Goodbye Secrets

by Jacquelyn Ayres

  “Hey, sweetheart. How are you, love?” Another kiss.

  “Better now.” I tap his hand and get up to greet him properly. He palms my face and caresses my lips sweetly. His tongue softly runs across the line between my lips, beckoning to deepen the kiss. My lips comply and he pulls me closer. We’re lost in each other, and the hypnotic theatrics of our tongues lovingly greet one another. I’m sure Melissa, Derek, and Paul are a little uncomfortable, but we don’t care enough to stop. Three days without each other seemed like an eternity.

  “Come up for air.” Barely a whisper, but loud enough to grab my attention and pull me away from Grayson.

  “Stacey!” I yell, practically pushing Grayson over to get to her. She blinks and smiles.

  “Drink,” she whispers. I press the nurse’s light.

  “Oh my God, Stacey! I’m so happy you’re awake!” I kiss her face. She squints, looking at me. Jen, the nurse, walks in. “Jen, she’s awake!” Jen smiles and greets Stacey. I go and get her water and ask the other nurse to call the doctor.

  “Hey, sweetheart.” Grayson comes up behind me.

  “Hey.” I turn to him.

  “Sweetheart, Stacey doesn’t know who we are.” What the hell is he talking about? “Honestly. She just asked me who we all are.” He grabs the pitcher of water from me.

  “Oh, this is not good on so many levels.” We slowly head back to her room. This must be temporary. It has to be! Yes, Becca, it has to be. I’m just going to do everything I can to help her. Stay positive. Stay positive.

  We walk into Stacey’s room. She opens her eyes.

  “So, you’re my sister? Did we have different fathers, mothers, or both?”

  I burst into a fit of giggles. She may not remember me, but she is still herself! I wait for Jen to leave the room.

  “Both.” I laugh again and pour her some water.

  “What?” She takes the glass from me.

  “Stacey, I am Becca Campbell and I have been your best friend since the seventh grade. We’ve been through it all. You are more my sister ... my family ... than anyone besides Morgan. I told them I was your sister so they would let me stay with you and assist with the medical decisions.” I help her move her hair out of her face.

  “Who’s Morgan?” She closes her eyes again.

  “My daughter, and your goddaughter. She’s ten going on thirty.” I show her my cell. I have several pictures on there, including one of her and Morgan.

  “She’s beautiful.” She smiles. “Becca?”

  “Yeah, Stace?” I grab her hand.

  “What happened to me?” Her eyes fill and her chin quivers.

  “Stace, you were attacked and brutally beaten. That’s all we really know. We were waiting for you to wake up and fill in the blanks.” No tears are shed alone amongst best friends. Melissa passes us the tissues. “Thanks, Meliss.” I smile and take them.

  “I feel like I’m in a crazy dream. I don’t know who anybody is here, including me.” She cries.

  “That’s only temporary, Mrs. Bergman.” Dr. Peterson walks in, rubbing sanitizer into his hands before he shakes Stacey’s.

  “Mrs.? I’m married? Oh God, please tell me we’re the type of best friends who marry twin brothers!” She points to Grayson. I burst into another fit of giggles.

  “Oh, Stace, you are not far away at all!” I kiss her forehead and stand back so Dr. Peterson can give her a full exam.

  When he checks her pupils for sensitivity to light, she grabs his wrist.

  “Please, why can’t I remember anything?”

  “You will, Stacey. You are suffering from retrograde—or temporary—amnesia. Things will start coming back to you as soon as today, maybe. Probably long-term memories first. You may not recollect what happened to you for a while, so don’t push yourself too hard trying to remember. You will when you will. You are looking great. We’ll keep an eye on you for another few days here in the ICU, and then we can move you to a regular floor.” He pats her hand. “If you are in pain, let Jen, your nurse, know, and she will give you something. I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow. Do you have any questions?” I like this doctor. He’s very relaxed and sincere. I’d try to hook them up if he was single, but he’s short and furry—not really her type. I mean, damn he’s furry! There’s brown hair pouring out of every part of his scrubs! He has a kind face, though, and dark blue eyes.

