Inner Demons

by Amanda Strong

  “You mean with the hypnotizing?”

  “Yes, or even talking to Jaxon.”

  “Well, seeing Jaxon isn’t a good idea.”

  “Yeah, I know, he still craves me.” I couldn’t help the eye roll.

  “No, Samantha. I don’t think you really understand what that means.” Mack’s expression turned serious. “Blake’s right on this one. Dragons, and especially bugs, never miss their target… like ever.”

  I stared at him. “What do you mean?”

  “Dragonflies can predict where the target will be. They don’t have to chase it down. They just calculate where to intercept it. Truthfully, that’s probably how Jaxon got you so easily. He just bid his time, predicted your movements, and struck when you were most vulnerable.”

  My eyes widened. “So does that mean I can do the same thing too?”

  He frowned. “Yes, you could. If you worked on developing that sense.”

  “You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.”

  “Well, let’s just say it wasn’t by accident the Germans wanted to create a super army out of half-dragonfly men. If dragonflies were even three feet tall, they’d rule the planet.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “That sounds pretty far-fetched.”

  “No. It’s true. They’re hunters with a ninety-five-percent kill accuracy. To give you an idea of how insane that is, sharks only kill half of what they chase.” Goose bumps shot up my arms. “Which brings up the whole issue of why changing everyone into Dragon Fae could prove fatal to mankind pretty darn quick,” Mack continued.

  “Like Kory wants to,” I said.

  “Yep. For the most part, dragons and damsels have learned to control their desires enough to live with it. But bugs don’t have the same filter as us since they were the crude beginning. Jaxon was given DNA from one of those first monsters; he can’t control it, Samantha. You can’t blame Blake for not jumping up and down to dangle you as bait in front of his brother.”

  “But that’s just it; Jaxon could’ve easily killed me. He had lots of chances. I was unconscious in his lair, for crying out loud. If the desire to hunt and kill is so uncontrollable, then how come he didn’t?”

  Mack seemed like he didn’t like the answer, but he said it anyway. “Because Jaxon kept the bug from killing you, because he knew how much you meant to his brother.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Okay. Let’s say you do talk to Jaxon, what do you think you’ll even learn? I mean, he’ll probably just tell you where he found you. How does that help?”

  “I already know where he found me. A few miles away from my home. But I’m guessing he probably hunted me for a while, maybe tracked me while I was Sammy. He could tell me a lot more than you think.”

  “Hmmm…” Mack seemed unconvinced. “Has Blake asked Jaxon about all that?”

  “No. He won’t ask Jaxon about me anymore, and it’s driving me crazy.”

  “Wonder why?” Mack asked, more to himself.

  “Assuming Sammy wrote the truth in her note, and she did go home, she made sure my parents didn’t see me,” I said, changing the subject. I didn’t want to think about Blake right now. It just made me mad all over again.

  “Which isn’t hard to do,” Mack agreed.

  “True. But I’m wondering if maybe Jocelyn saw her.”

  “Jocelyn?” Mack asked, his brows lifting up. “Why do you think that?”

  I sighed. “My dad told me they were good friends before. For the past few weeks, Jocelyn won’t stop giving me the cold shoulder. The only thing I can figure is maybe Sammy did something to tick her off. Maybe Sammy saw Jocelyn when she went home. Maybe something bad happened between them. I just wish I knew what was wrong with her.”

  Mack’s eyes widened, and then he glanced away. Maybe he knows something.

  “What?” I asked, forcing him to look at me by dragging his chin around.

  He reached up, wrapping his fingers around mine long enough to set my hand back in my own lap. I wasn’t sure why when he let my hand go, or why I felt a weird sense of loss.

  “You’re right about Jocelyn and Sammy being close. Maybe Jocelyn’s treating you bad because she’s upset that…” He hesitated.

  “That Sammy’s gone?” I offered. “I thought about that too, but how would she know she’s gone? How do any of us know she’s really gone?”

  “Good point.”

  “I’m wondering if maybe Jocelyn saw Sammy in the damsel form. Maybe that’s why she’s freaking out when she sees me now.”

