Chasing the High

by Beth Michele

  “I can totally see that. I would imagine that’s where the writing was both an escape for you and also somewhat of a curse, because it drew you further inside yourself.” He smiled. “No pun.”

  His ability to think deeply continually fascinated me. He was so in-tune, I half expected him to figure out I was a fraud. Pressure built in my chest. The idea terrified me. I craved his friendship more than I’d wanted anything in a very long time. But the truth was, I’d found it difficult to be friends with straight guys in the past due to their ignorant, homophobic comments—even if they weren’t aware of them. That’s why, more often than not, I ended up hanging out with my sister and her friends.

  But Drew was… different. Unlike anyone I’d met before.

  “Wow. That’s a killer smile. Want to share what’s behind it?” He switched positions, turning on his side and pinning me with an interested glare. It was so genuine that it motivated me to take a step toward the edge.

  “Well…” I sucked in a breath and let the words fly. “You’re kind of fascinating. I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone like you before.”

  His grin popped out and knocked me for a loop, and yet, it didn’t match what was going on behind his eyes. Like he was struggling to accept the compliment. You certainly wouldn’t have known it by his response. “Why thank you, Sam. That’s huge coming from you.”

  Coming from me? Like I was what? Special or something? I wanted answers to my own questions, but it seemed odd to ask. So I didn’t. “You’re welcome.”

  “Okay, the sun is too fucking hot.” He sprang up off the chair. “Let’s go in the water.”

  “Been there, done that with you.” I smirked.

  He held his hands out in surrender. “I’m not going to try anything. You have my word.”

  I rolled over and pushed off the lounger. “Your word? I’m not sure it has much merit with me.”

  His hand flew to his heart as if he were wounded and I laughed. “I’m deeply hurt you feel you can’t trust me.”

  “All right, hotshot. Let’s go.” I caught up with him and we padded through the soft, warm sand. “I’ve got to warn you though, there might be retaliation this time.”

  Drew flipped me a sideways glance. “Bring it the fuck on.” He sprinted away from me, diving into the ocean to submerge himself under water. He popped up a second later. His hair was slicked back, face streaked in sunlight and he glowed with all his imperfections. A casual sexiness that made him so incredibly beautiful.

  With no hesitation this time, I waded in past the rippled water lapping at the shore and dove into the ocean. By the time I came up for air, Drew had already swam further out. I watched him for a few minutes, noticing how perfect his form was, almost like he was meant to be in the water. His strokes were fierce and determined, and then I remembered him telling me about his years at the pool.

  I waited for him to circle back to me. “Wow. Talk about focus.”

  His laugh was anything but happy. “That’s what happens when you have a father who rides your ass hard.”

  Another mention of his father—and not in a positive light. The picture he painted made me see red. For the boy that he was. And yet, in spite of it all, he had become this amazing, caring person. Out of the blue, pride swelled in my chest.

  “Should we race?”

  His head tilted in amusement. “Race? You want to race me? That’s… well, that’s pretty bold of you. You feeling okay?”

  “Oh, now I definitely want to race.”

  “No, you want to get your ass kicked.” He chuckled, glancing at the water before looking back to me. “You’re on. Shall we make a little wager?”

  I clucked my tongue. “Depends on what kind of wager.”

  LOSING THE RACE with Drew had its benefits. But one of them was definitely not this shirt. Because luau or not—I looked foolish.

  I glanced down at the orange and red short-sleeved button down with black palm trees and… shook my head. Only Drew could convince me to wear something like this with his magnetic smile and playful coaxing.

  “Now that is a shirt.”

  My lips kicked up at the teasing in his voice and sent my heart into a steady gallop. My eyes lifted to Drew, decked out in his own Hawaiian attire. Except his shirt was blue and yellow with palm trees, flowers, sunsets—and matching shorts. Of course, in perfect Drew fashion, he managed to pull it off.

  “You don’t look so bad yourself,” I countered, trying to contain my runaway smile as he sat across from me at the long, bench-like table. With his golden skin and conveniently messy hair, he could’ve passed for a surfer. I wanted to run my fingers through the wavy strands while burying my face in his neck and breathing him in. “I can’t deny I still feel pretty ridiculous,” I added, “but a bet is a bet.”

