Inner Demons

by Amanda Strong

  Mack called out to us, “You both should see this.” He turned around, holding out the manila folder he’d been studying moments ago.

  We rushed over. My fingers turned to ice at Mack’s tense expression. Oh boy. Here comes the bad news.

  Blake grabbed the folder and held it so we both could see. The detailed sketch on the paper glared back at me. I gasped, instinctively backing up.

  I would never forget those black eyes, the small, pinched nose, the oversized mouth, the scar-ridden barrel chest, or the thick-corded wings. Even the patches of brown hair smattering the out-of-proportioned head. Blake cursed under his breath. We both recognized who it was. Jaxon. The bug version of him, anyway. Blake cursed under his breath.

  “Why does Otto have a picture of Jaxon?” I asked. My heart was pounding hard enough in my chest that my ears had begun ringing. Figuring it was just adrenaline making me feel jittery, I tried to ignore it. “I thought the ancients didn’t know about him. Galina acted shocked Kory had brought bugs back.”

  Blake’s eyes raked the page. “Either she’s a really good actress, or some ancients knew about Jaxon.”

  As Blake began flipping through the sheets of papers, Mack said, “There’s more about him than just that sketch. His DNA sequencings, the exact formulas it took to modify the bugs DNA and form it into a serum to be injected, the test trials.” Mack hesitated. “Maybe we’ve been looking at this all backward.”

  “No kidding,” Blake agreed. “I’m beginning to think the four taken weren’t taken at all, but willingly left to join Kory’s quest.”

  “But if he left on his own, why on earth would he leave all this behind to be found?” I asked.

  “Because no one would be looking for it or because he didn’t care if everyone knew,” Mack offered, “I don’t know.”

  My mind was spinning with every new scenario placed in it. I grabbed on to the back of one of the chairs, the dizziness threatening my balance. The incessant ringing in my ears had gotten worse. I inhaled deeply, trying to fight off the disorientation. My fingers gripped the leather, my knuckles turning white in my effort to stay upright.

  Blake was at my side in one of those crazy-fast movements I’d seen him do once before. If I hadn’t been feeling so woozy, I probably would’ve yelped in surprise again. Instead, I fell limp into his arms.

  He pulled me to his body. “Are you okay? You just turned chalk white. What’s going on?”

  “I’m just a… bit dizzy,” I said, my head falling against his chest. The thrumming of his heartbeat soothed me, and I closed my eyes. I couldn’t really tell if I was standing on my own, or if Blake was holding me up. My legs felt wobbly beneath me. Either way, I just wanted to fall asleep. Part of my mind screamed for me to stop giving in, but the other half of me felt too exhausted to care anymore.

  “Sam,” Blake said, and then he gently shook me. “Sam, can you hear me?”

  I could hear the panic in his voice, feel his arms shaking as he held me, but I couldn’t seem to form the words to reassure him. I couldn’t even open my eyes. I felt myself being pulled away, like I was stuck in a river’s current.

  Mack’s voice was right next to me. “Samantha, you can’t give in to Sammy. She wants to come out, but you have to fight her!”

  Sammy? This couldn’t be Sammy? Could it? It felt too relaxing. Too peaceful. Too inviting…I gasped inwardly, hearing a low moan escape my lips. Crap! Of course this is Sammy! She’s trying to take over, making me feel like it’s the easiest thing to do. There was a small sliver inside me that reasoned her taking over right now might not be a bad thing. She’d be surrounded by Blake and Mack. They wouldn’t let her go anywhere, and they could get the truth from her. If she’s in on this whole thing with Kory, maybe they could even find out the secret headquarters for his bug operation. Would it be so bad to let her have a minute? With that thought, a whole new layer of relaxation settled over me. My eyelids became even heavier. A peace settled over me. I knew I was about to pass out, but it felt like the right thing to do. This is it. Sammy will be here. Everything will be okay now. I’ll just be gone…

  Gone? Gone for how long? Gone for good? I panicked. No, no, no. I struggled to open my eyes, and with the effort, my peace shattered. Panic seized me. I thrashed out, knowing somewhere in my mind, Blake was still holding on to me, pleading with me to come back.

