by Alice Moore
“My nanny- her name was Sheila- she let me cuss if I had a good reason. I remember-“ Pausing to chuckle at the tickle of a memory, I settled my camera in my lap to sigh. “I remember when my dad came home from a seven month deployment. I had just turned 13, and Sheila told me I could swear once for no reason. So, I saved it until the day he came home, and we’re in the terminal, and he sees me, and I see him- and I just belt out ‘fuck’ at the top of my lungs. Every single person in the terminal stared at me, and my dad just started laughing so hard he dropped his pack. It became a tradition after that.”
A choking laughter floated to me from James’ side of the sofa, and I grinned outright. Automatically lifting my camera to my eye, I snapped the amusement that cracked his stony façade. The slight upturn of his lip, the crinkle around his eyes, turned him into a different person, and I took a few more pictures before he managed to reign himself in. Swiping his hand across his jaw, he cleared his throat roughly with a jerk of his head.
“Your dad sounds like a natural Army dick. I knew a guy that transferred from Army to Marines. He was a fucking prick- just constant smart mouthing and spewing bullshit. Everyone hated him because he never shut up. He survived all that shit we went through overseas just to get killed by his pregnant girlfriend’s crazy ex.”
“So, it’s true? You guys bust each other’s balls constantly? Do you think that’s the reason Kiki doesn’t like my dad? Because he’s Army and she’s a Marine?” After a moment of thought James nodded, and I turned my gaze to my dog fondly. She was truly remarkable, and she stared back at me with knowing eyes.
“Did you ever consider enlisting?” James’ question caught me off guard, and I twisted to stare at him. Pursing my lips together tightly, I let out a breath through my nose before opening my mouth.
“I thought about being a war photographer, but I never wanted to be so busy. I like where I’m at right now. I think, if the opportunity presented itself, I would take it, though.” My response only got me a drawn-out grumble, and I shifted in my seat only to wince. Well and truly broken, my ankle throbbed wildly if I so much as flexed my calf. Leaning over to stare at the bandages around my feet, I grimaced at how swollen and purple my skin looked against the white.
“Here- let me take those off. I’ve got something around here to brace it since the bleeding should’ve stopped.” Pushing himself from his seat, James walked around the couch and into the kitchen to rustle loudly. It took him mere seconds to appear in front of me, and I stretched out my legs carefully as he sat on the coffee table. “Your right ankle isn’t that bad. You can walk on it in a week or two.”
Hissing as James lifted my ankle onto his thighs, I clenched my hands into tight fists. His large, callused hands were so gentle as they tackled the thin linen, but each whisper of a poke sent pain shocking up my leg. Gripping my borrowed pants, I ground my teeth together while he painstakingly slowly unwrapped my aching foot.
“You’re okay, Caroline. The bandages were tight to stop the bleeding, but it restricted blood flow. It’ll feel better in a minute.” Sweat beaded my upper lip, and I nodded furiously as James glanced at me. Taking a shallow, hard breath, I let it out harshly while the pressure on my ankle decreased. The relief was almost immediate before he’d even gotten all of the bandages off. Blood rushed to my toes, and I relaxed a little into the couch to throw my head back and close my eyes.
James
Gazing blankly at Frank as he stood, dominating my kitchen, I clenched my hands into fists. Every cell in my body screamed at me to back the fuck down in the face of his overwhelming, generally satanic feel. Now, for the first time, I was beginning to realize why everyone told me to stay away from him.
He could kill people with a look, and sweat slicked the nape of my neck as I held his dark, dangerous eyes.
“Frank, she needs a hospital or she’s gonna die.” My voice was rough, drowned out by the pained moaning coming from the back bedroom. For just a fraction of a second, I took my eyes off Frank, and he took that moment to advance. In a flash he was directly in front of me, massive and imposing, and I automatically took a step back. Jumping into my throat, my heart thundered hard to fuel muscles that would only be used to run away.
I was a little bitch when it came to Frank, and it took these past four months to realize that.
