Just an Illusion, Side A: Side A

by D. Kelly

  Moving next to her on the couch, I pull her into a big hug. “You’re my sister, Belle. I don’t care if I’m mid orgasm, if you need me, I’m there for you.”

  She snorts and tucks into my arm. “That’s so fucking demented but in all the right ways.”

  “Alright, why don’t you tell me what’s going on? Let’s start with how you got here?”

  She pulls her knees to her chest, still staying tucked into my hug. “I flew, in my pajamas, looking like this. My plane landed at eight, and I got here about eight thirty. It’s just a few minutes after nine now, to answer your earlier question.”

  Well, that explains why I’m so tired and why Noah is still dead to the world. At least Belle seems to be doing better, or at least I thought so until the tears begin to stream down her cheeks again.

  “Belle, you’re scaring me. Please talk to me.”

  She finally looks up at me. “That makes two of us. I’m so fucking scared, Mel,” she sobs, her body shaking with each one. I couldn’t hug her any tighter if I tried, but I want her to feel my love and this is the only way I know how. Tears are pooling in the corners of my eyes, her grief having an effect on me, even though I don’t know what we’re grieving. I don’t need to, though; her pain is enough to affect me.

  “I’m pregnant, Mel,” she whispers softly. It takes a minute for her words to bounce around through my sleep-deprived brain before they really sink in.

  “What? How?”

  She snorts and actually smirks for a brief minute. “I think you know how. When the penis enters the vagina—”

  “Smartass, you know what I mean. Aren’t you on the pill? You’ve always been on the pill.”

  “Yeah, of course, well … sort of. God, I’m so stupid! Not everyone can be a condom control freak like you, okay?”

  “Hey,” I say softly, pulling away and turning toward her. “I’m not judging you, Belle. I just want to understand.”

  She exhales loudly and puts her head in her hands. “I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t take it out on you. It’s not your fault you’re allergic to the pill.”

  I leave her on the couch for a minute and go to the bar for a couple bottles of water. Handing her one, I sit back down. She scoots up to the end of the couch and turns to face me, tucking her arms around her knees. I mirror the pose. This has always seemed like our position for deep conversations.

  “Sometimes, I forget to take my pill. I get swept up in life and work, so I end up taking it late some days or sometimes miss a day. It hasn’t been an issue because I still always use condoms. But the night of the BAD concert, on the beach with Darren, I wasn’t expecting to have sex. And apparently, he wasn’t, either, because he didn’t have any condoms. He thought he did, but he’d forgotten his wallet in the house.”

  I know where this is going and I really wish I didn’t.

  “Belle, he’s a rock star and STDs are a real thing! What were you thinking?” I’m not trying to chastise her, I’m really not, I’m just concerned.

  “Obviously, I was thinking I was about to fuck a dream guy. One who has been on my top ten list to cheat on my husband with since I was old enough to make that list and stick to it just in case I ever did get married.”

  I laugh, not at her, but with her. “I forgot about your ‘celebrity crush I’m allowed to fuck’ list. Go on.”

  “I didn’t lie to him. Let me be crystal clear about that. When he realized he didn’t have a condom, we had an adult conversation. I told him I’d missed a few pills but I had just finished my period which should mean we were safer than at any other time of the month.”

  I’m nodding at her, hanging on to her every word as she continues.

  “He assured me he gets tested every few months for STDs as part of his contract. Which totally makes sense to avoid scandals and such.”

  Noah didn’t tell me that part.

  But then again, it never really came up because we used protection.

  “He swore he always used condoms, and I believed him, Mel. I still do. We were so caught up in the moment and threw caution to the wind. It was stupid, so fucking stupid, but I’d never felt like that before, Mel, you know?”

  “Yeah, Belle, I do.”

  “Darren’s touch ignites my soul. How could I say no to my one chance to feel that? And yes, I know he was on my list, but if it hadn’t felt right I wouldn’t have done it … But it felt so right. I know this is going to be TMI, but he was supposed to pull out.”

