Seducing Chaos

by Luna Quinn

  When he shifted his body behind her, she couldn’t hold onto him, so her hands rested back on the table, trying to keep herself stable. If she didn’t, his rough thrusts would be enough to inch her away from him.

  Razor’s open palms rested on her butt cheeks, then squeezed the skin as he ground his pelvis against her, his cock rubbing at her g-spot. Pleasure made her vision blur, brought her closer to release.

  Her entire body tensed, held on the edge. One of his fingers slipped between her legs to the lips of her pussy, circling her clit and rubbing it in tight circles.

  She gasped his name as she exploded in ecstasy. Her muscles quivered from the force of her orgasm. All she could do was hold onto Razor’s thigh with her nails as she felt him tense, then groan, his cock pulsing inside her as he came just as hard inside of her.

  I love you, she wanted to sob. Another tear escaped when she still wasn’t able to say the words and she wasn’t quite sure why. It was like trying to run in her dreams while her feet wouldn’t move no matter what she tried.

  Her mind knew that she loved him, her body and heart knew, but saying the words out loud would be the very last of her defenses coming down. He would officially own every part of her. And no matter how ready she was for him to do so, she just couldn’t get the words out.

  Seemingly aware of just what was going on inside her, Razor turned her over and sat her up, their gazes clashing. She sucked in a breath at the intensity shining back at her. Captivated by everything she saw in his eyes, she leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist, selfishly taking in the love and warmth and patience she saw there.

  She wanted to say something, to be equally as open and brave, but all she managed to mumble against his neck was, “You’re mine.”

  His large hands held her steady as he picked her up and walked them into an elevator. “Completely.”

  Sasha hid her face in his neck, closing her eyes. Her breaths still erratic, she forced her focus on his breathing, trying to match it. She let her body melt into his, fascinated by the feel of his naked body against hers, the bunching and releasing of the corded muscles underneath her hands while he walked for both of them. Just as their breathing was even and flowed seamlessly as if they were one being, he closed the door to his private rooms behind them.

  Still, Razor didn’t let her go. He brought her over to his large bed, placing her down as if she were made of porcelain. She stared at his chest, at all his beautiful tattoos, almost afraid to look him in the eye. She clasped her hands in her lap, having never in her life felt this vulnerable. But no matter how she tried, she was stuck. She couldn’t move past her insecurities to verbalize what they both already knew.

  His hand cupped her jaw and he very gently tipped her head back until she was forced to meet his gaze. And he only smiled at her, serving as her anchor. Gods, she loved him. Why had she wasted too many years avoiding him? And why was telling him exactly that so damn hard?

  “Do you love me?” he asked, his eyes so beautiful and his face full of the vibrancy and persistence that only he had.

  She wanted to say that was the stupidest thing she’d ever heard him ask, because of course the answer was yes, and how could he not see it. But when nothing came out, she simply nodded.

  “I see it in those gorgeous eyes, feel it here,” he pressed a hand to his chest, “felt it the instant you realized that you did.” His eyes were shiny with emotion. “But I want you to say it for me, pretty girl. I need to hear you say it.”

  Again, her lips parted, but the words wouldn’t come out. She dropped her gaze.

  A memory swirled inside her mind, and she realized why she was having such a hard time getting the words out. The last person she’d ever said “I love you” to was her daughter only a few hours before she’d had to collect her innocent soul. As irrational as she told herself it was, she felt responsible for that. She had killed her child because of it. Her love had gotten them killed. Her heart clenched, a paralyzing fear sweeping through her. She couldn’t say the words to Razor and lose him, too.

  A pained sound came from her throat, and when she blinked, she found Razor’s face right in front of hers again. His eyes were piercing, his lips a breath away from her lips.

  “I’m sorry…I’m sorry…” she whispered, shaking her head.

  There was a reason she stayed away from emotion. When she locked them away, she didn’t hurt anyone, and she wouldn’t fail anyone she loved again. She wasn’t strong enough for this.

