Lost Innocence

by Susan Lewis

  Entertained by the image of it, she said, ‘What kind of dog is he?’

  ‘A golden retriever – with attitude. But he’s not the reason I’m calling. I was just going through my emails and would you believe, the wine club I belong to is holding a champagne tasting at Wells town hall next Thursday evening. If it’s not too presumptuous, I was wondering if you might like to come with me?’

  Immediately flustered by what sounded alarmingly like a date, she moved further across the patio as she heard Nat carrying the ladder into the studio. She was flattered, of course, who wouldn’t be, but it was far, far too soon even to think about…

  ‘If you’re free, and willing,’ Cameron went on, ‘I was thinking we might have a bite to eat after and I can show you some of the property blurbs I’ve received. I’m told the Montague Inn at Shepton Montague is very good.’

  ‘Yes, it is,’ she agreed, having been there often in the past, usually with Craig, and seizing on the easiest part of the issue to deal with first. Her mind was spinning, throwing up all sorts of objections: she truly wasn’t ready to start seeing anyone else; Nat wouldn’t like it; nor would Darcie; she didn’t want to lie to her family; but at the same time another voice was telling her to stop overreacting, he was only being friendly, and considering who he was and how helpful he could prove to her little business, never mind her budding career, should he happen to like her work… In the end, almost to her own amazement, she heard herself saying, ‘Yes, that would be lovely.’

  ‘Excellent,’ he declared. ‘The tasting starts at six thirty, so I’ll pick you up at six and book a table for eight thirty. Does that work for you?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said, wondering who’d taken charge of her replies. ‘I’ll look forward to it.’

  It wasn’t until she’d rung off that she realised he probably didn’t know where she lived, but that was fine. She had his number on her mobile now, so she could always ring back and suggest they meet at the shop, which would be wiser than having him come to the house anyway. Or she could cancel, which was probably more likely.

  Going back into the studio, she put her phone on the draining board and was about to continue where she’d left off with some grouting, when she stopped and thought. She didn’t want to start keeping secrets from Nat. The invitation was harmless, but it wasn’t going to appear that way if he found out about it later and realised she’d deliberately concealed it from him. So, assuming a part-excited, part-surprised sort of tone, she said, ‘You’ll never guess who that was.’

  Nat glanced down from his ladder. ‘I take it it wasn’t Darcie.’

  She smiled. ‘No. It was the art critic, Cameron Mitchell, who came into the shop the other day.’

  His expression immediately darkened. ‘What did he want?’ he asked.

  ‘Actually, he was calling to invite me to a champagne tasting in Wells next Thursday.’

  His face turned stony.

  ‘Darling, don’t look like that,’ she implored. ‘You’re reading too much into it.’

  Looking up at the ceiling, he carried on with his painting.

  ‘He’s staying in the area for the summer,’ she went on, ‘and he doesn’t know many people, so Antonia gave him my number. That’s all there is to it.’

  ‘It’s your life,’ he retorted, ‘if you want to go out with someone it’s up to you.’

  Taking a breath, she said, ‘Look, I promise, it really isn’t what you’re thinking. He’s incredibly influential in the art world. A few words of praise from him and my prices would probably double, even triple, in value. Imagine what a difference that could make to us.’

  He returned the roller to the tray, coated it in more paint, and continued with his task.

  Alicia watched him, torn between frustration and understanding. ‘He has a pool, and a golden retriever,’ she ventured a few minutes later, trying to tease him out of his hostility.

  ‘I’m not six any more,’ he reminded her. ‘And I’m not your father either, so you can do what you want.’

  ‘Actually, maybe you could come too,’ she suggested, not sure whether that was a good idea or not.

  He gave a mirthless laugh. ‘No way am I playing gooseberry, thank you very much. I’ve got better things to do, like going to Lord’s with Uncle Robert, in case you’d forgotten.’

  ‘Oh yes, of course,’ she said, wanting to hug her brother for having made Nat’s day, week, whole summer, probably, by inviting him to the one-day international.

