Collapse: The Tale of Waking Marissa

by Jessica L. Gaffney

  Sean formed a knot with his fist and thrust his hands into her diaphragm. She coughed again and her head turned. “Hold on. It’s going to be okay.”

  He felt her tears on his hands, and his heart ached. She was so young, so beautiful, but so broken— and he could not fix her. He wanted to know this girl, to see her more, to help her. But a seventeen-year old boy could not soothe such pain.

  Sean latched his foot around the slippery pole of the dock’s ladder. He patted her wet hair with his hand and he dragged her body toward the side. She leaned against him, sobbing. Her father was gone and no one could bring him back.

  Sean waited in the water until Marissa settled down. “Don’t leave me. I will do what I can to make you happy. Just don’t give up.” His plea wrapped around her like a life jacket. He was giving her a reason to pull through. That reason was to be with him.

  His words penetrated. Though she didn’t answer him, she soon kicked her feet to hold her weight. Sean smiled and pulled her tighter against him. When the rim of her shirt floated to the surface, Sean pushed it back down and in that second Marissa moved away from him. He caught her and drew her back. Her sad eyes locked in his heavenly gaze. He inched to her, running his hand down her face. Before he knew it, he kissed her.

  They climbed onto the dock so she could catch her breath. For an hour he ran his hands over her back and played with her hair. With each moment she gained her strength and he fell more in love. And when the sun shone through the clouds, her lips curled into a smile. His heart swelled with hope— it was the first time he had seen any sign of life in her.

  Sean rolled onto his side and lay beside her on the old dock. The morning was still calm and the whole world was silent. His gaze caught hers and he leaned in to kiss her again. This time her arm draped over the back of his neck. He shuffled closer to her and opened his eyes.

  “I won’t stop until you tell me to.”

  She spoke softly, closing her eyes. “Don’t stop.”

  When they reached the shore, Marissa’s cheek burned from his stubble. Sean asked her to wade in the water while he went to get towels. His heart thundered as he made his way inside. There was no telling if she’d disappear or run back to her house. He couldn’t chance it. Not again. He wouldn’t lose her this time.

  Sean raced back around and his heart soared when he spotted the beauty down by the lake, warming herself in the sun. Was she smiling? Had he gotten through?

  Sean wrapped the towel around her and invited her inside for a home-cooked breakfast. She wrung out her hair and accepted the invitation. When they walked up the side of the house, he took her hand and folded it in his. He didn’t let go until they stepped inside the house.

  Sean closed the door and called for his mom with a hint of pride in his voice. Gladys Moffit was a short woman with rich blond hair, fiery blue eyes and a gentle voice. “Sean dear, were you two in the lake?” She hurried down the steps and helped Marissa up. “It’s only 9:30 am.”

  Sean said he would explain later. His mother batted her eyes and kept walking. She was a kind, graceful woman who always looked for the positive. Even now she wanted to help.

  Marissa followed Sean’s mother down the hallway into his bedroom. Sean stood outside, unsure of what to do. He’d been with plenty of girls before but none of them had actually come over his house. And here was Marissa, trembling under the air conditioning, wet, and in need of dry clothes.

  Mrs. Moffit handed him a pair of shorts and a Chicago Cub’s Jersey. “Hand these to her and come with me. You two look hungry.”

  Sean waited to see if his mother would make him explain or let the situation go. When the door closed what had really happened sank in. Marissa had been drowning and he’d saved her. He’d actually rescued her, kissed her and said he wasn’t going to stop. Where had that come from?

  A lot had changed since they were children.

  His mother eyed him carefully. “You have some explaining to do later. I can see through this window you know, out to that dock on the lake.”

  Sean’s smile deflated. He heard his bedroom door open. “Give this to her for those wet clothes.”

