Private Dancer (The Bancrofts: Book 3)

by Barrett, Brenda

  When she met Adrian, she had for the first time met someone who loved her for her. That was the only time she could remember not living in pretense. She had been Catherine Taylor, a young woman who had her life spread before her and the possibilities had seemed really bright and positive.

  When Adrian left, she reverted to being the pretend girl and lost the essence of herself once more. Now that he was back, she felt confused and in turmoil, as if somebody had woken her from a long, unsatisfying sleep.

  She headed to her kitchen, a small yet compact space that had a lone box of peppermint tea bags in the cupboard, testifying to the fact that she hardly lived in the place. She plopped a tea bag into a cup and leaned against the counter, her arms crossed below her breasts and watched the kettle, waiting for it to whistle.

  Her thoughts drifted to the year she graduated from high school. Adrian had graduated from his school two years before that. He had been the only person who had come to see her graduate. Miss Icy had not been able to attend, making the excuse that she didn't have anything appropriate to wear. Cathy had been disappointed but not overly so. Adrian had picked her up, dropped her off at the school, taken her pictures with her few friends, and generally helped her to have a good time.

  That was also the first time she had met his parents. She remembered it like it was yesterday. His mother was a pleasant lady; happy for her that she had graduated high school, but his father, Dr. Bancroft, hardly said a word to her. She could sense his disapproval from the moment she had stepped into the house. Adrian hadn't believed her when she told him. He said his father was not a class-prejudiced kind of guy, but she had sensed it, and it was confirmed a few months later when she had gotten a job in a hardware store in the town square.

  He had come by to purchase something and had seen her at the counter and took her aside. "What's your name again, girl?" His eyes had a bitterness that Cathy had found daunting.

  In a silly effort to impress him, she didn't use the diminutive form of her name, Cathy.

  "Catherine," she had answered, clearing her throat because he made her nervous with his hard stare and the twist to his lips.

  "That's a classy name," he said. "It doesn't fit you."

  That had been the first blow.

  "I warned Adrian against befriending you," he said conversationally. "My son has big dreams. He has potential. You are not going to help him along his path to a better life. Look at you, just graduated high school, and already you are working as a shop clerk. Are you planning on going to college?"

  "I can't afford it," Cathy had replied breathlessly, almost painfully. She literally had an ache in her chest. She knew she was wrong for Adrian, but she hadn't realized that she would have held him back from accomplishing his career goals.

  Dr. Bancroft had nodded, and raking his gaze over her perceptibly, said, "You are a good looking girl. Maybe some guy in that rural area where you live will find you attractive. Settle down with a farmer or goat herder… and give Adrian a chance to grow… reach his full potential. He'll thank you for it."

  "But...but I love him," Cathy had said with tears in her eyes, "and he loves me."

  "Adrian thinks he loves you." Dr. Bancroft had said. "You two are too young to know what love is. You are what? Seventeen? And he's nineteen. Leave him alone and you will soon find someone else to love."

  He had turned away from her and made his purchases, and Cathy had felt herself shaking as a result of his scathing attack. She had literally been going through the motions of her 'lowly' job throughout the day. As the minutes ticked by, she digested everything Dr. Bancroft said: how she was holding Adrian back from his glorious future and how she would probably be better off with somebody like a goat herder. She began rationalizing that maybe it was true; maybe Adrian really wanted to move on to somebody who was more educated and more in his social class and she was hampering him because of some misplaced loyalty on his part. He was extremely protective of her, but that could be just his naturally kind nature.

  When Adrian picked her up from work, as he was used to doing, she had been at her lowest ebb and had refused to get into the car.

  "I am not good enough for you!" she had yelled, when he asked her what was the matter with her. "You go to a university where your father is the vice president and you live in a big house in a nice community. All I have is this job where I am paid minimum wage." She had sobbed, "I am stuck with Miss Icy in her one room shack. I have no prospects. I am better off with a goat herder or a farmer."

  All her insecurities came pouring out. She walked away leaving a stunned Adrian staring at her in incredulity.

  He had locked up the car and ran to catch up with her. "Where is all of this coming from? What's gotten into you?"

  Tears were coursing down her cheeks and she wanted to tell him about what his father had said to her, but she couldn't because she reasoned that what he said was true; he had just helped her to see the light.

  However, she had been depending on Adrian more than ever. He was her lifeline and was closer to her than anyone else. She genuinely and deeply loved him and appreciated him and it had not once occurred to her that she was ruining his life by being this dependent on him as Adrian's father had suggested.

  She had to let him go and forge her own destiny apart from him. After all, she needed him more than he needed her. Maybe he was feeling guilty about abandoning her, knowing what a tough, tearjerker of a childhood she had. Maybe he was just being sympathetic, or maybe he was playing the Good Samaritan, she reasoned.

  She didn't have any evidence that he loved her. He had never kissed her, not once. He was nineteen, almost twenty; which guy in their right mind would not want to kiss a girl he was attracted to? Maybe he was kissing somebody else. Maybe he had somebody else.

  All those thoughts raced through her brain at the time. She had walked quite a long way from the small square in her feverish need to get away.

