“England.” Her allegiance to her country was spoken in one word. He would have to be extremely careful fighting for his freedom.
“Grandchildren?” He huffed and finished his drink in one easy gulp, then coughed and wiped his mouth.
The bellboy was at the door and Frederick gave him his request, then returned to his mother.
“I remain hopeful. The doctors don’t know everything,” Lillian argued.
“I thought I had made it clear that I would not be returning.” Frederick wanted to change the painful subject. “Is that why you came? Did Father send you here?”
“I came here, on my own, as you can well see. I want to know, are you truly in love with this young woman? Does she know about …? She is most likely to want a family.”
“Yes, I’m in love,” he spouted. “And the rest of it is my business to handle as I see fit. Why would you question my intentions?”
Lillian examined her hands. “At one time, you claimed to be in love with Miss Ambers, and I saw firsthand how you dealt with that, or I should say, left it for me to deal with. My Lord, she was in such a state when I told her you weren’t coming back. I nearly had to call Jason to get my smelling salts. She left in such a hurry. I can’t imagine what her coach ride was like after reading that cold, little note.”
Frederick paced. “Good God. Why bring that up now?”
“I want you to know the consequences of your actions, Frederick.”
“My actions are none of your concern.” The anger rose in him, as it did each time his mother reprimanded him. He let the liquor soothe his emotions. “I’m truly sorry for involving you in that business with Molly, but for God’s sake, that was months ago.”
The temperature in the room increased, and Frederick helped his mother remove her structured wool coat. She turned to face him. “There’s a big difference between being sorry and feeling regret. The latter seems to be more of the truth for you. The way you informed Molly of your change of heart was a cowardly way of breaking things off with her. Your father and I didn’t imagine it meant you would truly be staying here for good. How could you lead that poor girl on? And now, all of us, apparently.”
Frederick raised his voice to meet his mother’s acidity. “You know little of it, Mother. Do not confuse my choice not to fill you in on every detail of my life with leading you on.” Then he added with genuine regret, “I haven’t been your little boy for some time, my dear, so please.” His mother’s expression silenced him. An uncomfortable stillness filled the room. “Mother, let’s not do this. Today should be one of the happiest days for us all.”
Rising from her seat, Lillian stood, still and stately. Her eyes had softened to the point of tears. Stopping her from placing her gloves back on, Frederick looked down at his mother’s face. She was still beautiful, yet he could see her age. No longer was she the strong matriarch he had tried so hard to please. Her pale face and light-colored hair framed the blue eyes that reflected the years of unhappiness he knew she had lived. What could he do now? His life was not going to be marked by misery, unfulfilled dreams, and compromised goals.
“I’m sorry, my son.” At first her voice was weak. Then she stiffened, erasing her vulnerability. “I see now where we stand with each other, just as I know where I stand with your father.”
“Don’t, Mother, please.” He turned from her. “Do not compare me to my father for your own satisfaction.”
“Well, I hope you treat your wife with love and patience and never find your affections wandering outside your marriage bed, causing her to do who knows what.”
It was the most unsavory part of his parents’ marriage. His insides churned. “Oh, for God’s sake!” He fixed himself another drink.
“Frederick, I hope this will be a sober affair. At least wait until after you’re married.”
A knock on the door interrupted their conversation. The waiter placed the tea and coffee on the banquette.
“Mother, please stay. We’ve had no time to visit since you got here, and after the wedding we’ll have even less.”
“I must go to your bride and her mother. An intimate afternoon tea, although I hear there will be some twenty women there. My Lord, how involved do they expect me to be? Isn’t it enough that your father and I and several of our servants have traveled all the way from Liverpool?”
“Thank you, Mother. I know these gatherings are not to your liking.” He helped her on with her coat.
“They are not. As you know I can only take small groups. Anything more encourages over indulgence and gossip.”
“Yes, Mother.”
“Very well. I will see you at the wedding.”
“I’ll be very happy to have you there. Truly I will.”
She paused at the door. “I hope these tracks you lay will not lead you off a cliff.”