  “Sam, Sam, Sam,” he muttered. “I’m not sure what made you think you could beat me in a race but… I’ll give you an A for effort.”

  I balled up my napkin and tossed it in his direction, desiring nothing more than to kiss the smirk off his face until he looked at me with the same want that was bursting from my chest.

  To distract myself, I dropped my gaze to the table. Unable to deal with the chaos beside my plate, I shuffled my spoon and knife to the correct spot, hoping Drew wouldn’t notice. Of course, when I glanced up, he was staring at me. His thoughts were hard to read.

  “What are you doing?”

  It made sense to play it off. After all, it was no big deal. Except my hands were clammy and droplets of sweat coated my upper lip. I spit the words out quickly. “They’re in the wrong spot. Just putting things where they belong.”

  His brows knitted together but then his expression changed. “Oh.” He paused and I held my breath. Waiting. Always waiting. Then he glanced down at his plate, shifting things around. “Thanks. I never knew where these fucking things were supposed to go.” I must’ve opened and closed my mouth three times—and still, no words. His reassuring smile made it surprisingly easy for me to settle. “So this is your first luau, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good,” he replied a little too fast.

  The look in his eyes spelled trouble and my fingers crawled to the handle on my fork. “Do I even want to know?”

  He lifted his glass and took a sip of water. It did nothing to hide his smile. “Nope. Just go with it.”

  “I’ll try.”

  He nodded, then stood. “I’ll be right back.”

  True to his word, he returned in rapid time. As he walked toward me, his casual stride made it impossible not to stare. Even with that loud shirt and shorts, he wore it well. He could’ve been walking a runway.

  “You’re envious of my sparkling attire.” He winked, setting two exotic-looking drinks on the table. “Admit it.”

  “I admit nothing.” I sampled the frozen drink that tasted a little like coconut and a lot like rum. “This is pretty good.”

  Drew plopped down on his chair and was way too happy for my liking. “You up for a game?”

  I raised a skeptical brow. “I’m not sure I want to play your reindeer games.”

  “Ha.” He cocked his head, surveying me. “Did you just make a joke, Sam? Because it was actually kinda funny.”

  Yanking the small umbrella from my drink, I lobbed it over at him and he blocked it with one hand. It dropped onto his plate.

  “Stop throwing things at me.”

  I grinned. “Stop provoking me.”

  He bit back an obvious laugh before sipping something frozen and pink from his glass. “Okay, so this is how the game works. We go back and forth and ask each other questions, answering honestly and saying the first thing that comes to our mind. We can each ask the same question or different. Entirely up to us. Okay?”

  I sat up straighter in the chair, bracing myself for whatever might come my way. “I’m ready. Bring it.”

  Drew rested his arms on the table and edged forward. “Favorite color?”

  “Blue. Yours?”

&
nbsp; “Black.”

  “Favorite band?”

  “Journey. You?”

  My answer seemed to surprise him, but he kept going. “Stone Temple Pilots.”

  He propped an elbow on the wood, curling his fist under his chin. Clearly, he was getting into this. “First concert you ever saw?”

  “U2.”

  “You?”

  He tapped his thumb against his jaw. “Aerosmith. How about… favorite food?”

  “Pasta, with doughnuts a close second. Yours?”

  “Lobster.”

  I chuckled. “No surprise there.”

  “Okay.” He rubbed his hands together and a bolt of excitement surged through me. Not only that, but with no food in my stomach, this drink was starting to go to my head. I knew I had to slow down. Afraid the wrong thing might slip out. “Favorite sport?”

  I made a loud noise in my throat. “Not applicable. Not into sports. You?”

  “Baseball. Die-hard Yankees fan.”

  He paused to suck down more of his drink and I did the same. “Fondest memory?”

  That one, I had to think about. I had many, most involving my family. My eyes turned skyward before sailing back down. “I’d have to say my sister and my parents screaming for me in the audience when I graduated from Columbia. What about you?”

