Confessions of a Carpool Captive

by Dawn L. Chiletz

“Um… you and Kel,” Finn restates.

  She sighs heavily before she speaks and I turn briefly to see Kel smirk. “We actually went to the same high school, but barely knew each other. I didn’t know he worked here until tonight. I was walking from table to table, asking if people lived before Huntington Beach and needed a ride home. He shot up out of his chair and here we are.”

  “Don’t forget the part about how you used to like me,” Kel adds.

  “We went on one date,” she responds, leaning forward past Ernesto and holding up her index finger to Kel. “I’d say you were pretty instrumental in my realization that I preferred women.”

  “You’re welcome,” Kel responds. “Sounds like you owe me.”

  “And Ernesto?” Finn asks.

  “Oh, I’ve never seen him before. Some guy he was sitting with said he needed a ride and told me where he lived. I said sure and Ernesto followed me. I didn’t know he couldn’t speak English. I just thought he was drunk.”

  I face forward again, glancing over at Finn and nervously rubbing the side of my neck.

  “Hey, Finn, why were you looking to give rides home? You on the drunk drivers committee or something?” Kel asks.

  Emerson responds before Finn can speak. “No, Liz smashed her drunken face into his and didn’t want to have to talk about it, so she asked me to fill up the car.”

  My mouth gapes and I spin in my seat to shoot her the vilest glare I can muster.

  “Oh come on, like he doesn’t know,” she says, motioning to Finn.

  “You two made out?” Kel asks. “Fucking awesome.”

  “Honestly, I told Liz the other day that I wouldn’t mind driving more people. See, I’m from New York and I never had a car until I moved here. I love driving.”

  “Dude, you can drive me every day. Taking the train blows.”

  “You know what? I have no idea where I’m taking you. I need addresses,” Finn states, scratching his cheek.

  “I’ll just give you my license,” Emerson states, rifling through her purse. When she finds it, she holds it up to Ernesto and points to it. He nods and pulls his wallet out of his back pocket. I turn around to take them and note that Kel has turned to face his window. His leg is thumping up and down.

  “Hey Kel, Liz is waiting for your driver’s license. Hand it over,” Emerson shouts.

  “I don’t have it with me.”

  “No worries, I’ll just type it in,” Finn replies.

  “I’ll type. You drive,” I say.

  Finn verbally walks me through how to enter the addresses in the GPS. After Ernesto’s, I’ve got it. I plug in all the addresses. Em will be dropped off first, followed by me, Ernesto, and Kel.

  “Can I pay you for gas or something?” Emerson asks.

  “It’s not a big deal,” Finn shrugs.

  “What are the chances I can hitch a ride tomorrow?” Kel asks.

  My eyes dart over to Finn. I’ve really put him a bad position.

  “I can pick you all up, if you want.”

  “Dude, that would be awesome. I hate the fucking train.”

  “There’s no way I’m riding for free. How about forty dollars a week for gas?” Emerson asks.

  Finn shakes his head. “That’s too much.”

  “Okay, twenty dollars. Two hours each way and four stops will cost you a fortune.”

  “Yeah, twenty bucks sounds about right,” Kel adds. “Plus, I can probably walk to Ernesto’s. He’s not that far from me. That should save a stop.”

  “That’s really nice of you, Kel,” Finn says, gazing up in his mirror to see him.

  “Settled. Twenty dollars paid every Friday, or you don’t get picked up Monday,” Emerson states with a chuckle.

  We drop off Emerson, agreeing on pick-up times. Luckily, Finn also knows the word for tomorrow in Spanish. After a few minutes, it becomes very quiet. Kel has dozed off and since Ernesto doesn’t speak English, it’s almost as if no one is in the car with us. It defeats the whole point of not being alone with Finn.

  Finn doesn’t speak to me and I don’t blame him. As we arrive at my building, I turn to face him.

  “I told you not to get mixed up with me. Look what I’ve done to you.”

  “It’s fine. You don’t like to talk to me anyway. At least now I’ll have some willing conversation.”

  My head drops. He leans over and uses his finger to lift my chin. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. It’ll be a good thing for all of us.”

