Just an Illusion, Side A: Side A

by D. Kelly

  “I’d been on the road with him about six months. He had a random chick here and there, but my mom still had his heart. Anyway, one night after a show, he was at it again, fucking and drugging. I was thankful we were staying in a hotel that night so I didn’t have to be on the bus to watch him self-destruct even further. So many people tried to get him help, and yet others just chalked it up to grief. I guess I fell somewhere in the middle. I loved him, and I wanted him back to normal, but I knew without my mom he never would be, and I didn’t want to see his pain anymore.

  “The next morning, I went to wake him up so we could get breakfast. We’d yet to celebrate my birthday, which was a few months prior, so we were supposed to have a daddy/daughter celebratory breakfast. He wasn’t answering my knock, so I used my key. I’d gotten used to sobering him up in the mornings, so I figured this would be no different, but it was. I’m the one who found him lying on the bathroom floor, cold, lifeless, dead.”

  By now, tears are streaming down my cheeks as I’m transported back to that moment in time. The moment my entire world crashed in around me and the all-consuming grief set in with the knowledge I had officially become an orphan. The moment I realized neither of my parents loved me enough to stay with me instead of self-destructing. It was the moment I stopped believing love could conquer all because I knew the only sure thing about love was that it had the power to destroy you.

  “Shit, Mel,” Wyatt says as Noah pulls me into his embrace. I’m rapidly swiping at my tears, trying to stop crying. It’s been twelve years and what’s done is done.

  “When the police had finished cleaning out his room, they brought me his belongings. At least I knew he was planning on keeping our date. There was a birthday card and a gift for me. After the funeral, I disappeared for a while. Dyed my hair back to its normal color, dodged all the reporters I could, declined interviews, and by the time I came back to stay with my grandma, things had died down. Occasionally, we’d have to get rid of a reporter or two looking for a story, but it wasn’t too bad. I wasn’t the famous one, I was just what was left over of an iconic couple.”

  “You’re the best parts of them, Mel. You need to remember that,” Sawyer says, surprising me with his kind words.

  “Thank you, Sawyer.”

  He simply nods, and Noah continues to hold on to me.

  “That’s pretty much it, you guys. My story in a nutshell. I finished high school, went to college, all under my grandmother’s maiden name, Greyson. When I turned eighteen, everything reverted to me. Assets, royalties, musical library, you name it. The only money I kept was my college trust fund, and that had been set up before things went bad with them. Now, every penny of whatever royalties come in are donated directly to charity. Every few months I change it up so lots of causes can benefit.”

  “What about the rest of the money? There has to be a fortune sitting somewhere,” Darren asks excitedly. I can’t blame him; it’s almost like finding One Eyed Willie’s treasure.

  “There’s definitely a lot of money sitting in an account accruing daily interest. My grandmother convinced me to hold on to it until I was thirty so I’d be old enough to make a truly informed, grownup decision on what to do with it. So I’m honoring her wishes. She’d always hoped I’d at least set up trust funds for my future children’s futures. She thought it would make my parents happy, and she’s right. I’m just not sure if I consider their money a blessing or a curse.

  “I’m sorry, you guys, I’ve totally killed your day. It’s long past lunch. You should be getting ready to practice. Plus, I’ve got my interview with Sawyer in a few hours.”

  They all exchange a glance. I’ve gotten used to their expressions pretty well lately, but this one is a new one for me.

  “I don’t feel like practicing today. I think it’s a movie day,” Wyatt says with a smile.

  “Yup, total movie day, and I even think it should be Mel’s pick,” Darren adds.

  “I just texted Warren. He’s got pizzas ordered for the next stop. We’ll be there in ten minutes.” Sawyer fist bumps Noah, and Noah hugs me close, kissing the top of my head.

  “Thanks for letting us into your world, Mel,” Noah whispers sweetly.

  “Well … I will say one thing. This completely explains how you became acclimated to the bus so quickly. Most people get sick and whine about being cooped up, but you looked like you felt at home.”

