by Beth Michele
My demeanor changed instantly. Gone was any previous turmoil and I was flooded with warm memories. Her petite five-foot-two frame, big blue eyes that so closely resembled mine. One hug from her could set my world right again. Not to mention her smile that, for the longest time, was the only thing I looked forward to.
“She was…” My stomach tightened. I missed her so much. “She was strong but still so kind. My mom was my rock.” I let out a breathless laugh. “She’s the one who taught me how to dance. She’d take me with her on the weekend when she cleaned houses, and after she finished up, she turned up the music and gave me lessons. She tried to show me how to sew too, but I kind of sucked at it. I don’t know. I think because I was an only child, she always wanted to find things we could share together.
“Plus, my dad wasn’t fucking interested so she tried to make up for that by overcompensating.” I pulled a hand through my hair and sighed. “She just… she loved me, you know? She knew who I was at a very young age, probably before I did, and she always accepted me. Never made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Or that it was some phase I would grow out of. The only thing she wanted was for me to be happy and stay safe in a world that wasn’t very accepting of anyone who was different.”
Remembering our talks, I smiled. “Even though I was very young at the time, she never held back from me. She wasn’t one of those parents who said, ‘I’ll tell you when you’re older.’ She wanted to make sure I had an awareness of myself and the world.”
“I think your mother and my mother would’ve enjoyed some good conversation over coffee.” Sam paused as a group of kids passed by. “Did you always know—”
“I was gay?”
“Yeah.”
“Yup. I mean, I didn’t necessarily know what it was. But I always liked boys,” I admitted, chuckling. “I remember this one time a new family moved into our building, and there was a girl and her older brother. My father kept going on and on about the ‘cute girl with the pigtails.’ I knew he was doing it on purpose. Meanwhile, I couldn’t shut the fuck up about her brother. I think I was maybe ten at the time.” My hair blew in front of my face and I pushed it aside. “Even then, my father was trying to change who I was. But I used it to my advantage so I could go over there and then be around her brother. I just never had that kind of interest in girls. What about you?”
“I tried to like girls. Even dated a few. But I never felt anything. And I knew it wasn’t right. Plus, I think people caught on anyway. Mostly because the way I stared at boys was totally different than how I was with girls. But it was really hard growing up where I did. I got teased a lot, and bullied once people figured it out. No one ever physically hurt me, but emotionally, I was terrified,” he admitted, and I squeezed his hand. “If it hadn’t been for my sister, I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through it.”
“What about your parents? Did they make it harder for you?”
He sighed, but it sounded more like relief than bitterness. “That’s the thing. My parents always supported me. And when I finally came out to them, even though I was scared to tell them, they were open and loving about it. It was for that reason that I didn’t let on how much grief I got at school. I knew it would devastate them.”
“Don’t you think they had a right to know though, as your parents? Maybe they would’ve moved somewhere else or helped to make the situation better?”
He cleared his throat, and I could tell that even at twenty-nine, this was a hard discussion to have. “I wanted to protect them.”
“But who was protecting you?”
I caught his shrug. “My sister, I guess. She would’ve taken on the whole school in my defense.”
“Shit, the kids I hung out with didn’t give two fucks what I was. They had their own problems. Most of them were from broken homes, had alcoholic or drugged-up parents. And to be honest, I wouldn’t have cared anyway. I didn’t mind being alone.”
“A rebel with a cause,” he teased, and I could hear the smile in his voice.
Smirking, I tossed him a sideways glance. “Something like that.” The waves lapping at the shore grabbed my attention and as we kept walking, I turned toward the ocean. “Boys always fascinated me. What can I say?”
Sam paused and stepped in front of me, keeping his hand closed around mine. His eyes gleamed black in the moonlight. “You fascinate me.” More strands fell into my eyes and he reached up to sweep them away, letting his fingers thread through my hair then slide around to cup the back of my neck. He dragged my mouth to his—painstakingly slow—and kissed me. And it was a good fucking kiss. All warm lips and hot tongues. Lazy brushes and firm pressure. The flavor of coconut lingered in his mouth, but mostly, he tasted like something I’d been missing. Something I wanted more of.