  Staring at his face, I want to say more. I want to tell him that while I regret drinking, I really don’t regret kissing him. I want to tell him I think he’s amazing and sweet. But I don’t. I offer a small smile and exit through my door. I make the slow walk to my building, wishing I could find the words to tell him what I feel. But I’m not even sure I know. I’m so confused. My life is a whirlwind. I need to find a way to pay off my car debt and fast, so I can get back to the world I know.

  As I make my way to Finn’s car Monday morning, I notice Kel in the front seat. There seems to be some commotion. Kel opens his door and sighs, exiting to the back.

  “Apparently if you don’t get the front seat, I don’t have a ride.”

  Nodding my head to Kel, I hop into my usual place, quietly happy Finn insisted on it. My seat is warm, but there’s a foul smell in the air. I wrinkle my nose and Finn frowns, nodding in agreement.

  “I ate something that didn’t agree with me. Sorry folks. I can’t help it!”

  I glance back at Kel and he seems almost apologetic, although not very. Ernesto isn’t smiling either. I’m sure he’s not thrilled with the odor, especially since it just moved next to him.

  “Good morning,” I offer to Finn.

  He hands me my usual cup of coffee with a small smile. I turn to see that Ernesto and Kel are also holding Starbucks cups and there’s an extra in the tray.

  “Did you buy coffee for everyone?” I ask him.

  He nods.

  “Yeah, although I told him tomorrow I’d rather have a Frappuccino. Maybe strawberry or something,” Kel adds as he frowns. “I don’t drink coffee.”

  I turn around again. “You know he doesn’t have to get you anything.”

  “I didn’t ask for anything.”

  Ernesto raises his cup to me and smiles. I smile back. I think I like him the best.

  “You need to stop paying for everything. You’ll go broke,” I whisper to Finn.

  “I’m fine. No worries. Sometimes the girl at the window gives me mine for free.”

  My chest tightens. “I bet she does.” I face my window so he can’t see my face.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Finn asks.

  Kel replies, “It means she doesn’t like girls giving you shit because she wants you to only get freebies from her.”

  “Kel, mind your own fucking business!” I shout.

  Finn has a shit-eating grin on his face and I vow not to speak the rest of the drive.

  We listen to Finn’s driving music on the way to pick up Emerson. She lives in a small house about three blocks from the highway ramp. I wonder if it’s noisy at night. Track nine, “Ride” by Twenty One Pilots, plays just as we pull up.

  A woman with long blonde-hair walks out with her and they kiss before Emerson makes her way to the car. They seem very in love.

  “G’morning,” Emerson says cheerfully as she gets in the car. “Ugh, what died in here?”

  I laugh.

  “I have gas. I can’t help it.”

  Emerson buckles her seat belt. “Well fuck, I feel like I could hurl. I haven’t felt that way in months. If this is going to work, you need to watch what you eat.”

  Kel leans forward in his seat. “Are you two going to make out in the driveway every day? Cause I’ll start recording it for spank vision later.”

  “Gross!”

  “Ugh”

  “Kel!”

  There is a mutual round of disgust from everyone in the car, except Ernesto. Kel turns to him. “You
spank it, Ernie? Spank?” He makes a hand gesture to his penis and Ernesto’s smile fades. He faces forward and Kel laughs.

  “You’re a disgusting pig! Leave him alone!” Emerson shouts, leaning forward to look him in the eye.

  “Ah, he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. It’s fine.”

  I glance over at Finn and he’s shaking his head. “Em, I don’t know what you usually drink, but I got you a caramel latte.”

  “Thanks, Finn. That was nice of you, but I don’t drink coffee. I’m sorry.”

  “Neither does Kel. Tell me what you’d prefer and I’ll get it for tomorrow.”

  I turn in my seat to look at her and notice Kel nodding and making a money sign with his fingertips. I cringe.

  “No. You shouldn’t be buying us anything. Driving is plenty.”

  “I agree,” I add. “Please stop.”

  “I get coffee every morning. It’s no trouble at all. Plus, they have a rewards program. Every tenth cup is free or something.”