  Drew’s head dipped low and he stared into his glass. “My mother. Sitting with me as we took turns reading all the Harry Potter books we borrowed from the library. She was very animated and… used different tones for different characters.” His voice held a quiet reverence. “I always looked forward to that.”

  His eyes drifted to mine and I offered him a smile, knowing it wasn’t enough. I rolled my lip between my teeth as my gaze fell to his hand, wanting so much to hold it in mine. In the end, I took the easy way out, attempting to soothe him instead with my words. “That’s really awesome. She sounded amazing.”

  A brisk nod was accompanied by a half-smile. He lifted his drink, draining most of the glass before asking yet another question. “What’s your favorite book?”

  “Not sure I can answer that,” I replied, grinning. “Aside from my own.” Clearing the amusement from my face, I continued. “Okay, let’s see. I would probably say, The Shining. My sister read it and then lent it to me thinking I would love it. It scared me to death while I was reading, but I couldn’t make myself stop. Thought it was brilliant. What about you?”

  “Hmph. Also difficult to answer. I already told you how much I read.” His fingers rapped lightly against the table. “I’m kind of into the classics, to be honest. So I’d have to say it’s a toss-up between The Count of Monte Cristo and The Catcher in the Rye.”

  “I never read The Count of Monte Cristo.”

  His face lit up. “No? Oh, fuck. You have to. It’s a story of wrongful imprisonment. I’ve always had this fascination with prisons and could never get enough of watching shows and documentaries about them. For a while, I wanted to go into criminal law.”

  I finished off the rest of my drink. “So what happened? How did you go from that to the web?”

  He shrugged. “Don’t know, really. But I think it’s because I was always self-motivated. Most of what I learned, I learned by doing it myself. So with the web, I was interested in it enough to start playing around with the technology. Spent a lot of time at the library teaching myself how to code, and from there, it seemed like a natural progression.” Music played in the background, a soft blend of ukulele accompanied by light drums. That coupled with the alcohol winding through my system helped my shoulders to relax. “You’ve talked a little about your sister. Since I’ve never had siblings, I always live vicariously through other people. What’s she like?”

  At the mention of my sister, I could feel the smile spreading across my cheeks. “Mia is a nut. She’s a firecracker who isn’t afraid to tell it like it is, and she’s always been my biggest supporter. I’m older, and yet, she’s always looked out for me. You’d get a kick out of her, I think.”

  “She sounds fucking awesome. Maybe I could meet her sometime.”

  Pleasure wound its way through my chest but something kicked it to the curb. Knowing my sister like I did, and now Drew, I knew she’d be smitten. Jealousy swirled around me and I berated myself for it. Being envious of my sister was ridiculous. Especially if she could find happiness with someone like Drew. It’s just… I wanted him for myself.

  “What’s wrong? Why the long face?”

  I didn’t realize I was frowning until, of course, Drew pointed it out. “Just missing my sister, is all.” It was a half-truth, but the only one I was capable of revealing right then. What I needed was a change of topic. “Anyone you miss back home?”

  Drew didn’t hesitate. “Joe.”

  Nothing like seeing green twice. “Who’s that?”

  A smile pressed into his cheeks. “An old friend.”

  My shoulders sagged with relief over something I could never have. “Oh.”

  “Yeah. He’s been a staple in my life for as long as I can remember,” he admitted, and the fact that there was someone out there who cared for him lifted me up in a way that couldn’t be explained. A woman appeared at our table then carrying pink floral leis. She graced us with a smile and a nod as we bent our heads allowing her to place them around our necks. Drew beamed. “This is where it gets fun.”

  The cuisine was arranged on the table buffet style, and Drew explained it was a combination of Polynesian, Hawaiian, and Asian flavors. He took the liberty of scooping large portions of a variety of unfamiliar foods onto my plate. There were so many different items and not all of them looked appetizing, but I was doing my best to be open to trying new things.

  “What is all this?”

  He pointed to each one. “That right there is lomilomi salmon, that’s chicken long rice, and,” his finger circled the other side of my plate, “that’s kalua pork.”