This was different.
My palm felt empty when he released my fingers, but his hand quickly traveled up to frame my jaw, thumb stroking along my pulse point. I shuddered, a spark of heat trailing down my back and skipping along my spine. My cock was hard—straining—throbbing in my shorts as my fingers sought purchase in his shirt, fisting the fabric to bring him closer. Needing to erase the distance between our bodies.
Sam pulled back before I was ready, inches from my face. He was panting. “I think maybe we should go back now?”
It took me a second to respond, to catch my breath. “I love the way you think, Sam.”
IN THE ELEVATOR, Drew and I traded glances back and forth, staring then looking away. His hand was folded in mine, and now that I knew I could hold it freely, I wouldn’t let go. Not even when a couple who stepped on shot us a look of disapproval. Nothing was going to stop me from expressing my affection toward him.
More people crammed inside, forcing us further back against the wall. Drew tugged on my hand until my shoulder bumped up against his arm. It was the tiniest amount of friction, but we could’ve started a fire with the heat it generated. My pulse escalated, and I wanted out of this confined space. Needing to be alone with Drew.
He leaned closer, mouth resting above my ear. “I’m so fucking hard right now,” he whispered, and I had to press my lips together to stifle my groan. His words, coupled with his warm breath sailing across my neck drove me crazy. But Drew knew exactly what he was doing, giving me his trademark grin when I glanced over. His eyes were on me as if there was no one else in the car. As if I was his only focus. I blinked, questioning if this was all a dream. Maybe because I wanted it so badly.
But nothing about the way his eyes roved my face seemed like an altered reality. He wasn’t touching me, but God, did I feel him. His gaze seared my skin and my body responded with a desperate ache. His touch the only thing that could satisfy it.
Short of attacking him in the elevator, I tried to keep my cool. But it was impossible. Even breaking our stare didn’t help. I turned my head to face the wall, smiling like I was thirteen years old and this was all new to me. And it was. From the moment I’d met Drew, he sparked something inside of me—and I’d become addicted to him.
A family piled out on the next floor, leaving Drew and me with just a few other people. I didn’t have to see his face to know he was smiling—I was smiling too. Emotion hovered in the air above us like stars illuminating the night sky. It wasn’t something I could have expressed to him because my insides were twisted—like a ball gaining momentum. There was no way I could stop it. Didn’t even want to try.
Finally, the car dinged. We weaved our way around the last two people in the elevator. Without a word, I pulled Drew down the hall, card key already in hand. He chuckled, his palm resting on my lower back as I opened the door.
And then we were alone.
Even as I placed my key on the table, my eyes never left Drew. He was standing in the middle of the room. Dim light cast his face in a soft glow, and suddenly I couldn’t read his expression. Something had shifted. Evident in the way he was wringing his hands and staring at the carpet. It was so uncharacteristically Drew, I wasn’t sure what to
make of it.
In two short strides, I stood in front of him. “What’s wrong?”
His next breath was heavy, a gust of air against my face. “I need to tell you something, and you might not want—”
“It won’t change anything.”
He moved his head from left to right. “You don’t know that.”
His hand was stiff at his side and I reached for it, lacing our fingers together. I softened my voice. “I do. Whatever it is. Short of you telling me you’re a serial killer, it won’t change a thing.”
That garnered a small smile. “No, I’m definitely not that.”
“Okay, then just… tell me.”
Drew swallowed, eyes darting from side to side as if trying to get his thoughts together. I wasn’t worried though. There was nothing he could say that would make me feel any different. His gaze eventually found mine again. “After my mother died, I was angry. I hated my father, and things went from bad to worse once she was gone. I knew he didn’t accept me. Hell, he rarely ever acknowledged me. And I wanted… well, I wanted to do something to piss him off, to get back at him. Even though the irony was he didn’t care enough about me to give two shits. Still, it didn’t fucking matter. I…” He paused to lick his lips, the air thick with tension. “I hooked up with a lot of guys. It was just sex, but it was a lot, and I don’t know, it made me feel powerful and in control for the first time in my life. But… I want you to know I was always safe, always used condoms. I’ve been tested, Sam, and I’m clean.” He finally took a breath and went silent. And then it all clicked. I could tell how much he wanted me before but something held him back.
