Caught Up in You

by Colee Firman

  When we got in my car I started it but looked over at her instead of pulling away. “I haven’t told him everything about me. Until he knows, I can’t…”

  “Myles won’t care about any of it, honey.” She grabbed my purse and jammed the box of condoms inside. “He’s batshit crazy about you. I mean that literally. He was ready to fight Kyle last night just for looking at you.”

  I couldn’t help smiling. “He was jealous? What an idiot...” I put the car in gear and started driving home. If Myles thought for one second I’d pick Kyle over him he really was batshit crazy.

  Livvy started flipping through the channels on the radio. “So what time are we leaving tomorrow?”

  “What’s tomorrow?” I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.

  “Jen. Bachelorette party.” She lightly smacked the side of my head. “Ringing any bells—maybe the wedding kind?”

  I’d completely forgotten my Aunt Jen was coming into town. She and David were staying in Masonville for the next week for their bachelor and bachelorette parties and last minute wedding stuff. They were getting married a week from Saturday.

  “Jen want us at David’s sister’s house by four, so be at my house about three and I’ll drive to Masonville,” I said. “Don’t pack too much stuff—we’re only staying one night.”

  The guys were still in the garage when we pulled into the driveway. Tom stared toward us and Myles turned off the light and closed the garage door before following behind him. Livvy and I got out of the car and exchanged glances.

  “What’s up, baby?” She handed Tom the beer and kissed his cheek. “Everything ok?”

  “We need to head back to the house. Something’s wrong with Wyatt’s truck. He needs me to look at it.”

  Livvy’s shoulders fell as she turned to me. “Sorry…”

  Myles slipped his fingers through mine and squeezed my hand. “You alright?”

  “Yep…” I pushed up on my toes and planted a kiss that ended up on his chin.

  A smile spread across Livvy’s face as she watched. “I just realized something,” she said, “I don’t have to go to Jen’s wedding with you next week. You can take Myles.”

  The thought had crossed my mind too, but I didn’t want to say anything until after I told Myles everything there was to know about me. If he was still onboard with our relationship after that, I was going to mention it. Asking now would add a little extra incentive to get my past out in the open sooner than later though.

  “It’s next Saturday,” I said, smiling up at him. “Over in Masonville. I promise it won’t suck.”

  Myles looked at Tom as he answered me. “We’ll talk about it tonight…”

  “Let’s go, Livvy.” Tom grabbed her by the hand and nodded at me. “See you later, Brant.”

  I reached out and smacked Tom on the shoulder. “Tell Wyatt I said hey.”

  We headed into the house and I was somewhat unsure of what was going to happen. It was after ten, so Myles was probably going to start working.

  Just as I thought, he went straight to his desk and sat down when we got into his apartment. He held his arm out to me. “Come here.”

  As soon as I got close, he took my hand and pulled me down to sit on his knee. “Can you give me a couple hours to work on a few things?”

  “Sure.” I slipped my arms behind his neck and leaned in, taking a deep breath of his scent. I wondered if I’d ever get tired of it. “Come upstairs when you’re done.”

  Myles wrapped both arms around my body and pulled me against him. “Are you inviting me to a sleepover?”

  I grabbed his earlobe between my lips and gave it a tug. “That depends…” A little sigh escaped his lips as I did it again, only harder.

  Hot hands slipped under the back of my shirt and his fingertips pressed against into my bare skin. “On what?”

  “You taking the money for the bed,” I whispered.

  “Not happening…” He placed a trail of wet kisses on my neck, making me shiver and cling to him. “But I’m still—”

  “So yeah, I can see you guys.”

  I jumped at the voice, practically falling off Myles’ lap. He grabbed me and then looked at a guy on the computer monitor behind us. “You’re a fucking creep…”

  The guy just laughed. “You’re the one making out with your girl in front of a webcam, asshole.”

  Myles shook his head and smiled. “Brantley, this is Pete. Feel free to call him Dick.”