Accompanying his mother to her waiting carriage, Frederick kissed her on the cheek and waved goodbye. When he returned to his rooms he sat down, emotionally drained by his mother’s practiced way of drawing him in, then coldly rebuffing him. Rising to pour himself a cup of coffee, he noticed it didn’t smell as strong as he needed it to be.
Chapter Twenty-one
It was nearly four o’clock and time to dress for her wedding. Jessica opened her bedroom window and looked out at the expansive lawn. The birds sang their merry tune, and the air smelled as sweet as the world she dreamed of living in. The green grass, so neatly trimmed beckoned her to run barefoot upon its lushness. Soon this would no longer be her home, this room no longer her sanctuary. She blew out the air in her lungs. The day had made her weary, and there were hours yet to get through.
Before she could dwell on it further, a flurry of women filled her room–her mother and Aunt June, the maid of honor, Sarah, bridesmaid, Megan Winnie, Miss Hargrove, the hairdresser, and Mrs. Delanie, the dressmaker. Arms and hands were all around her body, lacing up her corset and attaching the padded bustle to her waist, helping with her white stockings, and guiding her into the heavy gown of cream-colored silk satin. Sarah’s nimble fingers worked the fifteen satin-covered buttons on the front of the fitted bodice. Her mother straightened the rose point lace collar that draped on either side of the square neckline.
“Mother, is the collar too—” Jessica began.
“Keep still, Jessica,” her mother interrupted. She turned to the dressmaker. “Are the sleeves the correct length?”
“Mother, please, we’ve been over this,” Jessica implored. “Look, the lace covers my arm below the elbow, just as I wanted.”
Her mother went to the back of her gown with Mrs. Delanie close behind. The same lace trim that adorned the sleeves finished the edge of the skirt and long train. The dressmaker smoothed the many pleats on the back of the dress then adjusted the folds of ruching in the front. She dared not move while the woman examined the fit and gave her approval. Jessica’s petite but shapely figure was accentuated by the snug waistline. Her aunt remarked how she could practically place her open hands around it. Jessica felt as if she couldn’t breathe. Miss Hargrove stood on a small stool to style her long, silky hair into an upsweep atop her head. Then, taking the hot ironing rod from its perch by the small fireplace, she touched up the curls around her face.
Stooping down to allow the hairdresser to affix the long, organza veil into her hair, she winced as the teeth of the tiara of encrusted pearls scraped her scalp. “This will stay in place now,” the hairdresser remarked. The dressmaker attached the long train, then each woman took an end of the veil to drape it ever so carefully around the bride. Feeling like a doll in a shop window, Jessica wondered if she would have worn such a gown if she and Jacob were getting married. She thought not. A simple style for both of them would do. Megan gave an audible sob, bringing her back to reality.
Her mother took a handkerchief out from her sleeve to dab her wet eyes. “You look so beautiful, my daughter. I am truly happy for you”
Smiling, Jessica had a moment of sadness. What would her mother thin
k of her daughter’s true feelings? It was her aunt June who gave her courage. “You’ll be fine, my dear. Just remember, you are never alone, even in marriage.”
Soon only Jessica and Sarah remained in the room.
Regarding her reflection in the mirror, she felt as if she had been transformed into a full-fledged woman. “Sarah, do I look as if I’m wearing my older sister’s frock?”
“Jess, you look positively radiant!” Sarah lifted her brows. “And if you had a sister, she would be as jealous of you as I am right now.”
“I feel odd. I don’t look like myself.” Jessica turned her back to the mirror and looked over her shoulder.
“No, you don’t look like yourself simply because you are now going to be a wife.” Sarah turned around. “A wife, Jess. What more could we dream of? And such a handsome husband you will have. So worldly!”
“Yes, so worldly.” Jessica turned back to the mirror. “I suppose I must look the part.”
