Inner Demons

by Amanda Strong

  It scared me how fast the twenty were slaughtered. The metallic stench of blood in the air turned my stomach. No one stopped to think that all they needed was one more injection. They were still human, deep down within, probably some of their closest friends and family. The Defenders had only seen them as an immediate threat to me. End of story.

  As much as I’d wanted to scream at them to stop, something prevented me. Was it Sammy? Or was it my own fear of what those bugs would do to me if they weren’t destroyed? I shuddered as she seemed to gloat. You never need to be afraid again, Sam.

  I never wanted this! To be in charge of these trained killers! Responsible for their actions!

  You wanted to save them, didn’t you?

  Well, yes…

  This was the only way. How else did you think this would go down?

  We’d passed through the open door, the briny night air a welcome relief to the claustrophobia. My shirt clung to my sweat-covered flesh, my entire body shaking with adrenaline. I searched for Blake. Even if he were holding Tonbo back, surely he’d be here. I couldn’t see him, or Tonbo, but I did make out several dragons. Which, to my horror, the Defenders began fighting off.

  “No! Stop!” I screeched, this time making my voice heard. I was desperate to avoid another bloodbath.

  The Defenders immediately stopped attacking the dragons, but that didn’t stop them from being attacked in turn. Hearing one yelp in agony as a dragon speared it through the chest with a long-handled harpoon, I gasped, grabbing Jaxon’s arm.

  At the same time, Sammy commanded. Come on, Sam. We’ve got to get them out of here!

  Where do we go? I don’t know how to do this! This was never the plan! We were going to just get them out… and Blake and I…

  Blake’s not here. Sammy’s words were sharp. So take charge!

  My world was spinning, breathing proved difficult. I knew we had to get out of here, but I didn’t want to go alone. I needed Blake.

  Jaxon’s black eyes peered down to me. “Take them to my caves.”

  “Okay, let’s do it,” I breathed out, grateful Jaxon sensed my predicament. I turned to Kalepe. “Tell everyone we’ve got a long flight ahead. Switch to camo and follow me.”

  * * *

  -----------------------

  We left the island, only losing one Defender’s life. A life that was purely my fault because I had told them not to fight, which meant they didn’t defend themselves either. I couldn’t think about the twenty who had died within minutes. It made my stomach ill knowing what the Defenders would do if they sensed I was in danger. It seemed either decision I made—to allow them to fight or hinder them—meant death. How could I be the one who decided that?

  Trust me; this is a good thing, Sammy reassured.

  No. It’s not! Where’s Blake? I need to find him.

  We will find him later once we get them to safety. You think Tonbo’s going to give up that easily?

  No… but there’s something weird about how easy it really was. I mean, where was Tonbo back there?

  I don’t know, maybe Blake was retaining him for us. Which is all the more reason for us not to stop, but to finish this.

  I wanted to continue arguing with Sammy, but I knew she was right about at least one thing. We did need to get the Defenders far from the island and the surrounding ocean, where the Irukas could be summoned to act again. As soon as we got them some place safe, I would find Blake. In all our haste, I wished I’d brought a cell phone. Some way to reach him quick. Make sure he was okay.

  Feeling someone fly up next to me, I fought the urge to drop my camo. My heart surged, hoping it was Blake, even though it wasn’t his scent I detected. Blake was warm honey, a sunset in the woods, not a spicy pumpkin pie.

  Mack’s hand slid up my arm, leaving a trail of goose bumps behind.

  “I’d know your scent anywhere,” he said, aligning his body with mine. I slowed my pace, allowing us to fly next to each other more comfortably. I could tell by the grumbles from Jaxon and Kalepe that they weren’t happy to be moved out of their spots as my personal bodyguards. I sure hope these two don’t think they are going to be permanently glued to my sides.

  “Funny, I just thought the same thing about you,” I answered him, surprised how difficult it was for me to speak at the moment. All of my thoughts were focused on how his hand felt gliding up my arm, toward my shoulder. It more than tickled; it sent tiny thrills through my body.