  “My beautiful, stubborn Sasha.” He pressed kisses along her neck, her jaw, and finally her lips. Sasha opened up for him immediately. Then he surprised her by responding to what had just been in her mind. It would have freaked her out, except that she had always secretly loved how well he could read her.

  “Love doesn’t make you weak,” he told her. “On the contrary, it makes you strong. A fucking warrior. It makes you strong enough to go to war for those you care about. It gives you the strength to endure and fight whatever may come. Love makes you strong enough to survive and live.”

  His tongue swept into her mouth then, taking and giving everything. Somehow she could feel his love for her, and she tried to show him how right he was, that she was a fucking warrior and she had survived because she had loved so hard.

  She suddenly realized he hadn’t said all that only for her, but out of his own experience. His love for his brothers had made him strong in every way he’d described. It had made her strong too, in different ways, but it had still been because she had loved.

  She put all of the feelings the insight drew from her into her kiss when words wouldn’t come. Even as little sobs burst from her chest, she poured every ounce of emotion into the kiss. They breathed for each other in the never-ending caress of their lips, tongues, bodies.

  He slowly kissed down her body. “Tell me.” His words were cool air over her flushed skin. “Because I’m already yours. You’re my mate. Another piece of my soul. Choose me, Sasha. Let me be yours, forever.”

  He’d been murmuring so sweetly, she thought he might not be aware of what exactly he’d just said.

  Mate.

  Sasha had been in Shadow Realm long enough to know exactly what mate meant, what it entailed. She also knew that it would be incomplete if she didn’t accept it.

  Not long ago, the word would have sent the brakes screeching and her boots kicking up dust. Now they made her heart skip, not from fear, but excitement. And most satisfyingly, of rightness. Acceptance. The puzzle pieces finally fell into place.

  They were two halves of a whole. What she had with Razor went far beyond simple chemistry. Their connection had strengthened to a level she couldn’t even comprehend. And she knew, without a doubt, that he was right. They were mates: he was hers, and she was his. Whatever doubts she’d had simply melted away.

  “I need you,” she said.

  He chuckled softly. “I know that, pretty girl. I need you to say the other three words.”

  He kissed a sensitive place she hadn’t know about in the crook of her hip, making her gasp, and she felt him smile against her skin before he continued. He avoided her vulva, and she had the distinct impression that this was going beyond a simple claim, or just more sex. He was stripping her of everything until he saw her truly bare.

  Sasha wasn’t sure she was going to survive this.

  As Razor leisurely worked his sweet mouth back up her body, she was melting all over again. Satisfied with how relaxed she had become, he moved completely over her, and she had no choice but to look up at him and meet his gaze again.

  Another soft gasp left her when he sank into her, slow, so slow. She lifted her arms to wrap around him, and maybe to coax him to move faster.

  But he caught her wrists in his hands, pinning them to the bed on either side of her head. His hips moved as smoothly as ocean waves, an unstoppable force even at low tide. Every thrust felt like he was exposing another layer of her.

  Their noses touche
d, and his gaze held her captive. “Say it. Be the fearless woman I know you are,” he murmured patiently, his lips brushing over hers in a not-quite kiss. “Let me be yours.”

  He’d given her the push she needed. Not the hard, violent one she’d thought, but instead, she’d needed the knowledge that he was there for her. That he loved her with a ferocity she’d never known before, and he wasn’t going anywhere.

  “I love you.” The words were barely more than a whisper, and her eyes went wide. Then she gave a little laugh, liking the way the words felt. Before he could even say anything in response, she said them again, louder. “I love you.”

  He beamed down at her. Then she screamed them at the top of her lungs. “I love you!”

  Razor laughed, a booming, exultant sound.

  She touched his face. “I do choose you, because you were meant for me. You belong to me, Razor.”

  She must have accepted the claim in herself, too, because something flared inside her, an explosion of everything that was good in the world. She was floating in champagne bubbles, laughter, happiness, and warm sunshine.

