“So if Jaxon got that same formula, why isn’t it working on him? Why does he need more adrenaline?” Blake asked, pointing at the EpiPen.
“It is working, but not all the way. Jaxon’s is being suppressed.”
Blake just stared at her.
“Your brother’s on Prozac,” she explained. “Or some other anti-anxiety medicine. Who knows which one, but all he needs is a little jump start.”
“How do we know it won’t make him worse?” he cut in. “Tonbo said Jaxon would only have control when he was relaxed, not shooting up adrenaline.”
“Of course Tonbo would say that! When are you going to get it through your head? Tonbo doesn’t want Jaxon to get better!” Kate shouted back at him.
I winced. Someone might hear us! What’s she thinking?
Turned out that someone did. There was a loud crashing sound from the other side of Jaxon’s door. It was followed by a horrible wail.
“Jaxon!” Blake didn’t hesitate. He punched the code into the door lock and bolted inside. When Kate dashed in after him, I steeled myself for the worst and followed after. If Kate’s wrong, this could get ugly fast.
It took my mind a second to register that no one else was in the room attacking Jaxon. The noise we’d heard must have been when Jaxon transformed. I’d never been in here before to know if the bed was usually flipped on its side, with the bedding sprawled across the floor, or if it was just when the bug took over. Next to the torn-up bed, an IV bag hung from a pole, the lines still dancing around from where Jaxon must have just ripped them out.
Blake was in his face, pushing back on his barrel, scare-ridden chest. “Just calm down, Jaxon. We’re here to help you.”
Kate glanced at me, giving me a subtle nod as she tucked the EpiPen behind her back. I knew then why she’d gone to so much trouble to bust me out of Kory’s holding cell and have me here. She needed a distraction to get close enough to inject Jaxon, and I was the perfect bait.
Well, I swallowed hard. Here goes nothing. I took a step further into the room.
The bug’s neck snapped toward me. He let out a roar of triumph, spitting as he spoke. “Finally! You’re here! My witch friend.” His corded wings spanned as he charged forward, taking Blake along with him.
To my shock, Blake didn’t try to put him in a chokehold. He only remained between the bug and me, his hands pushing hard against his chest.
“Jaxon, stop! We can help you,” Blake pleaded.
“I’m here,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady as Kate maneuvered at my side. She was trying to get out and around Jaxon. “And I can tell you what you want to know.”
The bug stopped advancing abruptly a few feet in front of me, Blake still planted between us. Kate froze at the bug’s side. So far, he’d paid her no mind, but that could change at any moment. I needed to draw him closer, give her a chance to get him from behind. Should be easy enough since his eyes were fastened on me. Those horrible black holes—so dead that no light would even reflect off them.
“I know what’s happening to you now, why you feel different,” I said, taking a step toward him.
The bug greedily matched my movement, closing the gap between us, just as Kate slipped behind him unnoticed. The bug tried to swipe Blake out of his way, but Blake’s grip was iron as he wrapped his brother up in his arms. “Now, Kate!”
She didn’t need to be told twice, lunging forward and crashing into the backside of him. The horrible wail that followed let us all know she hit her mark. Jaxon collapsed at my feet, convulsing, screaming, and looking like death itself.
Blake dropped down to his brother, trying to gather him up to keep his head from smacking against the floor. “I thought this was supposed to help him!”
“It will,” Kate yelled to be heard over Jaxon’s horrific sounds. “Just give it a second. He’s been half alive for too long.”
If the bug version of Jaxon was only half alive, I’d hate to see what Kate thought was whole. Seeing how badly he was seizing, panic shot through me. Had we put our faith in the wrong person? Why had I trusted Kate, of all people, over Tonbo in the first place? I trusted Kate over Blake, for crying out loud! No wonder Blake had been at her throat the whole time.
Amidst Blake swearing and shooting accusations at Kate, the bug stopped shaking in his brother’s arms as his eyes rolled shut. Unlike last time when Mack had given him a tranq, Jaxon did not reappear. The enormous, grotesque bug form remained. Motionless.
