Confessions of a Carpool Captive

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  He opens my door and immediately backs away when I sigh. “I forgot. Not a date. But so you know, you’re always gorgeous to me.”

  He winks and I roll my eyes.

  “Party people in the house!” Kel shouts.

  I gaze into the back seat and notice Ernesto has joined us. “Does he know we’re going out?” I ask Finn.

  “Yeah, I used a Spanish text translator and told him we were going out for dinner and drinks. He said something that translated along the lines of ‘kick ass.’ Where should we go?” Finn asks.

  We all grow quiet.

  “What happened to party people?” Finn questions.

  “I know a couple of LGBT bars, but I really don’t want to bar hop. It’s obviously not my thing anymore.” Emerson glances down at her stomach and I feel bad for her. I think she still looks beautiful. Who cares if she’s gained some weight.

  “I know a couple of pubs if you all want fried snack food,” Kel adds.

  “Nope. Not for me,” Emerson adds.

  Finn pulls out his phone and does a search. “You all realize that the man who just moved here is the one planning our night out?”

  “Aww, but Finn, you always have such amazing ideas,” Emerson says, touching his arm.

  He grins. “Flattery will get you everywhere.”

  A second later, his head lifts and his eyes darken. “Okay, I have an idea. You all game to allow the blind to lead the blind?” Finn asks.

  “As long as we’re together, I don’t think it matters where we go,” I add.

  “Aww, Liz. That’s so sweet. You’re getting me all teary.” Kel fake-sniffles and laughs.

  “You’d better watch yourself, Kel. I know something about you that no one else knows and I’m not afraid to use it.”

  “Ooh, tell us, Liz!” Emerson coos.

  “Not yet. I’m waiting for the right moment.”

  “She’s full of shit. She doesn’t know squat,” Kel responds.

  “Time will tell, won’t it?”

  “I call bullshit,” he says, crossing his arms.

  “I don’t know Kel,” Finn states as he looks at him in the rearview mirror. “She seems pretty confident.”

  Kel eyes me inquisitively and I smirk, facing forward once again.

  We listen to a countdown on the radio of the year’s top hits as we crawl in traffic. No one seems to mind the delay. We sing out loud when we know a song and it becomes a game to guess the title and artist as soon as the first few notes are played. It’s probably one of the most fun nights of my life.

  An hour later, we pull in front of a dinner/dance club. It’s packed.

  “Dude, there’s no way we’re getting in here,” Kel says, rolling down his window to listen to the chatter of people in line as we pass.

  “Oh ye of little faith,” Finn adds. He valet parks and we walk up to the front of the building. “Excuse me for a second.”

  Finn marches up to one of the bouncers and they shake hands. He points back to us and places his hand over his heart. The bouncer smiles and nods his head, waving us forward.

  I’m shocked.

  “Holy fuck. I think we’re in!” Kel shouts over the crowd.

  Finn holds out his hand to me and I take it. He holds his arm to Emerson and she wraps her arm in his. “Shall we, ladies?” he asks.

  And then we saunter into one of the most popular clubs in L.A. I was right. Everyone likes Finnigan Walsh.

  “How did you get us in here?” I ask.

  “Does it matter?” he shouts over the music as we’re led to a private booth in a back corner.

  The sound diminishes slightly as we arrive and I can hear myself think again. The waitress approaches. “Hi, wow. It’s so cool that you’re here. The manager told me the champagne is on the house tonight. Glasses or bottles and how many?”

  “That’s really kind of him, but I insist on paying. We’ll take five glasses,” Finn responds.

  “Four glasses and a Sprite,” Emerson adds.

  “Coming right up,” the waitress announces before spinning away.

  Finn notices us staring at him. Even Ernesto seems interested.

  “You have to tell us,” Kel shouts.

  Finn sighs. “I came here after work with some friends and they thought I was someone else. Someone important.”

  I swallow hard, focusing on the friend part. Why do I get so jealous?

  “Who do they think you are?” Kel asks.