  Drew caught my wince. “I don’t eat pork.”

  “That’s cool. Skip it.” He gestured to a large red bowl filled with something I couldn’t identify. Light purple in color with the texture of a thick paste. Definitely not appealing. “That’s poi. It’s made from taro roots. It’s kind of an acquired taste.”

  I nodded in understanding but there was no way I would eat it. Thank goodness it was on a separate dish. Eyes trained on my plate, I compartmentalized each item, needing to make sure the various foods stayed separate. Sensing Drew’s gaze, I looked up. “I don’t like my foods to touch each other,” I admitted, redirecting my attention to the flowers on the table. Not wanting to see that expression—the one I’d seen many times before.

  But Drew surprised me—again.

  “Hey.” He waited to continue until I glanced up. “I totally get it,” he supplied with a smile. “I can’t stand when gravy gets on anything but my turkey.” He let out a short laugh. “I try to move other shit away, but it always slides across the damn plate.”

  It was unclear whether that was the truth or whether he’d said it for my benefit. But in that moment Drew endeared himself to me even more, if that was possible. And when he went back to his food, I found myself watching him. My mind wandered, and I couldn’t fathom why anyone would ever want to hurt him, especially his father. One of the two people put on this earth to protect him. Just the thought of it made me sick to my stomach.

  His gaze flicked to mine and he set his fork down. “Listen, if you don’t like the food, don’t feel like you need to eat it. We can get you something else.”

  “No,” I quickly replied. “It’s not that.” More drinks arrived at the table as I was about to broach the subject with him. Instead, I decided it was best to shelve it for now. “Actually, I’m going to try this long chicken rice thing.”

  He chuckled, going back to his own food and devouring everything on his plate. The guy could seriously eat. Give me a good burger any day of the week and I could too. But this stuff, not so much.

  Drew finished his meal just in time. The mu
sic had increased in volume and dancers were lining up on a stage decked out in gorgeous red and white Polynesian costumes. He signaled to them with a wicked smile. “It’s almost time.”

  “Time for what?”

  “You’ll see,” was the only response he gave me. My curiosity peaked and it wasn’t long before I had my answer. A woman ventured over to us with olive skin and eyes resembling the night sky. Her hair was a sheet of black, the Hawaiian breeze blowing it over her shoulders. She offered us an inviting smile before gesturing with a hand to follow her to the open space beside our table. Drew stood immediately while I sunk lower in the chair, trying to make myself invisible. Naturally, Drew wouldn’t let me get away with it. He turned to catch my eye. “Come on. Shall we show these people the proper way to do the hula?”

  I squeezed my wristband, wishing I could be like him and shed the heavy cloak that covered my body. Maybe I could if I told him the truth. But staring at Drew, at the single dimple denting his cheek, I knew it was too risky. He meant something to me now and a trickle of fear slid over my spine at the prospect of losing him. Already, we were running out of time, my trip coming to an end in five days.

  “No long faces, Sam. I won’t have it.” He stretched out his hand to me but it remained empty as I laughed off my previous thoughts.

  “Oh, no,” I informed him with a brisk shake of my head. “There is absolutely no way I’m going out there. But I’m more than happy to watch.” My best smile didn’t make the disappointment on his face lessen any, but dancing was never my thing. And gyrating in front of a group of strangers definitely wasn’t my thing.

  “Okay. Suit yourself.” He trailed behind her as the music shifted to the gentle strum of a ukulele. Drew, joined by a few other tourists followed her lead, moving their arms in a wavelike fashion from left to right, each of them telling a story with their bodies. But my gaze was stuck on Drew, on that crazy getup and the humor lighting his eyes as he imitated her motion. Hips that caught my full attention swayed from side to side. For an instant, I could feel the weight of them under my fingertips. God, I wanted for one moment to be no-nonsense like that. To not care that my clothes were in disarray or my fork was on the wrong side of the plate. I wanted to feel the way I did when Drew held my hand and we jumped off the cliff—that rush of adrenaline pumping life into me. I wanted to feel it all the time.