Oh my gosh! What did we do? I dropped down next to Blake as he shook the bug’s broad shoulder.
“Jaxon? Can you hear me? Come on, big brother! I need you to pull through this.”
Nothing. Blake dropped down to check for vitals. He rocked back, his eyes glaring. “He has no pulse. What the hell did you do to him, Kate?”
Kate backed up. “I swear, it should have worked! Blake, I didn’t mean to hurt him! He should have…” Her words faded as her gaze shifted to the bug.
Glancing down to meet the black eyes staring back up at me, I yelped, making Blake jump. The bug bolted to his feet, leaving Blake and me on the ground, staring in disbelief.
The bug lumbered toward Kate, looking half drunk in his movements. “What did you do?” he slurred as Kate backed up fast. “What’s happening to me?”
Blake and I were immediately on our feet.
“She didn’t do it, I did, Jaxon,” I blurted, and Blake grimaced. At this point, I think he’d be glad to have Kate take the fall for this. Especially if the bug decided to get violent.
The bug stopped and riveted his eyes on me. In an instant, he had me in his arms. Blake tried to intercede, but I waved him off. We could go round and round in circles all night with Blake trying to hold his brother at bay.
“We have unfinished business, you and I,” I said firmly, acting as if his crushing hold didn’t terrify me. “Now, listen. We don’t have a lot of time. Jaxon, if you can hear me, listen in too. What I did healed you both. You and the bug can coexist. You don’t need to keep fighting one another.” The words tumbled out, almost feeling like they weren’t my own. If I didn’t know any better…
“No, no, no,” the bug complained. “You made us weaker! You made us… feel again. I don’t like it!” he growled, and yet, his hold didn’t tighten.
“I gave you a conscience. I reminded you that you’re still part human, not just a monster,” I snapped back, surprising myself at the force behind my words.
The bug reared his head back a bit. “Why ruin what I was?”
“Because you’re miserable! Because it’s never enough for you! No matter how many hunts, how many lives you take, it’s never enough. Even me. You know deep down your obsession with me was only a fleeting thing. Once I was gone, what would you have to live for? You have no purpose. No family. Nothing!”
Was I really saying these things? What had come over me?
The black eyes stared hard at me. “How can I want to kill and protect something at the same time? It makes no sense. Why… why did you change me?”
“I just told you. Now you have to decide if you want to find true happiness or if you’d rather continue for centuries with an emptiness inside that terrifies you. Lie all you want to us, but I know the truth. I know what it’s like to be half a person. A shell of what you could be. Stop fighting who you really are. Let Jaxon be a part of you. Let him influence your decisions. You will be happier and stronger if you do.”
“Sammy?” Blake whispered, drawing closer but not interceding. As much as I wanted to glance over at him, reassure him it was still me, I didn’t want to break eye contact with Jaxon. It was too critical that the bug understand this.
Yet the way he said, ‘Sammy’, sent goose bumps crawling down my arms. The words I’d just told Jaxon felt so confident, so full of truth, and yet… I had never even considered the bug’s happiness coming in here. But as I said the words, I knew they were the right thing to say. How would I know that?
I’m still me, right? I can’t
be both people, can I? For half a second, I racked my brain, trying to conjure up memories with Mack. I had to know which ones came to mind. Would I see things only Sammy knew? Memories flashed, but only the ones I’d seen during Tonbo’s therapy and my own version of history. Nothing new flew across my mind’s stage. I tried to picture Jocelyn, and once more, I had the same result. How can I know?
I had no idea how long the bug held me, both of us staring hard at one another. Strangely, the advice I’d just given him was the exact thoughts buzzing through my mind now. Was it possible I’d somehow finally let Sammy in now? Was I capable of that? Were we now one… like I told the bug to be with Jaxon?
Kate touched my shoulder and I jumped, realizing then the bug had released me. Yet, I couldn’t look away from those black eyes. I was too scared to face Kate or Blake. Whose memories would I see? What version of me was I?
