Lost Innocence

by Susan Lewis

  ‘But what’s wrong with her?’

  He sighed and stroked her hair. ‘She has a lot of problems going back a long way,’ he told her, ‘maybe as far back as when she was a child and her mother ran off and left her.’

  Darcie looked troubled. ‘Why did her mother do that?’ she asked, seeming unable to comprehend such a thing.

  ‘She met another man and so she left Sabrina with her father, who went on to have lots of different girlfriends. This meant that Sabrina was brought up never really knowing who her mother was, and not being very well cared for either.’

  Darcie glanced at Alicia. ‘You’d never leave us, would you?’ she said worriedly.

  Alicia smiled. ‘Of course not,’ she assured her, while hiding her surprise. She hadn’t known that about Sabrina’s past.

  ‘Actually, I feel sad for Sabrina now,’ Darcie decided.

  Nat turned away, and Alicia put a hand on his shoulder. When he looked at her she gave a brief shake of her head. Now wasn’t the time to be condemning Sabrina further, especially not while Darcie was around.

  Getting to his feet, Robert said, ‘I should go and see how she is. Oh, and I’ll find someone to come and take care of the windows.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Alicia said, walking him to the door. ‘I’ll give Rachel’s Uncle Pete a call. He’ll know what to do.’

  As they stepped outside he said, ‘Are you sure you’re all right?’

  ‘Honestly,’ she promised. Then, after giving him a hug, ‘So you’ve asked her to leave?’

  He sighed and drew a hand over his face. ‘I don’t know if it can happen while she’s in this sort of state,’ he said, sounding doubtful about everything. His eyes came to hers. ‘I blame myself for today,’ he confessed. ‘I should have realised how fragile she was. Apparently, asking her to go was the final straw.’

  Hugging him again, she said, ‘You weren’t to know she’d react the way she did.’

  ‘I should have,’ he argued. ‘I saw the way she was before…I think it’s worse this time. I have to get her some help.’

  ‘It’ll be for the best,’ Alicia assured him.

  He nodded soberly. Then, seeming to brighten a little, he said, ‘Things seemed to go well between Nat and Annabelle, so with any luck that little nightmare’s in its dying throes.’

  Alicia smiled weakly, knowing it would be a long time before anyone forgot this terrible summer. ‘I’m sorry you’ve still got so much to deal with,’ she said. ‘You know, if there’s anything I can do…’

  He gave her a look of gratitude. ‘I have a lot of thinking to do over the next few days,’ he said wearily. ‘It’ll help having you here to talk things through with, if that’s OK.’

  ‘Of course,’ she told him warmly. ‘I’ll always be here for you, you know that.’

  After touching her face with an affectionate hand, he turned to go, the heaviness of his footsteps seeming to reflect the growing burden in his heart.

  Alicia stood watching him, feeling his sadness and confusion pulling through her as though they were hers. Knowing him as she did, she had no doubt he’d do his best by everyone before he considered himself. However, she was going to do her utmost to make sure he wasn’t forgotten.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  A week later Cameron’s car was parked outside the Coach House, piled high with luggage and a dog bed and all the various bric-a-brac and brochures he’d collected during his forays into the county over the summer.

  The first signs of autumn were showing themselves now, with the darker nights drawing in and the edge of a chill crisping the air. For the past hour the sun had been dodging between clouds, and there was a welcome lull in the wind that had turned quite blustery and loud during the night.

  ‘Let’s hope the rain keeps off until you get back to London,’ Alicia was saying as they finished their tea.

  ‘The forecast isn’t too bad,’ he replied. ‘I should make it before the storms start again. Is Robert coming over later?’

  ‘He said he might.’

  ‘I enjoyed meeting him. He’s a very interesting man.’

  She smiled. ‘It did him good to spend some time with you,’ she told him. ‘It took his mind off things for a while.’

  Picking up their cups, he carried them to the sink. ‘He’s under a lot of strain,’ he said, ‘but I think he’s come to some good decisions.’

  ‘They’ll work for the time being,’ she agreed, ‘but I’ll miss him while he’s in London.’

  After much soul-searching, and several discussions with a London psychiatrist, Robert had decided to move himself, Sabrina and Annabelle into a rented house in Chelsea for the next few months so that Sabrina could be close to the doctor who was treating her. Annabelle would go to a local school that they were now in the process of sorting, and since Robert had agreed to reschedule his work so that he could be at home more, at least some of the pressure had seemed to lift from them all. There had been no more talk of him and Sabrina separating, and Alicia knew that in his heart he was relieved that this was not happening, at least for now. The road ahead was going to be difficult enough without putting themselves through the strain of a divorce, and besides, it wasn’t in him to turn his back on the people he loved, particularly when they needed him so much.

