“Sweetheart, as always, feel free to ‘get me off’ anytime the urge strikes you!”
I open my eyes and slap him again, unable to hide my smile. He laughs.
“All right, all right! So, after the accident, I found out how long you would be in a coma for, and I asked if it was possible to be with you throughout. I wanted to help guide you for when you wake up. Because I had already done my research, and because of my passion for and sincerity about helping you and Ray, they let me do it! They did warn me, though, that everything I was going to experience would be very real to me, and not to forget that it wasn’t permanent. I had to stay focused and not get lost in any delusions. It was not real and I could not come back. I agreed, but Becca, I have to tell you, sweetheart, it’s been a struggle. I walked in already in love with you, and somehow I’ve fallen in love with you all over again. Becca ... you’re an amazing woman. You’re still the same girl you’ve always been, but wow ... you’ve grown so much, sweetheart. I find you more attractive than I ever have before.” He leans in and caresses my lips with his.
“Hey, speaking of aging well—which is what you were really saying, Mr. James—I can’t believe you made yourself younger than me!” I laugh. “You have to know that I’m not liking this aging business!”
“Overwhelming words, huh?” He raises an eyebrow. Yeah, he still has my number! “Just getting you back for all the years you called me your ‘old man.’ Also, I’ll have you know that you are technically older than me now, as I forever will be thirty-one!” Full-wattage Grayson James smile.
“You want to brag about that ... really?”
His smile fades.
“Right, guess not,” he says after a moment of reflection. “Well, I thought I’d come in and win you over with my usual arrogant way. I betted on your subconscious helping to push you along quickly. Of course, I sort of forgot who I was dealing with. It was like an exaggerated version of when I was first trying to court you.” He rolls his eyes, thinking back to the constant chasing he was doing when we met.
“Ugh! I knew there was something weird about how quickly this relationship started up!” I slump back down on the pillows.
“Yes, I know ... believe me, I know! I had to find ways to convince you it was okay!” He shakes his head and rubs his face.
“The talks with Morgan and your mum?
“Yes. Ugh—you are so frustrating!” he says with a hint of exasperation.
“Now wait, what was the point of trying to get me pregnant?” I sit up, confused.
“Uh ... well, sweetheart ... ” he starts.
“I am pregnant. It is Ray’s! Wait, he said babies. Twins?”
Grayson nods.
“I wanted you to get used to the idea of being pregnant so you wouldn’t freak out when you woke up. Christ, Becca, you even fought me on that!”
“Wait, so I’m further along?” I touch my belly.
“You just turned sixteen weeks a few days ago.”
“How are the babies? Are they okay?” I rub my belly, which has now expanded a bit.
“They are fine. That’s quite the magic trick, love.” His eyes twinkle.
“You like that? Wait until you see my next act!” I match his delight. “Gray, how are you doing with this?” I grab his hand.
“Bittersweet, darling. I thought we’d have many more. I barely got to enjoy the one we had.” His eyes fill up and his chin quivers a bit. “Incidentally, sweetheart, you have done an outstanding job raising our daughter. You’re a wonderful mum. Thank you, Becca, for everything you’ve done, and for always keeping my presence strong in her heart and mind. I’ve enjoyed this time with her ... well, the essence of her. You know what I mean. She really is the most wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, and creative child on the planet. I know ... I’ve checked,” he adds. All I can do in this moment is mourn his loss. She really is an amazing kid, which makes my job so easy! I feel tears sting my eyes. “Don’t cry, baby,” he says, and holds me close.
“It’s just not fair! This whole situation hasn’t been fair to anyone involved.”
“I know, love, I agree, but that’s why I’m here with you. Fair or not, we cannot change the past. The future, though, is another story. There’s no reason this should continue to affect you, Morgan, Ray, or Annie for the rest of your lives.” He palms my face, his thumbs softly caressing my cheeks. “I’m getting off track again. Sorry.” He kisses me sweetly.
“It’s okay.” I lean forward for another kiss ... then another one. “Again,” I whisper, and he attacks my lips with such urgency and passion.