  “That’s because I do feel at home, Sawyer. The bus was my home for most of my childhood. I missed it. My biggest fear about coming with you was not knowing if you guys were as dramatic as my parents.”

  “Nah, the most drama we get up in here is when Noah eats the last Pop-Tart. Darren and I have finally started stashing them on our bus so when we’re in the middle of nowhere, we can tame the beast.”

  “Look, I ask for one thing on the bus and that’s to leave my Pop-Tarts alone. It’s not like Noah’s broke. He can afford to buy his own.”

  “True,” Noah adds. “But your Pop-Tarts taste so much better.”

  “Yeah, because you aren’t paying for them. Everything’s sweeter on someone else’s dime.”

  “Jesus, would the two of you kiss and make up already? I don’t know how you put up with them all day, Mel, for real,” Darren says with the shake of his head.

  “So what movies do you want to watch?” Noah asks, lacing his fingers through mine.

  “Movies as in plural?”

  “Sure, why not?” he answers with a shrug.

  “I still have Sawyer’s interview to do.”

  “Do it in the morning while I’m sleeping. It’s not like the two of you don’t get up at the crack of dawn. Warren won’t care, if that’s what you’re worried about, Mel.”

  Warren is probably going to be happy he doesn’t have to keep my secrets anymore.

  “Alright, then. Let’s watch Boomerang.” That movie always makes me laugh; it’s one of my all-time favorites.

  The buses come to a stop, and we all switch over to our bus. Warren is waiting inside and pulls me into a hug. “I’m glad you told them. I think it will be good for you all. Especially you, Amelia. Maybe now you can let those bad memories die and make new, better ones.”

  Everyone on this tour is so huggy and close-knit. It’s a little disconcerting at times, but in the best kind of way.

  “Maybe I can.” I pull back, and Noah is patting a spot next to him on the couch.

  “So is Boomerang good? We’ve never seen it,” Wyatt asks as he searches for it on the movie app.

  “What? None of you have ever seen Boomerang? Like, never?”

  With a mixture of shrugs and heads shaking, I find myself laughing. This is going to be fun. I know the movie is a bit old, but still I can’t believe they haven’t seen it.

  “You guys are going to love this movie. Belle watches it with me whenever I need cheering up.”

  “So I get to be a substitute Belle today?” Noah whispers in my ear as he wraps his arm over my shoulder. I shake my head.

  “Why not?” he asks, seeming truly offended.

  “Because I don’t let Belle kiss me the way you do. And I sure the hell haven’t gone to second base with her.”

  A wicked smile plays across his lips, and for a brief second, it reminds me of Sawyer.

  “Third base, Mel, remember?”

  “How could I forget?” I murmur as his lips meet mine.

  “Get a room, you two! I thought we were supposed to be watching a movie?” Wyatt chuckles at his own words. “Sorry, they always say that to Anna and me. I just wanted to see how it felt for once.”

  Mac—their head of security—enters the bus, arms loaded down with pizzas. He sets them on the table and heads back out, Warren following behind him. I’m learning he’s a man of few words, but he’s one of the best bodyguards I’ve ever met. Too bad my mom didn’t have someone like him. Maybe she wouldn’t have gotten into the car with Ryland if she had.

  “Pepperoni, or
ham and pineapple?” Noah asks.

  “Or sausage and peppers, or cheese?” Darren offers, and I’ve got a feeling this is more of a test. There are four of them and four pizzas.

  “Sausage and peppers,” I reply, glancing at their faces to see whose favorite I just picked.

  “Looks like Sawyer has to share,” Wyatt taunts as Sawyer puts a couple pieces on a plate for me.

  “I don’t mind sharing with the princess. It’s the rest of you fuckers I have an issue with.” His words make me giggle. It’s nice to see Sawyer being sweet, and I’ve got a feeling this is about as sweet as he gets.

  After we’re all settled and the movie starts, I’m immediately sucked in. They all seem to be enjoying it, too, and as soon as Halle Berry pops up on the screen, someone pauses the movie.

  “That’s it!” Wyatt jumps up excitedly.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” Sawyer snaps.

