Royal & Ruin (Gifts of the Gods Book 1)

by Josie Gold

  “It must have been very hard to have me around as a reminder,” I said, “but I know you loved me. I forgive you.”

  “I can’t forgive myself,” my mother’s voice trembled, “I alienated you. I made you feel as though you had no place in your own life.”

  “Yes,” I agreed, “but I forgive you. Karsea would want us to fix our relationship.”

  At Karsea’s name on my lips, Cheyla’s lips lifted into a melancholic smile.

  “She was the best of us,” my mother said. I squeezed her hand tight and my mother squeezed back.

  It wasn’t fixed yet. I was sure resentment would still rise in me on bad days. But we would get there eventually.

  After my mother and I discussed the possibility of having a peace meeting with Vestan (she didn’t believe they would agree, but I pushed nonetheless), I left the room and nearly bumped into Highlar.

  Since Karsea died, he hadn’t said one word to me. I wondered if he blamed me for her death. I wondered if he blamed himself.

  “Brother,” I greeted him, trying to step around him.

  “Don’t call me that,” he growled, but it was half-hearted at best.

  I paused and took a good look at him. There were bags under his eyes and his beard was long and unkept. He wasn’t doing well. He wore his grief like a blanket around his shoulders.

  “I’m the only person who can call you that now,” I said gently.

  Highlar straightened his drooping shoulders and bared his teeth. But again, there was no real bite to him.

  “I want to be able to forgive you,” I sighed, “because at least now I understand. You were hurt and you needed to put it somewhere. I just wished it hadn’t been on me. I wish you hadn’t blamed me for something that was beyond my control.”

  Highlar looked away.

  “I want to be true brothers with you. I want to help you be a good High King,” I said earnestly, “but that can’t happen until you confront your anger. Until then, take care of yourself.”

  I expected Highlar to holler and threaten me as I walked away. When I glanced over my shoulder, he simply watched me, his dark eyes somber. Something gleamed in his eyes. Maybe respect, maybe regret. But it wasn’t my job to heal him. He would be High King one day and I prayed to the Old Gods he would find his way by then.

  HARKEN

  Selkie shifted under me as she began her descent.

  “Don’t grip her so tight,” Fennion called on my left. Fluffy swooped in a circle, cooing at Selkie and me.

  “I’m not!” I shot back, but uncoiled the stiff muscles in my legs as the ground came closer.

  Two months after Destruction tried to escape the Library, Fennion asked me if I wanted to be a dragon rider. He explained that Karsea’s dragon needed a new rider. I had seen the deep sorrow in the beast’s yellow eyes, and agreed.

  It was different from flying with Fluffy and Fennion. When I flew with Selkie, we needed to have complete trust in each other. But Selkie had already given her trust to another rider, so it was difficult for both of us to open up to each other.

  I had faith, though. Already Selkie looked healthier after a month of me riding her whenever I could.

  We had been flying for two days. Two days of pale winter mornings and cold nights wrapped around each other. There was a stark beauty to the Forest of Fell in winter. The trees were bare and skeletal, icicles gleaming from the branches. I tried to make the weather warmer, but changing the temperature was still difficult for me.

  Selkie and I landed in a meadow. Most of the flowers were dead, but a few winter-peonies poked up from the ground, pure white and covered in thorns. Just beyond the meadow was a small village. Fluffy and Fennion landed beside me as a few villagers came out of their cottages to gawk at the dragons. Fennion waved genially to them.

  We left Selkie and Fluffy to graze. Fluffy leaned against Selkie flirtatiously and she leaned back.

  Fennion and I walked hand in hand through the meadow.

  “I didn’t stay long enough to see where they scattered Larka’s ashes,” I said.

  But she was here, as was my Grandma. Fennion stayed quiet and I loved him for it. I didn’t need reassurance. I just needed to be here. Being in my Grandma’s old village for the first time since Larka’s death filled me with melancholy and happiness. I had never let myself miss this place until now.

  “I’m sorry I never said goodbye,” I whispered to the winter-peonies. To Larka. To my Grandma.

  As Fennion and I stood among the winter flowers, I felt a warm, joyful feeling. Like a hand on my shoulder, telling me “I forgive you.”

  Larka’s smile flashed across my mind. The joy on her face as I made her fly.

  I smiled and took Fennion’s hand in mine. The wind was gentle and the sky was a soft shade of gray.

  Thank you, I whispered to the Gods, wherever they were. Not everything was solved. Not every hurt was mended. But they felt easier to carry.

  As Fennion and I walked toward the village to meet my Grandma’s people, I felt that cold, spectral version of myself fade away. I would miss her. I would miss her icy armor.

  All of it is temporary. Ice and sun. Happiness and sadness. Guilt and shame. Even love. Eventually all things must fade. But the things I would hold onto as long as possible were the taste of the wind, the shine of the Library’s pearlescent stones, and the feeling of Fennion’s hand in mine.

  The End

  THE STORY CONTINUES

  Did you like this book? Then you’ll LOVE Crowns & Chaos (Gifts of the Gods Book Two). Set to release February 2022.