“I don’t care if she fucking dies. As long as the baby is okay. I spent too much fucking effort on my daughter to worry about that dumb bitch.” The woman only a wall away cried out in pain, and Frank’s face twisted in disgust before he whirled around to slam his fist on the table. “Fuck! Shut her up already!”
The booming call didn’t do anything to stop the muffled sounds squeezing through the cracks in the door, and I ground my teeth together. Frank’s bare muscles bulged and spasmed, the veins in his arms and neck becoming increasingly noticeable, and I made no attempt to open my mouth. Whirling around to face me, he took a threatening step forward before some invisible wall seemed to stop him- although I doubted anything could stop him right now.
“James, are you sure this doctor isn’t a fucking crackpot? Fuck- fuck… I’m going in there.” For the first time since we met I touched Frank, wrapping my clammy hand around his wrist to keep him from storming into the bedroom. His body jerked as if he wanted nothing more than to flip me on my back and beat my skull into my brain, and I tensed to lick my lips.
“Frank, man… you can’t go in. Trust me- Jessie is going to keep your baby alive. That’s her job, but just because she’s old doesn’t mean she’s bad. I’m telling you- let the doctor do her job. She knows to bring the baby to you.” My words of assurance brought bile up into my throat, and I carefully released my grip on Frank. He lost some of his threat at my reasoning, and I watched through narrowed eyes as he took a deep breath.
“I need her to be okay…” I knew Frank wasn’t talking about the woman he’d impregnated, and I nodded silently. His desperation rippled across my skin, and his eyes burned into the door to combat the sounds drifting through. “If she dies, you die- the doctor dies.”
Jerking up, I took a sharp breath as my dream rang in my ears, and my hand automatically went to my neck. Sweat caked my skin, tugging at me as I swiped my palm up my face and over my head. Even my hair was slick with sweat, and I glanced around the darkness of my bedroom as I struggled to catch my breath.
“Fuck… fuck…” Every time I blinked, I could see Frank’s face contorting with some fucked up version of adoration. The time between crashing waves of blood against my eardrums was filled with the sound of a newborn wailing. Blood and afterbirth wafted into my nostrils with each harsh inhale that filled my lungs, and I shook my head wildly to get rid of it all.
Throwing my legs over the side of my bed, I pushed myself up with a grunt to stumble towards the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eye a ghost clung to the back bedroom door, and I squeezed my eyelids shut before yanking open the refrigerator. The cold air was soothing, and my body swayed towards it to cool my heated blood. Resting my forehead on the freezer door, I braced my forearm above my head to get my hand to stop tingling.
“Jesus Christ…” Of all the nightmares I’d had since that day a month ago, that scene had never been among the line-up. There were much more horrible things I’d seen than Frank freaking out over the birth of his daughter.
Like that woman detoxing for a whole week.
Like the several times Frank stood guard over her unconscious body after he knocked her out for threatening his baby.
Like Frank killing her with his own two hands after she started screaming for her baby.
“Good fucking riddance to that fucked up piece of shit.” Muttering to myself, I reared back my head to bang it against the freezer door in the hopes of ridding my brain of these horrific scenes. “Fuck- fuck- fuck…”
“Are you okay, James?” The tired, feminine voice drew my attention to the couch, and I glanced beyond my bicep through wide eyes. Caroline and her dog stared at me, concern etched
onto her face and weariness on Kiki’s. For a long moment I only stared, my eyelid twitching from the horror that sat just behind my eye sockets.
Pushing myself from the freezer, I took a deep, calming breath that popped my rib joints down the center of my chest. My hands shook as I grabbed a beer from the refrigerator before closing the door, and my legs were stiff on my way to the living room. A low warning growl sounded the closer I came, and I sent that damn dog a nasty grimace.
So much for liking me.
“Is it about your leg?” Caroline’s gentle prodding drew a grunt from me in a foolish attempt to avoid talking about my nightmare. Sitting in my recliner, I heaved a sigh and popped open my bottle to neck my beer. “I’ll just be quiet, then.”