  “If you insist, then I’ll start paying you for it,” I tell him.

  “Me too,” Emerson adds.

  There’s a moment of silence and I glance back at Kel.

  “I’ll just take the free tenth cup.”

  I shake my head and face forward again. Finn is laughing. Does anything get to him?

  It’s quiet for the next couple of minutes until I hear a crunching sound. I glance over my shoulder and Emerson is munching on banana chips.

  “Am I too loud?” she asks.

  “No,” I reply. “I just wondered where the sound was coming from.”

  “Sorry. I’m always hungry. Can’t help it.”

  “Well you’d better watch what you eat,” Kel says. “Girl farts may be silent, but they’re deadly.”

  “I don’t fart,” Emerson says in a huff.

  “Whatever,” Kel huffs out. “Everybody farts. Especially girls.” He nudges Finn’s seat from behind. “Right, buddy?”

  “Yep,” Finn agrees.

  “Don’t agree with him,” Emerson adds. “You’ll just encourage him.”

  Kel laughs. “I bet if we had a farting contest you and Liz would win. Girls make some nasty-ass shit.”

  “Why don’t you just shut your mouth before more crap comes spilling out. Do you ever say anything that’s not rude or crude?” Emerson asks.

  “Anything.”

  “Thank God Ernesto is between us.”

  I sigh heavily. I’m glad I don’t have to participate in this conversation, but it’s certainly not what I envisioned when I’d hoped for more people to keep Finn busy.

  I wonder if this will change the dynamic between us. I might miss having his undivided attention, but I don’t know why. Pulling out my notebook, I write a few thoughts. We’ve come to a standstill again. Traffic sucks.

  “Whatcha writing in there?” Kel asks, leaning forward and pressing his face against my seat.

  I gasp. He’s in my comfort zone. Quickly closing my notebook, I stuff it back into my bag.

  “Just work,” I lie. Finn smiles at me then refocuses on traffic.

  “What do you do at Seamore?” Kel asks, his face way too close to my shoulder.

  “If you sit back in your seat, I’ll tell you.”

  “Stop bugging everyone. Damn, you’re irritating,” Emerson states as she munches on a banana chip.

  “Your crunch, crunch is more irritating than me, right Liz?” he asks with a laugh.

  I don’t respond, hoping he’ll take the hint that I don’t want to talk. He doesn’t.

  “So, you looking for a boyfriend or is marketing man you’re one and only?”

  Finn’s eyes squint with mischief.

  “I work in accounting,” I say, answering his earlier question and ignoring the other, hoping he’ll drop it.

  “Accounting?” Kel asks. “Man, that sucks.”

  “I actually love it.”

  “Sounds boring as fuck,” Kel says with a yawn.

  “You’re boring as fuck.”

  “Shut the fuck up, Emerson,” he adds. “No one asked you. I’m having a conversation with the future mother of my children here.”

  I start to cough, choking on my air.

  Emerson laughs loudly. Finn reaches over to pat my back.

  This is the worst commuter group in the history of commuting. I hate the carpool lane.

  It’s been a really long day. It’s almost five and I’m exhausted. I hope everyone else is tired as well. I’m not up for more bickering on the way home.

  My phone pings with a text. There’s only one person who texts me. I can’t help but smile.

  Finn: Ready for round two?

  Liz: Did I mention I’m sorry?

  Finn: LOL. I was thinking about that. Just how sorry are you?

  I pause. What’s that supposed to mean? As if he can read my mind, he texts again.

  Finn: Don’t freak out. I’d ask you in person, but there are too many people around and I don’t want to start crap talk in the car.

  Liz: Ask me what?

  Finn: For a favor.

  Liz: OK. WHAT?????

  I see the little bubbles showing he’s typing. The bubbles start and stop a few times. I start packing up my desk and turn off my computer before he answers.

  Finn: My parents are coming into town for an early Christmas with me. They wanted to see my new place. I may have fibbed a bit. They were worried about me so I told them I met someone. I need you to pretend to be her. They want to meet her and I have no one else who would lie for me.