  Blake! I wanted to shout. I’m still here.

  I fought against the weight holding me down, a crushing sensation spreading over my chest. I have to get out of this black place! Mentally, it felt like sprinting uphill with only humid, thick air to breathe. My lungs burned and I wondered if I was even breathing anymore.

  “Sam,” Blake begged. Somewhere in my mind, I felt his body’s warmth. “Please come back to me.” His words shattered the darkness surrounding me. The weight began lifting, and I hungrily sucked in air. My eyes flew open to discover Blake cradled me in his arms, sitting in one of the chairs.

  His wet eyes met my gaze. The hand that had been stroking my cheek stopped mid-motion. “Is it you?” he asked, his eyes darting between mine.

  “Yes, it’s me.” My voice sounded so weak. He pulled me to him, squeezing out the air I’d worked so hard to get in.

  “I thought I’d lost you,” he said, his voice thick. I could feel the tension in his entire body melt in my arms as a shudder made its way through his shoulders and back. When he sniffed, I realized how terrified he’d been that Sammy might have won.

  He leaned back and searched my face, not seeming to care he had a few tears streaming down his own. “Are you okay now?” He held me tight, keeping me from falling off his lap.

  I nodded. “I think so. Sorry I scared you. I didn’t know what was happening until Mack told me.” I glanced over my shoulder at Mack. “I think you were right, but it just felt so different this time.”

  “Different how?” Mack asked.

  “I don’t know. It felt so peaceful, like it was the right thing to do. At least, until I decided I didn’t want to give in. Then it turned ugly.” I couldn’t help the shiver that shot through me.

  Blake pulled me closer, giving my arms a brisk rub. It wasn’t the cold giving me the chills; it was realizing that this place meant something to Sammy. I took comfort in his touch. It’d been his voice that broke through Sammy’s hold on me. I inhaled deeply, chasing away the memories of how tight my chest had felt. One thing I couldn’t shake though was how right it had felt to let her have control. That didn’t make any sense, unless…

  “Coming here triggered a lot more than just déjà vu,” I said. “I think she was trying to tell me something.”

  Both guys stared at me, Blake’s brow knitting together. “Why do you say that?”

  I shrugged, suddenly not so sure why I’d thought that. “I just got this feeling her appearing was really important to her,” I offered.

  “Of course it was.” Blake grimaced. “Sam, she wants to make you disappear for good.”

  I felt the terror behind his words. I knew then that his greatest fear matched mine. Maybe he’d been in denial before—maybe we both had been. Ironic, the moment he seemed to accept the reality that Sammy still existed, I suddenly felt the urge to defend her somehow.

  I glanced at Mack, wondering what he thought. His frown matched Blake’s. “I don’t think it’s a coincidence she tried to take over right when we learned the ancients might be in cahoots with Kory,” Mack confirmed. “Maybe we were poking around too much for her liking.”

  I knew they were probably both right. Honestly, I had no idea why I was trying to give Sammy the benefit of the doubt. Her track record screamed otherwise. From what I knew of her choices, they were always self-serving, even if she claimed she was doing what was best for me.

  So why did this time feel different? I tried to shrug it off and glanced back at Blake. The look of resolution in his eyes surprised me. He gently released his grip on me and helped me to my feet, keeping an arm tucked around me.

  �
��I think we’ve learned enough here today,” he announced. “Let’s get back to Tonbo. I may not like the idea of it, Sam, but I think you’ve been right all along. Sammy’s not gone, like I’d hoped. She’s still fighting to take over. And from what we’ve seen today, she’s involved with this mess somehow.” His tone turned harder. “I want to know what she’s up to, before we’re too late to stop it.”

  Chapter 15

  “You know, James Braid was really on to something when he developed hypnosis,” Tonbo stated, settling into a chair placed near the sofa I was sprawled on.

  When we’d gotten back to City, we first showed Tonbo what we’d found at Otto’s office. Even with the papers in his hand, he had a hard time believing the ancients would willingly join forces with Kory. Seeing how agitated he’d become, Blake told him he’d changed his mind about tapping into Sammy’s memories. That news had Tonbo practically bouncing on his toes with excitement.