“Bec ... Becca.” He tries to pull away.
“Shut up, Grayson.” I cover his mouth with my hands. “Please,” I add. “This is a lot for me. I just need a break. I need a moment to just focus on you and me. Please.” I uncover his mouth and caress his lips with my own. He pulls my shirt off of me. “Adagio” by Secret Garden plays softly in the background as his mouth travels down my neck and across my shoulder. “Nice magic trick.” I smile as I fist his hair and pull his mouth back to mine.
“You like that, huh?”
“Mmhmm.” I tug my bottoms off and straddle him.
“Ready to drive the doctors crazy?” He pulls away from my lips and stares deeply into my eyes. I nod breathlessly and shift a bit to help him. I close my eyes, savoring the familiar sensation of him entering me. He guides my hips down and rises to meet me at the same time.
“Ugh!” I gasp at the aching fullness of it. He holds me there for a minute, then releases me to rise. As we meet again, he hooks his right arm around the small of my back to hold me there. His left arm steadies his balance, his palm to the mattress as he grinds into me. I whip my head back, allowing him access to my neck as I try to help him reach the place he’s attempting to go. He releases the weight of his hold. I rise and slide down again with Grayson’s help. For the first time in three months, I acknowledge that I’m making love to my husband. It’s been seven years, and we’re still incredible together. A rush of emotion sweeps over me and I find him trying to silence the sound of my sobs. Grayson quickens the pace and soon our sweet torture erupts into an intense explosion deep inside me somewhere—maybe the place he was trying to reach. We ride the last few waves out forehead to forehead, soaking in the sensation.
“Christ, Becca ... you’re so lovely.”
“Lovely?” I give him a sideways look.
“Yes, on every level ... in every way.” His eyes are still closed.
“Grayson?”
“Yes.”
“Bit of a left-field question, but I have to ask,” I start. He opens his eyes. “Do you ... will you get in trouble for the language you’ve used?” I feel a smidge of panic rising.
“No, sweetheart.” He laughs. “All of that, bad words and stuff, it’s just society’s way of teaching people to be nice to each other. ‘Up There,’ they are just words. You’re not taking anybody’s name in vain. Christ, hell would be packed if that were the case!” He shakes his head. “People are wound so tightly about Heaven. It’s very laid back. There are no more earthly pressures, you know, the little things that sidetrack you from what your real concerns should be.” He lies back as he explains, bringing me with him.
“What does everybody do?” I raise my head and support it on my hand.
“Whatever they like, really! Visit with other relatives or friends that have stayed on. Take classes at the university. Watch loved ones down here. Some even come back—reincarnation. You can get a job. It’s basically a much more pleasant version of here. You don’t worry about money ... there are no bills to pay, no sickness, and no stress.”
“Do people make love and have homes?”
“One-track mind you’ve got there, love.” He pats my bum. My face flushes. “I suppose. I haven’t asked anyone. Like I said, I went straight into catching up on you and Morgan. I know there are no rules saying you can’t. So, we’ll be good to go.” He smiles wide.
“You’ll wait for me?”
“Of course, Becca. I have no desire to head back ... not without you.” He kisses my lips tenderly.
“I’ll have quite the dilemma on my hands once again!” I roll my eyes.
“What? Oh, you mean Raymond. Yes, bizarre love triangle part two.” He laughs.
“How does that work?” I am miffed.
“I don’t know. Perhaps we’ll have to set up another shag schedule.” He laughs. “Honestly, Becca, you’ve become a very naughty, naughty girl!” His voice is playful, teasing.
“That was your idea!”
“Uh ... dead or not, I wouldn’t share you in a million years, sweetheart! Pretty sure Raymond would match my sentiments. That, my dear, was all you! Naughty girl!” Oh God ... I am a whore! Grayson shakes his head. “No ... it was brilliant. It helped with my plan—pushing you away from me and to him. Of course, you had to fight me on that as well! You even had him jumping through hoops in your head. Poor bloke doesn’t get a break!”
