Sex, Desires & Rock N Roll

by Michelle Lee

  His shoulders slump, and he takes a deep breath, slowly letting it out. Dash turns to me. His eyes hold me captive. “I don’t want to scare you. Something tells me that you’ve been that way before, and I don’t want to add to it. But I’m a selfish bastard, Sunshine.” He’s steel-blue eyes bore into mine.

  “I… I… I need a minute,” I respond, searching my brain for an answer.

  Dash nods and goes to the window, while I stay on the couch and think about all he’s just said. I see flashes of last night. I see him for the first time on stage, and I feel how my heart responded to him, his voice, and his eyes. I see him at the club, waiting and watching me from the VIP section, my heart racing and my breathing hitching. I see him at Marty’s sitting across from me, his eyes full of so much concern. I see him interacting with Helen, and my heart melts. I see him hold me in the limo and remember how comforting and right it felt. I open my eyes, and my body is consumed with goose bumps. My heart skips a beat, and at the moment, I know my answer. Even though I have so much I need to work through, maybe, just maybe, this is something I need to do in order to move past it. I’m sure what I’m about to tell him goes against what I should really do, but like Dash, I’m drawn to him in a way I’ve never been before. And for the first time in a really long time, I feel safe in the presence of a man.

  “Dash?” I draw his attention away from the window. His stride is slow as he approaches me. I motion for him to sit beside me. He hesitates for a moment but then joins me. “I know I have a lot to work through and have no right to ask you to jump on my crazy train…”

  His finger silences my lips for a second time. “First, don’t ever… ever call my Sunshine crazy, unless it’s being used to describe how incredibly sexy and beautiful she is. Like crazy sexy and crazy beautiful. Second, I’m willing to work through whatever you need to with you. I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason, and you and I met for a reason. So get those ideas out of your pretty head, okay?”

  He removes his finger and smiles the most brilliant smile I’ve ever seen. I can’t contain my reaction and smile right back. “Okay. I… I would like to see where this goes… I am drawn to you too. I don’t think I could stay away if I wanted to.”

  His eyes dance, and a smile pulls at his lips. He shakes his head and rakes his hands through his messy locks, making them even messier. He lets out a puff of air in what sounds like relief. “Shit, I thought you were going to say no, but you didn’t, and I can’t describe how I feel right now,” he offers honestly.

  I want to know how he really feels, but it scares the shit out of me at the same time. I know the start of our relationship isn’t conventional; usually people date a little while first before any intense things happen. We continue to stare at each other for what feels like an eternity; his blue eyes consume my brown. The room is quiet, except for our steady breathing. It fills the room, and Harry is finally quiet as well. He reaches his hand to my cheek, and I lean into his soft, comforting touch. I feel a tingly sensation grow from it and spread throughout my entire body. What this simple touch does to me and what it makes me feel is beyond comprehension. Dash smiles a lopsided smirk, and I feel it pull at my heart.

  “I want to kiss you so bad right now. I’ve wanted to taste your lips since I first laid eyes on them, all glittery and red.”

  “Then do it.” He leans in and grazes his lips against mine. I feel that familiar tingle where we touch, and my heart quickens. I swallow hard. The lopsided smirk pulls further at his lips, his lips minutely part, and I feel his warm breath rush into my mouth.

  “Sunshine?”

  “Mmmmm…”

  “I know what you’re feeling, because believe me. I’m feeling it too.” His words tickle my lips.

  “Mmmmm.”

  His lips continue to tease mine with featherlike touches. “Sunshine, I want to do this right. I want to take this slow.”

  “Mmmmm.”

  “Jules?”

  My mind is foggy, and I can’t think straight. All I can think about is how his lips feel against mine, as they are ghosting mine, and I want them to devour and consume me.

  “Dash?” My voice is shaky and strained.

  Dash puts a little more pressure into the kiss, and goose bumps own my flesh once again. I go to lace my hands into his hair, when he pulls away. My body, mind, and soul are all protesting in the loss of direct contact. I feel my lips begin to pout.

  “Oh, baby, please don’t pout. It’s taking everything in my being to take this slow. Shit, I really don’t want to fuck this up with you.” He’s frustrated, and I need to put him at ease.