~
The church was filled to capacity. Towers of white-and-pink roses stood on either side of the altar. The pews were adorned with white ribbons at each end, and the thick scent of frankincense and sandalwood filled the air. Jacob joined his parents, who were seated next to Jessica’s parents in the front row. His formal coat felt constricting. His top hat sat in his lap where a rifle had lain only days ago. When he had sent his latest post to his mother informing the family that he and Will would not be able to make it back as they had promised, he’d hardly expected a response for them to return immediately for Jessica’s wedding. He could have ignored it, claiming they had left the area before her letter reached the post office in the little Western Pennsylvania town, but he knew it would cause a great embarrassment to both families. His sense of decency overrode his hesitation, and Will was anxious to see his sister wed.
Looking up at Will, Jacob saw a stiffly dressed man standing at the altar alongside Frederick. His cousin gave him a nod and Jacob shook his head. This was the last place he wanted to be. Sitting back on the hard, wooden pew, he placed his clammy hands on his lap. The keyboardist struck the sharp notes on the idiophone and his heart raced. The idea of leaving soon after the ceremony was a distant thought early in the day, but now he knew he would not be able to face the married couple at the reception. He sat back as the shrill music and low humming of the crowd threatened his sanity.
~
A three-piece orchestra began the wedding march. It was Jessica and her father’s cue to begin walking down the aisle. The guests rose, and she walked past them with a steady gaze at the altar. Stopping to let her father lift her veil, she caught Jacob’s eye and longed to be with him under their tree in the heat of summer. Stepping to the face Frederick, she swallowed the lump of emotion rising in her throat. Jacob’s eyes spoke to her of his pain, and she accepted it into her heart as a reminder of his love.
Reciting her vows as if Jacob, not Frederick, was standing before her they rang as true as anyone who was in love. Afterward she turned and slowly handed her flowers over to Sarah so Frederick could bestow upon her finger his late grandmother’s wedding ring. Glancing at Jacob, she was dismayed by his unreadable expression. Her attentions were back with Frederick—offering her hand to him and in so doing, her life. The ring felt clunky on her delicate finger, its ivory carving set in gold. She felt the weight of it as if it was keeping her from flying away, a shackled bird.
Chapter Twenty-two
The Hartford Country Club greeted the wedding guests. Hothouse white-and-pink roses and pink peonies accented with sprays of green fern and peacock feathers were arranged in ornate golden urns on linen draped tables. Swaths of white satin hung in great billowing clouds from the ceiling. Hundreds of candles and gaslit sconces gave a surreal ambiance to the hall. There were a few new electric lights by the long table of food, giving the banquet an unnatural brightness. The band performed a melody of soft tunes as the guests mingled to find their assigned seats. A buzz of chatter, and soon all were assembled, awaiting the bride’s arrival.
Sarah helped Jessica to the rectory of the church where Frederick, and Will, and the priest waited. The witnesses watched as the couple signed the document that made them a legally bound entity. Jessica’s shaking hand made for a scribble of a signature. It was invalid in her eyes.
Frederick took her hand. “My dearest wife, we are one.”
No longer able to hold back her emotions, through soft sobs, she answered, “Yes, Frederick.”
“Oh, Jessica,” Sarah cried. “You are the happiest bride I have ever witnessed. Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Moore.”
Will shook Frederick’s hand. “Congratulations, Frederick. Take care of her.” Jessica hugged her brother, her emotions still unchecked.
“Don’t cry, my love.” Frederick took her arm. “The guests are waiting.”
Will stepped back. “I will join you at the club.”
“Frederick, I will need a moment to compose myself,” Jessica said. “Would you mind if Sarah and I excused ourselves? We won’t be long.”
Frederick looked displeased. “Of course, but the guests await our arrival, my dear. Do not keep them, or me, waiting.”
“I won’t. Sarah will you accompany me?” Sarah gathered the long train and guided her from the room. Once she was out of Frederick’s sight, Jessica instructed Sarah to go ahead without her. “I can manage. Truly, I just need a moment.”
Sarah reluctantly left, and Jessica was finally by herself. Her wedding dress was cumbersome when she had help, but to manage it alone was quite a chore. Unhooking the train and removing the veil, Jessica carefully laid both over her arm. Then lifting her heavy skirt, she made her way into the church. Perhaps a prayer would help. After draping the extra materials over a back pew, she was surprised to see Jacob standing at the altar.
