Secluded Nature

by Lindsey Brewster

  "C-can we talk?" I manage to stutter out.

  He looks down at me, "Sorry, I don't have time. My cab will be here to get me in five minutes. I’m going out tonight. Don't wait up, I don't even know if I'll be back."

  I'm taken aback, "You're just going to leave?"

  He nods stiffly, "Yes." He brushes past me and heads out the door. I feel the tears glaze over my eyes.

  Some time later, I pick myself up off the floor and dry my eyes. I really don’t know why I cried; it’s not like I’ve known him for a long time. Do I have feelings for him?

  I go to the bathroom and wash my face. It’s getting close to dinner time, so I go find something to fix. I pull out the ingredients to make a chicken salad for myself.

  While the chicken is cooking, I walk around the house picking up the mess we’ve all managed to make during these past few days. Once I fix my salad, I head over and put in an older romance DVD.

  Could I have hurt him? Yeah, I don’t talk about my feelings that much, but that's common knowledge. I don’t talk about anything personal.

  After I eat and load my plate in the dishwasher, I grab my phone and text Mason to see when he’ll be back. He’s been gone for a day now. I pass the rest of the evening with a workout and shower, and by the time those are done, it is nearly midnight. Mason texted me back and said he’d be back tomorrow afternoon, he was just getting something settled. I slide in an action movie and lay down on the couch. It isn’t long before I start nodding off.

  I jolt awake to the front door being swung open. I sit up and squint into the darkness. I catch a glimpse of the TV; the best scene of the movie is on, but I can’t look away from the sight before me.

  Luke is making out with a woman in my doorway. They’re pressed against my front door and his hands are on her ass. All I can see of her head is a mass of bleach blonde curls over a short black dress and knee high boots My eyes widen in complete shock, and I gasp. They both jump apart.

  Luke staggers backwards, clearly drunk. “You’re up.”

  Captain Obvious has arrived. “It appears so.”

  The blonde looks at me and huffs, “Lukey-pooh, come on.”

  I snort and she turns and glares at me while Luke runs his hands through his hair.

  “Excuse me. What’s your problem?” The fact that Luke being with another woman doesn’t hurt me proves to me that I at least know how to block out any kind of pain.

  “I don’t know, it’s either the fact that you’re whining or that you called him Lukey-pooh.”

  Her eyebrows raise in shock, “What I say or do is none of your concern.”

  I tilt my head to the side, “It is when you’re doing it inside my house, but you know what, since ‘Lukey-pooh’ is a house guest, I’ll let it slide. Call it southern charm. Enjoy your night."

  I turn around and head to my room without turning back.

  Luke just solved his problem of me. I hook my phone up to the stereo and turn up the music. I lay down and stare at my ceiling. I cannot believe he had the nerve to do that. Two girls in one day. Good for him. There’s a knock on my door.

  I swear if he’s asking me for a condom, or if its her doing the knocking, I will fly off the handle. “What?”

  The door cracks open and I see Lukes face, “I sent her home.”

  “Whatever, Luke, it’s your decision, not mine. Go to bed.”

  The door opens some more and he attempts to walk in. I hold up my hand stopping him. “No, Luke, your room, your bed, your life. Not mine.”

  He looks down at his feet. “Can we at least talk?”

  I shake my head and turn away from him. “No. You couldn’t take the time to talk to me earlier, and I have nothing to say to you now. Goodnight, Luke.”

  I hear my door shut and allow myself, for once, to give in to the pain. I cry. Chest wrenching sobs escape my lips, and I don’t even try to stop them. It eventually slows down and I fall asleep, exhausted.

  I wake up the next morning, deciding that I need to get away from here. I need space. I cannot afford to listen to Luke or give him another chance.

  We only have a little over a week left together. Actually, not even that, because I'm going back to Rhode Island today. I can't be here any longer.

  I pack my bags, not expecting Luke to be up anytime soon. I slip into the office and grab my laptop.

  I head out into the kitchen and call Mason. "Hello?"

  "Hello there, sunshine! I was calling to tell you that I'm heading back to Rhode Island. The place is yours for as long as you want."