“Is that it?”
He gasped. “Is that it? I just told you I had sex with a ton of guys, and it was meaningless.”
“I only have one question.” I gestured back and forth between us. “Is this meaningless?”
His eyes softened, a calm sea of blue. “No. It’s not.”
“Then nothing else matters.” Guiding our joined hands around his back, I urged him closer. My stare dropped to his full, open lips. “Except this.” I covered his mouth with mine and a whisper of breath, of relief, blew against me—and I smiled. And then Drew smiled. So much for my passionate kiss to prove a point. Instead, it was more like teeth gnashing and tongues dueling before I broke the kiss. “I’ve been dreaming about this… about you.”
He grinned. It was devilish and charming, and it turned me on. “Go ahead, Sam. I’m here. Make your dreams a reality.” His playfulness quickly dissolved into breathing filled with desperation and want when he saw my intent. “Touch me.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere.” He reached between us with his free hand and grabbed mine, flattening my palm against his erection. “Everywhere.”
His cock, it was so hard. I rubbed up and down over his shorts and he moaned, making me desperate to get him naked, to drag my tongue over every inch of his body. “God, you feel good.” I kissed him, hungrier this time. Biting at his full lower lip, plunging my tongue into his mouth. All the teasing had subsided, and we were left in a haze of lust. In our desperation, we were clumsy and awkward. But it didn’t matter. I knew I didn’t have to be perfect for Drew. He had seen my idiosyncrasies and was still here.
Our limbs were everywhere all at once. His hands fought to gain access to my skin, my lips trailed across his jaw and slid down the curve of his neck. A shiver worked its way along my shoulders when his fingers slipped under my shirt. His touch felt better than I imagined. I needed our clothes gone.
“Take this off,” I whispered, sucking on the sensitive skin beneath his ear. The sounds he made were driving me crazy. Strained, sexy, and so… Drew. I wanted to devour him.
Desire like I’d never felt before tore through me. I couldn’t wait, pulling my mouth and hands back to pop the first two buttons on his shirt, to drag it up and away from his body. One snagged on a strand of hair and we laughed before the shirt made it over his head and he flung it across the room. The moment it was off, I returned to the smooth bend of his neck, brushing open-mouthed kisses along his collarbone. Pressing my fingers into his hip to keep him still. His scent, it was so sweet, I wanted to inhale him. Needed more of him. All of him. I bent to lick a wet path across his chest and he moaned.
“Jesus, your tongue.”
The pleasure in his voice spurred me on. I kept going, my tongue skimming his nipple before I sucked it into my mouth. A groan ripped from his chest and I wanted to hear more. Wanted him to scream my name as I made him come.
I glanced up through my lashes, watching him, full lips open, head tilted back. His reaction to me made me painfully hard, my dick pushing against the fabric of my shorts. But I wasn’t in a hurry. All my attention was on Drew.
The lower I went, the faster his breathing came. Over deep grooves of muscle, ridges, and taut skin. Using the tip of my tongue, I teased a hot trail across his abdomen then dropped to my knees. I felt his gaze on me and looked up. His voice was a hoarse plea.
“Please…”
“Tell me what you want, Drew.”
A hint of vulnerability flashed in his eyes. “I want… God… I want you to suck my cock.”
Holding his gaze, I kissed along the bulge of his shorts, saliva and eagerness leaving a wet outline on the fabric. He was panting now, and I didn’t want to tease him anymore. I wanted him in my mouth. Without warning, I yanked his shorts and boxers down and his erection sprang free. It was thick and beautiful. I edged forward, wrapping my lips around the head.
“Oh, fuck.”