  Tonbo had insisted that we be left alone. He felt Blake and Mack hovering over me would be too much of a distraction. I needed to be able to relax fully for this to work. Tonbo had informed us there might be a way to do it without any drugs involved. Everyone had agreed to give it a try first before sedating me.

  “You see, Braid knew there was something about the eyes,” Tonbo continued. I knew I was in for a bit of a history lesson. Maybe that’s how it works; he lulls me to sleep with a lecture. I stifled a grin. Truthfully, I didn’t mind.

  “There may be more to the eyes being windows to the soul then you realize, Samantha,” he said in a hushed tone, like we were discussing a secret. “Braid would use a very bright object, hang it slightly above his subject’s head, and then ask them to keep their eyes fixated on the object. Naturally, as they did, their pupils would at first constrict. It’s bright. But as they studied it more, their pupil would dilate, and then constrict, and then dilate. Forming a beautiful wave of movement. Then, with his other hand, he’d move two fingers toward the subject’s eyelids.” Tonbo demonstrated, bringing his fore and middle fingers close to my face.

  Not having a bright object for me to study, I wasn’t sure if he expected this to work on me too.

  “At this, the subject’s eyes would shut and the deep sleep would begin. Amazing considering he developed this so long ago,” Tonbo said, not seeming bothered that my eyes were still wide open.

  “The eyes,” he continued, leaning back into his chair, “take in everything around us. Details we aren’t even aware of are gathered, processed, and stored. The interesting thing for you is that even when Sammy is in charge, your eyes are still gathering that information. Tucking it away, storing it. You may not recall it, but it’s still there, buried in your subconscious.”

  “That’s what my therapist kept telling me,” I grumbled, remembering the sessions I’d rather forget. “It’s just frustrating because most of us don’t have ready access to our subconscious, but they all act like I should.”

  “They mean well, Samantha, but you are quite right. Tapping into the subconscious is tricky business. And with you having two tenants in that mind of yours, your brain has its work cut out for it,” he added with a wink. “But as you’re already experienced with the sensations of déjà vu and from what Blake said, recognizing Otto’s very office, your mind is trying very hard to call it up. Or,” he added with a shrug, “Sammy really wants you to know.”

  I stared at him, my eyebrows lifting. “You think Sammy might not be the bad guy here?”

  Tonbo hiked his bony shoulders up until they almost reached his ears. I had to suppress the urge to laugh. He always reminded me of a little munchkin, and that movement didn’t help the impression. Then his eyes widened as he gazed back at me. Staring into their blackness, taken in once more by the silver streaking through them, I remembered how hypnotizing he could be.

  Maybe that’s his method. He just says, Stare into my eyes. I think it’d work. Should I tell him?

  “I’m not sure at this point, truthfully,” he said, his somber tone chasing away my earlier facetiousness. “You know, I’ve learned a few things in my long years of life, Samantha. Never take something or someone for granted, never take something at face value, and never underestimate your enemy.” He grinned. “And never forget to floss.”

  I smiled. “You do have nice teeth for your age.”

  He grinned back at me. “Thank you.” He rubbed his hands together briskly. “Now, shall we get down to business? Time to find out what sweet, dear Sammy had to do with all of this.”

  “Sure,” I said woodenly. I’d never longed to know something so much, while dreading its outcome at the same time. Wait, I take that back. I’ve felt this way before. The time Blake had begged me to listen to his side of the story when I was convinced he was my kidnapper. The time Mack had finally unveiled the truth, and I hung on to every terrifying word coming out of his mouth. This anxious pit in my stomach, I know all too well.

  Since Tonbo continued to frisk his hands together, I began to wonder if that was his weird method of hypnosis. It was pretty captivating how much noise those little hands could make.

  “Samantha, we aren’t going to try hypnosis today,” he announced, shattering my concentration.

  “But…” I stuttered, “I thought that’s what we agreed to try first.” Fear crept in. Was getting me alone all a ruse so Tonbo could do what the heck he wanted with me? I knew I should give him some credit, but at this point, I was having a hard time trusting anyone, myself included.

