Just Girls
Page 27
“I just think transsexuals distract attention from the real priorities of feminism,” Vivien said. “Women are dying…” Her voice trailed off and Tucker saw the thin film of tears collected on her lower eyelids.
Callander put her hand on Vivien’s shoulder. “Not everyone has seen the world you’ve seen,” she said. “And not everyone sees the world the way you do.”
“But there’s so much to do,” Vivien protested.
“That’s why we need everyone,” Alisa told her. “And to not fight each other.”
Vivien shook her head, but she said, “I’m sorry” again and walked away through the living room. Tucker couldn’t decide if she was repeating her earlier apology for emphasis or if she was saying it dismissively as in: I’m sorry but I don’t agree.
“I read the new version of your paper for the Women’s & Gender Studies course very closely,” Callander said. “Your grade will be updated. And I saw you’re not in any of our courses this semester.”
“I’m getting some requirements out of the way,” Tucker told her, but the excuse sounded lame as she said it.
“Your experience coming out as transsexual when you aren’t, could you write that up into a presentation given, let’s say, in six weeks?”
“Um, yeah.”
“Good, come present it to me in mid-March and we’ll talk about any edits and then I want you to present to my Intro to Gender Studies course in April. Does that work for you?”
“Sure.”
“Do you have any teaching experience?”
“Not really. I mean, I have a younger sister.”
Callander laughed. “I’ll find a TA who can give you tips.”
“Not Vivien?” Alisa asked.
“I don’t think so. I hope that someday she’ll see your point of view, but I’m not going to force it. She has a good mind; she’ll work it through.”
“You don’t believe what she does?” Tucker asked. “You didn’t say that in the meeting.”
“I want you to learn to stand up to an opposing viewpoint on your own,” Callander said. “But for the record, I’ve walked out of feminist events that didn’t welcome trans women.”
“Sweet,” Tucker said.
Callander gave her another smile and headed back into the living room. Cal and Tesh had been waiting at a safe distance, watching the interaction, and now they rushed back to Tucker and Alisa.
“What did she say? Did she tell Vivien off?” Tesh asked.
“No, but she’s cool. She’s on our side,” Tucker told them. “She asked me to come guest lecture about my experiences.”
Alisa cleared her throat. “You’re downplaying it. She’s offering to mentor you and train you in presenting and teaching.”
“She is?”
“She did the same for me last year. It kept me in school.”
“She had you present to her class?”
“She matched me up with a TA who helped me with my essays and then she critiqued the later drafts. I’d hate presenting, but you’ll probably like it.”
Tucker thought about herself up in front of the class getting to talk about what she’d learned this last year by coming out in Ella’s place and then getting to know Ella and having to fight for what she knew was right—she imagined being able to shape how other students thought about trans issues and misogyny and feminism, and she wanted to get started right away.
“I would like it,” she said.
“Professor Tucker, in the house,” Tesh said.
“You’d look good in tweed,” Cal added with a wink.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ella
Cal did the house in an insane amount of pink for Valentine’s Day. He even hosted dressed in a pink T-shirt and the color looked good on him. I reprised my over-the-top eye makeup for the event and Nico showed up in a neon orange and pink shirt over tight gray pants. It hurt to look at yo for any length of time.
It surprised me when Nico said that Tucker had invited yo up for the party before I even got a chance to, and I wasn’t sure whether to feel really happy about it or sort of weird, so I went with both.
“You’re really testing everyone’s resolve, aren’t you?” I asked Nico as we walked into Cal’s living room.
“What? I look fantastic.”
“As in ‘the fantastic legends of the fey folk’?”
“Precisely.”
Nico’s hair had grown out just far enough to hint at small curls tight against yos scalp and yo compensated by cutting back on the makeup and jewelry. Yo looked either like a classic butch woman from the fifties or a somewhat masculine disco queen.
The party was in full swing and the living room was jammed with people. We shoved through into the dining room where Nico grabbed a few carrot sticks and offered me one. I took it and nibbled as we kept going into the kitchen and through to the back porch.
Nico found soda in one of the coolers and handed me a bottle. Cal swept over with a hearty greeting for both of us, and then looped an arm around Nico’s shoulders and steered yo back into the living room to meet Alisa. Apparently I’d gone from being the exciting newcomer last semester to the even more exciting trans girl to old news. I didn’t mind.
I leaned against the back porch railing and pulled out my phone. Text me when you’re done, I sent to Shen.
You miss me already, he sent back.
He had a project due in the morning and said he needed to skip the party to finish it, but he’d meet me back at my room afterward. I did miss him, but thinking about seeing him later also got me jittery again. It was Valentine’s Day—we should do something special for it and yet most of the “special” things I could think of scared me.
On the bright side, I didn’t have to worry about birth control. Ha, yeah, but that was the only thing I didn’t have to worry about.
“You’re scowling,” Tucker said from next to my elbow.
“I’m fretting.”
“About me inviting Nico up?”
