“That would be where I come in.”
I turn in the direction of his voice as Finn rounds the corner into the conference room. I should be glad to see him, but right now, I want to strangle him.
“How about we give these two a minute,” Sam says as she stands and makes her way to the door.
Ernesto pats Finn on the shoulder. “Good luck, man. She looks pissed.”
He nods his head and crosses his arms as they close the door behind them.
Placing my hands on my hips, I feel the blood boiling inside me. “How could you?” I ask. “Is this your last ditch effort to hurt me? Do you hate me so much that you could take something so personal and share it with strangers?”
“Ernesto isn’t a stranger,” he replies.
“It wasn’t meant for his eyes. I talk about him in there. I say things about everyone, even when we—”
“Made love?” he asks.
I swallow hard, feeling the blush in my cheeks.
He shrugs. “I might have taken those pages out before I gave it to him.”
“You read it?” I ask, feeling a small bit of hope.
“Twice.”
I lean back on the table and fold my head into my hands. This can’t be real.
“Wasn’t that what I was supposed to do?” he asks.
I gaze up at him. “Yes, but—”
“But what?” he asks, slowly moving toward me.
“But… I… I wanted you to read it. Just you… not Ernesto or Sam Wittaker for fuck’s sake. Just you! It was hard enough giving it to you because those are my private thoughts. Thoughts about how hot I thought you were on the side of the road and how you made me wet when you’d say my name, and, oh God, how I checked out your ass when you weren’t looking. Not only did you obviously think it was funny, but it didn’t mean anything to you. It couldn’t have or you wouldn’t have given it away.”
I shake my head and gaze up at him as he moves in front of me. “But you know what? I don’t care. You can embarrass me and hurt me back and tell the world I’m a fool, because I am. I should have never let you go, and just so you know, I’m not giving up. I’m going to show you one way or another that we belong together and that I’m good for you and you’re good for me.”
He smirks. “Are you finished?” he asks sarcastically.
“No.” I stand, reach out for him and pull him toward me, crushing my lips to his. To my surprise, he kisses me back. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls my body against his. My fingers slide into his hair and he moans as his tongue touches mine.
My mind races with questions. What does it mean that he’s kissing me back? Is this a kiss goodbye? If it is, then I won’t let him stop because he’s amazing and hot and I want him.
He pulls back and I lurch forward, trying to reclaim his mouth with mine.
“Now are you done?” he asks.
“I’ll never be done,” I reply.
“Good.”
“Good?” I question.
“Was that the wrong answer?” he asks.
I blink repetitively as I fumble for words. “I… I don’t understand.”
“I know how hard it must have been for you to give me that notebook. You were incredibly secretive about it and I thought about trying to sneak a peek several times. And then I get home and start to unpack my bag. Imagine my shock when I saw it on top of my clothes.”
I try to force myself to relax, but I can’t. I shuffle from one leg to the next in nervous anticipation.
“Speaking of clothes, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about a missing dress shirt of mine, would you?” He brushes a hair from my face and I shrug.
“That was quite a risk you took.”
“Taking your shirt?” I ask as I gaze down at the ground.
He lifts my chin with his fingers. “Letting me read your thoughts. Do you have any idea what that meant to me?”
I shake my head no.
“All this time I thought you were running from me. But it wasn’t about me, it was about you. You were fighting a battle with yourself. I thought I knew everything there was to know about you, but I was wrong.”
“I’m sorry, did you just say you were wrong?” I ask, as if I didn’t hear him.
“You heard me,” he says with a grin. “There’s so much more to this than I realized. But your insight was invaluable. You told our story like it was an epic tale, with all the trials and tribulations, fights and forfeits, and laughter and tears of a real journey. Your insights about all of us and who we are were crazy and accurate, except for me. I’ve never played games with you. I may have flirted and made you nervous for fun, but it was never a game.”
I purse my lips as I search his eyes.
“Your words made me laugh and at times, made me want to run to you and hold you tight. You captured every little detail, including the way Ernesto’s hands would fly in the air when Kel and Em would fight. You listened to everything, but not just with your ears. You listened with your heart. Liz, do you even know what an amazing writer you are?”
“You liked it?” I ask shyly.
“I didn’t like it. I loved it. Like I love you.”
My breath hitches at his words. “You do? You still love me?”
“I never stopped.”
I rush into his arms and he holds me, kissing the side of my head. As much as I want this moment to last, I know I need to tell him.
I push off his chest and take his face in my hands. “I…”
“You don’t have to say it. I already know.”
“I do need to say it. I need to say it because I need to take every risk that comes my way.”
“I’m not a risk. I’m not going anywhere.” He laughs, tilting his head.
“Shh… let me do this. Finnigan Walsh. I. Love. You.”
He releases a breath. “That wasn’t so bad, now was it?”
There’s a knock on the door. “Do you think we could come back in now?” Sam asks with Ernesto behind her.
“I think there’s been some kind of mistake,” I tell her. “I never intended for anyone other than Finn to read my notebook.”
“No, no mistake,” she replies.