The bug nodded back at me. “You feel it too, don’t you?” he asked. “The confusion, the temporary loss of self.” The bug’s shoulders relaxed, his wings falling to his sides.
My mind was spinning in a hundred different directions, thoughts shouting at me that weren’t there before. Foreign thoughts. It’s okay. Relax, Sam. We’ll get through this.
I shuddered. Sammy? Is that really you? I heard nothing back. Okay, I’ve lost it. I’m officially crazy. Maybe I need Dr. Killian after all!
I felt Blake holding my hand, and Kate tugging on my shoulders.
“Come on,”
“We’ve got to!”
“Sam?”
“Sam, are you okay?”
I ignored them, unable to look away from those black eyes. There was something in the dead, yawning holes that hadn’t been there moments before.
A light danced off Jaxon’s pupils. I clung to it as if it was my last hope.
Chapter 47
Funny that it took Jaxon, or the bug version of Jaxon, to snap me out of my stupor when he grabbed my hand and said, “You didn’t give up on me. Thank you.”
I wanted to respond, but my emotions got the better of me. I could only nod. Jaxon let me go and turned to face Blake, whose eyes immediately glanced at me first. I could see the panic written all over him. He wasn’t sure if I was Sammy or me. That makes two of us.
Blake’s aqua eyes shifted to his brother when Jaxon extended a hand.
“I know it doesn’t look like it, but it’s me. Jaxon,” the bug said in a deep voice. “I’m in control now.”
Blake stared back for a moment. Ignoring the hand, he threw his arms around him instead. Hugging the enormous, hideous form of his brother, Blake wept on his shoulder. The tears I’d fought off earlier sprang back up. Sniffing, I brushed them back with my fingers.
Kate cleared her throat. “As much as I love warm family reunions, the Defenders are probably in the cage by now.”
Blake sat back, swiping his own tears away. “You’re right. Come on, Jaxon. We’re not done for the day. One battle down, but a huge one to go.”
Jaxon, of course, had no idea what Blake was talking about, but luckily for us, he was willing to be caught up while flying.
Listening to Blake rattle off what’d been happening while Jaxon had been basically living in a drugged stupor, I focused on how Blake’s hand felt on mine. He hadn’t said anything when he reached for me when we took off. I knew by the electricity racing through my veins at his touch that I was definitely drawn to him. I aligned my flight to get even closer to his warm body. If he noticed, he made no sign. He continued to stroke my hand with his thumb as his grip remained firm. Feeling the warmness spreading through me, the desire to snuggle up even closer to Blake overwhelming me, I decided I had to be me still. I mean, Sammy wouldn’t want Blake, would she?
With how few dragons and damsels were out, we opted to remain visible. At least until we got closer to the large containment shed. Where we were sure the whole island was buzzing with excitement, dread, or maybe both. It made talking so much easier when you could see each other. Blake didn’t waste time explaining either. So far, Jaxon had listened, quiet and composed. It felt out of place. Where was the fighting between the brothers? Where was the stuff that gave me nightmares?
“So I have the right amounts of adrenaline now to help me control what’s inside me,” Jaxon said, “but you’re saying Sammy added bee DNA too?”
His question was directed at Kate, who opened her mouth to respond.
To my own shock, I replied, “Yes. I did.” Blake’s thumb stopped stroking, but he didn’t let go of my hand.
“Er… I mean, Sammy did,” I stuttered, trying to recover. “She felt that even with the added thought processing, the danger with the Defenders, or bugs, was they’d crave a purpose, and if they didn’t have one, or someone to follow, they could still grow restless. You have to understand, in your bug form, you are a hot mess of adrenaline. You need a thrill as bad as a junkie needs a high. But with the bee DNA, you can channel all that energy and drive into a purpose.”
Blake and Kate stared at me while Jaxon, oblivious to the fact that I shouldn’t be the one explaining, nodded along.
“Makes sense,” he commented, more to himself, while I tried to deal with Blake’s penetrating gaze. “So what do we need to do now?” he asked.
Kate just stared back at me, waiting as Blake’s brows gathered. He still hadn’t released my hand yet.