“Yeah- please.” Gruff and short, my affirmation sent the room into an intense silence as Caroline stared at me shamelessly. My mind refused to stray from my dream, and I shook my head hard before opening my mouth again. “Talk. Something- anything. Tell me about your friends.”
“Uh- uh… well… I have a couple of them…” Staring into space, I didn’t need to look at Caroline’s face to know the sudden request caught her off guard. Her stuttering reverberated against my skull, and I took another swig of my beer before she steadied herself. “I met my closest friend at some fair when my dad came home when I was 8. She and I aren’t best friends, but I’m okay with that. Her name is Sally, and she’s the most bookworm-i-est bookworm you can ever know. She’s trying to become a writer, and she’s really good at it. Her boyfriend is an amateur movie producer...”
Listening to Caroline describe her friends, I let her voice lull me into a state of complacency. Her voice was nice to listen to- a little rough but still sweet sounding. Only loosely did I follow what she said, and I pulled my beer to my lips with tense muscles. It couldn’t have been later than 4a.m., but I didn’t really care.
Beer was good at any time, day or night, since I wasn’t going to get drunk. I couldn’t even remember the last time I got sloshed.
“-m mean, honestly, I don’t really like him. I have a thing about dating people I work with, even though we only bump into each other if he knows in advance that I’m coming to the office. He’s not creepy… just not my type, you know? He’s kind of shrimpy, and he wears these old man glasses.” Caroline was rambling when I tuned back into her, and I blinked hard to clear my blurry vision. “If I put him in front of my dad he’d probably shit his pants.”
“You haven’t dated anyone since your fiancé?” My drooling question cut Caroline off, and I glanced over to watch her shrug absently.
“Not particularly. I’ve gone on a few dates, but never made it to the third. Besides, Kiki and my photography take up a lot of time. Sometimes, I have to leave with little warning, and most guys don’t like that. Being a photographer isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There’s a lot of bugs, and tents aren’t the most comfortable. There was one guy that wanted to go with me, but when I told him there were no bathrooms, he got skeeved.” Giggling, Caroline’s little story brought a smirk to my face. Letting my head rest back, I chugged the rest of my beer and closed my eyes. “I don’t even really like camping, but I have to do it for my job.”
“… How’s your ankles?” Just listening to Caroline talk was soothing, and I took a deep breath that mirrored hers. She didn’t respond, and I didn’t push her for an answer.
Caroline
“You should call your father, you know.” Shoveling a forkful of rations in my mouth, I chewed slowly as I contemplated James’ suggestion. He was right, of course; I should’ve called my dad when I woke up. There was no reason not to, especially when considering my circumstances. Anyone in their right mind would’ve called the police by now.
My gaze flickered to Kiki, and I smiled around my food before swallowing roughly.
“Yeah, later. I don’t want to listen to him rage about my carelessness.” Grumbling absently, I scooped more tasteless mush onto my spork robotically. “He’s an ass when it comes to injuries that could’ve been avoided by not being an idiot.”
“There are definitely worse things that could’ve happened. I’m going to borrow your dog, if that’s okay.”
“Will she listen to you?” The question slipped out before I had a chance to really process what James wanted. Tilting my head to watch him nod firmly, I pursed my lips together tightly as heat suffused my cheeks. “Okay, I guess…”
“Thanks.” Finishing my breakfast in quiet, I let my mind wander to the night before. James had looked so vulnerable, leaning against the refrigerator as if it was the only thing keeping him upright. Whatever had woken him up had done a lot of damage, and my gaze flickered to my camera by my hip. He didn’t even seem to notice that I had taken pictures of him, and that was as surprising as it had been worrying.
“… Listen… about last night- It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but I won’t judge you, James.” Speaking up softly, I looked down at my lap to avoid the intensity in James’ gaze as it ran over my profile. Goosebumps rose on my arms, and I tightened my grip on my ration bag before his gravelly voice reached me.
“There’s no point in telling you.” Desire rose up in my gut to tell him he was wrong, but he beat me to the punch with a condescending chuckle. “And before you tell me it helps to share, it wouldn’t. Not this time. So, just don’t ask again, Caroline.”