  “Hi…” I actually recognized his voice from hearing it so many times through the floor at night. He was sitting down, but from what I could tell he was short and stocky. His brown hair was cut really close to his scalp and he had dark eyes. I leaned in closer, looking at the strange signs on the buildings outside the window behind him. “Are you in…Japan?”

  Pete nodded. “Tokyo.”

  Myles ran his hand up my neck and turned my head so I was facing him. “I’ll be up in a little while, ok?”

  “Ok…” I kissed the corner of his mouth and then smiled back at Pete as I stood up. “Bye.”

  Once I got upstairs, I decided to take a shower to kill some time. I stared at my new bed as I stood peeling my clothes off, excited that in a couple of hours I’d be in it with Myles.

  Although the bed was still the one and only piece of furniture in my apartment, the place felt more like home than it ever had. Maybe that was just because of my new relationship status. I didn’t really know. But for the first time since leaving Chicago I felt like I was living again.

  There was a full length mirror hanging on the back of my bathroom door. While I was waiting for the shower water to get warm, I stood in front of it completely naked. I held my hands up and looked at the fine white lines and then let my eyes run down my chest, stopping on the scars marking my torso.

  After three years, it seemed like I would’ve gotten used to them being a part of me. Yet every time I caught a glimpse of my unclothed body, I still felt shocked by their presence. I hated them. They were a stark permanent reminder of how truly ugly life could be.

  Nineteen

  Myles

  “So breaking things off with her didn’t happen, huh?”

  I sat back in my chair and pressed my palms to my forehead. “I can’t—I won’t.”

  Pete continued speaking while looking away from the screen. “And judging by the smile on her face she has no idea you’re leaving.”

  “No…” The note of disapproval in his voice bore into me. “I’m gonna tell her tonight.”

  He nodded. “That’s what you said last night.”

  “I’m gonna tell her tonight.” I repeated.

  “She seems like a nice girl, Myles. Don’t fuck up and hurt her.”

  “Dammit, you’re the second person to say shit like that to me. Am I really that big an asshole?”

  Pete turned in his chair and looked directly into the camera. “Do you even know how many of Ashlee’s friends you nailed and never talked to again? Any clue how many times I watched them cry over your ass because they saw you with a different chick the very next night? Hell, sometimes the same night? Ash and I nearly broke up a dozen times because of shit you pulled.”

  I kicked back from the desk and stood up. “Thanks for reminding me what a piece of shit I am.” I knew what he was trying to say but having my mistakes thrown in my face still pissed me off. I’d tried hard to be a better person since all that went down. “I know I don’t deserve her…”

  “No one is saying you don’t deserve her. Just prove you do. Now that you’re out of your woman hating rut, do shit right this time. Don’t be that guy again.”

  I dropped back into the chair. “Yeah. I get it.” My own best friend thought the same thing my parents did. One girl was going to cause a relapse. I’d fuck things up with Brantley and just pick up where I left off before I got arrested and kicked out of school. I’d given them no reason to think otherwise. It just sucked being guilty until proven innocent all over again.

&nb
sp; “So what are you gonna say to her?” Pete asked.

  I shook my head. “I’m just gonna ask her—beg her, to wait for me.” On my knees if necessary—whatever it was going to take to convince her.

  Pete smiled. “She looked hot for you. I doubt much begging will be necessary.”

  “Whether she says yes or no, I don’t know how I’m gonna leave her here alone. Kyle fucking Morgan has been all over her. Her best friend is dating his buddy Tom Dempsey.” Just the thought of Livvy conning Brantley into hanging out with the three of them made me wanna punch something.

  “Wow, ok,” he said, laughing. “Chill with the high school drama. You sound like a jealous fifteen year old girl right now.”