  Adrian was still looking at her with overwhelming concern in his eyes. "Cathy! Talk to me!"

  "Why can't you kiss me? You say you love me, but do you really?"

  Adrian had swallowed and looked stunned. "That's what this is about. Kissing?"

  She had quite forgotten what the initial cause of her tiff was about, once the kissing idea had taken hold of her.

  "Yes it is," she said softly. "We never kiss. You hardly want to hug me for long."

  Adrian had laughed. "Cathy," he said after sobering up. "I don't want to start kissing you. I don't know if I can stop at kissing. I have these feelings for you, but I want us to do this the right way."

  Cathy had walked up to him boldly and pressed her body to his. "Kiss me, Adrian!"

  Adrian did. The kiss was gentle and exploratory at first, and then it turned into a demanding bold pressing of lips that felt as if it went on forever. They had forgotten that they were a few meters from the town square or that they were in a public area where just about anyone could see them.

  The whistling kettle dragged her from her reverie. She had subconsciously touched her lips, so lost had she been in her memories. She turned off the kettle and stood looking into space.

  She finally roused herself from her inertia and poured the water over the tea bag. She watched as the contents of the bag slowly diffused into the water.

  It reminded her of her bad influence on Adrian; she had initiated their sex life.

  She had the idea that if they had sex then they would surely be together forever. Just like in romance novels. Sex was the tie that seemed to bind the couples in the books; it had not occurred to her to look at her reality.

  In her reality, sex had been a commodity, Miss Icy happily slept with various men in the community to supplement her income. Sex was no magic formula that bound people together. Sex was not usually followed by music, nor flowers, nor happy-ever-afters. That was romance.

  Romance and sex were very different things, but she had gotten it in her head that Adrian had to prove his love for her by having sex with her
although he had proven, over and over, that she was the center of his world. It had been an unusually cold December in the hills of Mount Faith; Adrian had been studying for his final exams. He had one more semester to go and then he would graduate with his bachelor’s degree in Anthropology.

  He was looking forward to it, and reassured her that after that they could get married, have their own place and then he'd get a job and send her to do her degree—she had always wanted to do nursing.

  He had picked her up from work and taken her to his house. Nobody was home. His asthmatic sister Kylie was in hospital; his mother was spending most of her time there, and the other children, Marcus and Jessica, were at extra curricular activities.

  It was the first time they were alone at Adrian parent's house. They were talking as usual, and then she had made the brilliant suggestion that she would help him study in his room on his bed. She had never seen his room until that moment, but she had followed him to his room and sat on his bed.

  She had playfully taken his book from him. He had wrestled with her for it, and the next thing she knew she was kissing him.

  Adrian had pulled back.

  "No Cathy."

  "Why not?" She looked at him pleadingly. "We don't have to go far. We can take off our tops only. I have never seen you shirtless before."

  She had licked her lips and Adrian had groaned.

  "I have Youth class at church this Sabbath. I am the leader you know. I'd be riddled with guilt."

  She had taken off her top.

  Adrian had tentatively touched her breasts, forgetting youth class. His touch had caused a fluttering feeling in her nether regions, and when they had started kissing, she had wanted to feel him closer, so they had taken off their bottoms, just so they could be skin to skin.

  His body heat had warmed her in the chilly evening. And they had rubbed themselves together until they reached a mutual climax.

  That was the beginning.

  That first time had not been enough for both of them and they had started something that they couldn't stop. They combined raw emotions and sexual curiosity and ended up with trouble.

  It wasn't long before they were meeting in quiet places, where they could be together. Adrian's grades started slipping in his last semester because of their mutual hunger for each other. He had started getting A-minuses instead of the expected A-pluses. Every day, without fail, they would find some excuse to meet each other.

  April turned into May, and then the end of the semester. They were at his house, and no one was home, as they had timed it, or so they had thought.

  His father caught them en flagrante, literally in the act. It had not only been embarrassing. It had been life changing.

  Dr. Bancroft had not said a word to them. He had opened the door and then closed it abruptly. He did not speak to either of them when they left the house that day. He just sat in the living room as they passed him on the way out, a stony expression on his face. She and Adrian had done the walk of shame, passing him by with all their sins obvious for him to see.

  A week later, on her birthday, she had found out that she was pregnant. After several mornings of waking up with nausea and a heavy feeling in her breasts, she had finally succumbed and gotten a pregnancy test, as Adrian had suggested.

  They had looked at each other with a variety of feelings flowing between them.

  "We'll just get married! This June." Adrian said. "I'll have my degree by then. I can always apply for another scholarship from Harvard. No biggie."

  "Yes biggie," Cathy had argued. "I don't want to ruin your plans."

  "My plans," Adrian kissed her softly all over her face, "are nothing without you. Got that? I am going to be a father, and I think that is more important than a degree."

  When she told Miss Icy about her pregnancy her grandmother had seen it as a way of escape; a way for her to leave her life of poverty behind. In her exuberance, she had contacted Dr Bancroft, thinking it was time she met her more illustrious in-laws. Dr. Bancroft had been livid.