  "Why are you leaving?"

  "I just need space from here. I need to get away. As much as I like it here, I left for a reason."

  He sighs, "I get it. I love you. When's your flight leave?

  "At four this afternoon."

  "What ya doing before then?"

  "I don't know, probably just ride around and visit people. I'll leave Luke a note."

  "Okay, love you, Abbey. I'm always here if you need me."

  My voice cracks, "I love you too, hot stuff."

  "Abbey, what's really wrong? Did Luke do something? Do I need to come back before you leave?" The concern in his voice makes me cry.

  "No, I'm a big girl. I'm fine. I'll call you when I land. Alright?"

  "Okay. Bye, Abbey"

  "Bye"

  I drive around for most of the day, ignoring the calls and texts from Luke. I haven't opened a single one or listened to any messages. It's the mid-afternoon when I finally head to the airport.

  I check-in and pay for my ticket, then sit and wait for my flight to be called.

  I continue to steadfastly ignore my phone as I wait outside the gate. My boarding group is finally called, and I hand the attendant my ticket. He gives me a head nod, and I start my walk into the plane when I hear a commotion.

  All of a sudden, I hear my name being called. "Abbey! Abbey! Please, wait! You can't go! Please!"

  I whip my head around to find Luke running towards me with Mason trailing behind him.

  "What the hell do you want?"

  I glare at Luke, waiting for him to answer me. He's panting and Mason has finally caught up.

  "Hey cuz." I turn and glare at him, "Why’d you bring him here?"

  Mason shrugs sheepishly, "He wanted to talk to you."

  I growl and turn to Luke, noticing a bruise on his face. "I'm waiting."

  He runs a hand through his hair. "You need to stay."

  "Why?"

  "Because I screwed up. I'm sorry, I'm a jerk, and I don't want you to leave."

  I raise an eyebrow. "Oh, really? You screwed up when you walked away. You fucked up when you brought someone to my house with you."

  "I sent her home."

  "So? You're intentions were clear, Luke! Hell, you had her pushed up against my front door, groping her. I'm not stupid. I know when I need to remove myself from a situation."

  "No, Abbey. You're running. You're running from me and what you feel. You shut me out. How was I supposed to feel about that?"

  My temper flares. "You know nothing. I wouldn't talk to you, because I didn't want to hurt you! You think I just chose to brush you off. The man standing next to you is one of the only family members I'm close to now. He didn't blame me for that wreck like everyone else did. He stayed with me. He helped me get on my feet again. I wouldn't risk anything to lose him, ever."

  Mason walks over beside me and puts an arm around my shoulders.

  Luke looks mad. "I never know anything, because you don't tell me. You avoid anything personal. I do care about you."

  I stay silent and look down at the floor; I have nothing else to say.

  A woman clears her throat, "Ma'am, the flight is about to take off. You need to board now."

  I nod. "Okay, thank you."

  Looking up at Luke, he looks defeated.

  "Abbey, stay," he pleads.

  I shake my head and turn towards the plane.

  I hear Mason’s voice, "Abbey, wait."

>   I turn around, and he looks as if he is thinking something over.

  "What is it?"

  He sighs. "Abbey, don't leave. Quit fighting it. I'm watching you fight wanting to be with him with every ounce of your being. Take a chance. I'm not going to freak or turn my back on you. You're my cousin. That would never happen."

  I stand there, looking at him in disbelief.

  The flight attendant comes up to me, "Ma'am, it's time to go."

  I sigh and grab my suitcase

  Chapter 8

  "Dr. Cartwright, the patient in OR 4 is ready to be woken up."

  "Okay, go ahead and proceed. I'll be there in a second."

  I put my phone back in my pocket and head back down to the OR. I've been back two weeks, and this place hasn't slowed down for a moment.

  "Dr. Cartwright, your next patient is ready for an evaluation in pre-op."

  "Thank you."

  I enter the OR and illustrate to the resident how to extract the endotracheal tube. I finish turning off all of the gases and put the oxygen on full blast.

