Impatience and anger were immediate in his uncle’s expression. “William, since that reckless gambling stint of yours at Yale, you have been a disappointment and embarrassment to me and this family. Your pursuit of a career has been to work in labor as a dockhand and a delivery boy for a saddle shop. Law school was not your calling, but this is unacceptable. A folly.”
“Would you have me run away as I once planned to do?”
“What? Such nonsense! Run away from what?”
“Now, now.” Burt raised his hands. “We’ve been all over this. Water under the bridge.”
Jacob rose, a pillar of confidence. “I mean to find my way in this world on my own terms, Father.”
Will stood by his cousin. “As will I. I’m sorry to have disappointed you again.”
“Excuse us, Father, Uncle, we have much to do.” The two young men left their elders to discuss and judge.
That night, Jacob couldn’t sleep. The choice he made presented him with an even greater challenge than telling his parents he was leaving.
Chapter Seventeen
The bark of the oak tree jabbed into Jessica’s back. Its once welcoming trunk now felt strangely annoying. Mary’s Pond reflected her melancholy mood. She wasn’t sure why, but she had a lonely and lost feeling. The dark green water looked murky and foreboding under the overcast September sky. Searching the gray vastness beyond the treetops, she took in the scent of the dying oak leaves. The aroma heralded change. This time of year always excited her as the cooling air renewed her energy, but today she wanted to go back to the simplicity of summer. A small bird chirped from a tree limb above, and she wished she could be that bird and simply fly away. Just then it took flight, and she followed it with envy. It darted about the sky as if mocking her. The note she’d received from Jacob was direct–meet me at our place. It was unusual for him to send her a correspondence.
When she heard him approach, she came to her feet, her heart beating faster.
“Hello, Jacob.”
The strained look on his face alerted her to prepare for whatever he was about to say.
“Jacob?”
Taking both her hands in his, he spoke in a practiced tone. “Jessica, we can’t continue to see each other.”
Shifting her weight, she knew what this was about. “It’s Frederick, isn’t it? I understand, Jacob, but you must see that this is all my parents’ doing. It seems he’ll be staying, so I don’t know why he and I can’t be friends. That doesn’t change anything between us … I mean …we can still—”
“No.” The tension in his body grew and he began to pace. Finally, stopping in front of her, he said, “Listen to me, Jess. I’m leaving. Will and I found employment that will take us far away from here and for a very long time.”
“This is silly. You’re just jealous of Frederick.”
“I’m telling you, I’m leaving.”
“Why?”
“I just told you, damn it.”
“You didn’t explain why.”
“Jess.” Looking away from her, he ran his hands through his hair.
This was madness, and she wasn’t having any of it. “Tell me!” Her demand filled the space around them, and she waited for his response.
“I can’t be the cause of ruining your future, and I can’t watch you marry Frederick. I’ve made my decision.”
“I’ll never marry him!” The tears began to stream down her face as she tried to control her emotions. Her body trembled. “What about us?” she pleaded. “We could marry.” The words were more potent than she could have imagined.
Taking a step back, Jacob looked stricken. “Jess, you know that’s not possible. You know we’d be breaking the law and hurting our families for … forever.”
“It is possible. Look at me, Jacob. It is possible. We could run away and live in another county or state or even another country where no one would be the wiser. New York, Paris. Remember, Jacob?”
Jacob closed his eyes and lowered his head. “I don’t want to marry you.” It was as if a knife had stabbed her heart. “I’m sorry, Jess. Jesus, I didn’t want to hurt you. I love you, but this is impossible. If I could, I’d make it work, but I can’t. We have to accept it.” His embrace brought her heart beating against his. “I’ll write to you as often as I can.”
“No. I don’t want your letters, I want your courage, for us.” Her sobs were muffled in his soft shirt.
Before she could renew her agreement, he released her and walked away. Thunderstruck, Jessica could not move. The one thing she dared not think about had just happened, and her life would never be the same.