  Oh shit. “And he didn’t?”

  “I sort of begged him not to.”

  Jesus, this just gets better and better. “Why? Why would you put yourself at risk like that?”

  Her cheeks flush, and a small smile peeks up from the corner of her mouth. “Because I was on top, and I started to come. It was the most intense, most explosive orgasm of my entire life. I still can’t really describe it, but it was like, at that moment, he reached in and grabbed a part of me that had never been touched. I didn’t want to lose a second of that sensation out of fear I would never feel it again.”

  “What did he say when you told him not to pull out?”

  She giggles with the memory of their first time together. “He said ‘Oh, thank God, because I really wanted to bust a nut in you.’ ”

  We both fall into a fit of laughter, her because of her memory, and me because I can completely picture Darren saying that.

  “I think he felt it, too, Mel. Whatever it was that possessed me that night on the beach … I think it reached out and took him as well.”

  I think she’s right, but it’s not my place to say. I’ve signed so many NDAs I can’t divulge our conversations, but I know Darren wants so much more with her. He just needs to figure out the right time to tell her.

  “Was that the only time you two didn’t use a condom?”

  She holds up two fingers. “Scout’s honor.”

  “So what are you going to do now, Belle? Did you come to tell him?”

  She shakes her head sadly. “No, I came to beg you to go with me to have an abortion.”

  An abortion.

  I get it. More than anyone else, I understand where she is right now. But she has to tell him; he has to know. Reaching over and taking her hand in mine, I give it a tight squeeze. I swear I heard a noise, but when Belle doesn’t flinch, I assume I’m wrong.

  “I will do whatever it is you need me to do. But you have to tell Darren first.”

  “I can’t. I won’t do that to him,” she states adamantly.

  “Do what? Tell him the consequences of a mistake you both made? This isn’t all on you, Belle. It takes two to tango irresponsibly and make a baby. I’ve been there, remember? But I would have never not told Eli. That wouldn’t have been fair to him. You have to tell Darren.”

  “How, Mel?” she squeals, standing up, throwing her arms up in the air while she paces the room. “How do I tell that beautiful man I’m pregnant and I’m going to fuck up his life with an unwanted baby because he decided to fuck a reporter who can’t remember to take her birth control on time?”

  “The same way you told me. He knew, Belle. You didn’t lie to him, you didn’t take advantage of him, and he damn well knew what could happen by having sex with you without protection, just like you did. You both made this mess, and you both need to decide what to do now. This is not only your choice. You need to hear him out, to see what he thinks, because if I know anything, it’s that if you thought he loved you, there’s no way you’d give that baby up without a fight. You don’t need a man to be a mother. Your mother is the perfect example of that.”

  She flinches with my heated words as her hand drops to her stomach. She’s close to three months along right now, and the longer she waits to figure this out, the harder it’s going to be. Before she gets a chance to reply, Noah comes out of the bedroom fully dressed.

  Shit. I knew I heard something, and it’s not like we were being quiet. His jaw is tight as he marches
straight over to the couch and sits down, pulling me into his lap and wrapping his arms around me tightly before dropping a kiss against the back of my head.

  “You heard,” Belle states sadly.

  He nods, and in the coldest tone I’ve ever heard him speak in, he gives her a piece of his mind. “I did, and Mel is right. You have to tell him. If you don’t, I will. Right fucking now.”

  Belle collapses into the closest chair, her eyes darting from me to him.

  “He’s my best friend, Belle, just like Mel is yours. He has a right to know, and I could never forgive myself for keeping it from him. I’m sorry I overhead your private conversation, truly, I am. But I did, and I can’t not tell him. Although, I really want it to be you. I think he may surprise you, but you’ll only know if you try.” This time, his words are much softer, kinder.

  “When did you take the test?” I ask.