  ‘A part of me doesn’t think Sabrina deserves such loyalty,’ she remarked, as she and Cameron started towards the front door, ‘but at the same time I keep finding myself feeling sorry for her.’

  He seemed surprised as he glanced at her.

  She shrugged. ‘Knowing something about her background now,’ she said, ‘I can see why she finds it so hard letting go. Anyway, I don’t want to go on detesting her. It won’t get either of us anywhere, and if you’d seen her when she came here…Well, let’s just say she’s clearly suffered for that affair, and maybe it would be in everyone’s best interests now if we all tried to put it behind us.’

  There was a look of admiration in his eyes as he said, ‘Do you think you’ll ever be able to get together as a family again?’

  She shook her head. ‘I don’t know,’ she answered truthfully. ‘It’s still very early days, and pretty hard to imagine, but maybe one day we’ll be able to. I’d like to think so, anyway, for Robert’s sake if no one else’s. That’s presuming they stay together, and provided she gets through this, I think they probably will.’

  He gave a sigh as he said, ‘I guess no one ever considers what the repercussions might be when they go into illicit relationships, or who might end up paying the hardest price. The worst is when it’s the children who do, and Nat and Annabelle certainly picked up their share of the flak over this one.’

  ‘As did Sabrina when her mother took off with another man.’

  He was about to reply when, behind them, Jasper gave a woof, and turning round he chuckled to see the dog politely tolerating Darcie’s clinging embrace in the sitting room, while hoping he hadn’t been forgotten by his master.

  ‘Please let him stay,’ Darcie begged.

  ‘If I thought he would, he could,’ he told her, ‘because then I’d have an excuse to come back.’

  Surprised, Alicia said, ‘You don’t need excuses, you’re always welcome. I’m just sorry we didn’t have much luck finding you a house. Then I’d know for certain you’d be around more.’

  ‘You can count on it,’ he said. ‘In fact, I’ve been thinking of sounding Robert out about renting his house while he’s in London, so I could come for the odd weekend.’

  She smiled with pleasure at the idea. ‘That would be lovely,’ she replied. ‘I’m sure Robert would be keen to take you up on it. It’s always better to have a house lived in, and as he knows you…’

  ‘I’ll wait until he’s got the London move out of the way before broaching it,’ he said. Then, turning back to Jasper, ‘OK, you. Time to go.’

  Needing no second command, Jasper bounded into the hall and crashed straight into Cameron’s legs.

  ‘He still hasn’t qu
ite got the hang of stop yet,’ Cameron informed them, with a roll of his eyes.

  ‘Bye,’ Darcie said, coming to join them. ‘Thanks so much for everything.’

  ‘You’re very welcome,’ he replied, giving her a hug. ‘And thank you for letting me share some of your mother’s time these last few weeks.’

  ‘Oh, that’s OK, I think she liked it.’

  ‘I hope so,’ he said, with an ironic glance Alicia’s way. ‘Now remember your promise,’ he said to Darcie, ‘you’re going to make sure she starts creating again on Monday, and if she doesn’t, you’re going to…’

  ‘… get straight on the phone to you to report her,’ she finished. ‘No problem. Nat’s on the case too, and she can’t argue with him because he’s bigger than she is.’

  ‘And don’t you forget it,’ Nat told his mother as he came down the stairs two at a time. ‘Sorry, that was Jolyon on the phone. I’m going to spend half-term with him, if that’s OK, doing more work experience. He’s even offered to pay me this time.’

  Alicia looked delighted.

  ‘Oh, and a couple of my friends have been in touch to find out when I’ll be in London again. So would it be all right if I see them when we go next weekend to put your sculptures on display?’

  ‘Of course,’ she assured him. She was tempted to ask if he’d heard any more from Summer, but decided not to go there in the end. It was time to move on, and though she knew he still minded about the break-up, like everything else he’d been through, he’d get over it, eventually. It was just a pity he hadn’t been officially declared innocent of the rape charge. However, things didn’t work that way, as she well knew, and what really mattered was that he was no longer facing the harrowing ordeal of a trial – or being subjected to any more unpleasant verbal abuse in the village and at school.

  Turning to Cameron, Nat shook him warmly by the hand. ‘It’s been great meeting you,’ he told him. ‘Thanks for everything, especially what you’ve done for Mum, and I don’t just mean her work.’