Ernesto takes a step forward and motions to the chairs for us to sit. Sam resumes her spot at the head of the table.
“I ran into Finn in the parking garage,” Ernesto begins. “I asked him how you two were doing and he told me you did something incredible. You wrote our story. Even the stuff I didn’t know. He told me it was funny as hell and even choked him up a bit. He joked with me about how it would make an amazing movie and I was in. I begged him to let me read it and he told me he had to think about it.”
“I didn’t know how to approach you with how I felt after I read it,” Finn says, taking over from where Ernesto left off. “I didn’t think calling you was enough. I’d decided to go to your apartment after work, until I ran into him in the garage. Your words were so personal. Even to me. I wanted to keep them for me alone, but then I realized that wouldn’t be fair.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, facing him.
“In the very beginning, you say something about wanting to turn your stories into a book but not having the courage.”
I nod my head and he takes my hand in his.
“I did it for you. I took the leap.”
“And after I read it, I gave it to Sam,” Ernesto continues. “Finn didn’t know. Sam and I had met during a meeting for the next Fabulist a few weeks ago and we got to talking,” Ernesto says. “I remembered her telling me how much she loved books and how she’d like to try to publish works by new indie authors. It clicked.”
“I really loved it, Liz,” Sam says. “I’ve read a lot of books. Yours is special. I can feel it. If you’ll agree, I’d like to publish it. It needs some editing and a few tweaks. I think we should also change your names and definitely the company, but I think it will sell.”
“Really? You really think it’s that good?”
“I do.”
I glance back and forth between Finn, Ernesto, and Sam, not knowing what to say.
“I know there are a few pages Finn removed. I’d like you to rewrite them, maybe keeping out some key details,” she says with a wink.
“You can leave in the part about the great sex. I don’t mind,” Finn adds, laughing.
“I bet you don’t,” I respond.
“So what do you say, Liz?” Sam asks.
“Will it interfere with my job?” I ask. “Because I really love my job.”
“We can always have you write under a pen name. Lots of people do it.”
“Well?” Finn asks. “What do you think?”
I close my eyes for a second and try to breathe. I’ve had a wall around myself for a really long time. I never thought I’d ever let someone like Finn see the real me, much less let anyone read my inner thoughts. But they did and they didn’t run away. They heard what was in my heart and they stayed. People come and people go. It’s part of life. Keeping people at bay may have kept the pain away, but it also kept the joy. I wouldn’t trade the time with my dad for anything in the world, even though it hurt like hell when he was gone. I was afraid to let anyone in, because endings didn’t seem to be worth beginnings.
I gaze over at Finn. His eyes are soft and tender. He’s looking at me the way he used to, and my heart is full. Someday, even this story will come to an end, but damn… that saying is true. It is better to have loved and lost than not to have felt it at all. He loves me. My friends love me. I’m not alone anymore and I never want to be again.
Every move I’ve made has brought me here. All the risks were worth it. I’m different now and I can’t go back to who I was before. I don’t want to. I want to move forward and stop looking back. And if that means I need to take a leap of faith, then that’s what I’ll do. I’ll keep on leaping forward. I may not be in the fast lane, but I know I’m going somewhere.
I smile and nod my head, taking Finn’s hand and holding on tight. “Let’s do it.”
“Come on in. We’ve been waiting for you.”
Finn and I decided to go to Emerson’s separately so we could surprise her with our reunion. We knew it was something she’d been hoping for.
I wash my hands and Julie puts the baby in my arms. “She’s just precious, Em.”
“She is cute, isn’t she? And we’re not just saying that because we’re her moms, it’s because she really is gorgeous, right?”
“Definitely.”
There’s a knock and Emerson squeals in delight as Kel and Ernesto walk through the door. “Where’s Finn?” she asks, concerned.
“He pulled up right behind us,” Kel announces.
“Oh… maybe I should go,” I say, acting nervous and sad.
“Please don’t. You guys can be in the same room for a few minutes, can’t you?” she asks with hope.
“I’ll try,” I say with a sigh and a frown.
Finn knocks and Julie lets him in. He hugs her and offers her flowers and a gift for the baby. Damn, my man is awesome.
He stops cold when he sees me. “Oh, uh, maybe I should come back later.”
“Finn, no!” Emerson shouts. “Get over here.”
He moves farther into the room and Emerson sits up straight. “Jules, could you take her?” she asks, motioning to me. Julie takes the baby from my arms. I’m disappointed.
“You two listen to me,” she says, pointing at us. “I know you’re mad at him and he’s mad at you, but this is dumb.”
Ernesto nods his head. I guess we should have warned him about our little game, but he’s doing a great job pretending. I guess he pretended to not understand English for weeks. This is probably a cakewalk.
“You love him and it’s obvious he loves you,” she continues. “We all can see it.”
I glance at Finn and he winks. I almost smile, but I can’t because Emerson is staring at me.
“Can’t you two just admit that you belong together?” She stomps her foot. “I need a happily ever after!”
I turn my head to Finn and he steps toward me. I stand and he takes my hand. “What do you say, Lizzy? Want to give this thing another go?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
He’s so damn hot. I can’t take it anymore. I grab his tie and pull him towards me. He bends me back and kisses me, like in the old-time movies.