  “Last night after our Skype session. I was inputting deadlines into my calendar, trying to work around show schedules, and realized I missed my period twice. I don’t know how I didn’t notice it. I guess it didn’t really dawn on me because you weren’t around to eat Ben and Jerry’s with me. When the test came out positive, I went to the all-night clinic. The test came out positive there as well, and since they were slow, they went ahead and did an ultrasound.”

  She crosses the room and grabs her purse, pulls out a photo, and passes it to me. Tears fall from my eyes as I look at it. It’s just a peanut now, but that peanut is a part of my favorite person in the world, and I love it already.

  “She’s gorgeous, Belle,” I whisper, holding the photo higher so Noah can see it. He traces the little nugget with his finger and then presses his lips against my neck.

  “Don’t do that, Mel. Don’t get attached, don’t cry, and don’t personalize her.” I direct a raised brow her way, and she shrugs. “You don’t even have to say it. I know I’ve already personalized her, too. I mean, how could she not be a girl? Look how tiny she is.”

  Noah chuckles against my skin and brushes my hair to the side so he can rest his chin on my shoulder.

  “I could call him down here. Mel and I could be your fluffers while you tell him.”

  Belle and I start cracking up. “You mean buffers, right?” she asks him.

  “Well, yeah, but fluffers makes it sound way more interesting.”

  She smiles at us; it’s possibly the most genuine smile I’ve ever seen on her. “You’re good together, you two. Keep that shit up.”

  Then, with one of the most mercurial mood swings I’ve ever seen, she plops back in the chair and pulls her legs up. “I’ll tell him, but not now. Can I just crash in the other room and talk to him after the show tonight? I promise I will, but I haven’t slept in over twenty-four hours and I really need to sleep if I have to do this.”

  “Of course you can,” Noah tells her warmly. “I’ll go get Mel’s things out of there and bring them into the other room. I’ll take your stuff in so you don’t have to carry your bag.” He lightly pushes me off his lap and grabs Belle’s bag on his way into the other room.

  “That man is in love with you,” Belle says after he walks out of the room.

  “I totally am,” he calls out from the bedroom, and she dissolves into laughter.

  “You could have warned me he had supersonic hearing, though,” she adds with a pout.

  “I would have, had I known. Do you want me to lie down with you?”

  “No, it’s okay. I think I just need to be alone for a little while. Kind of let this all kick in and see how I feel when I wake up. I know I need to tell him. I just don’t want to wreck his life, or just as bad, have him hate me for life.”

  Noah pulls up the stool next to her chair and takes a seat. “I’m going to break guy code and tell you what Mel couldn’t because of her contracts. I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it so you won’t stress and hurt the little nugget in there,” he says, pointing to her belly.

  “Darren likes you. A lot. He might freak at first because finding out you’re going to be a dad is pretty heavy for anyone. Especially in a new relationship.”

  “That’s the problem. We’re not even in a relationship, and I don’t want him to feel obligated,” Belle says with a loud sigh.

  “He’s not fucking anyone else. Are you?” Noah asks bluntly, and Belle shakes her head.

  “Then it’s semantics. It’s close enough to a relationship to count. And trust me when I say Darren is a good guy, but obligated isn’t in his vocabulary. He doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to do … ever. And that includes deciding to fuck without a condom. He wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t want to. That being said, Darren loves kids, he comes from a huge family. His dad’s side of the family is very reserved, uptight, and super conservative. They hate that he’s a liberal in a band.”

  “Great,” Belle mutters. “Even more fuel for the fire.”

  “You didn’t let me finish. They don’t have much to do with his side of the family. They weren’t too happy when his dad married the Mexican girl down the block with undocumented parents. From the stories his parents tell, it was love at first sight, immediate sparks, an undeniable connection. They didn’t give a damn what anyone thought about how ‘unconventional’ their relationship was. They hadn’t been together very long when Darren’s mom got pregnant. Less than a year, if I remember correctly. When Darren’s family demanded adoption, Darren’s dad married her. To this day he says there was never a choice, he’d loved her from the start.”