  ‘It was my pleasure,’ Cameron assured him.

  ‘She was really down when we came…’

  ‘Hello, I’m still here,’ Alicia interrupted, feeling herself starting to colour. ‘Now make yourselves scarce, you two, while I say goodbye to my friend.’

  Holding Jasper back as Nat and Darcie obediently disappeared into the sitting room, Cameron pulled open the front door, saying, ‘Go and wait by the car.’

  Always happy to oblige, Jasper trotted down the path and settled in a flump next to the gate.

  ‘Good boy,’ Cameron murmured, and turning back to Alicia he smiled into her eyes. ‘I might not have stumbled upon the right house yet,’ he said, ‘but I’d like to think I’ve found a new friend.’

  ‘I’d like to think so too,’ she replied softly. ‘You’ve made this summer much more bearable than it would otherwise have been. Actually, more than that, you managed to make me feel happy and optimistic at times when I thought the world might have given up on me.’

  ‘I’m glad,’ he said. ‘You’ve made quite a difference to my summer too, and I’m more determined than ever to make this area my second home now,’ and pulling her into his arms he hugged her tightly.

  ‘Don’t forget, you’re starting work on Monday,’ he told her, ‘and by Christmas you should be clear to open the shop.’

  ‘The children were thinking we should have a party to celebrate, with mulled wine and chestnuts.’ It was going to be their first without Craig, and she was already deeply dreading it, but at least the shop was something they could look forward to, having put so much effort into it.

  ‘An excellent idea,’ he agreed. ‘We can invite our contributing artists, as well as the neighbours and local press. It should get the season off to a very merry start.’

  Feeling pleased by the ‘we’, and hoping his daughters might be around too, she smiled. ‘Call to let me know you’ve arrived back safely,’ she said.

  ‘Of course,’ he murmured, and after giving her hand an affectionate squeeze he went towards the car.

  She stayed at the door watching him until he drove away, and as he turned the corner at the pub she felt a familiar sense of loss coming over her. The need for Craig was always with her, but she was going to miss Cameron too, she realised, and maybe more than she’d expected.

  Turning back inside, she closed the door behind her, and felt buoyed by the fact that they’d be seeing him again in a couple of weeks. She wasn’t sure yet about Nat’s suggestion that they invite Annabelle to come and help set up the display – she’d make a decision about that after discussing it with Robert. However, with the way things were at home, it would probably do the poor girl the power of good to get away for a while.

  ‘So, did you kiss him?’ Darcie demanded as Alicia came into the sitting room.

  Alicia gave a laugh of surprise. ‘No, of course not,’ she answered, feeling herself starting to blush.

  Nat was regarding her closely.

  ‘I didn’t,’ she cried, throwing out her hands.

  ‘In that case,’ he said, swinging her into his arms, ‘here’s one to keep you going,’ and he planted a resounding smackeroo full on her cheek.

  ‘And here’s another,’ Darcie cried, leaping up to join in.

  Laughing as they tumbled into a heap on the sofa, Alicia clasped her arms around them and held them tight.

  ‘You know, there’s something I keep meaning to ask you,’ Nat said, following the direction of her eyes to his father’s photograph on the mantel, ‘what did Dad say to make you laugh so much in that wedding photo?’

  ‘Oh, yeah, I know the one,’ Darcie cried excitedly. ‘Dad has that typical look of his going on, you know, when he’s said something outrageous and he’s trying not to laugh.’

  ‘So come on,’ Nat urged. ‘Spill.’

  Alicia was shaking her head. ‘I couldn’t repeat it,’ she told them, feeling herself bubbling with laughter at the memory.

  ‘He told me once what it was,’ Nat said, ‘I’ve just forgotten.’

  ‘Then he gave you the clean version,’ she informed him.

  ‘Oh, I know,’ he exclaimed. ‘It was that he’d just gone through the entire ceremony with his flies undone.’

  Darcie shrieked with laughter.

  Alicia laughed too. ‘That was it,’ she confirmed.

  Nat eyed her suspiciously. ‘No it wasn’t,’ he said. ‘I mean it’s what he told me, but it was something else, wasn’t it?’

  She started to get up, but he pulled her back. ‘Talk, or we’ll tickle it out of you,’ he warned.

  ‘OK, OK,’ she gasped as they began their attack, ‘what he said was, one day we’ll have children and when we do, please don’t ever tell them what I just said.’