  His mother shoved him out of the way and handed him a plastic bag. When Marissa met him in the hallway, the proximity made his stomach flip. She was a sight for sore eyes. All he wanted to do was touch her, breathe her, kiss her. She backed up against the wall with his Dad’s white mesh shorts hanging below her knees and the wide neck jersey hanging off her shoulder. She looked like a child in his father’s clothes. It was adorable.

  “Don’t laugh,” she jested.

  “I won’t ever laugh at you.” He reached up to touch her uncombed hair.

  “I look terrible.”

  “You look happy.”

  The aroma of fresh fruit and a sizzling griddle coaxed the young lovers from the hallway to the kitchen table. The sight of a home-cooked breakfast and glasses of apple juice impressed Marissa.

  For the next half hour, Sean kept expecting the gloom of sadness to return, but it didn’t. His mother joined them for breakfast and welcomed Marissa into their home.

  Sean nudged her under the table and winked. “You should come over more often.”

  Her smile overwhelmed him as she whispered, “Thank you.”

  It wasn’t often a young man found a maiden to rescue. As he watched Marissa dive into her breakfast, he marveled at her lavender lips and deep brown eyes. She was alluring yet innocent, haunted but lovely.

  His mother phoned the Gladstone house after breakfast and explained what had happened. Marissa was invited to spend the day with the Moffit’s, including dinner.

  Three days later, Sean was unable to go another minute without seeing her. He told his friends he made other plans and clued them in on the romance that was stirring across the street. Though they repeatedly warned him not to get serious with a baby, Sean ignored their advice and walked across the street with his iPod in hand. He had a song that explained everything.

  He knocked on the front door just after 8 p.m. When no one answered, he decided to check the back deck.

  Sean’s throat closed when he saw Marissa sitting on the patio alone. He crept up the three steps and knocked on the railing. Marissa jumped in her chair. “Sean! My God, you scared me.”

  She walked to the gate and invited him in. “What are you doing here?”

  He peeled her fingers from the gate and took them in his. “I had to see you.”

  “Why, what’s wrong?”

  He led her to the table. “Nothing. I’m fine.” He swallowed again and looked away. “I wanted to tell you that…”

  Sean looked everywhere but at Marissa.

  His leg started to bounce up and down from nerves. “I don’t want you to think the other day was a normal thing that I do. I, um...” He paused and she looked confused. “You see, I’ve been thinking about you most of the summer. Maybe even since last spring. And I’m not just saying that because of your Dad or anything. I don’t pity you, really.”

  Marissa started to giggle.

  “Why are you laughing?” Sean pulled at the back of his neck.

  “Cause you’re so serious. Just spit it out.”

  He put his hands out. “You’re too young for me.”

  Marissa turned in her chair and pushed him back. “And you’re too old for me.”

  “Exactly.” Sean tried to leave it at that but his heart yearned for her. Without thinking he reached for her one more time— to see if his feelings were true. Her hair brushed against his knuckles, and he said her name and spread his lips on top of hers. They lingered on each other’s mouths the way young lovers do as they discover the power of a kiss.

  She let his hands trace the side of her frame and gather back at her shoulders. He could feel her relaxing under his touch.

  “Sean Moffit.”

  “Mom!”

  Sean stared at her mother, then down at Marissa. “Mrs. Gladstone. I’m sorry.”

  “Mom, what are you doing
out here?”

  Mrs. Gladstone crossed her arms in the doorway. “She’s a little too young for you. Now go home.”

  He held his hand out as if defending her. “I know. I agree, but I can’t bear being away from her. And I worry about her all the time.”

  Mrs. Gladstone stayed in the door, her eyes boring into them.

  Sean continued. “With everything that’s happened, I just… I want to make her happy. I’m sorry.”

  When she shut the door without refusing him, Mrs. Gladstone put in her final say. “Fine, but slow it down.”

  Marissa squealed. “Did she just say okay?”

  “I think so.”

  She leapt out of the chair and hugged him, and he held her tight. The two of them stayed on that porch for hours. Marissa confided in Sean and told him that her sadness had drifted away when he came into her life. It stayed that way whenever he was around.