  “What are you trying to say, Noah?” she questions, but I’m sure she knows. She just wants confirmation.

  “That Darren is much more like his dad than he’ll ever admit. Don’t count him out, Belle, because if I had to place a bet, I’d bet everything I own that he’s going to want this baby.”

  She nods and stands. “I’m going to go lie down for a bit. Thanks, you guys.”

  “She’s got the right idea. I’m so tired,” I tell him as he reaches for my hand and pulls me to my feet.

  “Me, too, but I have rehearsal. Not to mention a conference call with my lawyer, and I’m starving. I’m going to let you get some sleep and go grab some food with the guys.” He brings his lips to mine and kisses me softly. “Thank you for last night. It was one of the best nights of my life.”

  “Mine, too,” I answer, and as he turns away, I reach for his hand. “Noah, you won’t tell him, right?”

  “Not now, Mel, but if she doesn’t do it tonight, I will. Do you think she’s mad because I butted in and told her his family history?”

  “No, Belle isn’t mad. She’s just one of those people who won’t allow her emotions to control her mind. Until she’s living in the reality of the situation, she won’t accept it’s actually real. It helps her stay sane.”

  “That’s understandable, then. I actually admire that.”

  “Me, too,” I tell him with a nod.

  “One last thing before I go. Just so we’re clear … if I were to ever knock you up, I’d charter the first plane to Vegas and marry you. Because the one thing I want to be able to say when I have a baby with the woman I love is that my wife gave me the best present on earth.”

  He winks at me and leaves, closing the door behind him, not even bothering to let me respond. It’s for the best because I wouldn’t have known what to say. My fear would never be telling Noah; it would be getting married.

  Hours later, I’m pulled from my dreams by the most delectable kisses against my neck. Noah’s tongue trails along my shoulder blade, and he flips me over, removing my shirt in the process.

  “You’re back, and you’re naked,” I murmur as he places frantic kisses from my lips to my abdomen while he works my pajama pants off.

  “Yes, very naked and ready for you. Shower with me.”

  He doesn’t have to ask me twice. I’ve been dying to take a shower with him since I took one last night before our date. I follow him into the bathroom and he t
urns the water on and tosses a condom onto the shower step. I notice he transferred all my toiletries into the shower when he moved my stuff for Belle. It would have been an easy thing to overlook, but he didn’t. It’s all here.

  When he steps into the shower, he holds his hand out to me so I don’t slip getting in. I’m beginning to realize Noah is the perfect caregiver. Even when I was sick, he was constantly taking care of me. My heart fills with love at the thought.

  After I wet my hair under the waterfall showerhead, I reach for the shampoo. “Let me,” he says, and I pour it into his hand. He turns me around and gently scrubs it into my hair; the sensation is incredible. He reaches for the body wash and a washcloth and bends down, soaping me from my feet on up. I spread my legs wide open when he reaches my thighs, and his erection grows larger the closer his mouth gets to me. I brace my hands against the wall as he holds on to my thighs. His tongue licks a trail from my channel to my clit, where he pauses briefly before sucking me into his mouth. A loud gasp falls from my lips as he continues to suckle my clit. When he slides his fingers inside of me, he sucks harder, and my orgasm hits fast and hard.

  Noah replaces his fingers with his tongue and releases his own pleasure-filled moan as he sucks my essence from me. My body is at his mercy and he knows it. As he stands, he slides up my body with his hands and pulls me in close so I can feel what’s waiting for me. I do what I’ve been wanting to do since last night and drop to my knees, taking him deep into my throat.

  His hands slide into my soapy hair as he holds my head, going with the rhythm I set.

  “Fuck, Mel, your mouth feels so good.”

  I moan around him, letting him know how much I’m enjoying doing this to him, and when his moaning increases and his pre-cum becomes thicker, I know he’s close. When he pulls away from me, I’m disappointed, but only for a second because he pulls me to my feet, turns me around, and bends me over with my hands against the wall.