  He had called Cathy and Adrian to a meeting in his office, and ranted and raved for hours. He had called her some choice words, like “classless” and “gold-digger.” Adrian had been stoic in his defense of her and of the two of them being together, standing up to his father fearlessly. She had been proud of him but the damage had been done.

  Once more, she had seen what she had done to him. She had damaged Adrian's life. She was like a hurricane. A particularly destructive one that damaged all that she touched. Just like her mother.

  Everyone in the community knew that it was her mother's fault why her father killed her. Even Miss Icy said that was true.

  At the instigation of her grandmother, she bargained with Dr Bancroft and accepted his paying her off to leave Adrian. Cathy had intended that Adrian should move on with his life without her stifling him.

  It was a deal she regretted making as soon as she did it.

  She sipped her peppermint tea and wished that she could somehow go back in time and erase her so-called noble decision. When she told Adrian that she had aborted their baby, it had seemed as if all the light had gone out of his eyes. For the first time she had seen him looking at her with loathing.

  That lie had really driven him from her, and for weeks they didn't speak. Miraculously Adrian had wanted to get in touch with her to patch things up but she had done the noble-thing again and told him she didn't love him anymore and that she had found somebody else.

  She placed her tea on the counter with exaggerated care. She deserved all the bad things that happened to her since then.

  Her phone started beeping in the next room and she contemplated ignoring it but it could be Nanjo and she was into pacifying him these days.

  She reached for it, not recognizing the number.

  "Hello."

  "It's me," Adrian said. "Can we meet?"

  Cathy closed her eyes at the sound of his precious voice in her ear.

  "Cathy?" Adrian asked tersely. "I am not going to go away until we talk about this."

  He deserved to hear the truth, Cathy thought. Just this once she'd meet with Adrian and tell him the truth. She had no hope that the door between them wouldn't close after she told him the truth, and she knew his life could be in danger.

  "I can come to your hotel at seven o'clock," Cathy said. "You can meet me by the pool."

  "I'll be there," Adrian said abruptly.

  "How'd you get my number?" Cathy asked, hoping to prolong her conversation with him.

  He hung up before she could finish her question. The little click at the end of the line vividly reminded her of how she felt when she had caused him to leave her life the last time.

  Chapter Seven

  Adrian was sitting by the poolside by six-thirty. He had tried to temper his anxiety about meeting Cathy again and hearing what she had to say, but that didn't work. He had gone to Emancipation Park, which was across from the hotel, and had taken advantage of the walking trails by walking around them for two hours until he was exhausted.

  Luckily, it had been overcast, but he had returned to the hotel, sweaty and hot. After a cool shower he tried to do some reading—his father had a feature on the second page of one of the national newspapers. He was touted as being the ultimate family man and newly elected president of Mount Faith University.

  His father had called him and asked him to come to his induction ceremony in December, but he had refused. It had not even occurred to him to come back to Jamaica early for the event. It's not as if he still blamed his dad for paying off Cathy. He, in fact, thought that his father was doing what he thought was right at the time.

  He read the rest of the article and had a laugh, especially where his father eloquently explained how he juggled his career with his family life. He could imagine his parents having a little argument about that one because his mother was the one who juggled her career and her family life.

  He put down the newspaper when he heard the click-click of high heel
s advancing toward him. It was Cathy. She was dressed in a tailored blue dress and had on heels to match. Her hair was caught in a high chignon and she had on huge sunglasses, almost covering half her face. She looked cool and sophisticated, like she meant business. She stood before him.

  "Do you want us to talk right here or around a table or something?" her voice was not as confident as her walk, he realized.

  "Sure." He got up from the lounger. "You are early. It's just six-thirty."

  "I just wanted to get over with this conversation, sooner rather than later."

  They sat around a wrought iron table. Adrian stared at her silently, waiting for her to make the first move.

  "Are you going to take off your glasses?" he asked when the silence had stretched almost to breaking point.

  Cathy shook her head and then inhaled deeply. "I think I need them to speak."

  Adrian shrugged and leaned back in his chair, appearing relaxed but he was anything but. He wanted to shake her and tell her to spill it, tell him where his child was, explain why she'd lied to him, and explain to him what he had ever done to deserve this.

  He'd loved her more than he loved himself. Why did she put him through so much anguish and pain? Another part of him, which always had her in his heart, smelled her perfume, saw her swallow, and wanted to tell her to take her time.

  He preferred the anger. He didn't want to feel tender to her, not ever again.

  "I took your father's money as you know." Cathy fiddled with her purse. "He gave me a million dollars. I felt like crap after I saw it in my bank account. I wanted to send it back but Miss Icy convinced me otherwise. She had just gotten an offer to live in a house in Arnett Gardens, a two bedroom place, and she convinced me to come along."

  Adrian closed his eyes. "That was in June. I came looking for you and you told me that you had an abortion and that you didn't love me anymore."

  "Yes," Cathy said weakly.

  "Then you disappeared to that ghetto place. When I came looking for you in July, I had that argument with Miss Icy. She said you already had another boyfriend."