“I know, baby. We are going to take care of you.”
I administer the medicine and insert a breathing tube, allowing the team to take her up to Williams while I follow close behind.
I walk out to the waiting room to find Luke and his family. They all come running up to me, looking at me with wide eyes, seeking answers and reassurances.
“There’s going to be a nurse coming out to take you to the surgery floor. She’s headed up there now.”
Mrs. Roberts takes in a shaky breath. “Is she going to be okay?”
“We are going to do the best we can.”
Luke looks down at me. “Please, tell me she’s going to be okay.”
“We are doing the best we can. I need to get to the OR. Dr. Williams and I will be out to talk to you when it’s over. I don’t know how long that will be.”
I turn and jog to the stairwell, making my way up there as fast as I can. When I get to the OR room, they are just transferring her out of the stretcher onto the table.
“What are you thinking, Don?”
“I don’t know. I’m waiting for the x-rays to come through. This is not looking good, Abbey. I know she’s been a patient of yours, but I don’t know.” He pauses, checking something on the monitors. “Come over here, the x-rays just came through.”
Walking over, I feel my stomach sink as I see the worst thing I can imagine on the x-rays.
“If we are lucky, Abbey, it hasn’t hit a major artery, but that’s a snowball’s chance in hell.”
“We’ve got to do more than the best we can, we can’t just—”
“Does it look like I’m giving up? There’s a reason I have my team here. It’s going to be a long night. Let’s get started.”
It’s three hours into the surgery when we are finally getting close to seeing what the metal has hit.
“Dr. Cartwright, there is a phone call for you.”
Walking over to phone, I instruct the nurse to watch everything for me.
“Hello?”
“Abbey, how’s Ally?”
“We are just now getting down to the point of seeing what the metal actually hit in her chest.”
“So, she’s going to be okay?”
“We are doing the best we can, Luke.”
“Why? Why do you keep saying that? Why can’t you just say she is going to be okay?”
“Because I have no idea what’s going on underneath the metal, and because I can’t make any guarantees. I wish I could but I can’t. Look I have to go. I’m sorry.”
“Bye.”
I know he’s mad, but I have no idea how this is going to go. I can’t tell him something that’s not true.
“You’ve broken the most breakable rule in the medical field, Cartwright.”
“Yeah, I know. Getting attached to a patient and their family, in this case, the brother.”
“You mean?”
“Yep-but I didn’t know it was her brother until I came back to work.”
“You know you’re not technically supposed to be working on her then.”
“Who else would you have wanted in here?”
“No one.”
“Exactly. Now let’s see if we can peek around the metal and see what’s been hit.”
I walk around the table to stand by the other seven doctors in the room. We all hold our breath as Don looks.
“Fuck.”
Pushing my way to his side I look down and into her thoracic cavity. The metal has taken out a lung and is sitting on part of her aortic cavity.
“How are you even going to try and repair that, Don?”
“I know I can take care of the lung. It’s the heart I’m worried about. If I try to get it out and it’s hit more than what we can see with tests and all, she will die; but if I don’t get it out, she will die.”
“What do we do?”
“Well, I’m going to go out and talk to the family while you keep her stable.”
I nod and go back to the head of the table.
As I’m making a call to the pharmacy to get more propofol and fentanyl sent down, Williams comes back in. As I hang up, he comes over to me. “They want to get it out. They’d rather take the chance.”
“What’s the plan?”
“I’m going to start with the lung, and you can adjust to that. But for the heart, I’m bringing in another cardiologist, and I want you to bring in Spencer. I know he annoys you, but he’s a good anesthesiologist.”
“Yeah, I get it. Let’s get this started.”
By the time the lung is out, it’s nearly three in the morning. The nurse just got done giving her family the last update.
We are all at attention, because this is the telling moment of the night. We’ve got the heliox on her. The metal comes out, and I give another dose of medicine.
Her blood pressure starts dropping and heart rate accelerating.
“What the fuck is going on? She’s going to code if you’re not careful.”
“I’m trying, but the artery is pretty much cut in half, she’s bleeding everywhere. We’re trying.”
I cut down some of the nitrous oxide, hoping to up the BP a bit.
“Guess you’ve got to find a way; it’s dropping too fast.”
“She’s going to code, I can’t get this sewn up and temporarily fixed. I’m fucking trying, but the metal is so fucking jagged. Fuck, there’s metal everywhere in here, and I’ve already got two parts clamped off. Dammit, the metal clipped the atrium.”
“She’s coding.”
Don starts what CPR can be done while Spencer and the other cardiologist is getting the crash cart for the open heart. I have everything on full blast, keeping an airway open and the medicine going.
“You’ve got to stabilize her.”
“Abbey, I know you’re attached, but if you think I’m not doing my best, then you need to leave.”
This goes on for the next hour, a seemingly unending cycle of shocking and attempting to sew. I was now doing the CPR and shocks.
“Abbey, we have to call it.”
“No.”
“Abbey, we’ve gone on longer than most.”
