into gunrunning led him to Jones Keaton, originally a businessman from Cincinnati, Ohio. J. Keaton, as he was known to his men, was experienced in underground gun selling and trading, as well as dealing with the Indians and the homesteaders in the Western Territories. Jacob was relieved to find out Keaton and his team avoided other territories such as Texas, where up until recently, there had been news of Indian raids. Although they were sparse and most of the Comanche and Arapaho had surrendered to live on the land allotted to them, he was disturbed by what he had read. Keaton told him they also steered clear of the Indian agents set up on the reservations. Their power to undo his business, according to Keaton, made them as much of an enemy as anyone. “The homesteaders are the most grateful people for the guns. The stories of Indian raids have them scared and paranoid,” J. Keaton had said. “But I’ll sell and trade to anyone as long as they have the cash and behave themselves.” He’d added, under his breath, “Still, it can be a daunting task at best, and at worst, leave you dead as a doornail.” He had looked Jacob up and down. “We’re heading to Colorado and then to the coast. I’ll need a few young, strong men.” Alongside his excitement for the adventure sat Jacob’s uncertainty. Did he and Will have the guts for the job, even with their previous experience? Seeing Frederick with Jessica last week had strengthened his resolve, and he decided to take the risk.
~
The aroma of cigars and sweet liqueur permeated the air in Burt’s study. Jacob sat uneasy. His cousin had a defiant loo
k on his face. Uncle Thomas stood with his arms folded across his chest, a raised brow indicating his scepticism. The heavy, dark, green-and-gold furnishings around the wood and marble fireplace gave a formality to the room that felt unusually intimidating to Jacob. Although he and Will had hinted to their fathers of their plans, the time had come to explain in more detail. He began to lay it out as plainly as he could. “An opportunity has come our way. A fine opportunity. A respectable tradesman, Jones Keaton, has hired us to travel with him and show us the financial side of his business. However, it will take us far out West.”
“Jacob, before you continue, I have something to say.” Burt stood in front of the seated cousins. “Thomas and I accept that you boys want nothing to do with the law firm that we have worked so diligently to preserve for your futures. But we do feel that gallivanting into unknown territory with some trading company is a foolish endeavor.”
Jacob looked at his father. “At our ages you were both well on the way to making the law firm a success. We have chosen differently. J. Keaton is a good businessman, and we can learn a great deal from him. It may lead to something very prosperous.”
Doing his best to sound convincing, Jacob knew his cousin would have sold it better, his gambling skills having given him a keen sense of negotiation, but he wanted it to be sincere and not a sell. He couldn’t risk their fathers’ doubt of their ambitions.
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