  I take a steadying breath. “Dash, it’s okay, really. It’s just that, um, when you’re looking at me like that and then touch me like that, I just can’t think of anything else but feeling your lips and hands on me. But, I understand what you are saying. And taking this slow is what I need, no matter how much my body protests.”

  “If you don’t stop looking at me like that, I won’t be held responsible for what I might do. Sunshine, I have a feeling you’re going to be the death of me.”

  The death of him? If just that slight kiss is any indication of what his kiss will really do when it deepens, he’ll be the death of me.

  Dash clears his throat. “I think we need to go out on a proper date. Not that I know what a proper date is exactly. I’ve never really dated someone, nor have I really had a girlfriend,” he adds with a shrug.

  Dash has never had a girlfriend? Why do I find that so hard to believe? I mean, look at him; does he not know that probably every woman in the universe would want to be his girlfriend—seriously? The idea of Dash not really having a girlfriend is mind-boggling, but it is also comforting. Wait… does he think of me as being a girlfriend? There’s no way. It’s too soon. Too soon? Shit, there hasn’t even been enough time for there to be a too soon.

  “What is going on in that pretty little head of yours?” He pulls me out of my thoughts.

  “Yeah, sorry, got a little side-tracked there.” I smile.

  “What?” He steps closer to me. His eyes turn dark, and his lips curl. He’s working that rock star voodoo.

  “Nothing.” I’m still trying to wrap my brain around what he just said. How is it even possible?

  “It’s not nothing. What is it?” And then he gives me this look that makes me want to divulge everything to him.

  “I was just thinking, about what you said.”

  “What about what I said.” He deepens “the look.” He’s definitely working that voodoo, and I find myself falling under it.

  “I just can’t believe you’ve never dated someone or have never really had a girlfriend, that’s all.” I shrug. I mean, seriously, does he not know what he looks like, and what he does to me—and women all over the world, I’m sure.

  “Why is that so hard to believe?” he questions with a raised eyebrow, challenging me to continue to bare my previous thoughts.

  “Well, have you not looked at yourself in the mirror? I mean, I saw how those girls were looking at you backstage and at the after-party. You’ve gotta know that any one of them would love to date you or be your girlfriend.” I feel my cheeks heat up.

  He cocks his head to the side, and I see a light fade from his eyes. “I started the band right after high school. Sunshine, it’s really hard to know if those girls want to be with me because I am Dash Ford or because I am Dash Ford of Redemption.” I feel my heart crack just a little, and I want to reach out and pull him to me, but I don’t. “Being in this business, you kinda have to protect yourself and surround yourself with people you trust, and it isn’t always easy. There are times when you get burned, and you begin to protect yourself further. I feel isolated at times, but I don’t regret the path I chose. Music consumes me, every part of me, and I can’t imagine doing anything different. So, if it means I don’t get to date or have a girlfriend, I guess it’s an even exchange. But, lately I have been feeling like something has been missing, like there’s t
his void that the music and fame can’t fill. They won’t fill. I felt like that until…” he trails off, looking intently at me.

  “Until what, Dash?” My heart beats faster. My breathing comes out in short, quick pants.

  “Until… I met you.” His eyes are full of so much emotion.

  “Me?” is the first word that comes out of my mouth, when I want to say so much more.

  “Yes, you. It’s really hard for me to explain, to put into words. And you would think since I’m the writer of our lyrics it would be easy, but it’s not. I actually spoke with Lance earlier today and…”

  I cut him off. “You spoke with Lance about me?” A huge smile threatens.

  “I had to talk to someone, and Vic isn’t exactly Mr. Sensitive. Lance gets me, like no one else can. He gave me some perspective, so to speak, on the whole situation,” he simply responds, but his voice is shaky. I reach my hand out and place it over his, squeezing slightly.

  He offers me a reassuring smile and continues. “I’ve never not understood what I was feeling, what I am feeling. I just know that it’s because of you.”

  All of a sudden, Dash isn’t this rock star sitting next to me. He’s this beautiful, charming, and somewhat unsure man. I feel my insides liquefy, my heart is ready to burst through my chest, and my head is spinning. He affects me like no other.

  There is a loud silence between us, but it isn’t uncomfortable; it’s necessary. We both welcome it, needing to process all that has been said.