  “No, I’m good for now.” She tries to smile. Dr. Peterson heads out the door after reminding us to have list of questions for tomorrow. “Holy shit! Somebody call Chewbacca; I think we found his little brother!” Stacey exclaims in her usual Stacey way when she’s kidding ... but not really. I’m in stitches again and not alone—everyone, except for Grayson and Melissa, is trying to compose themselves.

  “Oh, Stacey, love, you’ll be back to yourself in no time!” Grayson barks.

  “Stace, how is it that you don’t know who the hell any of us are, including yourself, and yet you know who Chewbacca is?” I shake my head.

  “He’s an iconic character!” she says, defending herself. “Speaking of iconic characters,” she looks to Grayson, her eyes wide in amazement, “are you Australian?”

  “British, sweetheart.” He grabs her hand and looks at me, his eyebrow raised. I roll my eyes at him. Like I’m really going to be jealous right now!

  “Oh, please tell me you’re my husband, and in your deep grief you kissed my best friend. Because I will forgive you.” She smiles at him.

  “Oh, Stacey, a man could only dream!” He teases her ... baiting me. “Alas, I belong to your best friend. Sorry, love.” He kisses her forehead.

  “Oh, you missed! Right here.” She taps her lips. “Sorry, Becca, I don’t know you yet, therefore—no loyalty!” I roll my eyes and shake my head at her now. These two! “Ugh ... well, a girl can dream, too! So, is my husband also a nice piece of eye candy?” She seems hopeful.

  “You are in the process of finding new eye candy,” I offer.

  “Becca!” Grayson snaps.

  “What? Oh, we can only be blunt when Grayson says it’s okay?” What a double standard he has!

  “Becca, you told me once not to be stupid about being blunt, and I not only took that to heart, but I agree with it. And this would be a stupid time to be blunt.” He sighs.

  “So now I’m stupid?” I gasp.

  “Oh, bloody hell, Becca! I didn’t say you were stupid! I said the timing was! Open your fucking ears, sweetheart!” he yells.

  “Christ! Some things never change! Would you two knock it off? You always fight over the stupidest shit!” Stacey complains. “Oh shit! I remember you guys!” She throws her open hands out in front of her excitedly.

  “Great! Our arguing has jogged her memory, Gray! Wonderful! That’s the ‘thing’ that people think about when they think of us!” I snap and walk out of the room. Melissa and Paul follow me. My cell pings. I look at it.

  December 18, 2012 12:35 p.m.

  Gray: Good news, sweetheart! She also remembers that I spank and you swallow! Silver lining or what? Come back please! We’re having a good laugh in here! :)

  Me: Fuck auff! I need to think ...

  I put my phone away. Paul’s cell pings. I roll my eyes as he moves to stand in front of me.

  “Mrs. James, please wait.”

  “Ms. Campbell or Becca, please.” I allow myself to extend my irritation to Paul, but he says nothing. I feel Grayson’s hand at my waist.

  “Come; let us have a walk together, shall we?”

  Paul moves and hits the button for the elevator. Grayson’s hand comes off my waist and finds my hand. We get on the elevator. He glances at me, then away, then back at me. He’s holding back a smile. What is he playing at? Oh ... I know. I give him a half smile. The door opens, and we head into the lobby, then outside.

  “Where shall we go, sweetheart?” Gray squeezes my hand and looks around.

  “Let’s just walk, baby.” We head toward the pedestrian bridge and cross Storrow Drive to walk al
ong the Charles River. It’s bitterly cold, gray, and cloudy—the kind of day that makes you want to lounge around in pajamas and take a nap.

  “What made you two move here?” Gray breaks the ice with something easy.

  “We fell in love with Boston on our trips here. I always felt like a New Englander, though.”

  A Great Dane greets me out of the blue.

  “Sorry, this is my first day with Sasha,” the man holding her leash says. I’m guessing he’s the dog walker.

  “Oh, that’s okay,” I say to him, then turn my focus to Sasha. “Aren’t you beautiful? Oh yes, you can give me kisses! You are so sweet!” I scratch her ears and offer my chin.

  “Wow. You’re the first person she’s been like this with today!” he says in disbelief.

  “Oh, well, Miss Sasha, I am very honored.” I pat her bottom, and we continue on our walk after bidding the walker a good day.

  “That big dog didn’t intimidate you at all, sweetheart?” Grayson looks back at Sasha.