  "Come on, wake up."

  She starts coughing and crying.

  "Take her out to PACU. I'll be in to check on her after the pre-op eval."

  "Yes, ma'am."

  I take off my gloves and head back out to pre-op.

  "Hello, sorry about the wait. I'm Dr.- Hey, Ally! How are you? Why are you back?"

  She smiles, "Well, my ankle is still giving me problems, so Dr. Harris is going to go in and tighten everything up and see what he can find. The wreck messed me up big time. I still owe you for saving my life."

  "No you don't, that's my job. And the ankle sounds a lot better than what I had to do last time."

  She smiles and nods her head, "Dr. Abbey, can I ask you for a favor?"

  Ally's mom looks at her, "Honey, I don't think that is okay. It's probably against the rules."

  I smile, "Anything is worth a shot. What is it?"

  She looks down nervously, "Well my big brother is here, and, well, I was wondering if he could walk back with me to the OR until I fall asleep. It's just… well, last time it was scary, and I'm scared this time, too.”

  "Hmm, let me run it by the surgeon. We usually don't allow that, but I understand. If he says it's fine, he'll have to change into scrubs and follow some rules. I really don't know if I can make it happen, but I’ll try. Is that okay?"

  She nods, "I understand."

  "Awesome, when will he be here?"

  Her mom looks at me, "His flight got in an hour ago, he's on his way. About fifteen minutes out."

  "Okay, have the nurse page me. Ally, can you open your mouth and look up for me? Great. Any loose teeth or hardware in your mouth besides those braces?"

  "Umm, no."

  "Any history of Malignant Hyperthermia, blood disorders, breathing problems?"

  "No to the first two, but she does have asthma."

  "Does anybody smoke in your house?"

  She sighs, "My dad."

  I nod, "Let me see your IV."

  She holds out her arm.

  "That's beautiful. Okay, so I'm going to give you some relaxing medicine before we go back to calm your nerves, and I'll go talk to some people about your brother. First, I need you to sit up and breathe in and out for me. You sound amazing."

  I look to her mom, "Just get the nurse to page me."

  After arguing with the surgeon for fifteen minutes, I grab a pair of scrubs and get Ally's nurse.

  "When the brother gets here, make him change into these and read over the rules to the OR. I sent those to your email, just print them off."

  "Yes, ma'am."

  I head back to the control room and get some coffee.

  "How's your day going, Abbey?"

  "Pretty well. Everything is running smoothly for the most part."

  I look at the vitals of all the ORs on the screen.

  "Hey, who's in charge of OR 7?"

  "That'd be me."

  "Well, Jason, I'd get your resident to raise the blood pressure before the patient codes."

  "Dammit. He doesn't listen."

  Jason walks out of the room and my phone rings.

  "Cartwright."

  "Dr. Cartwright, the patient’s brother has arrived, and the OR is clean and ready for her to be taken back."

  "Okay, thank you, what's her temperature?"

  "I'll take it and let you know when you get here."

  "On my way."

  I head out and grab Ally's file.

  When I get there, the nurse is in the room.

  "The brother is changing."

  I nod, "Alright, what was her temperature?"

  "98.5"

  "Okay." I look down and mark off the things on her file and sign that I'm her anesthesiologist.

  "Did you give the brother the rules?”

  "Yes, I got them."

  The voice sounds familiar, but I'm distracted by my phone. No one contacts me through the radio unless there's an emergency.

  "What is it, Nancy?"

  "Dr. Cartwright, my patient in OR 2, she's MH and she's seizing. I've only heard about this in training, I've never dealt with this."

  "Crap. Okay, push the Dantrolene, I'm on my way." I hit the all call on my radio.

  "We have an MH patient in OR 2. I want cooling blankets and bags of fluids in there STAT. I need a nurse to get in there and get me a metabolic panel, also bring in a beta blocker, and I want all head residents and free anesthesiologists in the OR. Now."

  I turn to Ally, "I'll be back for you, this is an emergency." I make a run for OR2. As I’m running, I see Luke walking out of Ally’s room in scrubs. Small world. I have no time to respond.