“Jacob, whatever are you doing here?” The acoustics of the church made her voice louder than she’d intended.
“I could ask you the same thing.”
Taking in a ragged breath, she walked to him. He bent down to kiss her cheek and she accepted it with closed eyes. “I needed a quiet place to think,” he said.
“So did I.” Jessica looked at the church door then back to Jacob.
They laughed quietly together.
She squeezed his hand. “My vows were for you.”
He dipped his head. “I heard them.” His moist eyes sent a wave of regret through her.
Sarah came rushing into the church. “Jessica, your mother has scolded me for leaving you!” “Oh, hello, Jacob. You’re holding up the festivities.” Her eyes darted back and forth from Jessica to Jacob.
“I will be there shortly, Sarah.”
“I can’t go back without you, Jess. Your mother …”
“Sarah, I would like to have a word with my cousin in private.”
Sarah gave a huff, backed away, and left the church.
“I won’t make it to the reception. I have to leave early tomorrow.” His words cut Jessica to the quick.
“Jacob, you must stay. Will is staying. Did you get my note?”
“Yes, and you married him. There’s nothing more to say or do. I wish you happiness, Jessica. Remember, be true to your dreams.”
“You are my dreams,” she heaved in a wave of emotion.
Standing in front of the altar, their lips met and the moment was not lost on them.
Sarah burst into the church. “Really, Jessica, your mother is too much. She’s threatening to come get you herself!”
“Be well, Cousin.” Jacob walked up the aisle and the sound of the door closing behind him echoed the finality of their reunion.
Chapter Twenty-three
“Good evening and congratulations,” the man at the front desk of the Belmont Hotel said to the newly married couple. “We are so pleased to have you with us this evening.”
The Belmont Hotel was a grand mansion in Hartford, located on a hill overlooking the river valley. Once a private residence, it had been turned into an exc
lusive hotel after its bankrupt owners fled the city soon after the Civil War. It boasted serene views and spectacular sunrises, but with its comfortable beds and rich linens, it was a rare guest who awakened so early to witness the very first rays of daylight. A sturdy, young man lifted their cases and led the way to the luxurious honeymoon suite on the third floor.
Jessica had often wondered what the hotel was like inside. At every turn, she was more impressed by its beauty and elegance. Layers of lace curtains covered the many large windows. Satin and velvet seating adorned the grand lobby, and delicately painted blown glass lamps sat on the dark wood tables. The walls were made of intricately carved walnut and burl panels. Gold fixtures were everywhere. It exuded such richness, Jessica felt as if she had stepped into another world. She pictured her brush stroking the paper with colors of rose and peach, creating the lovely images she saw before her. Soon the smell of faint perfume mixed with the gas lighting made her head hurt. Perhaps the thick carpet under her might be a safe place to faint. She tried to even her breathing.
Once in the room she set her eyes on the ornate bed with its soft, yellow linens. She was exhausted, and the thought of lying down was more inviting to her than anything else. Her wedding day had been filled with highs and lows throughout, though she gave no sign of her troubled heart. The high points were that of family and friends uniting joyfully for the occasion. The low was saying goodbye to Jacob at the church. The lowest, she had married a man other than Jacob. Feeling only a hint of possible happiness with Frederick, she would try to give in and perhaps become a contented wife. She blamed herself for finding interest in him and allowing the pressure from her family to sway her. She’d wanted to be strong and resist, but the tide was against her, and now she was in the middle of the ocean.
The grandfather clock in the corner of the room struck one. If only she could go home and sleep until noon. This would be the first time she would fall asleep next to a man, and she knew before sleep there would be the consummation of their marriage. It was only yesterday that her mother took her aside to explain–or tried to explain–the marriage bed. Listening while her mother stumbled over her words and wrung her hands, Jessica had nodded her head and smiled. A kiss on each cheek as if to wish her good luck and the conversation was over. If she hadn’t already experienced sex this would have left her quite confused. Oh, Mother. An acute feeling of guilt and loneliness engulfed her. She quietly began to unpack her small overnight case.
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