  Deciding to give up trying to get his approval for now, she returned to the grouting, feeling slightly dispirited and anxious, and started to wonder if Craig would mind about her going. He probably wouldn’t be thrilled, because he’d always been very possessive of her; or maybe he’d be fine about it, since the invitation was definitely only platonic – and considering what Craig had done in the past, she couldn’t imagine why she was putting herself through this.

  For several minutes she and Nat worked on in silence, until, in the end, Nat said, ‘You could have gone and I’d never have known.’

  Surprised that he hadn’t let the subject drop, she stayed focused on what she was doing as she said, ‘Wouldn’t you prefer I was honest with you, rather than sneaking about trying to hide things?’

  It took a moment, but eventually he said, in a slightly grudging tone, ‘I suppose so.’ Then, a beat or two later, ‘Actually, I don’t have a problem with you going, but I don’t want you taking advantage of me not being here and coming home late, OK? Or staying out all night and getting yourself a bad reputation. Home and in bed by eleven thirty, or there’ll be trouble.’

  Laughing with relief, she went to the fridge to pour them both a drink. She didn’t imagine he was over his resistance to the idea of her having a male friend yet, but he was clearly no happier about having an atmosphere between them than she was. The best thing to do, she decided, as she passed him an ice-cold blackcurrant juice, was introduce him to Cameron as soon as possible – and Jasper, since both her children adored dogs. That way everything would be out in the open, and Nat would see for himself that there was absolutely no need to worry that someone was trying to force their way into his father’s shoes.

  ‘OK, time to wrap it up here,’ she said an hour later as Nat’s phone bleeped with a text. ‘We both need to get the paint out of our hair and shower before we set off for Hunstrete.’

  When Nat didn’t answer she looked up, to find him staring down at the message.

  ‘Is everything OK?’ she asked.

  ‘Yeah, it’s cool,’ he answered, putting the phone away.

  ‘Are you sure? You look a bit… annoyed?’

  ‘I said it’s cool. It was just Simon about tomorrow night. No big deal. ‘

  Letting it go, Alicia started to clear up as best she could, ready to start again in the morning, while Nat folded the ladder and stowed it on the patio outside. She knew better than to try pressing him as to what the text had really been about. Keeping things to himself was another trait he’d inherited from his father – however, unlike Craig, he usually got round to telling her in the end. He just needed to get there in his own good time.

  ‘Hey, Nat, it’s me,’ Darcie cried down the line. ‘Where are you?’

  ‘Talking to you on the phone,’ he replied.

  ‘Funny. I was trying to call Mum but her line’s busy all the time. Are you with her?’

  ‘Yep. She’s driving and chatting to Rachel using her Bluetooth. How are you?’

  ‘I’m OK. Actually, that’s not true. I’m a bit fed up.’

  ‘Don’t tell me you’re missing us,’ he teased. Then, ‘Mum! You just got flashed by that camera.’

  ‘I know, I saw,’ Alicia muttered, easing off the accelerator too late. ‘Just what I need, a speeding fine.’

  ‘Where are you going?’ Darcie asked.

  ‘We’re on our way to meet Jolyon,’ Nat reminded her. ‘So why are you fed up?’

  ‘Oh, I just had a bit of a row with Verity. She really
gets on my nerves sometimes. I wish I could come home tomorrow instead of next Saturday.’

  ‘You’ll make it up with her before then,’ he told her.

  ‘Yeah, I expect so. I feel like I’ve been away ages though. Tell me, what’s it like living there instead of London?’

  ‘It’s OK.’

  ‘Don’t say this to Mum, but I’m absolutely dreading coming back without Dad being there.’

  As her words crept over him like an icy stain, Nat turned to look out of the window.

  ‘Is it really bad without him?’

  ‘Sometimes,’ he said shortly.

  ‘I’ve still got his mobile number in my phone. I keep wanting to ring it.’

  Nat still had the number too, and had even called it a couple of times.

  ‘I so don’t want to change schools,’ Darcie complained. ‘I hate having to leave all my friends. I mean, who wants to be stuck in the middle of nowhere? Not me, that’s for sure.’

  ‘You’ve got friends here,’ he reminded her.

  ‘Yeah, like one.’

  ‘Una’s really looking forward to you coming. I think she and Rachel are planning a party of some sort to introduce you to other girls your age.’