  Sasha laughed out loud. Then she opened her eyes when Razor joined her. They were both laughing, eyes full of tears as their bond came to life. It was beyond anything she had ever thought possible. Where she ended, he began. She felt him everywhere, even in her head, her thoughts. And yet, she could also feel a part of her mind that could remain private, if she so desired it. Knowing she could still have a part of her mind to only herself brought a sense of relief to someone as independent as she was.

  They were both looking at each other in wonder.

  They moved as one, breathed as one, existed as one. In the back of her mind, Sasha knew their souls had somehow become intertwined in a way that couldn’t be undone. And she was thankful for that.

  They were inseparable to their very souls, a true mated pair, and her body felt as light as a feather.

  “You’re so beautiful. I love you.” He moved her wrists above her head, pinned in place by one of his hands. His other hand cupped her jaw, curled around her throat, then caressed down to her breasts.

  Sasha smiled warmly. “How do you say I love you in Vruk?”

  …

  Razor laughed again, pressing a kiss to Sasha’s lips, unable to recall the last time he’d felt this happy. Or the last time he’d laughed this much and felt so weightless.

  “You want to learn Vruk, huh? I love you is Irin somnan zoa.”

  His beautiful mate bit her lip as a small crease appeared between her eyebrows. “Irin somnan zoa,” she repeated slowly.

  He smiled proudly, nodding. “That’s it. You’re a natural, pretty girl. Now say it again, but add my name to the end.”

  That made her snicker. After kissing him, she did as he asked. “Irin somnan zoa, Razor.”

  “Irin somnan zoa, me shal mih,” he told her back.

  “What does me shal mih mean?”

  Nibbling the line of her throat, he told her, “My pretty girl.”

  Sasha tried to pull her arms free where he still held them over her head. “Let me touch you,” she pleaded.

  Razor squeezed her wrists a little tighter, making it clear she wasn’t going anywhere. Taking a nipple into his mouth, he sucked at it hard. “No.” He denied her, pushing his cock through the still-wet folds of her pussy, the action making her gasp. Gods, she felt incredible. Wet and warm and so fucking perfect. He never wanted to leave her body again. In fact, he wanted to sleep while his cock remained nestled inside her snug pussy.

  “Please,” she begged, arching her back and spreading her legs wider.

  It was his turn to inhale sharply as his dick slid in deeper. “Not yet.”

  But what he didn’t tell her was that he couldn’t let her go. He had been waiting far too long to have her right there, in his arms and in his bed, that letting her go after only a measly hour was impossible.

  You know this happiness won’t last, don’t you? There’s still Valtu to find. And with all the curveballs she’s been sending your way, nothing and no one is safe. Not even the Reapers. Not even Sasha, an insidious little voice inside his head reminded him.

  The voice was right. Soon they’d have to get back to the hunt for Valtu and all her minions. He pushed all of it back, deciding that for now, he could enjoy his mate.

  He didn’t voice his worries, and instead made love to her. He inhaled the scent they created together, memorizing the utter perfection of it. Because he had a sinking feeling that it could be a while before they were both back here, wrapped up in this perfect cocoon.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Lying there, with Razor’s arms wrapped around her and her face pressed into his neck, Sasha was sure she had died and gone to Heaven already. She inhaled deeply, more of his intoxicating scent filling her. Completing her.

  But as she was coming down from her high, she could feel his muscles bunching together, a subtle tightness she was only aware of because she was so in tune with him. She wasn’t sure exactly what he was thinking about, but it was nothing good.

  The undeniable urge to tell him everything about her past was suddenly unavoidable. Only Sael and Xavier knew everything, but Razor had earned the right to know. She wanted him to know everything.

  Sasha kissed his lips gently, then sat up and scrubbed a hand over her face. It was going to take a lot of strength to do this. “There’s something I want you to know.”

  He pushed himself up to sit up instantly, his gaze serious now. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s something else. It’s ah…” Her mouth closed. Then opened. Then closed again. Shit. This was going to be harder than she thought. Where did she even start?