  Before I know it, our faces are only millimeters from each other and his hands hold my face with a tenderness I’ve never experienced before. He gently pulls me closer. I feel his warm breath envelop my face as he ghosts his lips against mine. The kiss is soft and sweet, conveying the words that he just spoke. He pulls away, resting his forehead against mine. His eyes are closed, his lips pierced together like he’s battling something. “Slow.” The word is barely a whisper between us. I’m not one hundred percent sure I actually heard it.

  Dash lets got of me and takes a small step away. “So.”

  “So,” I return.

  “Do you want to have dinner with me tomorrow? I think that’s usually kinda a first date,” he asks, eyes fixated on mine.

  “Yes, but I’m not heading back to Seattle just yet. I have a little more work to do here. So if you need to…” I answer, thinking he needs to get back right away and tour.

  “Well, it just so happens I have some time off before we head over to Europe and into the studio. We get a few days off before we have to start rehearsing.” He smiles that lopsided smile again that makes me quiver.

  “Really?” I feel like such an idiot, but it’s all I can say—and a little too excitedly, I might add.

  “Really. So, I’m gonna go, as much as I’d really like to stay, gonna do the slow thing and leave. Anyway, you should get some sleep. You look amazing, but tired.”

  I feel my smile slip as I get up and walk him to the door. My hand hesitantly reaches out and opens the door, allowing Dash to leave. Before he gets even an inch out into the hall, he turns to me.

  “Sunshine…” I see him think a moment before he continues. “I’ll see you tomorrow night at seven?”

  “Seven is just perfect. Dash?”

  “Yeah?”

  “How did you know…” I only get part of my question out before he finishes it.

  “Where you were?”

  I nod.

  “A little groupie and a birdie told me.” He smiles before leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. “See you tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow.” And with that, I close the door.

  Oh my God, I am going on a date with Dash. I can’t help the huge-ass grin on my lips, and when I go to bed, it’s still there.

  I WAKE UP feeling refreshed and relaxed. Stretching, a smile tugs at my lips as I remember what happened last night. Dash. Dash Ford happened. My smile grows, and a delicious warmth wraps around me, my body tingling, coming more alive with each passing moment. My fingers caress my lips, remembering the feel of his ghosting against mine. I sigh. Dash Ford, lead singer of Redemption, a man who could probably have his pick of any woman on the planet¸ wants to date me, and he wants to take things slow. He can’t stay away from me, nor do I want him to, if I’m being completely honest with him and myself. A huge smile creeps across my face, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to stay there all day long. I have a date tonight with a man who’s intrigued me and gotten to me like no other. What makes you think you’re anything special? What makes you think he didn’t leave here last night and fuck some random girl more willing?

  I can feel the claws of the darkness try to take hold, but I thwart their attempts. Today is a new day, and that newness is what I am going to embrace with everything I have. The feeling begins to subside. I know I have to deal with it and what has happened to me—I know I can’t keep on like this and trying to do it on my own. I know my girls are there for me every chance they can be, but it’s not fair to them or to me. I know exactly what I need to do when I get back home. I’m taking a huge step, one I should have taken when…

  The curtain slowly pulls back, and standing before me are two officers. My nurse, Eleanor, directs them inside. “Jules, if you need anything, just use the buzzer, okay?” I nod, trying to keep myself together. She gives a tight smile and leaves me alone with the officers.

  “Ms. Bennett, I’m Detective Sanders, and this is my partner, Detective York. Is it okay if we ask you a couple of questions?” Again, I nod. I can’t fall apart now. I can’t let them see how weak I really am. I can’t let them see what Blake has done to me. I can’t… I swallow the lump of emotion building inside.

  “I promise we won’t take up too much of your time.”

  I find my voice. “Sure.” The detectives maneuver into the room, and it feels as though the space is getting smaller and closing in on me. My eyes take them in, noting the sincere and concerned looks on their faces, especially from Detective York. Her eyes hold something more. It’s as though she understands and knows how difficult this is going to be for me. Detective Sanders stands at the end of the bed, while Detective York comes to a stop at my bedside. She smiles warmly. “I know this is going to be extremely difficult, Ms. Bennett, but please try to answer my questions to the best of your ability.” I pull myself together.

  “I will, and please call me Jules.”

  She nods, her lips pulled in a thin line. “We’ll start out easy, okay? You’re full name is Julia Megan Bennett?”