  ‘I know, she told me. That’s so sweet of them, isn’t it? And I have to admit, it’ll be nice seeing more of Una. Actually, that’s what Verity got all stroppy about, because I was on the phone to Una earlier. It’s like I’m not supposed to have any other friends.’

  ‘She’ll get over it.’

  ‘Yeah, I suppose so. Oh, by the way, Una says everyone’s talking about Annabelle and how she’s got the hots for you. Is that true?’

  Nat’s jaw tightened. ‘Let’s not go there, Darce. She’s just being stupid, playing games.’

  ‘So what, you don’t like her? I always thought you did.’

  ‘That was years ago when we were kids. I’m amazed you even remember.’

  ‘Is she really gorgeous now? I bet she is.’

  He swallowed hard. ‘She’s OK,’ he answered, thinking of how smitten he’d once been with her, and sensing that he probably could be again, if it weren’t for Summer.

  ‘Una says that some of Annabelle’s friends are betting she won’t be able to get off with you.’

  Since the text he’d received from Simon earlier had told him much the same thing, Darcie’s news came as no surprise. ‘It’s all pretty puerile,’ he said. ‘I’m trying to ignore it.’

  ‘You know what, you’re too cool for your own good,’ she told him. ‘Speaking for myself, I can’t wait to see her. I really wanted to be like her when I was little. Have you managed to find out yet why Mum and Sabrina don’t speak?’

  ‘No.’

  She sighed knowingly. ‘And you wouldn’t tell me even if you had?’

  ‘Depends what it was.’

  ‘And Mum’s right there, so you can’t say anything anyway. I get the picture. How’s Summer, by the way? Is she still in Italy?’

  ‘Of course. She only went a few days ago.’

  ‘Are you missing her?’

  ‘Yep.’

  Darcie waited. ‘Is that all?’ she prompted.

  ‘What more do you want?’

  ‘I don’t know, something a bit more lonely, or passionate, or I can’t stand being parted from her, I suppose. Anyway, is Mum still talking to Rachel?’

  ‘She is. I’ll get her to call when she’s finished, shall I?’

  ‘OK, but not tonight. We’re going out in a minute, and I don’t want to talk to her while everyone else can hear. Have a nice time with Jolyon. Oh yeah, and I’ll want to hear all about the rave when I call on Sunday, you jammy thing. Wish I was going.’

  ‘You’re too young.’

  ‘Don’t take any drugs.’

  ‘Did you just turn into my mother?’

  ‘I’m just saying… Get pissed if you like, but not stoned. That’s what Dad always used to say.’

  ‘One of these days you’ll grow out of eavesdropping.’

  ‘You wish.’

  ‘Take care now. And go and make up with Verity.’

  ‘She’s the one who started it.’

  ‘But you’re grown-up enough to let it go. I’ll call you on Sunday, but it probably won’t be until late.’

  As he rang off Alicia cast him a look. ‘Is she OK?’ she asked.

  ‘I think she’s missing us.’

  ‘The feeling’s mutual. She’s been gone too long.’

  He nodded agreement and turned to gaze out at the passing scenery as she ended her call to Rachel. ‘Where are we?’ he asked, as she removed her earpiece and tucked it into the glove compartment.

  ‘We’re here,’ she answered, and slowing up she steered in through a set of tree-shaded gates, then began accelerating gently alongside a deer park towards a sleepy-looking Bath stone manor house at the end of the drive. Though she was trying hard not to imagine Craig and Sabrina here together, it was as though their ghosts were all around her, drifting in front of the car, moving invisibly across the lawns, passing windows, strolling through doorways, blending with the very fabric of the place. What had she been doing, she wondered, while they were here satiating themselves on their forbidden love? Had they ever spared a thought for her, or Robert, or what the consequences might have been of their treacherous affair?

  ‘This is a bit awesome, isn’t it?’ Nat commented, as they came to a stop in the parking area and he gazed up at the creeper-covered walls of the grand Georgian facade. Grains of quartz were glistening like hidden jewels in the evening sun, and the parkland around was reflected like pieces of a mirage in the half-open windows.