  I re-read the text five times before I respond.

  Liz: No way!

  Finn: Please? I wouldn’t ask unless I was desperate.

  I place my palm on my forehead and hit the all caps button.

  Liz: YOU KNOW I DON’T LIKE TALKING! I CAN BARELY HOLD A CONVERSATION WITH PEOPLE I KNOW, MUCH LESS COMPLETE STRANGERS WHO THINK I’M DATING THEIR SON!

  Finn: Okay.

  Unable to move from my chair, I sit and stare at his last response. I roll my neck and then review our conversation. He asks so little of me and I treat him like crap. Look at everything he’s done for me. He never asks for anything in return, yet I won’t do something small to help him when he really needs me?

  I start to type, knowing I’m going to regret this.

  Liz: Please tell me it’s not tonight.

  He immediately responds.

  Finn: This Saturday.

  Liz: Fine. But then we’re EVEN!

  Finn: You’re a lifesaver.

  Mumbling under my breath, I make my way to the elevators. That gives me five days to prepare myself. What am I going to do? I don’t know how to hold a normal conversation, much less one where I have to lie. Right on cue, I get a text.

  Finn: Don’t worry. I’ll do all the talking. I’ll tell them you have laryngitis or something. ;)

  I laugh out loud. That could work.

  Within a few minutes, I make my way toward Finn’s car. Emerson and Ernesto are standing together and Emerson seems to be trying to talk to him.

  “Hey, Liz, what’s the Spanish word for job?”

  “I have no clue. I took French in high school and I only remember a handful of words.”

  “I feel bad that none of us can talk to him. I’m going to pick up a Spanish dictionary at the library.”

  “That’s really thoughtful.”

  The car doors beep as they are unlocked and I spin to see Finn trudging toward us. He’s shuffling his feet. He seems tired.

  “You okay?” Emerson asks before I can open my mouth.

  Finn smiles weakly. “Just a long day.”

  He moves to open the door for Emerson and she smiles. “Thanks, Finn.” He pauses at mine and I shake my head no. He nods and walks around to the driver’s side. A few minutes later, Kel comes running to the car.

  “Sorry, man. I couldn’t get out of there.”

  “No problem. I just got here myself,” Finn responds.

  Then we’re
off. It’s quiet, which is nice. Finn doesn’t even turn on the radio. He brushes his hand over his face and I feel slightly concerned. He doesn’t seem like himself.

  The drive home is pleasantly quiet. Everyone seems tired. Mondays are always rough.

  Wednesday night it becomes clear that something is definitely wrong with Finn. He’s coughing and yawning as he makes his way to the car for the drive home. He’s wearing glasses too. I didn’t know he needed them. What else do I not know about him?

  “Are you sick?” I ask him. I’m the first one there.

  “I never get sick. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I think it’s a climate thing. Maybe it’s allergies.”

  “I don’t know. This seems like it’s been coming on for days.” I step over to him and place my hand on his forehead. He’s warm.

  “Crap, Finn. I think you have a fever.”

  “Who has a fever?” Kel asks as he approaches.

  “Finn.”

  “Finn’s sick?” I hear Emerson before I see her. Ernesto is behind her.

  “Yeah, he’s burning up.”

  Finn holds out his keys. “Any volunteers? I need to close my eyes.”

  We stare blankly at each other for a moment.

  “I don’t have my license,” Kel says with a shrug.

  “Do you ever?” Emerson asks.

  “There’s a reason. I just don’t feel you need to know.”

  I reach out and take Finn’s keys. “I’ve got this.”

  I open Finn’s passenger door and he slides in as everyone else takes their spots. “Is this a date?” he asks me with a grin.

  “Go to sleep,” I tell him with a roll of my eyes.

  I’ve never driven an SUV so it takes me a bit to get my bearings. It’s a beautiful car. I hope I’m not jinxing it while driving.

  “Why is it that you never have your license?” Emerson asks.

  “If I wanted you to know, I’d tell you,” Kel responds.

  “Shh…” I hush. “Please, let’s let Finn rest.”

  He leans back in the seat and rotates his head to face me, winking.