  “Yes.”

  “You reside at 355 Cedar Lane?”

  “I do… I mean, I did before…”

  Detective York’s eyes leave her tablet and find mine, flashing acknowledgment. She continues. “You occupy the residence with a Mr. Blake Elliott Collins, correct?” A cold shudder rips through me, and bile rises in the back of my throat. Just the mention of his name sends my heart into hyper drive and my thoughts into a tailspin.

  “I did. I… I left… the apartment… him… about… about two weeks ago. I’ve been staying at a friend’s.” After I finally decided to be brave and leave Blake, Val immediately took me in, no questions asked. I didn’t think Blake knew where Val lived. I didn’t think he even knew about her. I was wrong. So very wrong. I can feel panic start to bubble just beneath the surface. My skin breaks out in a cold sweat, my hands shaking as I wipe my forehead. Detective York’s eyes follow my movement, and she turns to Detective Sanders. His face is stoic, and he gives her nod.

  “Just a few more questions, Jules, and then we’ll let you get some rest.” She doesn’t wait for acknowledgement to continue. “Did you make Mr. Collins aware of where you were staying?” I shake my head. “Did Mr. Collins know about your relationship with Valerie Winston?” Again I shake my head, holding the tears at bay. “On the night in question, Mr. Collins came to Ms. Winston’s residence around one a.m., correct?” I nod. “Mr. Collins forcefully entered the residence?” I nod. My body trembles as I slowly beg
in to remember the events of that night. I don’t want to, but her questioning is pushing me to. “Upon entering the residence, Mr. Collins found you asleep on the couch, is that correct?”

  “Yes.” My voice is weak, and I don’t recognize it. Panic surges just under my skin, ready to pounce and consume me completely.

  “You awoke to Mr. Collins hovering over you, his hands wrapped around your neck?”

  I nod. My hands instinctively go to my neck. I can still feel the indentations of his fingers.

  “Just a few more, Jules. I promise. Was Ms. Winston home at the time?”

  “No… she… she wasn’t home.” My mind spirals, thinking about what would have happened if Val had been home. My stomach twists and rolls, knowing that if she had been, Blake probably would have hurt her as well.

  “I won’t ask you to relive what happened, Jules. It’s all written in your statement you gave the police at the scene. I just have one more question for you.”

  My eyes tell her thank you when my words can’t. I nod for her to finish.

  “Do you have any idea where Mr. Collins might be? We’ve checked the residence and… Jules, his belongings are gone.” Sympathy and compassion lace her tone and her features.

  Her words linger in the air, my brain trying to process them. They don’t know where Blake is. They don’t have Blake. He’s not in jail. Blake’s out there somewhere. Full-blown panic erupts, and my body spasms. I can’t breathe. The room is closing in. My vision is blurring. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. My fingers claw at my throat. My body shakes and shudders. I can’t breathe. I hear voices, but they are muffled as is if they are calling to me under water. I can’t breathe… darkness clouds my vision… My last thought before it completely takes me under is… He. Will. Find. Me.

  The memory swirls around and around; the dark tendrils grip my mind, keeping me prisoner inside myself. I reach deep down, trying to break its grasp. To bury the memory deep within the recesses of my mind. I breathe in and out, my breath coming out in short spurts. I gulp a lungful of air. And another. Another. Slowly my breathing becomes less and less labored. My lungs expand, my chest rising and falling slowly. I shut my eyes tight, focusing on fighting against the panic, fighting against the darkness threatening to consume me completely. Dash’s steel-blues flash behind my closed lids. I focus on them. They call to me. I squeeze my eyes tighter. I see nothing but concern in his eyes like I did the other night. They hold me. They soothe me. They comfort me. They offer me something I so desperately need, and I grab onto it with everything I have. His eyes are a life raft. His voice calls to me. “I’ve got you, Sunshine. I’ve got you.” I reach out to an invisible tether. “You’re safe.” I continue to fight against the dark with all the strength I garner from Dash. Slowly, oh so slowly, the darkness begins to recede. Its tendrils whip and furl against the light. The panic simmers and then dissipates into nothingness. I take a deep, steady breath Before I open my eyes, Dash’s playful, sexy smile flashes. An unreal calm washes over me.