  “No ... I like big animals.” I give him a crooked smile.

  “Yes you do, don’t you?” He laughs as he walks behind me and wraps me in his arms. He leans down into my neck and kisses me. I hold his arms to me and savor this carefree moment.

  “We need to have more moments like this, Gray. Everything is so serious all the time. No wonder we’re at each other’s throats for stupid shit.” I turn to him and hug his chest. I close my eyes and take in the lovely scent that is Grayson James as I listen to the tempo of his breathing. Grayson squeezes me tight and pulls his phone out. Really—he’s making a phone call?

  “Ten o’clock ... number two.” He hangs up. His laconic conversation makes the hairs at the back of my neck stand up. I look up at him, then follow the invisible line that leads to the area he’s concentrating on. There’s a guy walking away quickly. He turns his head to look back.

  “Will? What the hell is he doing here?”

  “That’s what I’d like to know.” Grayson’s jawline is twitching like crazy. I can see he’s running on pure adrenaline.

  “Wait ... did you call him ‘number two’? What does that mean, Gray?” He ignores me, still staring intently. Will is running now. “Gray, what does that mean?” I ask again with more force.

  “Becca—enough! Stop asking.” He’s terse, but softens his tone with his next words. “Please, sweetheart, there are things I need to keep you in the dark about right now. I know it’s irritating, but I’m trying to keep you safe. It’s necessary, love. Trust me. Please ... don’t be mad.” I welcome his kisses.

  “Baby ...”

  “Hmm?”

  “Who’s number one?” I continue to kiss him.

  “Oh, you naughty, naughty girl.” He smiles against my lips. I think he may be onto me and my approach for information. “Let’s get back to Stacey.” He grabs my hand and leads the way we came.

  “Gray, who’s number one? What does this even mean? Gray! Grayson! Ugh—you’re impossible!” I quicken my pace in an attempt to keep up with his long strides, but I have to yank his hand. “Slow down!”

  He stops and waits for me to catch up, then pulls my arm around his waist as he wraps his free arm around my shoulders. He kisses my head and we begin to walk again.

  “Besides all this, how are you feeling ... Mama?” He whispers the last word.

  “Okay. Just tired.” I lean my head into him.

  “Well, we’ll have a short visit and then back to the hotel for a nap, Bec. You need to rest.” The elevator pings open. Maybe I suffer from amnesia—I don’t even remember walking in!

  “What time will you be here by?” I ask Hazel as I go around our room, picking up the clothes from last night.

  “By lunchtime, hopefully. We just got on the road a little while ago. Becca, how’s Stacey doing?”

  “She’s doing great! They moved her out of the ICU and she’ll be discharged in a few days. I’m in the process of setting up therapists and nursing staff.” I look over the list of people I have to call on Monday.

  “What time is Morgan due in?” she asks. I catch a glimpse of Grayson out of the corner of my eye. He’s been extremely attentive, sweet, patient, unselfish, gentle, and unaggressive—no hint of his usual self at all. I think with Christmas being only several days away, he’s minding his p’s and q’s.

  “Um, she should be here by three. She’ll be so excited to see you two! I can’t wait either! Wait until you see all of the changes Gray and Claudia have made!” I try to put some enthusiasm behind my statement.

  “Oh yes, I heard how thrilled you have been.” She giggles.

  “Oh yes, I can’t wait for one of our chats!” I laugh. Grayson frowns. He can sense that I’m going to unload on Hazel, which means she will unload on him.

  “Okay, dear. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

  “Okay. Bye, Hazel.” I hang up and give Grayson my full attention.

  “Rocco’s back, love. Shall we go see him?” He holds out his hand.

  “Yes!” There’s a skip in my step as I grab his hand. “Why don’t we go for a ride?”

  “A ride where, sweetheart?” He looks at his watch as we get to the bottom of the stairs.

  “Well, we’ll take the trail that has no jumps,” I say thoughtfully. Yes ... that would be the safest route. Grayson yanks me back.

  “Are you mad?” He’s angry, but I can see he’s trying to control himself. “You are seven weeks pregnant,” he reminds me quietly.

  “I know, Grayson. I did research. As long as I take it easy and don’t do any jumps, I’m fine to ride up ‘til twelve weeks.”