~
Before the sweet, late summer air was nipped by fall, Jessica took her art supplies to Mary’s Pond. Every step was weighted in sorrow. Sitting away from the oak tree to get a better view, she composed her subject—Jacob and her under their tree, wrapped in each other’s arms, gazing out onto the water. His words rang in her ears. “I don’t want to marry you.” The tears that dropped onto the paper became part of her rendition of a time she would never forget.
Part Two
Chapter Eighteen
Early October 1885
The family gathered in the Messings’ carriage house. The large four-stall structure was damp on this cold and drizzly day. The smell of hay and horse manure surrounded the group who stood with solidarity to face the difficult task of saying goodbye.
The setting was away from prying eyes. Jessica had heard rumors concerning Will and Jacob. Their dealings with Mr. Jones Keaton were as dirty as their nights at the Palace Hotel. No one had dared approach her with such accusations, so she had no way of denying them. Her mother’s instructions were to inform her friends and anyone who asked that Will and Jacob were going into high finance, taking them to many regions of the country. “And then you will gracefully change the subject,” said her mother.
All Jessica knew or cared about was the man she loved was leaving and taking a piece of her heart with him. The emptiness could not be filled as she stood alongside Frederick, who came to comfort her. It meant nothing to have him there, and she was put out by his appearance.
As Jacob and Will said goodbye to their parents, Jessica walked to Jacob’s chestnut quarter horse and began to stroke its cheek and forehead. “I’ll miss you, Otis.” This horse snorted, his breath visible in the cold air. She buried her face into his long silky mane, the musky aroma bringing to mind Jacob’s soft, tanned neck. Placing a hand on the horse’s neck, she swiped at the tears stinging her cheeks.
Coming up beside her, Jacob placed his hand over hers. “He’s going to miss you too. More than you know.” The sentiment brought her more grief as she had grown fond of Otis. Her tears flowed as Jacob hugged her, then kissed her on the cheek. It was brief but held great meaning to her.
“We’ll be back this spring, Jess. I promise,” he pledged. “May I write to you?”
With glassy eyes and a quivering lip, she responded with an affirmative nod.
Will was the next to say goodbye. “Take care of yourself, Jess. You’re finally rid of me, for a while anyway.”
Placing a hand on her aching heart, she embraced him and more tears flowed. She straightened her back and stepped away courageously. “I’ll miss you, Will.”
Will pinched her chin and went for his horse. Addressing Frederick, he said, “Take care of my sister.” Drake whinnied and shook his head, tossing his mane about. It was as though the horse knew he was being taken away from his home.
“Most certainly, Will. Let us know how you get on.”
When Jacob locked eyes with her, Jessica decided the truth must be revealed. Lifting her chin, she raised herself up for him to hear her whisper, “I’m going to tell them.”
He leaned down from his mount. “No.” It was a strong rebuke. Resuming his seat, he looked straight ahead. Helplessly, Jessica watched the two young men ride down the long, gravel entrance and onto the road. Raising her heavy skirt off the hay-littered floor, she was about to run a
fter him. With a pounding of her heart, she dropped her skirt and clasped her shaking hands.
June and Bethany walked arm in arm into the house, their heads together.
Thomas turned to Frederick. “Stay for a drink.”
“Yes,” Burt agreed. “We’ll adjourn to your study, away from this dank stable.”
“Thank you, gentlemen. May I have a word with Jessica before I join you?”
Jessica’s father paused before replying, “Why, of course.”
From behind her back, she heard Frederick’s request and her father’s blessing. Her breath caught and she remained still, waiting for Frederick to make the next move. Her true desire was to run to her room and stay there until Jacob came back.
He cleared his throat, and as she turned around he approached her with a tilt of his head and sad eyes. It made her bristle.
“Let me be your comfort, my dear.” He brought her hands to his mouth and blew warm air onto her cold fingers. “Let’s get you in before you catch your death.”