“Okay.” Effectively shut down, I nibbled my bottom lip as my chest grew tight. Blinking brought up the image of his tortured expression, but in this moment James radiated closed off animosity. Trying to break through that would only make him mad, and I inhaled softly to hold my breath.
As soon as James was finished eating he got up, and I watched from under my lashes as he stared at Kiki. Pursing my lips into a thin line, I held my breath even as his chest expanded widely beneath his t-shirt.
“What sound do you use for hunting?” Without looking my way he spoke, and my eyes flew to Kiki as her ears perked up. Her intelligence blew me away sometimes; she knew exactly what was going to happen.
“Buzzing- like a bee.” My heat beat hardened, picking up speed when James nodded. Making his way around the couch to the door, he twisted the knob with a jerk before jerking his head. Kiki waited for me, watching, and I tilted my head with a growing lump in my throat. We hadn’t been apart since I adopted her, and it was enough to make my eyes sting. Leisurely standing on strong legs, she sauntered towards the open barrier with her head low and tail stiff.
“We’ll be back. Try to relax.” Grabbing a shotgun I hadn’t noticed, James left with my dog and shut the door behind him. The snitch of the handle was damning, and I let out my breath shakily. Forcing my eyes off the door, I looked around me before noticing the satellite phone sitting where he had just been.
Reaching for the device, I held the cold lump of metal and plastic in my palm as blood rushed in my ears. Slowly extending the antenna, my thumbs hovered over the numbers until I worked up the courage to press them. My gut tied in knots, and I ground my teeth as I brought the receiver to my ear.
The phone rang three times before a soft click told me it’d been answered, and I held my breath in aching lungs as my father’s voice echoed through my skull.
“Hello? Who is this?” Deep and familiar, my dad sounded irritated, and for a second, I was tongue-tied. “Hello?”
“Hey- Dad… it’s me.” My own voice shook slightly, and I cleared my throat harshly before continuing. “Uh, listen. There’s been a bit of a development. So… I kind of… maybe… broke my ankle…”
“… So, does that mean you’re not on your way back like you were supposed to today, CareBear?” Nodding even though he couldn’t see, I smiled at the dumb note in my dad’s voice as it crackled through the speaker.
“Yeah. Kiki got me help. I’m just calling to let you know. I’m going to call an ambulance to get me back, but my truck is still at the campsite.” My loose plan wasn’t going to appease my dad, and he sighed heavily. In my mind’s eye
, I could see him raking his hand through his hair with a sour expression painted on his face.
“What about the help? You said that demon dog got you help? Where are you?” The impatient questions made me chuckle, and I leaned back to stare at the ceiling.
“He’s a retired Marine. Kiki seems to like him, so I figured it wouldn’t be a bad idea to surf his couch for a night until I called an ambulance. He fixed up my ankle, but I still need to go to a hospital.” Awkwardness couldn’t even begin to describe what I felt as I described James to my dad, and I reached to rub my chin absently. “I’m, like, five miles from my campsite, but I don’t know which direction. Where are you right now?”
“I’m home. Do you need me to come get you? It’ll be a couple hours, but I can bring Sheila so we can get your truck. What about your camera and everything?” Just from the shortness of his words, I could tell my father was already planning on hopping in his own truck. The line crackled, and I heard the jingle of keys in the background.
“My camera is fine- James went to get it for me after I woke up. I mean, if you want to, you can. If I was in danger or anything, Kiki wouldn’t have gotten him, right? She even went with him just now to get lunch. I feel weird without her.”
“… So, his name is James, huh? Anyway- I’ll come get you tomorrow if you’re so sure you’re safe, CareBear. I’ll let Sheila know so she can do whatever she does. Do you want us to bring anything?” Furrowing my brows sharply, I moistened my lips with my tongue as surprise dried my mouth.
“I thought you’d come tromping through the forest like Tarzan to chew me out about breaking my ankle?”