  “Where’s Kate?” I asked, clearing my throat. “Is she okay?”

  “She’s fine. She’s with the Defenders holding Kory, toward the back of this mess.”

  “Oh.” I’d forgotten all about Kory. “We’ll figure out what to do with him once we land, I guess.”

  “I have a few ideas,” Jaxon growled.

  “I bet you do, but we can’t kill him right away,” I replied, surprising myself.

  Why on earth should we let Kory live? I inwardly thought.

  Because Jocelyn loves him, Sammy simply replied.

  What? Are you serious?

  Look, we have several hours until we land. Kory won’t dare try to escape now. If he does, it means death. Jaxon will see to that. Let’s just worry about Kory later.

  I shook my head, trying in vain to figure out Sammy. Just when I think I knew her motivations and feelings, she threw another curve ball at me.

  “So we’re heading to Jaxon’s cavern? You really want to bring this bug army to the mainland?” Mack asked, bringing my attention back to him, and more importantly, to the way his hand felt on my bare shoulder. Did he know how crazy his touch was making me? How fast my heart was beating now?

  “I didn’t know where else to go,” I admitted. “Jaxon offered his place, so…”

  Mack chuckled, even if it sounded strained. “This is crazy, you know that, Sam.”

  “Please don’t call me that.”

  “What? Crazy?” he asked, slowing his pace even more. I matched his speed. Even with the camo making it so we couldn’t see each other’s faces, I knew what he really wanted to ask. The question hung in the air between us. I was scared I didn’t know the answer, and yet, even more terrified the answer was all too apparent. I bit my lip, not wanting to admit to him that Sammy was in my head, telling me what to say and do. It felt like if I were to say it aloud, it’d be permanent.

  “No. Don’t you call me Sam,” I blurted instead as my insides cringed. Sammy, why did you say that? Now he will think…

  Mack’s hand slipped behind my neck, and before I could counter my statement, his lips crushed against mine. I wanted to pull back, to tell him to stop. My mind screamed that I loved Blake, but my heart ached to have more of Mack. I’d never felt so torn and confused, and yet filled with desire at the same time.

  You aren’t the only one with a heart in this body, you know.

  I deepened the kiss; my hands tangled themselves in his hair, my mouth working with his. Mack groaned softly, pressing me against him, his hands sliding up my back as his lips traveled down my throat.

  Sammy, stop it! I pleaded, feeling like a helpless bystander to my own actions. This isn’t fair!

  To whom? she angrily thought. To you?

  To Mack! You’re only going to break his heart again because we both know we won’t end up with him!

  We don’t know that, Sammy snapped back.

  I hated that she was right.

  Mack stopped kissing me and pulled me against his chest, holding me tightly. For half a second, I allowed myself to close my eyes and enjoy the sound of his heartbeat against my ear. His body was warm and I was exhausted, the temptation to drift to sleep was overwhelming me.

  He leaned down and said in a low voice, “Sammy, is it really you? Please tell me I’m not making a horrible mistake.”

  “Honestly, I don’t know who I am anymore,” I admitted.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m still me but… sometimes, I can hear what she’s thinking. All that stuff I said back there was w
hat Sammy wanted me to say.”

  Mack shifted back, and I felt his eyes. I glanced up, wanting to make eye contact. Stupid camo! Makes every conversation so much harder. But then again, maybe it’s a good thing Mack can’t see me. I knew I was flushed. It felt like fire was racing through my veins.

  “So you’re both Sammy and Sam right now?” Mack asked, his arms loosening around my waist.

  “I’m afraid so.”

  Chapter 51

  “Why did you kiss me like that then?” His words were barely audible as he completely let me go.

  “Because that was Sammy,” I answered, feeling ashamed of myself. Truthfully, deep down, I wondered where the line between Sammy and me ended. When it came to the Defenders, I could see clearly, but when it came to matters of the heart, it got a little messier. The line got fuzzy.

  “So you’re Sam right now?”