I can’t help but agree with him. I don’t understand why Ray loves me like he does.
“Oh, you didn’t get the memo, darling? You’re awesome!” He tickles my sides.
“Stop doing that!” I smack his chest.
“I can’t help it.” He shrugs.
“Okay. But then, you were so happy I chose you. What happened?” I try to get back on track.
“That morning, when we were talking and having that fun conversation about being drugged with love ... ” He waits for me to acknowledge the memory. I smile. “I got caught up in the delusion. I allowed myself to be selfish for two months. I felt cheated, and I wanted you and Morgan for myself.” He seems a bit ashamed.
“Urgent trip to California?” I raise a brow.
“I had to ... well, the selfish man had to. Everything was great, and then out of nowhere, you brought Ray back.
“The whole Stacey and Ray date-and-texts thing?”
“Yes, I was angry with you.” He rubs my back.
“So that was really how you were feeling ... when you called me a ...” I swallow hard.
“Please try to understand the internal battle I was going through. I don’t really feel that way about you. You have to know that, sweetheart. I was just feeding off of your emotions. It was wrong, and I deeply regret it.” Morse code activated. I nod and give him a quick, reassuring peck. “California was nice—being there with you.”
“I fought you a lot there too, huh?” I wince.
“Here and there, twists and turns ... not too, too bad. Loved submissive-Becca time. Although, you were right about that.”
“Aha!” I laugh.
“You were a very good submissive. I especially loved when you were mad about it.” He bites my shoulder playfully. “I love fucking you when you’re mad.”
“I know you do.” I roll my eyes at him.
“Mmm ... it’s so hot. You’re insatiable.” His eyes go wild at the thought.
“You’ve gotten more aggressive then I remember.” I play with the hair at the base of his neck.
“Just following your lead, sweetheart. You’ve always been a fan of rough and intense, but it’s definitely heightened. I think it’s to make you feel something other than the pain in your heart.” His tone gets serious. “I’m sorry about what I did the morning you went off with Ray. I would never really slap you like that. It was hard for me.”
“Yeah, I think I can recall the ‘hard’ time you had with it.” I try to lighten the mood and earn a half smile from him.
“One thing hasn’t changed, though.” He rubs my bum.
“Hmm?”
“We still can’t keep our bloody hands off of each other.” He squeezes, then gives me a good smack. I relish in the sting and bite at his chest. My tongue travels down slowly and dives into his navel. I bite at his V-line. “Now ... this is a taste of Heaven, baby. Incidentally, speaking of taste, you can make it taste like anything you want, sweetheart.” I take him into my mouth. “I can come chocolate peanut butter ice cream if you’d like!” he says with exaggerated excitement, and I can’t help but go into a laughing fit.
“Grayson! Honestly!”
“It’s true ... just saying ... double our pleasure.” He chuckles at himself as well. “Shit, I’ve gone and ruined a very serious moment that involved one of your fantastic blow jobs!” He stops laughing and smacks his head with regret.
“Um ... I’d prefer the taste of Grayson James. It’s a bit nuttier!” I giggle.
“That it is, sweetheart.” He grins with his arm draped over his eyes. “Christ, Becca.” He gasps and lifts his head to watch me as I give another go at his “thirty-one” flavors.
After ten minutes or so, I swirl my tongue around his tip, slowly catching the last taste of him. I leave a soft kiss and climb back up to a panting Grayson.
“How was dessert, love?”
“Mmm ... Grayson James ... nuttier than all the rest.” I lick my lips.
“Honestly, Becca, I know I’ve said this before, but you really do know how to drain a fellow!” He brings both of his hands up and places them behind his head.
“Should I put that on my résumé?”
“No.” He does a frown-wince. “You know ... expected follow-through and all,” he adds.
“Mmm.” I agree. “Do you know why I involved my favorite book in our storyline here?” I snuggle into his arms as I change the direction of our conversation.
“Because you helped me with its characters?” he asks.
“No, because I fall asleep to it every night. It’s the only book of yours where you recorded the audio version. I listen to it so I can hear your voice every night.” I feel myself getting choked up again.