  After we stabilize the little girl, we wait for labs to come back to assess her condition. I take a deep breath and head back out to get Ally, picking up some Versed on my way.

  "Alright girlie, you ready for this?"

  She sighs, "As I'll ever be."

  I turn to Luke, knowing I can't even act as if I know him. He’s staring at me intently.

  "Mister--?"

  "Roberts. Luke Roberts."

  "Mr. Roberts, you will be going back with Ally. You cannot touch any equipment. You can hold Ally’s hand, but you will be sitting down while in there. I do not need you to pass out. And we'll pick you up a mask and something to cover your hair on our way back."

  "Yes, doctor."

  "So Ally, would you like to give yourself some medicine?"

  "I can do that? Really?"

  I laugh. "You sure can. I'm going to hook it up to your IV and you can push it through. It's going to make you relax, but you won't fall asleep, okay?"

  "Okay!"

  I walk over beside Luke and squat down by her bed. "Okay, now push the syringe down."

  "Got it."

  I pull out my phone. "I’m fixing to transport the patient to OR 3, be ready."

  "Dr. Abbey, my head feels weird."

  I smile, "I know, it's the medicine. Lay back and I'll finish pushing in the rest."

  "Mom, if you want to tell her bye you can. I'm gonna run and get him a mask."

  I walk out and go to a rack that has boxes of masks and grab one along with a head cover.

  "Mr. Roberts, if you could put this on when we go back to the OR and put the hair cover on now, it would be much appreciated."

  I go up and unhook Ally from some monitors; she's giggling.

  "What's so funny, Ally?"

  "The ceiling tiles are making faces at me."

  I laugh and unlock the wheels on her bed.

  "Mr. Roberts if you'd grab the rails and help me push, you'd be amazing."

  "That'd be a first."

  I ignore him, "Mrs. Roberts, the nurse will be in to take you to the waiting room. Dr. Harris will be out to see you once the surgery is over."

  "Thank you so much, Abbey. You have no idea how much you've helped us."

  "I’m just doing my job, Mrs. Roberts." I tell her with a smile. I push Ally and
her giggling self out of the holding room and through the doors.

  "We'll make a right here and go in the second door."

  "Abbey, we need to talk."

  "No we don't, Luke. What happened, happened. And I'm at work."

  "I'm not apologizing anymore."

  "I didn't ask you to."

  "Luke, what are you talking to Dr.Abbey about?"

  He smiles down at his sister, "Nothing, sweetheart."

  We push through the OR.

  "Everything's ready, Dr.Cartwright."

  I pick Ally up off the bed and lay her on the OR table.

  "Mr. Roberts, if you'll sit down in that chair on the right of Ally."

  I grab a mask and turn on the gases.

  "This will smell weird, Ally."

  I put the mask over her face and the resident comes and holds it in place. I grab the syringe of propofol and fentanyl and push it into her IV.

  "I need to insert the breathing tube now. She's asleep. Nurse, if you'll take Mr. Roberts and show him to the waiting room."

  "I'd like to stay."

  "That's not your choice."

  The nurse takes him out as I insert the tube. Once he’s out of the room, I can focus on my job, and I happily put Mr. Roberts firmly out of my mind.

  After she's out of surgery and on her way home, I call it a day and head back to my house. I open my door to find Mason and Luke sitting on my couch.

  "I told you we needed to talk."

  "And dear cousin, I have to agree with him."

  I’m taken aback. “How did you even get in?”

  Mason holds up a key. “You gave this to me last year when you had the flu.”

  I glare at them both, “Remind me to change the locks.”

  Mason gets up and opens the front door, “I’m leaving, and you two are going to work this out, because I’d like for you to answer my phone calls again and stop being so damn stubborn.”

  Before I can say anything, the door is closed and I’m alone with Luke-- the exact thing I’ve been avoiding all day.

  “We need to talk, Abbey, and I’m tired of trying to hunt you down and apologize.”

  “I haven’t asked for an apology, have I? Ever. So quit saying all this shit about apologizing, because I didn’t ask for one!”