  “Honestly, I’m not really sure.” Deep within, I was me, but my actions, my words, my feelings, especially around Mack, felt like Sammy.

  “Sam, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to—”

  His words faded at my touch. I’d reached out to comfort him before I knew what I was doing. Now my hand caressed his cheek, feeling the scruff he’d neglected.

  “Mack, I’m the one who is sorry. I’ve caused you so much pain. You deserve to be happy, to be loved completely. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give you that. It was selfish of me to think otherwise.”

  “Sammy? That you talking now?”

  “Yes,” I said, even though my insides squirmed with resistance. “I need you to know that I never lied about loving you. That kiss was real. I’ve missed you desperately. More than you’ll ever know. Sam feels it, my feelings for you, even though she tries to suppress them.”

  I laughed; it sounded foreign to my own ears. “Funny, with all my formulas and serums, I still can’t figure out a way for us both to be happy. I thought if we were finally one, sharing this body, we’d feel complete. But how can it work when our hearts belong to two different people? Who’d have thought such a small organ could cause such a fuss?”

  Mack didn’t answer; he only listened. Sammy was speaking freely, without restraint, and I could only listen too. Was this what it was like for her all those years? Was she a helpless bystander as I went about my daily life, only breaking free every once in a while?

  Sammy was obviously the smarter of the two of us. She had been the one finding solutions, saving the day. What had I done? Nothing. Maybe it was time I let her lead. Maybe she could keep the army from hurting others and from being killed. Then Mack could be happy…

  “Sammy, I need you to know something too.” Mack’s voice was thick, full of emotions. “I’ve always loved you. It’s like all logic and reason is thrown to the wind the minute I know you’re there. I can’t help myself. I want more than anything for us to be together, but I care for Sam, too. I can’t hurt her, or force myself on her, because you’re now in charge. If she’s still in there, I have to know.”

  My heart squeezed painfully, and I wasn’t sure who was feeling it. Sammy loved Mack, that much I knew, but hearing Mack stand up for me, not wanting to hurt me, meant a lot to me too.

  “She’s still here, just as she’s always been. Why is it different now? You’ve always known Samantha was inside of me when I took over.” The words just formed themselves.

  “Because, if she can hear us, is aware of this now, there’s a big difference!”

  “You don’t think I heard things too?” I snorted, while inside, I cringed. I’m getting how it felt now, Sammy. I was there but only observing, not participating in the conversation my own mouth was having.

  “Not all the time, but when her guard was down, like when she slept,” I continued to say. “After changing us, though, it’s only became stronger. I thought, at first, it meant it had all worked. That we were going to finally be one person, but turns out, I was wrong.”

  Sammy, can you hear me? I asked within myself. Sammy, please. We need to talk.

  If she heard my thoughts, she chose to ignore me. “What do you think it’s been like for me, Mack? Sitting back, knowing what needs to be done, but barely having the time to do it! Well, I’m tired of taking a backseat; maybe it’s time Samantha takes a turn.”

  Mack dropped his camo, and I gasped. He grabbed me by the arms and demanded, “I need to see you.”

  Seeing how hard his jaw was set, Jaxon and Kalepe suddenly appeared as well, growling. All of us had stopped flying, which was bad. We needed to keep moving.

  “It’s okay,” I immediately reassured them, scared what they might do to Mack. “Jaxon, keep leading the Defenders toward your caves.”

  He frowned, obviously not liking leaving my side. “I’ll be fine. Kalepe can stay behind. We won’t be but a second behind you, I swear.”

  Jaxon nodded and took off, the Defenders following after.

  Only then did I drop my camo. Mack’s eyes widened, his hands still holding my forearms. My body felt smaller, shorter. One of Mack’s hands reached up and brushed the brunette hair back off my face. I was the girl I’d changed into when Jaxon had been trying to kill me. The girl Sammy had always wanted to be if she gained control.

  Does this mean I’m lost forever? Trapped in a mind where no one can hear me?

  Again, she didn’t answer my questions. Instead, I met Mack’s gaze and spoke with Sammy’s voice.