  Thankfully, he didn’t push her, just gave her the time she needed.

  Could she really do this?

  She wanted to.

  She had to.

  Sasha took a deep breath and closed her eyes, allowing herself to feel the emotions she’d always locked away. On one hand, she really didn’t want to discuss what she viewed as the worst part of her life. On the other hand, she wanted to be completely honest with him, and that meant telling him about her final Salvae, and the meaning behind it all. And her babies.

  “You know I haven’t always been a Reaper for Shadow Realm, so I guess I’ll begin by saying that I spent my early years in Russia. About twenty years. Russian even became the only language I spoke. As you might have guessed by my speech when I’m angry.”

  They shared a faint smile at the humor, but then she was serious again.

  “Sorry, let me back up a little. My first lifetime was…not easy. Life was much different back then. By sixteen, I was already a Reaper, and that transition alone wasn’t fun. By eighteen, I was betrothed. His name was Ivan, and I didn’t know until after we were married that he was the biggest asshole.”

  She winced, remembering how she’d seen Ivan in her young, naïve state: he was strong, handsome, noble, and the man she thought she could love for the rest of her life. She shook her head with a sigh.

  Razor silently pulled her into his lap, lending her his support, but not interrupting.

  “I wish I had known he was an asshole sooner. I only met him the day before we were to be wed. He was nice enough then. I suppose he was nice the day of our wedding, too, but I don’t remember much of it. I was so nervous, it’s all just a blur.” She waved a hand dismissively. “He also had no knowledge of what I was. He thought I was human. I had been told that it would be okay, and even encouraged, to share my status as a Reaper with him, but it never sat right with me to share. He led his human life, and I tried to do the same, leading my Reaper life in secret. I soon found that it wasn’t that difficult. We hardly spent time together. I had my house and work to take care of; he had his social life and business. Still, I believed it was a good match and that we would grow to love each other.”

  There was a brief pause as she listened to Razor’s steady breathing and felt his heartbeat, in sync wi
th her own.

  “I was pregnant within the first few months of our marriage, as was expected.” Her tone was now detached, clinical. Otherwise she knew she wouldn’t be able to continue. “I had a daughter, Emma. She was the light of my life. The happiest baby I ever knew. Time passed, Ivan and I still living our own lives and ignorant of what the other did.

  “Although I wasn’t out every night and still very young in Reaper terms, I was quite active in my Reaping. I knew there were other Reapers out there, but I didn’t interact with many of them. Back then, Xavier used to Call with the name into our minds so we knew who we were going to when we had to reap a soul.

  “One afternoon, I was hanging out with a friend, excited for that night. Emma was a little over three years old, and I had found out that morning I was expecting again. Even though we were living more like roommates than husband and wife, I still couldn’t wait to tell Ivan. When he was around, he was a good father. I received a Call soon after the visit with my friend ended.”

  Her voice shook just a fraction, but she quickly clamped her mouth shut and tried to control herself.

  Razor’s arms tightened around her as he nuzzled against her neck.

  Breathe in.

  Razor’s scent.

  Breathe out.

  Her lips trembled.

  “I can still hear Xavier’s voice when I close my eyes,” she whispered. “Emma Parishkov. Age three years, two months.”

  Razor’s breath caught. She heard it. But half of her was still stuck in the past, and she made herself go on.

  “Emma had died in her sleep. I found out later she had a heart condition we never knew about. Ivan had just come home and had gone into her room to check on her. He found her first. I was across the mansion when the Call came to me. I fought it with every cell in my body. I would not let myself go to her. It wasn’t real. It was a nightmare.

  “The pain…I can’t even describe it. But no matter the physical pain I felt at refusing the Call, it was nothing compared to losing her. Nothing. I must have passed out from the pain, even hoped I was dying. But when I opened my eyes, I found myself in Emma’s room. Ivan was there, waiting for me. He was just as distraught. And furious. Turns out, he had been spying on me for days, and had seen me taking souls.