  “They think I’m a celebrity. An actor. I never said I was, never said I wasn’t, but I do pay my own way.”

  “That’s fucking awesome, man!” Kel laughs, fist-bumping him.

  The waitress brings our drinks and I watch Emerson gently run her fingertips over the edge of her glass. I wonder why she never drinks. Maybe she’s an alcoholic. I feel horrible. I lean over and whisper in her ear. “Does it bother you that we drink?”

  She smiles. “God no! I wish I could, but it’s how it has to be.”

  Dinner arrives and we eat like kings and queens. I’m not sure how long we sit there laughing and telling stories, but it’s hours. I don’t worry about the expense. I deserve to treat myself just once. After all, I’ll be making more money soon. I can afford this night.

  “How come there’s no Mrs. Kel?” Emerson asks during dinner.

  “This is a face only a mother could love,” he says with a grin.

  “No, really. There was never anyone special?” Emerson asks.

  “I didn’t say that.” He pauses and regret fills his eyes. I glance over to Finn and he purses his lips.

  Kel covers. “I guess I haven’t found someone who’ll put up with me yet.”

  Is he still hung up on Emerson? I don’t get the feeling it’s that way between them. There’s got to be more to the story. I can feel it. I stare at him. He notices and stares back uncomfortably.

  “What?” he asks.

  “I don’t know. I feel like there’s something you’re not telling us,” I respond.

  He winces and glances around at our concerned faces.

  “This stays here.” He motions around the table and we nod. “I was engaged. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. Then the road rage incident happened. It wasn’t the first time. I lost my license… and her.”

  Emerson puts her hand on his.

  “I don’t know what it is about being in a car that makes my temper flare up. I’ve been taking these online classes and I thought I was getting better, but that morning when I lost it… well, she called that morning before work and told me she wanted to come by and pick up the last of her things. She wouldn’t give me a chance to tell her what I’d been doing. I started to question whether or not anything I’d done was even worth it.”

  “It is, man,” Finn adds. “You’ve got this.”

  Kel nods. “That day when I got mad and Ernesto put his hand on my shoulder, it reminded me to breathe. I need to do this for me, not for her. I need to be my best me before I can ever be good enough for anyone else.”

  Emerson sniffs and Finn reaches into his pocket and produces a handkerchief for her.

  “Don’t cry, Em,” Kel says.

  “I guess I’m just super emotional lately.”

  Kel rolls his eyes. “Are you riding the crimson wave?” he asks. He’s back.

  “Kel…” Finn shakes his head.

  “You’re a dumbass, you know that?” Emerson adds with a laugh. “Of course I’m not. Sometimes you just get me in the heart.”

  “Yeah, I know. Sorry, I sometimes say the wrong thing.”

  “You think wrong is right and right is wrong. Good thing I get you,” she says with a smile. He raises his glass and they clink them together before taking a drink.

  “How about a group picture?” Emerson holds up her phone and motions for us to move.

  We crowd together and she takes several. As I make my way back to my seat, “I Hate You, I Love You” by Gnash starts to play.

  Finn touches my shoulder and I turn. �
�They’re playing our song,” he whispers. “Dance with me?”

  “Finn, I don’t think—”

  “It’s a friendly dance between friends,” he says with a shrug.

  I glance down at his open hand then back up to sincere oceans of blue.

  “Go!” Emerson encourages. “Don’t leave the man hanging.”

  How can I keep saying no when everything in me wants to say yes? I nod my head, placing my hand in his and he leads me to the dance floor.

  He pulls me close and even though I don’t want to admit it, I’m drawn to everything about him. As much as I want to fight it, I don’t have the strength.

  He doesn’t speak. He holds me and sways to the music. It’s almost perfect, except he’s not talking. For once, I want him to say something.

  “It’s hard for me,” I whisper in his ear.

  “What is?” he asks.

  “To trust.”

  He licks his lips and presses them to my forehead. I close my eyes. “I know. You have no idea how much I truly understand.”