  “Hmm, you might be right.”

  “What do you mean?” I hung on his every word.

  “Once Sammy saw me as a dragon, she asked a lot of questions. I ended up telling her about Blake. How he saved you and loved you, but he still wouldn’t change you. I even told her about Kory and how he and Blake parted ways. Sammy knew about Kate before she actually met her at the island. She knew a lot about the Dragon Fae world before you ever became a part of it.”

  I nodded along. None of this was shocking news to me.

  “So maybe she told Jocelyn all about it too,” he finished.

  Chapter 9

  I stared at him as the implications of his words sank in. It wasn’t a far-fetched idea. If Sammy and Jocelyn were close, there was a chance Sammy told her about this part of her life too.

  “When I changed into a damsel right before the Halloween dance, Jocelyn was fascinated by me, especially my wings. I was so scared she’d figure it out since she catches things pretty fast. It’s hard to get one past her.” I scrunched my eyebrows together. “I wonder how much Sammy had told her before. Did Joc make the connection that night? Realize what I’d become?”

  “I don’t know,” Mack offered. “Maybe she’s waiting for you to say something?” I shrugged. “If she is, she doesn’t give me much chance. Most of the time, she rushes away as if I’m diseased. The last time, she accused me of taking a stupid book someone had given her. Like I’d steal a book from her in the first place. You should’ve seen the way she clutched it.”

  Mack glanced over at me. “Who gave her a book?” “I have no idea. She wouldn’t say. She’s been acting so strange lately.”

  “Well, maybe you should try talking to her again.”

  “What do you suggest? I just show up with my wings and be like, surprise.”

  “No.” He grinned. “Maybe something a bit more subtle. Like, I know you were good friends with Sammy. Mind if we talk about her?”

  “I guess it’s worth a shot.” I sighed and bumped his shoulder with mine. “Thanks, Mack.”

  He glanced over. “For what?”

  “For listening to me. You don’t know how much that means to me.”

  “Anytime, Samster,” he said giving my shoulder a bump back.

  “You’re really not going to give up on that one, are you?”

  “Nope.”

  I giggled until a soft knock on the door made me stop. Mack jumped to his feet. His face flushed. Why’s he so embarrassed? We were just talking.

  “You can come in,” I said, not sure if I should stand up or remain sitting. Mack was practically bounding to the door as it swung in.

  Blake’s eyes widened at the sight of Mack in my room. Mack greeted him casually, but the way he ducked from the room and disappeared so fast left a different impression.

  Thanks a lot, Mack. You just made it look like we were doing anything but talking.

  Blake remained in the doorway, but his body turned as if he were getting ready to leave too. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt,” he said.

  The way his expression fell made me panic. He’s getting the wrong idea here. I’d been so furious with him all night, but seeing the pain in his eyes stirred something inside me. I didn’t want to fight with Blake anymore; I just wanted him to understand where I was coming from. For him to acknowledge that my fears about Sammy could be true was important to me. We just need to talk.

  I jumped to my feet. “You didn’t.” I tried to give hi
m a reassuring smile. “I’m glad you came.”

  He didn’t move. “You are?”

  “Of course I am. Blake, I’m sorry,” I blurted, deciding the best way to begin this talk was with an apology. “I shouldn’t have blown up at you like that.”

  His eyes lit up a bit, but he still didn’t move. Well, if he won’t come to me, I’ll go to him. As soon as I drew near, he reached out and took my hand.

  “You have nothing to apologize for Sam. I’m the one who is sorry. I guess I didn’t realize how much Mack meant to you.”

  “Mack?” I asked, taken back. “What are you talking about?”

  Blake’s eyes trailed down the hall, where Mack had dashed away. “Sammy loved Mack, Mack loved Sammy. I guess I assumed that was the extent of it. But it’s obvious to me now you have feelings for Mack. At least on some level. And if you need time to decide things, I’ll give you some space. I’m sure it’s got to be confusing.”