“We can’t just stop.”
“Abbey Cartwright, I’m going to call it, so you need to stop. You are covered in blood, and you’ve been at this longer than you think.”
“We can’t just stop. She’s got to be okay.” At this point, even I can recognize the desperation in my own voice, but I know that I cannot stop. I cannot give up.
“Abbey, I know what she means to you, but you’ve been trying for an hour. She’s gone. Every patient is hard to lose.”
I stop, and Spencer helps me off the bed. “We have to go tell the parents.”
“No, Spencer. That’s mine and Don’s job.”
We both remove gloves and hats, heading out to the conference room where the family is. How am I going to tell Luke? His sister is dead.
Don knocks on the door and walks in while I follow. They all stand up and walk over to us.
“Dr. Cartwright?”
I look up at his mom and my eyes glaze over. “I’m sorry. The metal pierced her major artery and atrium. Once the metal was removed, her heart gave out. We tried our best, but we couldn’t save her.”
She turns into her husband’s arms and Luke shakes his head at me and sinks down against the wall.
“Dr. Williams, would she have survived if we left some of the metal in?”
Don shakes his head no to the husband. “No, there was too much metal, and it was scattered. We tried everything. Dr. Cartwright performed CPR for over an hour while we tried to fix it, but we had no luck. We are finishing up with her body, and then she will be in a room for you all to say goodbye. I am sorry for your loss. I know my words don’t mean much, but I am.”
Don leaves the room and I follow but Luke calls my name. I turn around and walk back in.
“Yes?”
“How could you? You just let her die.”
My lip trembles. “No, Luke, I
didn’t. They had to pull me off of her. I’m sorry. I know she was your sister and you loved her to death. Believe it or not, I cared for her, too. “
“No, you didn’t, she was just some girl who came in and out of here. You didn’t care about her life, and you didn’t even try to save her. I thought you were different.”
Mrs. Roberts gasps. “Luke, you do not mean that. Stop it!”
“No, mom. I mean every word.”
I turn and walk out of the room and head to my office, crying the whole way.
I swipe the tears away from my eyes and change clothes before I go to find the nurse to sign the death certificate. I jump as my cell phone starts ringing.
“Yes?”
“Hi, Dr. Cartwright, I was wondering if you could walk the family to the room to see the body. There was an emergency, and I know you’re off, but…”
“Sure, no problem.”
Taking a deep breath, I head to the conference room where they are waiting.
I open the door and walk in. They’re all huddled together, crying.
I clear my thoughts. “Excuse me.”
They all look up at me. I scan their faces and receive a glare from Luke that has me taking a step backwards in fear.
“Yes, Dr. Cartwright?”
“At this point, you can call me Abbey, and if you’ll follow me, I'll take you to the room she’s in.”
In silence, I lead them to the room where Ally’s lifeless body is lying.
I stop in front of the door and hold it open for them. Mr. Roberts walks in with Luke standing by his mom.
“Abbey, may I ask you a question?”
“Yes, ma’am. Anything.”
“When you and Dr. Williams came in earlier, the blood you two were covered in… was that my daughters?”
Trying to block out the memories, I nod my head. “Yes, ma’am.”
Tears streaming down her face, she reaches for me and pulls me into a hug.
“Thank you for all you did, Abbey. I want you to know that we don’t blame you in the slightest. You tried everything you could.”
Luke whips around and hisses “Speak for yourself, mom.”
She releases me and turns to face him, shocked. “Luke! Stop it. Don’t you dare say that it’s her fault again. We both know she did everything she could, probably even more. For God’s sake, you love her!”
“Loved her, mom. It’s in the past tense.”
Tears fill my eyes as I turn away. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go take care of some stuff. The nurse will come and work out the details with you. I’ve been clocked out since six last night, and I need some sleep. If you need anything, please feel free to call me.”
Chapter 17
I walk away, leaving them to walk through the door. A nurse stops me on my way out.
“Abbey, Danielle needs to see you in her office now.”
I rub my face in frustration, but nod and head up there. I just want some sleep.
Once I’m there, she smiles and gestures for me to sit down.
“Well, Abbey, I suppose you know why you’re here. You broke a policy in this hospital. You worked on a patient whose family you had a personal connection with.”
I shrug. It’s the truth and I’m not going to deny it. “Can I just go home?”
“Since the patient passed away, I have to take this more seriously than normal.”
“Okay…”
“Abbey, I’m going to have to suspend you from all duties here at the hospital until further notice. I have to make sure everything was done by the book. You have a personal relationship with the patient’s brother, and that should have kept you from taking her on as a patient.”
Frustration, anger, and exhaustion finally boil passed the calm facade. “This is complete bullshit, and you know it. I practically run this floor, and I’m one of the best doctors, let alone anesthesiologists, you’ve ever had. You’re going to have to hire five more people to just do my job.”
Danielle keeps her voice level, calm. “Everyone is replaceable.”
“Oh really? How about you tell me how this floor is working after tomorrow?”