  I gaze up into his eyes, searching them for something to make me believe. “Were you hurt too?” I ask.

  “Everyone’s got a story. But mine is probably not what you’d expect.”

  “Tell me.”

  He smiles. “I will. I promise, but not here. Let’s just enjoy this moment and this night. Let me enjoy being with you even if tomorrow we’re still nothing more than friends. Let me hold you in my arms, and pretend I could be what you need.”

  My mouth drops. “Why do you say stuff like that? Don’t you understand? I’m waiting to see it. There has to be something wrong with you.”

  He laughs. “You want me to have more faults?”

  “Not more, some. Some faults. There has to be something wrong with you.”

  “Maybe I’m a horrible lover.” He tries to keep a straight face.

  The song ends, but we don’t stop swaying, even when the music picks up speed.

  “I don’t believe that for a second. Any man who needs a fifty-pack of condoms must have a lot of practice.”

  He huffs out a breath in frustration. “I told you those aren’t mine.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time and I still don’t believe you.”

  I attempt to push away from him and off the dance floor, but he pulls me back. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “Umm, back to the table?”

  “It’s almost midnight. Just stay here and dance with me.”

  “I can’t dance!” I shout as he tries to move with me.

  A second later, Ernesto, Kel, and Emerson join us on the dance floor and Finn releases me.

  “It’s almost time!” Kel shouts.

  “Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five…”

  I shout the numbers in unison with the entire bar. When midnight hits, confetti falls from the ceiling. It’s like snow, only better. I can’t see anything. I feel Kel grab me.

  “Happy New Year, Lizard.” He kisses the side of my head. I turn into Ernesto and hug him. Then Emerson pulls me into an embrace as well. I spin around in search of the one person I want more than anything. He finds me first.

  “Happy New Year, Liz.”

  He doesn’t move to touch me and my heart aches. I want him, then I don’t. I kiss him, then I push him away. He’s become my personal punching bag. It’s not right. I need to make a decision about him once and for all.

  He smiles and stuffs his hands into his pockets. Knowing I can’t blame it on the alcohol this time, I decide to take another risk with my heart. I step forward and wrap my arms around his neck.

  “Aren’t you ever going to make a move on me?”

  “I thought you just wanted to be friends?” he asks.

  I shrug my shoulders. “That was last year. This year, I want you to take me home. With you.”

  I’m glad he only had two glasses of champagne the whole night, because I’d be worried otherwise. I’ve never seen him drive so fast. I might be scared if I wasn’t so anxious to get home too.

  As soon as we drop off Ernesto and Kel, I lean over in my seat and suck his earlobe into my mouth.

  He moans as he attempts to focus on his driving. I slide my hand down his chest and start unbuttoning his shirt.

  “Fuck, Liz. You need to stop or I’m going to pull over and take you in the back of this car.”

  I laugh. “Maybe we should. This car has been a pivotal part of our relationship. It only makes sense he should be involved.”

  “He?”

  “Yeah, your car.” I laugh as I slide my hand into his shirt, along his breastbone and down to his abs.

  “It’s a she. I want you so bad. You’re driving me crazy. Why do I have to live so far away?”

  After several more minutes of unbuttoning his shirt, I begin working on mine.

  “Liz…” He can’t keep his eyes on the road. We swerve a few times and I decide I’d better stop teasing him.

  “Drive. I’ll behave.”

  As soon as we pull into his driveway, he flies out of the car and around to my side. My door opens. His shirt is wide open and I can tell by the bulge in his pants that he wants me as much as I want him. I bite my lip as he reaches into the car and pulls me into his arms, kissing me passionately.

  He fumbles with his house keys as we kiss our way to his front door. As soon as we’re inside, I drop my purse to the floor and he scoops me up, running me up the stairs in the dark to his bedroom.

  I’m laughing all the way as he bounces me around. He stops at the foot of his bed and lowers me to my feet.

  “Are you sure about this?” he asks.