  “Halle Berry! That’s who Belle reminded me of. I kept telling Darren I knew her from somewhere and I couldn’t figure it out. She’s like Halle Berry’s frickin’ doppelganger!”

  Belle gets this a lot.

  “I hate to admit it, but he’s right,” Noah concedes.

  With a slight nod, even Sawyer agrees. “Yeah, she really does.”

  Darren smiles wide. “I’m one lucky SOB, but for the record, Belle is way hotter than Halle.”

  “Someone’s whipped.” Sawyer’s snarky comment doesn’t surprise me, but what happens next does.

  “So what? I like her, there’s nothing wrong with finding someone, Sawyer. You’re the only one of us who is still content to have sex with random women. Even so, you’ve slowed down, too. You’ve realized you want more but you won’t admit it to yourself. We’re almost thirty. It’s time to grow up.”

  “Just because you’ve had sex with someone a few times, now you’re a relationship expert, huh?” Sawyer’s snarky reply obviously irks Darren.

  “No, but that’s the thing, man, it’s not just sex. We talk, we text, we Skype and email. I like her, more than I have a right to with her home and me on the road, but damn, I can’t stop thinking about her. I want more, Sawyer. Don’t you ever just want more?”

  Darren’s impassioned words hit hard. Sawyer lowers his eyes. His feelings are hurt. It’s as if I can feel his pain seeping out of his heart and into mine. I ache with him, and for him, but it seems like I’m the only one.

  “Maybe more isn’t in the cards for everyone at the same time, Darren. After all the shit Marilyn put us through, maybe I’m not ready to take a leap like that. At least not now,” Sawyer reluctantly answers.

  “Noah is,” Darren retorts nastily, and I’m starting to feel uncomfortable with the growing tension around us.

  “Noah has a fucking reason to! Stop pushing this, Darren. You’re not going to win.” Sawyer is sitting on the chair next to me at the end of the couch. Instinctively, my hand covers his as my gaze locks on his.

  “So do you, Sawyer. You deserve to be happy.” Electricity pulses through me, and I pull my hand away. I’ve got no idea why he affects me like this. It makes me uneasy because I don’t want him that way, and I shouldn’t touch him so intimately.

  Even if I’m drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

  “Thanks, Princess, but I’m not looking for a fairy tale right now.”

  Someone turns the movie back on and about halfway through, Sawyer pulls out a pack of Pop-Tarts.

  “Want one, Princess?”

  “I want one,” Noah says, holding out his hand.

  “Is your name Princess?”

  “Nope, and it’s not Mel’s name, either.”

  “Well, it’s what I call her and she answers, so she must not mind as much as she used to.”

  “Uh, hello? Right here … Yes, I want one and no, unfortunately, your stupid nickname has grown on me.”

  With a killer smirk, he passes me a pack. Once I’ve got them open, Noah whispers in my ear, “Are you going to offer to share?” His words make me laugh, and Sawyer knows exactly what’s going on.

  “No sharing,” he warns.

  “But he asked so nicely, I can’t say no.”

  With a raised brow, he flashes me a devious look and I know he’s remembering me telling him no. At least he doesn’t seem angry.

  “Traitor,” he says with a smile when I hand one to Noah.

  Darren and Wyatt watch our exchange while failing to hold in their laughter.

  “I’m not a traitor. I’m just showing you how easy it is to share with your brother. You should try it sometime.”

  “Sure, once Noah starts sharing with me, I’ll share with him. Until then, get your own snacks, baby brother, and stop guilting your girlfriend into giving you hers.”

  I feel the blush creep into my cheeks as I stutter over my words “I … I’m not his …”

  Noah places his hand over my mouth so I can’t speak. “Yes you are. Now hush, watch your movie, and eat your toaster pastry,” he says as he slowly releases my mouth from the cup of his hand. I want to say something, but honestly, I’m stunned silent. Instead, I do exactly what he said and bite into my Pop-Tart. All the guys snicker at us and turn back around to watch the movie.

  This is really fun. I love hanging out with them and doing normal things. It’s so much better than watching girls trail them at every freaking stop. So far, no one has said anything directly to me, but I feel their eyes and know they’re curious about the author on tour with the band.