  ‘Dad always had a soft spot for it,’ she said, trying not to guess which room they might have stayed in.

  ‘So you’ve been here before,’ he said, turning to look at her.

  ‘Dad used to book in sometimes when he was working on a case in Bristol,’ she answered, avoiding the question, and handing him the keys ready to drive home, she opened the car door.

  Looking extremely elegant in pale-coloured chinos and a crisp white shirt, Nat offered her his arm as he walked round to join her. Smiling, and feeling very proud of her handsome son, who was already a good two inches taller than her, and apparently not embarrassed to be escorting his mother, she took the arm and told herself firmly that she had to let go of what had happened here before or she’d end up ruining the evening.

  Following signs for reception, they passed under an arch into a flagstoned courtyard where a dozen or so tables were sheltered by parasols and several guests were enjoying early evening cocktails. Spotting them, Jolyon Crane immediately got up from his table and came to greet them. He was a large man in every sense of the word, towering over them both and engulfing them, one at a time, in an affectionate bear hug. His smile was wide, his green eyes shone with delight and his wonderfully deep velvet voice seemed to resonate from the very depths of him.

  ‘It’s good to see you,’ he told them, putting a hand on Nat’s shoulder and giving it an avuncular squeeze. ‘I must say, looking at you takes me back to my Oxford days. Your father and I would only have been a couple of years older than you are now when we first met. How the years fly. And how kind they’re being to you, dear Alicia.’

  ‘And to you,’ she told him, taking the hand he was offering to lead her to his table. Though he’d been at the funeral, she couldn’t remember now whether she’d spoken to him, or how long he’d stayed at the reception afterwards. However, she was aware that as one of Craig’s oldest and dearest friends he’d given a personally penned reading during the service, and together with Robert and Oliver Mendenhall, he’d very subtly played host by mingling with the guests and accepting condolences at the reception.

  ‘Is Marianne not joining us?’ Alicia asked, as they sat down.

  ‘I’m afraid not. She wanted to, but she had some medical conference she couldn’t get out of. She sends her love though, and says to make sure you know you can come and stay any time while Nat
’s with us for his work experience, which we’re looking forward to very much. It’ll be good to have some young blood around the house. Now, what are you going to have to drink? I’m on gin and tonic myself.’

  ‘Then I’ll have the same, thank you,’ Alicia replied, looking up as the waiter arrived.

  ‘A shandy for me,’ Nat said, ‘and the men’s room.’

  ‘It’s through that door there,’ Jolyon said, pointing to a far corner of the courtyard, ‘and round to your right.’

  After both Nat and the waiter had gone, Jolyon bunched his hands on the table and fixed Alicia with his warm green eyes. ‘I’m glad to have these few moments alone with you,’ he said. ‘Oliver and I have been talking and there’s something we need to tell you.’

  As the fear of more debt, or some unimagined catastrophe rose to the front of her mind, Alicia could feel herself wanting to pull away and run.

  ‘I could be speaking out of turn now,’ Jolyon went on, ‘and if I am just tell me to stop, but Oliver and I would like to act as mentors as Nat goes through his studies. He’s a bright boy, an absolute credit to you, and his father, of course, and if he works hard, which I know he will, he has a great future ahead of him. We don’t want that to be hampered in any way by his untimely loss. Training to become a barrister is an expensive business, as you know, all the archaic ritual like the dinners he’ll have to…’

  ‘Before you go on,’ Alicia interrupted, ‘Craig’s father has offered to pay for that. He doesn’t have much, but he’s as determined as the rest of us that Nat should go far, and he wants to do his bit.’

  Jolyon smiled. ‘Good for William,’ he said. ‘Knowing him, he’ll feel proud to be contributing to his grandson’s education.’

  ‘He wanted to keep him at Westminster,’ Alicia confided, ‘but the fees were too steep for him, and then there was the question of where Nat would live once we’d sold the house.’

  Jolyon was shaking his head regretfully. ‘It was a bad business, having to do that,’ he murmured. Then, seeing the way her eyes went down, he cut himself off. ‘You don’t need me going over all that now,’ he said gently. ‘Just tell me, how’s Nat dealing with it?’