  He was right. I didn’t care. “I almost knocked his teeth through the back of his skull last night for looking at her. If he fucking touches her while I’m—”

  “Cut that shit out—I’m serious!” Pete’s smile faded into a look of concern. “Don’t make me regret encouraging you to be with this chick. If having her in your life is gonna make you do dumb shit that jeopardizes everything we’ve been working for—end it now.”

  When Pete talked like that, I knew I was getting out of hand. “I won’t fuck you over—I swear. I’m just going crazy about telling her.”

  “She’ll probably cry and be pissed off at you—be prepared.”

  I felt like a selfish bastard. I should’ve stayed away from her. I should’ve just left town as her friend and hoped she’d still be available when I came home in the spring. I should’ve waited to be with her and spared both of us the misery being apart was going to bring.

  “Ashlee and I will be in Baylor Grove by the end of next week. We’ll check on her—maybe we can double with her and Kyle to keep an eye on things.”

  “Shut the fuck up.” I laughed but didn’t think it was funny.

  I’d never done anything to deserve a girl like Brantley. She knew about my past and the trouble I’d been in and didn’t care. I had no idea how I got her, but now that she was mine I planned on doing whatever it took to keep it that way.

  By midnight I was pushing the door to Brantley’s apartment open. It was dark except for the faint glow of a lamp in her bedroom. She was lying on her stomach reading a magazine when I walked in quietly and leaned against the door frame.

  Somehow she’d managed to confiscate the t-shirt I’d given her the night before and was wearing it again. I hoped she’d wear it every night while I was gone so at least some part of me would be wrapped around her.

  Thoughts like that had been torturing me all day. With only two nights left to spend with her until I had to leave, I couldn’t waste another second standing so far away. I moved up to the edge of the bed and then stretched out on my side next to her.

  The second she felt the bed move she tossed the magazine onto the floor and let her cheek rest on the blanket, smiling at me. “Hi…”

  “Hi.” I laid my head down in front of hers so we were face to face. “You stole my shirt,” I whispered, putting my hand on the small of her back.

  “It was an even swap.” She inched forward and touched the tip of her nose to mine. “I left a pink bra on your bedroom floor in exchange for it.”

  “I thought you just left it there so you’d have an excuse to go back into my bedroom.”

  “You were wrong…” She kissed me so lightly I hardly felt it. “Now that I have this cozy bed, I don’t have any reason to be in your room…”

  I reached out and pulled her over so her chest was against mine. “I knew you were gonna be a pain in my ass the second I laid eyes on you.”

  “That’s seriously the first thing you thought about me?” She pulled back seeming offended. I couldn’t tell if she was screwing around or not. “You decided you weren’t gonna like me before we even met?”

  “Not exactly…” I thought back to the first time I saw her standing in the driveway talking to Lou. “I think I knew I was gonna like you a little too much.”

  “First thought,” she said, raising her brow at me. “I wanna know—even if it’s bad.”

  I twisted a piece of her long hair around my fingers. “Censored or uncensored version?”

  Brantley chewed her bottom lip and smiled. “Uncensored…”

  “When I first saw you, my first thought was about your legs,” I whispered, putting my hand on her hip and running my fingers down her thigh, “and how perfect they’d be for wrapping around my waist while I fucked you.”

  “Oh…” She diverted her eyes and her face flushed. “That was…graphic.”

  I couldn’t help laughing. “Ok, how about this—” I leaned down and caught her eye. “When I first saw you, my first thought was that you were beautiful and I wanted you,” I said, pressing my lips to her red-hot cheek. “Like the censored version better?”

  A little smile crossed her lips and she slowly shook her head. “I think I liked the first one more.”

  I never should’ve gone there. I was dying to shove her onto her back and show her exactly what I had in mind. It was way too soon for that though. I still needed to tell her I was leaving. There was still a chance I could lose her for good. That thought was enough to soften my raging hard on.

  “Your turn,” I said, desperate for a topic shift. “What did you think about me?”

  “Censored or uncensored?”

  “Uncensored.” Being a girl, how bad could it be?