  “Shh...” I hold my finger up to his lips. “I think it’s time you finally show me how you drive.”

  His mouth presses into mine and I pull his shirt off his shoulders. I’ve never wanted a guy as much as I want him. He creates all these… things in me. I call them “things” because I don’t know what they are.

  My lips edge down his collarbone to his chest, then to his jeans. I unbuckle his belt and unzip his zipper.

  “Just a minute,” he pants.

  “What?” I ask, on my knees.

  He falls down next to me on the floor and gently kisses my lips.

  “Are you having second thoughts?” I question nervously.

  “Never. But I’ve thought about this moment for a long time and I want to do it right.”

  “Is there a wrong way?” I ask, laughing.

  He stands and pulls me up with him. He touches my cheek with the back of his fingertips and slides his hand down my neck to the few buttons still closed on my shirt.

  His eyes burn with intensity and I gasp.

  “You are a rare and special gift. Having you here with me means you trust me. I know it’s hard for you, and I want you to know that I’m not taking you or a single moment with you for granted.”

  I sigh softly. It’s different from any other sigh I’ve given him before. This sigh is adoration. He’s incredible in every way and he’s mine. At least for tonight.

  Slowly, he slides each button through the tiny hole, as if each one of them has significance. His hands skim my breast and I gasp as desire floods every cell in my body.

  He rolls my shirt off my arms and turns me to unzip my skirt, placing gentle kisses on my shoulders from behind and pulling my hair to the side to gain better access to my neck.

  I shiver under his touch. My skirt slides to the ground and he kisses his way down my back, removing my bra and tugging my thong down my legs.

  He turns me and rises to his feet. His eyes travel down my body from my head to my toes. He’s breathing heavily. I’m fully exposed to him and yet I don’t feel exposed. I feel as if he sees through to what matters most, my heart.

  He steps toward me and kisses my lips. He moves to my neck, shoulders and down to my breasts. He touches and kisses me softly, then firmly, then softly again, creating a building desire in me, the likes of which I’ve never felt.

  Pl
acing his hand on my back, he moves us onto the bed. His hands move down my hips to my thighs as his kisses move to my stomach. He squeezes the inside of my thigh as his mouth descends. He inserts one, then two fingers as he licks and sucks me in perfect rhythm. It’s as if he knows exactly what I want and need.

  Grasping the bed, I feel a quick build of pleasure and I can’t resist it or him.

  “Finn.”

  With the simple mention of his name, he increases his pursuit and I quiver and shake all around him. Holy hell, he knows what he’s doing.

  When the last wave of my orgasm subsides, he kisses his way back up my body.

  “Tell me you want me as much as I want you?” he asks, searching my eyes.

  It’s the easiest answer I’ve ever given. “I do. I want you. So much.”

  He lifts off of me and stands in front of me as he removes his clothing. I rise up on my elbows to watch and I see it on his face. He’s confident, cocky, and needy. He moves to the nightstand and removes a single condom. I laugh as I slide up the bed, pulling down the covers and resting my head on his pillow.

  “There’s only one condom in my drawer and it’s been sitting here by itself for a long time, hoping and praying I’d get my shit together enough to find a girl to take a chance.”

  He rips it with his teeth and rolls it over his length, moving to cover my body with his. He kisses me tenderly as he slowly slides into me. We mold together perfectly. At that moment, there’s no doubt in my mind. I made the right decision. He’s the one.

  The heat of the sun on my face awakens me. The rays burst into his room from the window. I’m on my back and Finn’s arm is across my chest. He’s lying on his stomach, sound asleep. The covers are a jumbled mess between us and his bare ass is on full display. Giggling to myself, I wonder if I left a bruise where I nibbled on it last night. I lost count after the third time we made love. It was an all-nighter and he was a perfect giver and recipient every second of it. I close my eyes and remember his face when he came inside me the first time. Thoughts of his touch and his lips rouse a need in me. I can’t believe I still want more.

  The urge to pee hits me full force so I carefully slide out from under him and make my way to his bathroom.