  Once the movie is over, they want to know what’s next.

  “Empire Records?”

  “Jesus! Noah, you lucky SOB. Mel, you’ve got to be the coolest chick ever.” Wyatt plops down by my feet and searches for the movie.

  “If you guys have all seen it, we don’t have to watch it.”

  Wyatt holds up his hand. “Stop right now before you lose your cool chick status. Empire Records is a cult classic, and my teenage self spent many nights picturing Liv Tyler’s pouty lips wrapped around my dick.”

  “TMI, Wyatt!” I’m laughing so hard I can’t even pretend to be offended.

  “Well, you know, not all of us get to be romanced by our teenage idols, even if they do turn out to be first class douches. Let me have my fantasy.”

  He crosses his arms and pouts a bit, but I know he’s joking, so I don’t let his Eli reference bother me … too much.

  The fact of the matter is, I probably owe Eli an apology. He’s tried to contact me many times over the years, even long after we broke up. Losing our relationship was painful, but losing our friendship crushed me, and I reacted in the way I always do: I ignored it and pushed it away. I never once considered how cutting him off may have affected him. Back then, he needed me just as much I needed him … at least until he cheated on me.

  Someday I’ll make things right with him.

  We spent the rest of the night laughing, joking, playing video games, and taking tequila shots. It was the most fun I’ve had in I couldn’t even tell you how long.

  The buses stop for gas around midnight, and Wyatt and Darren head back to their bus. Sawyer had called it a night about a half hour ago, so that gives Noah and me a chance to finally talk.

  He pulls me to my feet and wraps his arms around me.

  “Sleep with me tonight.”

  “I don’t think that’s such a good idea. We’ve been drinking and …”

  He captures my lips with his and kisses me breathless. My body tingles from head to toe until he pulls away, leaving me wanting so much more.

  “Just sleep, Mel. I miss having you in my arms.”

  “Okay, let me change and use the bathroom first.”

  He flashes me a huge smile and kisses me on the forehead. “Don’t take too long.”

  The pitter-patter of my heart feels more like a stampede of horses, but I can’t shake it. I haven’t liked a guy as much as I like Noah in a long time. It’s so cheesy, but he really does make
my days better.

  Once I finish up in the bathroom, I put my clothes away and head into his room. He’s not wearing anything but his boxers. God, he’s sexy. His skin is a colorful canvas I’ve yet to fully explore, and right now the only thing I want to be doing is licking that V until I can suck his essence off his gorgeous cock.

  “My eyes are up here, Mel,” he says with a slight chuckle. I’m biting my lip so hard I actually taste blood.

  “Sometimes waiting is overrated.”

  He closes the door and pulls me into bed, flipping off the light. “And sometimes anticipation is the sexiest foreplay of all.”

  With those words, my panties are soaking wet and those damn horses are stampeding across my heart again.

  “Mel?” he whispers in my ear as he spoons me from behind.

  At least I know he’s not immune to me because I can feel his hardness bumping up against me.

  “Mm, yes?”

  “Will you be my girlfriend?”

  I flip over to face him and can barely make out his facial features in the dark room. “I thought I already was?” I’m teasing him and he knows it, but it’s so hard for me to be serious sometimes.

  “Well, I realized that was kind of a jerk thing to do to you in front of everyone. I don’t want to start our official relationship off being an ass. So I figured you should have some say in the matter.”

  “I see. Since you’re applying for the job, could you explain to me what kind of boyfriend you’re going to be? Some examples of your skills would help make this decision easier.”

  “Sure, I can give you examples. First example …” He kisses me softly, passionately, until I’m breathless once again.

  “I’d kiss you like that every chance I got. Second example …” He lowers his head and kisses a fiery trail down my neck as he slides his hands under my tank top and pulls it off over my head. His mouth latches onto my nipple as he fondles my breasts in his hands. I try and keep my moans quiet, but it’s no use as he rotates between my breasts, licking and sucking so deliciously, it’s only a matter of time before I come.