Slowly, she withdrew from him. She was in no mood to be courted. “I’ll be along shortly. I’d like a moment alone, if you don’t mind, and I wouldn’t want my father to get any wrong impressions.”
A grin crossed his face, and she was pulled into him. Bringing her arms to her waist to bar her from his body was useless. His lips were on her cheek. “You’ll not have to worry about your father. I will make you a proper lady soon enough.” Then he kissed her squarely on the mouth and walked away.
The pressure of his lips hurt, and she defiantly wiped away the moisture he left behind. She rushed out of the stables, following the indents from the horses’ hooves, which created small puddles dotting the path her brother and cousin had just taken. Stopping at the gate, she looked down the road, but they were gone. This road Jacob had rescued her from when last March the snow hurled at her as she made her way home from Sarah’s. He had lifted her onto his horse in one swoop. The road she wanted to skip upon after one of their rendezvous. The road she and Jacob had walked upon together as they talked about art and books and things she could not remember, only the joyous feelings they left in her heart. It seemed tainted to her now, marred by his exit, or was it his escape? Despair overtook her as the rain cried down, its tears mingling with her own. A stern hand grabbed her by the arm. She turned with a start to find Winnie by her side.
“My Lord, child. Whatever are you doing out here? Come on in out of the rain.”
Chapter Nineteen
1886
Adulthood was upon her, and the time had come to let go of the last remnants of childhood. Sitting at her desk with only a candle for light, Jessica inhaled deeply then exhaled, releasing her tension. Winter had been harsh and Frederick warmed her cold, lonely days. Her father had been persistent in encouraging her to accept the courtship. Through her grief, she began to recognize the practicality of their union. Her affection for Frederick had grown, and on Christmas day she had accepted his proposal. Soon after, every waking moment was spent preparing for this day. The piece of paper she held up to the dancing flame had on it the events for tomorrow–her wedding day. A shiver ran through her. The warmth had gone out of the house and wouldn’t return until the fires were lit again in the morning. April nights still brought out the last bit of winter chill. Wrapping her shawl tighter around her nightdress, she read the list.
Every detail for her wedding had been carefully planned, and she merely had to make her appearance. First was the ladies’ breakfast, consisting of her girlfriends and their mothers. Second was the afternoon tea with her mother and future mother-in-law, and it would be attended by women from the most respectable society. After the tea, she would retreat to her room where she could rest before she would be transformed into a virginal bride-to-be for the biggest event of the day and of her life.
If they only knew. She brought the paper closer to the flame. All of the arrangements had been made for the one hundred and twenty-four guest event. The very house felt as if it were filled with anticipation. Feeling like a complete fraud, she was ready to have it over with. She swore to keep Jacob in her heart where no one could take him from her. This was her vow on the eve of becoming Frederick’s wife. Holding the piece of paper to the candle, it caught the flame and burned to ashes.
~
Not having recalled falling asleep, Jessica woke and stretched her arms. Looking out of the window at the dawn of a new day, she surveyed the gardens of spring flowers and a feeling of acceptance came over her. Drowsily, she bent over the basin of water by her bed and brought the cool liquid to her face. Butterflies swirled in her stomach. A knock on the door wakened her fully. Winnie entered with a tray filled with tea and pastries.
She sipped the tea and started on an apple tart when she noticed an unaddressed envelope tucked under the plate. Who would write to her today? Taking the note out she recognized Jacob’s handwriting.
Congratulations, Jess.
Your happiness will always be my wish.
Love, Jacob
Tossing it on the tray, her anger rose. How dare he write to me! Having written so sparingly since he left, she wondered if he even cared about her anymore. The letters were brief and only contained talk of the weather in New Jersey or of good trade in Pennsylvania. He and Will had made it back for her wedding, yet she had not seen Jacob since their arrival two days ago. How could she let him know that her happiness was with him and not Frederick? Perhaps he didn’t want to know. Going straight to her writing desk, she would send a curt reply, but before the ink hit the paper, she thought of his eyes peering into her soul on the day he departed. She wrote:
You hold my heart, no other.