  My eyes widened. “You think that’s why I’m upset? That that’s why I want to tap into Sammy’s memories?”

  He nodded, eyeing me as if he was afraid I’d erupt on him again. Instead, I pulled him into the room and shut the door.

  “That’s not it at all,” I said, frustrated he still wasn’t getting it. “Sammy was in love with Mack, not me. I do care for Mack, but he’s more like a brother.”

  He pulled me closer. I could feel my anger ebbing at his touch. Something about him always calmed me down.

  “You sure?” he asked, “I’ve seen the way your eyes light up around him.”

  They do? I shook it off and jabbed him in the chest with my finger, halfway serious, halfway playful. “That’s only because you keep making me scowl when I’m around you.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “I don’t mean to. It’s just this whole thing with Jaxon; it’s not safe for you to see him, Sam.”

  “I know it’s not safe for me to see him, but why won’t you even ask him questions for me?”

  “I did.”

  “Once. And you didn’t push for details.”

  Blake considered me for a moment and then ran his hand across his mouth and chin. He sighed. “I don’t like bringing you up, Sam, because every time I do, the bug emerges. Jaxon can’t stop it. And then, all the progress we’ve made is gone.”

  I stared at him, stunned. “Oh. Why didn’t you tell me that before? I don’t want to make it harder for him. I wouldn’t have kept pestering you to do it if I’d known.”

  “I didn’t want to stress you out. I mean, telling your girlfriend that your brother’s still dying to rip her to shreds isn’t exactly on my top-ten list.” Blake tried to smile, but his words were too near to his heart, even saying them as a joke.

  I threw my arms around him. “I wish you’d told me, Blake. I’m so sorry. I won’t pressure you about Jaxon anymore.”

  “Thank you.” His voice was soft. I could feel his pain. He sat back a little, so he could look me in the eyes. “And I’m sorry I didn’t explain myself better before. I need to work on being more open with you.”

  “Yes, you do.” I jabbed his chest again, this time with a smile. He grabbed my finger and pressed it to his lips.

  “So, what was Mack doing here?” he asked, his lips lingering on my fingertip.

  “He was trying to make good on his promise to help me sort out Sammy.” Not steal me away like you were thinking… At least, I don’t think he was.

  “Good to know,” Blake said, leaning in to kiss my cheek, sending a little thrill through me. “I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. I’m not usually a jealous guy, but you’ve made a mess of me.”

  His lips were inches from mine, and even though my heartbeat had gone erratic just being in his arms, I still needed to explain my side to him. “Blake, wait,” I said, pressing my hand against his chest. “I need to talk to you about something.”

  “Sure, what is it?”

  His question didn’t feel defensive, so I dove in. “I need you to understand why knowing what Sammy has done, or might do, is so important to me.”

  “Sam, I think I do,” His eyes softened. “I can only imagine how hard it is on you. The only reason I try to avoid her is to spare you more pain.”

  “No,” I said, my voice firm. “You don’t understand. You may think you do, but you don’t.” I half expected him to say he was only doing what was best for me. How he was only trying to protect me.

  Instead, he simply said, “Then help me understand, Sam.”

  My heart warmed. I walked to my bed, leading him by the hand. When I sat down, he followed suit, pulling my hand into his lap.

  “Okay, I’m listening,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze.

  I took a deep breath and told him everything. Even down to how much I detested my new psychologist. It didn’t take too long and, true to his word, he listened without interrupting. When I was done unloading, I waited for him to respond.

  I couldn’t understand the tension in his eyes until he said, “I didn’t know Jocelyn was being mean to you.” His expression softened. “That must be tough.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. “It is, but mainly because it’s driving me crazy. Blake, I can’t describe it, but I know Sammy is up to something. I feel it in my gut. Until I know what it is… I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll wake up one day and not be me. That Sammy will win. She’ll be the one here, not me.”

  Blake pulled me into his lap. “That’s not going to happen, Sam. I won’t let you disappear. If you feel Sammy has plans, we’ll figure out what she’s up to, and we’ll do it together.”

  I glanced up at him. “Really? You believe me?