Emerson gasps. “Yay!” She claps her hands together and jumps up and down.
Kel leans in to get a better view. “It’s about fucking—” he stops and glances at the baby. “Freaking time. Grab her ass, uh, rear end. I would.”
Finn does as he’s told and I shake my head.
“Wait a minute,” Emerson says as I straighten Finn’s tie. “You were already back together, weren’t you?” She falls back into her seat.
I shrug and Finn bends down and kisses her head. “Was there a reason you asked all of us here at the same time?” he asks.
“Yeah, what’s up with the secrecy?” Kel asks.
Julie hands the baby back to Emerson. “There’s a reason. A big one. Are you ready?” She pauses and we wait in anticipation.
“I’d like you to meet our daughter, Faelyn.”
“Aww, that’s beautiful!” I say with a smile.
“Do you see? She’s got a piece of each of you in her name. F for Finn, E for Ernesto, and L for Liz.”
I place my hand over my heart. “Em… that’s so sweet.”
Finn smiles and Ernesto laughs.
Kel clears his throat. “Yeah… that’s great. Cool. You guys will always be special to her.”
Emerson and Julie exchange looks. “We should really tell you her full name. Faelyn Kelly Reed.”
Kel lifts his head. “Her middle name is Kelly? Like me?” he asks.
“Do you really think I’d forget my best bud?” Emerson asks, handing Faelyn to Kel.
He shifts and straightens his posture, holding her at an uncomfortable angle, but being as gentle as humanly possible.
Gazing down at her face, he smiles. He looks back at us and announces, “You all can suck it. She may have your initials, but she’s got my entire name.”
We laugh and Finn pats Kel on the back.
“We had some great times riding to work. I figured her name would be a way to remember our carpool, how special we are to each other, and as a bonus, carry on our friendship for all eternity.” Emerson grins nostalgically.
I glance at Finn and he shrugs, motioning to Emerson. Ernesto nods his head.
“About that,” I begin, “I guess there’s something you should know.”
Six years later…
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I say to Finn as he hands me a cup of coffee in a travel mug.
“Lizzy, you’ve got this. Remember it’s the—”
“Journey. Yeah, I know,” I say, rolling my eyes. “You can’t use that for everything.”
“It fits, doesn’t it? Think about all the challenges you’ve already faced.” He holds out his hand to count them on his fingers. “You told your best friends you were publishing a book about our carpool adventures and they were thrilled, not mad like you thought they’d be. Against all odds, you hit the New York Times Best Seller list. Confessions of a Carpool Captive became a mega successful movie for Seamore Productions. The sequel promises to be even better, thanks to the vacation we all took together. You’re the VP of accounting.”
“And you’re the VP of marketing and development,” I add.
“This isn’t about me. Nice try changing the subject.”
I brush out my hair as Finn leans on the bathroom door.
“You married a really hot guy who loves you more than anything in the world.”
“That’s very true,” I say, leaning over to steal a kiss and squeezing his ass in the process.
“Keep that up, Mrs. Walsh, and I won’t let you leave the house.”
“Promise?” I ask with a sigh. I hold up my hands to show him they’re shaking.
> “You can do this,” he reassures.
Glancing down at his watch, he jumps. “Ooh, we’d better get a move on. You don’t want to be late your first day.”
Taking one last look at myself in the mirror, I tell myself it’ll be fine. I just have to remember they can sense fear. If I act like I know what I’m doing, maybe they’ll believe it.
“Liz, you coming?” he yells.
“On my way!” I shout back. I slip on my shoes and grab my purse. Taking a sip of my coffee, I smile as I walk into the garage. Finn is holding the car door for me.
“You still open all the doors, don’t you?” I ask, kissing him on the cheek.
“Always have, always will.”
I slide into the driver’s seat. He already has the car running. I roll down the window and he leans in.
“What do you think? Will she do okay?” Finn asks.
I turn back and smile. My nervousness suddenly disappears.
“Yep. You got it, Mommy.”
Finn laughs. “See, even Keegan thinks so.”
I smile at our son as he clutches his Spiderman backpack, ready for school.
First day of carpool is always the hardest.
The End
Mom and Dad – For making me who I am and watching over me from above. I miss you both, every single day. I owe everything to you.
Jay – For your support of my dreams and your encouragement to keep pushing forward. It means everything.
Tyler and Ryan – I love you more than you’ll ever know. Thank you for being my inspiration. You’re the reason I breathe.
To all my family and friends for putting up with my moods, my worries, my absences, and my craziness. My love to you all.
To my beta readers:
Kim Hurschik – Sister by choice. Thank you for always being my biggest cheerleader. You may think I don’t listen, but I do—to every word. Thank you for letting me bounce my thoughts off of your brain. Thank you for putting up with me when I’m stabby and emotional and goofy and every other place in between. Your support and encouragement means the world to me. There’s nothing we can’t accomplish as long as we have each other. I love you.
Confessions of a Carpool Captive Page 21