  “Ok, uncensored,” she said, putting her hand on my cheek and dragging her thumb along my scruff, “I thought you were ridiculously hot—way too good looking to be anything other than shallow and fake. I figured you were just like all the other douchey guys I’d been around. I expected there to be a herd of whores parading in and out of your apartment.”

  Well that was worse than I thought—so bad I had no response. I tipped onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. Before she even knew me she could already tell what I was—or at least what I used to be. My insides twisted knowing she thought that shit about me. I deserved it, but coming from her it hurt like hell.

  “Hey…” She scooted over and pushed up against my side. “You’re none of those things. After a few weeks I realized how wrong I was.”

  “Damn straight you were,” I said, slipping my arms around her and smacking her ass.

  She giggled and snuggled into me. “You’re really sweet in your own sour way.”

  “Only to you,” I whispered.

  “Keep it like that,” she said kissing my shoulder.

  I sighed as Brantley let her fingers inch up my chest. “From the first time you told me to fuck off I was all yours.”

  Her hand stopped moving and her breath caught. “Say that again…”

  “What?” I pulled back and looked into her eyes. “That I’m all yours?”

  She nodded.

  “I’m all yours…” I brought her hand to my lips and kissed her palm. “…completely.”

  The girl had me saying shit I never thought I’d be uttering out loud. I felt like a real dick for all the times I’d screwed with Pete about the way he talked to Ashlee and gushed about his feeling for her. Again, I completely understood where he was coming from now.

  Time ticked away as we laid snuggled together in her new bed talking. Before the previous night, I’d never spent more than five minutes in bed with a girl when I wasn’t inside her. It’s not like I wasn’t thinking about tearing her clothes off the entire time, but I needed her to know I wanted more than that from her.

  I wanted to know every single thing about her. I wanted her to know me—the good parts and the bad. I needed her to know this wasn’t just a fling before I headed out of town. Pushing sex would do the complete opposite.

  As I lay with her trying to figure out the best way to tell her I was leaving, I realized there was no best way. All I could do was say it and hope she cared enough about me to hold on. Either way, I couldn’t put it off any longer.

  When there was a lull in the conversation, I decided to get it ov
er with. “Brant, I need you to know something.” Nothing in my life, including being arrested, felt as terrifying as what I was about to say. “I’m—”

  Out of nowhere her hand went over my mouth. “Me first…” She sat up suddenly and kneeled on the bed. Her cheeks were flushed and she looked nervous or upset, maybe both. I pushed off the bed and sat in front of her with my heart slamming in my chest. All I could think was that somehow she already knew. Someone told her I was leaving or maybe she overheard my loud mouth talking to Pete.

  “Myles…” She held her hands up in front of her with her scarred palms facing out. “You asked me before what happened.”

  “The day we were out on the boat.” Relief she didn’t know mixed with fear caused by the somber expression on her face rolled over me. “You told me you weren’t ready to talk about it…”

  I watched as she grabbed the bottom of my shirt she was wearing and pulled it up over her head. She looked at me with tears welling in her eyes and exhaled. “I am now…”

  Brantley was on her knees in front of me in nothing but a black bra and panties. My jaw dropped. I wish I could say it was from sight of her nearly naked body. It wasn’t. The scars on her hands and wrists weren’t the only ones. The right side of her body along her ribs down to her belly button had about a half dozen jagged lines—more scars.

  I felt like I’d been kicked in the chest, dropped off a building and run over by a semi all at the same time. In that moment it all clicked. Something I should’ve realized the first time I noticed them was staring me in the face. The scars on her hands and wrists weren’t from anything she’d done to herself—they were defensive wounds.

  Twenty

  Brantley

  Three years earlier.

  It was only ten o’clock on a Friday night but no lights were on in the house as I pulled up in the driveway. I wasn’t sure if that was weird anymore or not. Nothing made sense since dad went to prison. I pressed the button to open the garage but nothing happened.