“We need to get to that container and get the Defenders out. It won’t be easy since they are under the Irukas spell, for lack of a better word, but the bee DNA will help us,” I said, the words coming easily. While my mind screamed, I have no idea what we’re supposed to do! Kate’s the one with the plan!
Where do you think she got that plan, huh? my own voice said in my head.
My stomach sickened. Oh no. Not again. I’m not me, am I?
Let’s just say, neither of us are right now. But let’s worry about this after we put out the major fire, okay?
“Sam?” Blake asked, and I blinked.
“Huh, yeah?” I asked.
“You okay?” he gently asked.
“Yes, why?”
“What Blake really wants to know is are you Sammy or Sam?” Kate bluntly asked. “Truthfully, I wouldn’t mind knowing too.”
“I’m… me,” I said lamely.
Jaxon chuckled, but being a bug made it sound menacing. “I know exactly how you feel.”
Blake’s grip tightened on my hand. He pulled me closer, brushing his lips against my cheek. A shiver raced through me. I liked it.
“You sure you’re okay?” he asked again.
I gave him a reassuring smile. “Yes. Don’t worry. I’m Sam.”
Not totally true, the voice reminded me.
Really? Of all the times for you to suddenly appear! Why now?
You think I like this anymore than you do? Look, I know you’ve got questions. Heck, I do too. But we don’t have time to…
Blake leaned over and pressed his lips against mine. Fire raced through me, and I had to resist the temptation to pull him in for a deeper kiss. Not a good time, Blake, I thought with panic, even though I enjoyed his closeness.
Tell me about it. Why don’t you tell your lover boy to hold off, will you? You’ve got Jaxon awaiting his orders. Trust me, you don’t really want a bug to grow impatient, the voice inside my head snapped.
I pulled back, mustering the best smile I could, hoping Blake wouldn’t see right through me. Really, my sanity felt like a bad craft project held together with white glue. Everything was sliding and if I wasn’t careful, I just might fall apart in front of everyone.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” Blake said, ignorant of how not okay I really was.
“Me too.” My voice sounded strange to myself. Alright, Sammy. What do I tell Jaxon?
Open your mouth. I’ll do the rest.
“Jaxon.” This time my voice was steady and sure. I turned to face him. “There’s more to the bee DNA. The one thing every hive needs is their queen. The worker bees will fight to prote
ct her. That pheromone she gives off can trump almost anything, including the Irukas’ song.”
I stopped, letting my words sink in.
“Wait. Are you saying I’m their queen?” he slowly asked, sounding confused.
Kate nodded, and even Blake looked pleased with this idea.
But I had to go and say, “No, I am.”
Chapter 48
“Say what?” Kate blurted, flying up to me. “Sammy, you can’t be the queen. You don’t even have bee DNA in you.”
Obviously, I didn’t tell you everything in my letters, my mind muttered.
I was too stunned to respond to Kate’s question. I could only echo her sentiments in my head. What in the world, Sammy? You better explain how I’m the queen right now! Or I’m going to tell everyone that… you are… um…
This ought to be rich.
Oh, shut up! How can you drop a bomb like that on me! Why not Jaxon, huh? He’s perfect! That had been the plan with Kate, right? Why’d you change it?
Jaxon had no idea about the thoughts raging inside me when he crossed his chest with one arm and bowed his head toward me.
“I understand the feelings I’ve had to protect you now, My Queen. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. You have my word.”
I wanted to tell Jaxon to stop acting as if I were some kind of royalty. Instead, I gaped at my own arm reaching out to touch the side of his face.
“Good, because I need you to help me rescue your brothers. Those Defenders are your family, Jaxon.” My voice sounded foreign to my own ears. “You’ll find your purpose together.”
Jaxon’s black bug eyes narrowed. “I will do whatever it takes to rescue them, but I will not let anything happen to you, either.”
My mouth fell open, shocked over the strange turn of events, confused over what or who I even was. My stomach was spinning, my face felt hot, and my fingertips were like ice.
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