  “Of course I do. I’m sorry I never gave you the chance to explain it all before. I guess I just got hung up on the idea of you seeing Jaxon being too dangerous. Then when Tonbo announced he could re-incarnate Sammy, all I could think was why on earth would we do that? She’s only caused pain when she’s around. I didn’t want you to experience more pain. You’ve had enough to last two lifetimes.”

  He kissed my forehead. “Seeing how you were around Mack, and then you telling me you needed time to sort things out, I thought maybe you had other reasons for wanting to know more about Sammy. I thought you realized you really loved him more. I mean, you’ve known him your whole life. He’s been there for you when I wasn’t.”

  I couldn’t bear to let him think I’d choose anyone over him. There was no question for me where my heart belonged. I answered him with a kiss, hoping to reassure him. He didn’t fight me, but deepened the kiss, pulling me tighter against him. I knew I’d have to come up for air, but in that moment, I didn’t care if I suffocated. All I wanted was him.

  The desire shooting through my veins left me feeling disorientated. The firm grip of Blake’s hands on my back pulled me closer to him. My entire body felt airy—like it was no longer attached to anything but him. His touch was the only thing my mind registered.

  Somewhere in our kissing, we’d lain down next to each other, him leaning over me, his lips making their way down my throat. One second, I was in pure bliss, and then the next, a strange panic ripped through me. I didn’t want him to go any further. Although we’d kissed plenty of times in my room, since Blake had always been the one to insist I get sleep, I’d gotten used to him being the guardrail against us going very far. Remembering the time in the car and feeling the urgency in his kiss now, I began to wonder how much of his self-control had been from being under my parents’ roof.

  I pushed against his chest. He leaned back immediately, his eyes searching my face. All I could think was how unattached to my body I still felt, the floating sensation overwhelming me. “Blake,” I said, hating the out-of-body experience I was having. “I can’t… we can’t do this.”

  “What? Kiss?” he asked.

  “No, I mean. We can kiss, but it’s just… I feel really… strange.” I felt my face heat.

  He grinned, his eyes dancing a bit. “Are you losing control of yourself?”


  I knew he was teasing, but I was serious. “I don’t know. I’ve never felt like this before. I’m really dizzy. Can we just stop for a bit?”

  His smile disappeared. “Of course. Are you okay? Sorry, I didn’t mean to push.”

  “No, you didn’t. I’m just feeling weird tonight, that’s all.” I tried to sit up, but I swayed to the side instead, falling back to the bed.

  “Sam, are you okay?” he asked.

  “I think so.” I actually wasn’t so sure. What I thought was mere hormones had turned into a very bad case of vertigo. Or worse, could it be Sammy trying to take over?

  Blake scooped me up into his arms and leaned against the headboard. “No more kissing, I promise. Why don’t you try to fall asleep?”

  I let my head fall onto his chest, loving how his fingers felt stroking my hair back. “Thank you,” I whispered. “I’m sorry I’m lousy company tonight.”

  He chuckled. “There’s nothing else I’d rather be doing. Just try to relax. It’s been a very long day. I’m sure with some sleep that you’ll feel a lot better.”

  As I listened to his reassurance, I wondered if it wasn’t for himself as well. Neither one of us had to say it. We were both afraid that if I had passed out, Sammy would be there.

  Chapter 10

  I was surprised to wake up to find Blake’s arms around me. I’d grown so used to falling asleep with him, and then waking up to nothing, that the sound of his even breathing was a welcome change. We were facing one another with one of his arms tucked under my head, the other draped across the side of my body.

  I couldn’t help myself; I studied his face, even though it felt like spying. There were no worry lines to crease his brow. His forehead was smooth, and his lips were slightly parted. I was tempted to reach over and touch them. They looked so soft. Instead, I nestled my face into his chest. He stirred, his grip tightening on me as he pulled me closer.

  “You awake?” he asked, his voice gravelly from sleep.

  “Barely,” I answered, loving how warm he felt.

  He grunted and leaned over to kiss the top of my head. “Feeling better?”