“I’m sure we’ll be just fine.”
“Then I’ll make sure to look into other job opportunities. You know damn well I treat each patient equally, so don’t give me this bull. You become a doctor, then tell me I’m replaceable, please. You have no clue what it’s like back there, or what it takes to tell a mother her baby girl didn’t make it. You’re just some executive. You’ve never been down here. Yes, I knew I was breaking a rule, but we were already short on doctors. I had already made an all call and no one had arrived yet.”
About this time, someone knocks on the door and opens it to reveal Dr. Williams.
“Abbey, why are you in here?”
“Apparently because I’m getting suspended.”
His head snaps up to Danielle.
“You do realize it’s going to be a living hell around here until you get your head out of your ass and let her come back.”
“Dad, this is part of my job. I have to make these calls.”
“Well, honey, you aren’t a doctor, and if Abbey would have waited, the girl wouldn’t have had a chance to live.”
“Dad…”
“I’m going to let you figure this out, Danielle, but just know it’s going to be complete and utter hell.”
Knowing my part here is done, I gather my things and finally head home.
I wake up to an awful sound and groan, rolling over to look at my phone.
Why do I have an alarm set?
I look at the name of the alarm: “Pregnancy Test”. Well, I forgot about that.
Rolling out of bed I realize it’s 6 o’clock. I head to the bathroom to take the second one. Luke said he wanted to be here, but things have changed. I text him just to make sure he knows.
I’m about to take the other pregnancy test.
I’m sure you’ll be fine, Abbey. Please don’t call or text me or my family. We are having a hard enough time.
Setting the phone down, I take the test. Why this was happening to me?
I wait as I sit on the toilet. Time passes very slowly, but when I look down at the test, I can’t believe my eyes.
I’m pregnant, and Luke wants nothing to do with me.
Knowing what I have to do, I pick up my phone and call the only person I know who would pick up.
“Hey Abbey. How are you?”
“Not so good.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Can you pick me up at the airport in the morning?”
“That shouldn’t even be a question. Are you staying with me?”
“Yes.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Everything. Will, it’s time for me to come home. Maybe for good.”
“I’ll see you in the morning. I love you.”
My voice cracks. “I love you, too.”
Calling the airlines, I grab my wallet.
“Yes, ma’am, I need one ticket for Murfreesboro, Tennessee.”
“Round trip?”
“No, ma’am.”
I hang up with her and start packing. Only packing what I need, I realize that I’m going to need to continue to rent this place.
Picking up the phone, I call Nicole.
“Hey, gorgeous, what are doing today?”
“Nicole, I’m going home. When you get back, can you check on my stuff and make sure everything is okay?”
“What’s going on?”
“A lot of stuff. Luke is blaming me for his sister’s death, I’m pregnant, and I have no idea what to do, so I’m going to stay with Will, Brayden, and Avery.”
“First off, Luke is a total douche bag. Second, I’m coming to see you when I get home.”
“No, you’re not. I’ll be fine.”
“Like hell!”
“Nicole…”
“Don’t you dare argue with me, Abbey Cartwright.”
“Fine, just…”
“I know. Love you, too.”
After hanging up with her, I take a shower, trying to hold myself together for a couple more hours. Just until I make it to Will.
Deboarding the plane, I’m feeling tired and dejected. Things just aren’t looking up right now. Walking through the crowds, I search for Will, hoping he’s here by now. I look up to see him standing a couple of feet in front of me, looking at me with concern etched all over his face. He opens his arms, and I run into them and just start crying. I know it’s in the middle of an airport, but I don’t care. He picks me up and carries me over to a chair, not letting go of me.
Once I finally calm down, I lean back, looking at his tear stained t-shirt.
“Abbey, what’s going on?
I tell him everything from the start. How Luke came in with his parents, to me not being able to save Ally, to Luke disowning me, even that I was pregnant.
All he does is wrap his arms around me in a hug.
“You know I’m going to have to call Mason, right? He’s going to ring Luke a new one.”
“Yeah.” I shrug. I am well past the point of caring.
“How far along are you Abbey?”
“Two months at most. I know I need to go to the doctor, but I need some more time.”
We both stand up, grabbing my luggage and heading to his house.
Once we’re there, I set my stuff up in the guest room while he makes some food.
Sitting down at the table we both dig in. “Mason is furious.”
“I know.”
“So am I, but you need me more.”
“What’s he going to do?”
“He’s leaving for Rhode Island in a week. He couldn’t get away sooner, but after that, I don’t know what he’s gonna do. “
Nodding, I finish my food and go lie down for a nap.
A week passes, and we all get into a normal routine. Brayden's at school, Avery goes to daycare, and Will goes to work during the day.
I have a doctor’s appointment today with an OB to see how I am. After eating and taking a shower, I get in the car and head to town.
Once I'm back in the exam room, I try to steady my nerves and calm down, but there's really no chance of that happening.
The doctor comes in, smiling at me. "Hello, I'm Dr. Walker. How are you?"
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