  Tonbo raised his hand. “Now, now, calm down, my dear. I’m not going to inject you or bring Sammy back. What I should have said is that I have a slightly different method I would like to use. Like I said earlier, Braid was on to something with the eyes. Have you heard of R.E.M., Samantha?”

  “Uh, like the old music group?” I asked, trying to settle back down on the couch. My nerves were still fired up. I hated being so paranoid, but the last year of my life had proven to be a rough ride of never knowing, always fearing, and then discovering the worst.

  Tonbo cocked his head to the side. “What? Oh no, not them. R.E.M. stands for rapid eye movement. Without boring you with too many details, I’ll give you the skinny on it. During sleep, you go through things called R.E.M. cycles. During which time your eyes actually move rapidly back and forth. Hence the term. It’s hypothesized that during such sleep phases, your memories are consolidated. Organized—tucked together if you will. There are theories saying the memories or information that’s most relevant are strengthened and the ones deemed weaker, or less important, begin to disintegrate.”

  “Oh,” I said, not quite sure what he was getting at. “So you want to put me to sleep and see if my memories open up while I’m in R.E.M.?”

  “Very good. Yes, exactly.” He grinned, and then added, “Well, not exactly. You don’t have to be asleep. Just relaxed. I’m going to simulate R.E.M. by having you follow this ball.”

  He held up a long wand with what looked like a red marble at the end. With one flick of his wrist, the wand proved to be much more bendable than it appeared to be. It sent the ball flying back and forth, the marble becoming a red blur.

  “You just have to track the ball with your eyes.”

  “Um, that’s impossible. It’s going way too fast. I can’t even see the ball anymore.”

  “Even if your physical eye can’t follow it, your subconscious mind will.” He leaned in closer. “Just sit back, let your body fall into the couch. Relax and take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth.” I tried to listen, I really did, but this was just getting bizarre. How do you relax when a wand with a ball is being whirled in your face? I could barely look at it without nausea threatening my stomach.

  Tonbo kept the wand moving nonetheless. His tone took on a deeper timbre. “I want you to let your mind wander while you keep your eyes on the ball.”

  I wanted to argue again that he asked the impossible, but I held my tongue. I needed this to work, so I tried to comply. Let my mi
nd wander… to where? I tried to think of a safe place.

  Ironically, that was what he said next. “Picture a place you feel warm, secure, and happy.”

  Blake’s body wrapped around mine filled my mind, flooding my body with heat. Embarrassed by my own awakened desires, I tried to think of anything else. I can’t daydream about Blake in front of Tonbo!

  I tried to rack my brain for a new image.

  Tonbo continued. “It can be anywhere. A place you’ve never been perhaps. But maybe only dreamed of.”

  Okay, I can do that. I pictured a warm, sandy beach. Gosh, can I get anymore cliché? Oh well. Don’t have to win the imagination prize here… just play along.

  I blinked my eyes rapidly, trying to lubricate them. Watching the blurry wand was drying them out.

  “Good, good,” Tonbo said. “Let your eyes do the work as you find your safe place. Where is it?”

  Good thing it’s not Blake’s body anymore. “The beach.”

  “Wonderful. Describe it to me. Is it a rocky beach?”

  “No, sandy. Lots of sand.”

  “Wonderful. Describe the water to me. Is it the ocean you’re near? Are you lying on the sand? Are the waves calm right now?”

  Better get answering before he gives me too many questions to remember. I wanted to close my eyes, to let my imagination take over more, but I knew I had to track the wand.

  “It’s a beach at the ocean,” I said, “And yes, I’m lying in the sand.” My face flushed as Blake’s body was suddenly there, sidling up next to me, pulling me toward his naked chest. Crap.

  “I’m alone,” I lied, trying to force him to go away. The image of him in my mind cocked an eyebrow at me before vanishing from view. I glanced around, trying to take in more details of the beach, not wanting Blake’s appearance to ruin the scene I was trying to create. “The tide is low. The waves are calm right now. I can see seaweed left behind. There are a lot of seashells scattered around.” The details were coming surprisingly easy now.