She called Winnie back into the room. “Please be sure my cousin Jacob receives this before the wedding.”
“You have no time to be writing notes. Get dressed now, and I’ll see to it this gets to him. My Lord.” Winnie pocketed the note and hurried away.
The modern gown she herself had chosen for the ladies’ breakfast was a contemporary royal blue ensemble and had a natural form—no bustle. Instead, the silk and satin skirt was heavily pleated. The front and back panels of the bodice complemented her slight figure. She especially liked the cream-colored tiers of organza lace on the sleeves and hem. The lace shawl that flowed from her shoulders and down the back of her gown gave a light, and airy feel to the rich color of the dress beneath it. Her mother had scoffed at the idea of such a dress being worn on this important occasion, but Jessica had begged to be allowed to buy it. Her father finally gave in.
When Winnie returned to the bedroom to style her hair, Jessica asked about the note. The housekeeper assured her that indeed she had given it to the postman to run it over to the Stanfords. It was too late to express more of her love to him.
Looking at the more formal dress she had chosen for the afternoon tea, Jessica sighed. Its deep red satin bodice and high collar matched the bustled skirt, and lace adorned the ends of the long-fitted sleeves. Winnie had stuffed the sleeves and bodice with lightweight paper so as to keep their form. It seemed to be alive as it hung on the door. Indeed, she would have preferred for the dress to go on without her. The thought of it made her chuckle as Winnie put the last touches on her tight chignon with curled tendrils around her face.
“What’s so amusing?” Winnie asked. “Or are you just happy to be getting married today to that fine gentleman, Mr. Moore?”
“I was just imagining my dress going by itself to the afternoon tea.”
“Whatever for?”
“Oh, ever since meeting them last week, I get the feeling the Moores don’t approve of me, especially Mrs. Moore. She makes me nervous. I have to sit near her and be pleasant and engaging. I wish it was done with, or that my dress would go without me.”
“Don’t be talking nonsense on your wedding day.”
Jessica’s fingers mindlessly played with the jewelry on her dressing table. “Why? Is it bad luck?” Under her breath, she said, “I can’t imagine having
any worse luck.”
“What did I just hear you saying?”
“Nothing. Are you almost done with my hair? I can’t be late.”
Chapter Twenty
While his bride-to-be was fulfilling her duties, Frederick waited for his mother’s arrival. He fixed himself a stiff drink—one of many he knew he would pour as the day progressed. He stood in front of his dark-gray morning suit, which was supported by a sturdy wooden hanger in back of the walnut, floor-length mirror. He gulped his drink, the fire from the liquid burning his insides. He gasped as he went for another. The knock on the door distracted him from his objective of becoming sufficiently intoxicated. He opened the door to find his mother standing in front of him. “What a pleasant shock to receive your note.”
Lillian entered his modest hotel suite. “Don’t be insolent, Frederick.” She removed her gloves, one finger at a time, while surveying the room.
He offered her a drink, forgetting the time of day. Noticing his mother’s look of disapproval, he pulled the rope that rang for the bellboy. He would have tea brought up for her and coffee for himself. “Have a seat, Mother.”
Lillian looked at the chair before she sat in it. “Well, my darling, the first thing we have to do is find a decent home for the two of you. I saw a few impressive estates as we were out with Mr. and Mrs. Messing.” She sat on the edge of the high-back chair. “Of course, it would be a temporary dwelling.”
“Temporary?” Frederick stood by the fireplace, an elbow on the mantle.
“Why, yes. I can’t imagine you’d want to raise your children in this country. My grandchildren must be born and raised in Liverpool. It’s disturbing enough that you’ve chosen someone from here. Your father is even more insistent on it. He’s quite upset and expects you back at the offices no later than June.”
Frederick thought of the office he’d left behind–the estate he’d shared with his parents. “Liverpool, Mother?”
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