  “No, Becca! Not even up for discussion!” He grabs my coat and helps me into it.

  “You are not the boss of me!” I lash out.

  “That is my child, too.” He keeps his voice low. “I don’t care what the Internet says—I say no. That’s final, Becca! Not another word about it!” His teeth are clenched.

  “Fine.” I shrug away from him and head out the door. He follows at my heels.

  It smells like snow. I’m so excited! Of course, I’d like it to wait until after Hazel, Charlie, and Morgan arrive. Grayson’s hand grasps mine as he walks silently beside me. We get up to the stables and I practically run to greet Rocco. He licks my arm and nudges me.

  “Yes, Rocco, of course I have an apple for you!” I laugh and hug him. I grab an apple from the bin where I keep the goods. “So, is there anyone you’d like here for Christmas, baby?” I ask Grayson. I can’t believe this thought just occurred to me. I know Hazel has spent the last few Christmases with us. What did he do? Are we messing up his yearly tradition?

  “No.” He’s flat. That’s it?

  “Well, what do you normally do for Christmas?” I am very curious now.

  “Just go away.”

  “Where? With who?” He leaves me no choice but to dig.

  “Home to London ... by myself.” He’s quiet.

  “What? Why? You were welcome to come here.” I’m miffed. Why would anyone want to be alone for Christmas?

  “I know that. Aunt Hazel invited me every year. If only I had known then what I know now.” He gives me a huge, boyish, un-Grayson-like grin.

  “You chose to be by yourself?” The thought makes me feel sad.

  “Yes. But no more, sweetheart, so let’s please move on from that subject.” He sighs and looks away, almost as if he’s uncomfortable. Hmm ... what’s that about?

  “Well, I need to get some shopping done. I haven’t been able to do much at all.” My brain is suddenly inundated with the list of people and no ideas. Great! No problem! I still have eight whole shopping days left and nothing else to do! Suddenly my theme song becomes “The Twelve Pains of Christmas,” and my sadness returns. I never feel this way about Christmas.

  “What’s the matter, love? You’re frowning.” Grayson’s fingertips graze my cheek.

  “I don’t like my new theme song.” I tell him the title and frown some more.

  “Why is
that your theme song?”

  “Because I have nothing done. It’s so unlike me.” I pat Rocco one more time. “Bye, Rocs. See you later.” I start walking away.

  “Well, let’s get your book and go do some shopping,” Grayson offers.

  “Um, okay.” I sigh. I’ve got to get started at some point! I grab Grayson’s hand and we head off down the slight hill to the inn.

  A blanket of panic comes over me. Not only do I have to arrange my thoughts around Christmas presents for him, but then his birthday is a week and a half later! What the fuck? I already have one gift all set. Something I know he really wants. But oh, why does he have to have everything? Think, Becca, think! Okay, what does he like? Oh, crap! What does he like? He skis, he likes cars ... yeah, I think he’s good with the nine he has! This is terrible! It’s because I’m panicking. All Sybeccas are now on deck, reviewing clips of all our memories. Music ... he’s laughing at some of my theme songs. Yes, I can make him a playlist of all our songs and put them on his iPod. Hmm ... what else? I begin to laugh as a few funny gift ideas finally push their way into my head. One will have him in stitches for sure!

  “What? What’s so funny?” he asks as we head in.

  “Oh, nothing.” I try to compose myself. “Be right back.” I squeeze his hand before releasing it to run upstairs. Once in our room, I grab the notebook Morgan gave me a few months ago. She saw it when she was out with Hazel and thought of me because the horse on the cover looks just like Rocco. Ha! A horse! He doesn’t have one! Yay! I’ll give Jerry a call later and see what he has or where I should go. I prefer a rescue, and I think Grayson would, too. Then, for his birthday, I will get all the gear for the horse. Actually, I think I’ll just take him away somewhere. The skip in my step is renewed as I head back downstairs to a patiently waiting Grayson. He offers a warm smile and extends his hand out to me.

  GRAYSON

  “Sweetheart, it’s two-thirty. Morgan will be home soon.” Christ, I’m bored out of my mind! I’m never doing this again! Who are all these fucking people she’s buying for?!

  “I think I’m done, baby.” Oh, halle-fucking-lujah! We make our way out of the card store and back into the mall.