“You always loved when I read to you. Oh, sweetheart.” He hugs me tightly and kisses my hair. “I didn’t see that. I was trying to focus on everything else. I didn’t stop to watch you go to sleep at night.” He rubs my back.
“Hey, shall we get back on track?” I wipe my tears away.
“Yes, of course, love.” He gives me another squeeze. “So, California. You were trying to keep the suspenseful momentum up. Love the whole investment-fraud angle you used. Quite clever, sweetheart.”
“I came up with that?”
“Yes, you came up with a lot of the conspiracies that weren’t in the book.”
“Who came up with Stacey being attacked?” I watch our fingers playing together.
“I did. You were making me break up with you, and I had to think fast.”
“I was making you?” I ask with a bit of confusion ... once again!
“Yes, and I didn’t have Ray set in place for you to run to, so ... it was like a huge reality check and I made my phone ring.” He sighs.
“Wow! We are two very talented people, with our writing, acting and directing.” I smile up at him.
“Yes, we are.”
“Are Stacey and Steve still together?”
“No, but Stacey and Max are.” He laughs. I smack my head. We’ve been calling Max “Steve” as a joke for years because of the moustache he tried to grow once. It made him look like a seventies porn star.
“So, Stacey and Max are okay? Pregnant?” I ask. He nods, knowing I’ll be happy. “Wow, she was a crazy bitch here, huh?” I laugh.
“Yeah, you had her riding along the lines of Lavina in Winter’s Baby.” He laughs, knowing how much that character irritated Stacey.
“I can’t wait to tell her that!”
“Speaking of books, you have been reading a lot of interesting ones—several times over. I’ve had a lot of fun teasing you about it. I was half nervous and half excited, waiting for you to have me tie you up and perform all of those things on you.”
“No, no ... fun to read, but ass-slapping is as far as I’ll go with painful pleasure.” I laugh, then look at him quizzically. “You said half excited?”
“Well, you know, I wouldn’t have said no.” Frowny expression.
“Well, I would be open to some of it, but not all.”
>
“Ugh! Now she tells me!” He slaps the bed, coaxing a laugh from me.
“C’mon, we’re getting off track.”
“Yes. So, I brought you back to New Hampshire. By the way, you were so hot on the plane! Ray is one lucky mate! Ugh, no! He’s going to get to do all of that kinky fuckery with you! Damn it!” He sighs with frustration.
“Grayson, you’ve had all of my firsts ... let him have the kinky fuckery,” I say, as if we’re compromising over a normal topic like who does the dishes which night.
“Yes I have, haven’t I? Hold on while I swallow my face with my smile. Love that metaphor, darling.” He grins ridiculously wide, making me laugh again. I stare at him ... my husband ... my true, real husband, not a crazy version of a part he’s playing. “Becca, if I wasn’t already naked, I’d accuse you of undressing me with your eyes.” He taps my nose with his index finger.
“Wouldn’t be the first time you accused me of that. C’mon now. Carry on.”
“Okay. So, we came back, and I noticed that, slowly, you were bringing Ray around more and more. I almost had nothing to do with a lot of this, except for my purple-pants moments, of course. I had to come to terms with the fact that, in the end—I’m not a choice.”
“The plane explosion?” I try to distract him.
“Um ... you. A little combo of what happened with me and your fear of losing Morgan.”
“Liz?”
“He hasn’t lied. She left, not wanting the family thing. She’s in Texas. Honestly, the best thing she ever did was leave them. They are better off.”
“How does Ray feel about me being pregnant? I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable for you. It’s pretty strange for me.” I rest my head on his shoulder.
Grayson inhales deeply.
“Becca, you have to know that, for the most part, he’s thrilled. You know now that he’s often thought about having children with you. He just hoped he would have the chance to marry you first. He’s very nervous, though, about the babies’ health, and how you will react when you come out of this. He’s afraid he’s going to lose you permanently.”
“He did drug me?” I look down, feeling that same disappointment again.
Goodbye Secrets Page 39