“No, that’s cool. About me and Shen.”
“Did something happen?” Tucker asked.
“No, nothing happened, that’s the problem. We just make out and it’s been like almost five months.”
“He doesn’t seem upset about it,” Tucker said.
“But I kind of want…more…you know?”
“So jump him.”
“But what if it doesn’t work?”
She raised an eyebrow at me. “How can it not work?”
I stared back at her and spread my hands apart. “I was built in a lab, remember? Miracle of science and all that. What if we don’t fit together? Or what if I don’t feel right to him?”
“Didn’t I teach you anything?” she asked with a smile. “He’s crazy about you. It’ll only not work if you stop trying. Just mess around until things feel right—and I promise you, they will. Don’t be so freakin’ heteronormative.”
“What?”
“Stop acting like a straight girl and go jump your man whatever way works for you two.”
I grinned at her. “I have no idea how that made sense, but it did.”
“You’d better tell me all about it too, but not in a creepy way.”
“Perv.”
“Whatever. Get out of here,” she said.
I kissed her on the cheek and started shoving my way back through the party. Nico was in the living room chatting with Alisa and I pulled yo aside.
“Hey, I’m going to bail and go jump Shen, per Tucker’s instructions.”
“Kinky,” Nico said.
“Yeah, right. Are you okay here?”
“Baby girl, I’m more than okay.”
I stopped and looked hard at yo. Was Nico’s look slightly more feminine than last semester? Was there a reason for that?
“Are you and Tucker…?” I asked.
“We’re just friends,” Nico said. “You know she needs a lot of friends right now.”
“Yeah, but what if she did ask you out?”
“Sh
e knows she’d have to be cool with me not being a girl.”
“You think it might be enough for her that you’re not a boy either?”
“If it gets that far, we can only hope,” Nico said with a grin. “But unlike you, I don’t have to jump every pretty face I see.”
“Oh shut up, you totally got more action than me in high school, I’m just trying to play catch-up.”
Nico gave me a tight hug and I said a quick goodbye to everyone else in the living room. Outside the air was chilly. I held my phone in my hand while I zipped my jacket all the way up and then texted Shen: leaving the party, miss you too much.
Wonderful, he texted back. Meet me at your room.
How was he in my room? It wasn’t like I had an extra key and I didn’t know how to get one, so I figured he meant that he was going to head over and meet me there.
I walked the few blocks back to my dorm but when I got into the third-floor hall I saw there was light coming from under my door. I didn’t remember leaving the light on. Must be getting spacey with all the Valentine’s fretting I was doing. I unlocked the door and pushed it open.
The room was filled with flowers. And there were candles. And a box of chocolates held in the lap of the cutest boy I’d ever seen.
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Shen said and held the heart-shaped box out to me.
“You didn’t have a project?” The words sounded stupid to me, but I was still taking it all in.
“Not for class. Tucker left her door unlocked for me so I could sneak in. She’s quite smart about these things.”
“Totally. This is amazing!”
There were flowers in vases on my desk, and the dresser, and the nightstand, and a little teddy bear in a red T-shirt that said “Be Mine” and pink candles. I shucked off my jacket, climbed onto the bed and kissed Shen.
“Tucker gave me some advice about a surprise too,” I said.
“Oh?”
I got up to turn off the overhead light. In the soft golden light of the candles, he opened his arms to me.
Praise for Rachel Gold and Being Emily
Winner 2013 Golden Crown Literary Award in Dramatic/General Fiction.
Winner 2013 Moonbeam Children’s Book Award in Young Adult Fiction—Mature Issues.
Finalist 2013 Lambda Literary Award
“Powerful and empowering, with an optimistic message that we all need more of in our lives. I’m thrilled to see this book is out in the world.”
–Kate Bornstein, author of Gender Outlaw and A Queer and Pleasant Danger
“It’s rare to read a novel that’s involving, tender, thought-provoking and informative. Rachel Gold does all this in ‘Being Emily.’”
–Twin Cities Pioneer Press
“Being Emily is a wonderful, valuable and very contemporary book that I believe will change minds and save lives. I was very much affected by the story, which feels piercingly real in all its details.”
–Katherine V. Forrest, author, editor-at-large for Bella Books and supervising editor at Spinsters Ink
“…it’s a wonderful read for any teen (or anyone else) dealing with gender issues or the question of non-conformity ... [Gold] does a fabulous job of explaining what it means to know in your heart that something’s not right, that the body you were born with doesn’t match the true person inside.”
–Ellen Krug, Lavender Magazine
“I think Being Emily should be assigned in classrooms. It’s a great teen book club selection, as well. I’m glad this book is on our shelves and I can’t wait to see more like it.”
–The Magpie Librarian
“Rachel Gold has crafted an extraordinarily poignant novel in Being Emily.”
–Lambda Literary Review
Bella Books, Inc.
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P.O. Box 10543
Tallahassee, FL 32302
Phone: 800-729-4992
www.bellabooks.com