  “Mack, I understand if you don’t want to stay with me and no one,” I shot Kalepe a look, “will hurt you if you leave now, but someone has to help these Defenders, show them how to live peacefully. If you still love me, and can accept me as I am, then come with me. Help me.”

  Mack’s eyes darted between mine; I could tell he had a thousand questions he wanted to ask.

  Finally, he sighed heavily. “I may be damning my own soul, heaven help me, but I can’t leave you, Sammy. I’ve never been able to tell you no.” He leaned down and kissed my lips softly, and even though the heated passion wasn’t there like before, I still loved the way his lips felt on mine.

  Sam, Sammy called to me, piercing through my agony—guilt that I enjoyed Mack’s kiss and fear that I was forever lost.

  Oh, so now you choose to acknowledge me, I thought bitterly.

  I was a little busy before, in case you hadn’t noticed, Sammy replied.

  Actually, I did. What’s happening to me? Why can’t I do the talking anymore? You’re doing everything. I feel like I’m trapped in here!

  I’m sorry, Sam. Truly, I am. It seems fate has decided to have us trade places. I’d always hoped there’d be a way for us to… I don’t know… maybe meld into one person. But it seems you and I are like oil and water—we just don’t mix.

  Mack and I had begun flying again, his hand holding mine tightly. Kalepe seemed eager to catch up with the rest by the speed he took off. Since I was lost in my own thoughts, literally, I pushed hard as well. The air slapping against my skin made me feel alive again. Like maybe I wasn’t just a shell of a person.

  Do I have any choice? I asked. Are you forcing this on me?

  What? No! I know what kind of hell this is. I wouldn’t wish that on you. Believe it or not, I really love you, Sam. I wanted you to be happy.

  So this is just how it is now? You have the reins? I can’t control my own body anymore?

  Silence greeted me. Honestly, I don’t know, Sam, she finally thought. We seem to still have a strong connection. I mean, we can read each other’s thoughts. That’s got to mean something, right? I swear, Sam, I’m not trying to snuff you out.

  But that was exactly how I felt, as if I were slowly being suffocated. My chest felt heavy, like the air was too thick to enter my lungs properly. My vision blackened for half a second, the stars over the ocean disappearing.

  Sam? Sammy’s voice sounded distant.

  I opened my eyes, trying to focus. Sammy, just tell me. Can you do it?

  Do what? Sammy asked, an edge of panic in her voice.

  Keep the
Defenders from taking over the world? You know, ending human life as we know it.

  Yes, Sam. We can do it together.

  Good, I thought, the darkness pressing down on me was too heavy to fight anymore. I closed my eyes again; it felt heavenly.

  Sam? You there still? Sammy sounded so muffled.

  I’m fine, I thought, unsure if she could even hear me. I’m just so tired. I think you’ve got this, Sammy. I just need some rest…

  Sam? Sam, you there still?

  The darkness won out finally as I drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep.

  Epilogue

  “Are you sure about this, son?” Tonbo asked as the last of the Defenders literally disappeared from view. They’d switched to camo, like they’d assumed they would.

  Staring at the fleeing army, Blake knew Tonbo was putting tremendous trust in him, letting them go like this. His heart had been in his throat when he’d seen her, but it hadn’t been his Sam. The way she’d just watched as the Defenders slaughtered several of their own kind within minutes in the doorway was proof. He shuddered. She’d come out of that building a different person. He had a hunch who too. As much as he was dying to run to her, he knew if Sammy didn’t want him interfering, that would have been the end of him. The Defenders were under her control now. Even his brother.

  “It’s the only way, Tonbo,” Blake answered, the ache in his chest so severe that he was half tempted to rub his ribs to make sure they weren’t bruised. Bruises would heal, but not this, not a broken heart. “I won’t let her die trying to save them,” he muttered. “Tonbo, I wish you would have just been honest with me about all this from the start. Why didn’t you tell me you thought Sammy was taking over? That she wanted to steal the army the entire time for herself? I would never have gone along with trying to save them. I could have stopped—”