I flattened my tongue against his sticky slit before running my lips down, up, and around all that smooth skin. His salty tang hit my mouth while the masculine smell of sweat and musk filled my nose—and I was high on it. Moaning, I gripped his thighs and took him deep until his swollen length bumped up against my throat. My cheeks were full of him, my saliva coating his cock and trailing down my chin.
Gentle pressure hit the back of my head then, Drew’s fingers knotting in my hair, guiding me. I peered up at him, his eyes drifting closed, hips arching forward as a strangled groan vibrated between us. Hard and soft, curves and muscle—he was perfect. Goose bumps broke out in droves over my skin. He was close, and seeing him about to lose it nearly had me coming in my shorts.
“Fuck, I’m gonna…”
He exploded in my mouth, emptying himself with such force that I almost fell back. But I hung on, my lips a tight seal around his cock until he latched onto my biceps and pulled me up. His mouth covered mine, tongue pushing inside like he needed to be there. Circling. Licking. Exploring. When he finally severed our contact, he was grinning. It was the most spectacular thing I’d ever seen.
“I like my taste on you. And you have a heavenly mouth. Anyone ever told you that before?”
“No.” I smiled. “But I’m okay with you being the first.”
Drew’s expression softened, eyes crinkling at the corners. “I think I am too.” His gaze slid over me. “You have too many clothes on. There’s something very fucking wrong with this picture.” He eyed me with a raised brow as he kicked his shoes away and whittled off his shorts. “And I’d like to change that,” he added, tugging his boxers up then helping me with the buttons on my shirt before removing it.
I certainly was in no position to argue. My erection was screaming for his attention and it was more than obvious. In less than a minute, he had my boxers and shorts around my ankles and my cock in his hand. I didn’t even care that we were both still standing because his fingers were tightly wrapped around me—stroking, pulling, sliding, while his lips tasted my skin, tongue lashing out to lick his way down my chest. God he had a dedicated mouth, and a hot, wet tongue I wanted everywhere.
“Jesus. You are so fucking hard.”
“Oh, God.” I threw my head back. “Jerk me off.” A groan rumbled deep in my throat and he stroked faster. Teasing the head of my cock, thumbing the pre-come beading up at the tip. The warmth and speed of his hand was to
o much. It was too good. I wanted to prolong this feeling of absolute bliss, but my body was wound too tight and there was no way I could hold out. Drew reached down with his other hand, squeezing my balls in his heated palm. They tightened as the pleasure became too intense. My legs quivered and he snaked his arm around my waist to hold me up as he continued to pump my cock. “Fuck, I’m gonna come.”
“Give it to me, Sam.”
My orgasm ripped through me, body splintering apart as I came all over his hand, my stomach, my neck.
Drew flicked his tongue against my throat. “Mmm… you taste so damn good.” He eased me onto the edge of the bed and gave me a quick kiss. “I loved watching you lose it like that.” Then he turned and headed for the bathroom, emerging a minute later with a towel. Suddenly, I was depleted. All the emotional and physical buildup left me spent. I wanted nothing more than to lay down next to him, curl into his body and go to sleep.
“I had expectations for more but you wiped me out.” I joked. “But there’s no rush, right? We have all the time in the world.” The words spilled out and I only hoped they were true. That he wouldn’t eventually walk away from me too.
Drew beamed a smile and my heart soared. “I guess we do.”
Once we cleaned up, I slid my boxers back on and climbed under the covers, patting the spot next to me. Drew jumped onto the mattress with a grin like the huge thrill-seeker that he was.
“You are a force,” I teased, feeling freer than I had in so long. I think Drew was rubbing off on me.
He wasted no time and burrowed into my side, resting his head under my neck. His hair tickled my skin and I shivered. The deep timbre of his chuckle penetrated my chest. “I am, aren’t I?”
Now I laughed.
Drew got quiet, and I followed the path of his fingers as he traced lazy circles over my stomach. “I owe you an apology.” His voice was low and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me what he’d need to apologize for. Guilt surged in my gut over my own dishonesty. But Drew didn’t seem bothered by it so I needed to let it go.