  Her words were like honey. He kissed her again and again, slowly, lingering, tempting. His lips were a perfect fit for hers. He’d never felt the rush of heat rise within him as it did when she came near. When she touched him, at any time, that rush consumed him.

  Sean resorted to swinging her around, dancing out on the dry dock, and flirting endlessly all summer. From lazy afternoons in the lake to car washing and riding on the lawnmower, the two were inseparable. And when school came, Sean kept his promise. He drove Marissa every morning, his entire senior year.

  Their parents had tried to stop the budding romance, but that only made their love stronger. His feelings for the girl deepened and his love for baseball came second. Sean passed up his scholarships to big-name schools and chose a private college nearby so he could visit Marissa on the weekends.

  Keeping Marissa happy carried into the next summer. When Marissa got her driver’s license, she drove up to Sean’s fraternity and spent the weekend. Her Mom would not approve if she knew what was going on, but for the most part she was too busy raising the twins to focus on the whereabouts of her oldest daughter.

  Sean was proud of Marissa and the life they’d built. She cared more about him than anyone. She supported him and kept him on track.

  So when Sean moved up to Chicago, no one knew what happened— least of all, Marissa.

  3 Disappointment

  Marissa waited for his call, a text to a friend, a letter, a message— but nothing came. First her father left and now Sean. He disappeared in a flash and the memories of losing her father rushed in like a flood.

  She locked herself away for days, but the pain wouldn’t leave her. Six months passed before Marissa’s depression stabilized. She’d made major changes at the plea of her mother. A new school, new clothes and a weekly session with some therapist were all covers to say that Marissa was doing better. Today she was on board a charter bus to go skiing, and for what? She’d rather be starving herself at home, arguing with her mother.

  She pressed her head to the glass as the bus moved along the smooth curve of the interstate somewhere in upstate New York. With her bag clenched to her chest, she ignored the other teens on the bus.

  This three-day ski trip was a present from her mother, but it was probably her therapist’s suggestion. She’d dragged Marissa there over the years to try and get her to talk, but like usual, she didn’t understand what the big deal was. Yes she missed her dad, but she had Sean now. And she moved on.

  But as far as the retreat was concerned, there was no way she was going. Everyone there would scrutinize her about Sean and that wasn’t worth it. She’d come home even more depressed.

  Marissa had lost fifteen pounds since the summer. She told her mother it was all a part of her new sullen/morbid phase. When her mother brought the brochure home, Marissa refused to go. Church, youth group and snow were not on her priority list, and she didn’t want to socialize with the religious freaks from her old school. Besides, St. Steven’s was weird and she knew Evan Thompson would be there. Evan, aka Loud-Mouth Central, was a friend of the family. After her break-up with Sean, he’d done everything he could to get the scoop on what happened. He stalked her Instagram until she shut it off. And when Marissa refused to talk, the rumors abounded.

  Word was Sean was headed to Chicago, so why didn’t Marissa tag along? That’s the same question she wanted to ask.

  Sean was still controlling her from afar. The only reason she finally agreed to come on this stupid trip was to get over him. But how? Every guy that hit on her or asked her out made her feel sick.

  At 7:45 a.m. the bus parked outside a rest stop. Marissa waited for the passengers to de-board before she made her move. Dressed in her pleated pants, heeled boots and Roxy coat with a fur collar, Marissa tried to avoid contact with Evan. She told him before they left Jersey, that if he or any of his friends even looked at her the wrong way, she’d tell them all the dirt she’d been accumulating on him since sixth grade.

  To her amazement, Evan held some sort of popularity with the group. He was not well-liked in school, but here at St. Steven’s he seemed to have some sort of following. Perhaps it was being a senior. There were only five of them on the whole trip.

  She crossed her arms and waited as Evan and his crew made their way up the aisle. He towered over the scrappy kid in front of him. She cast her eyes out the tinted window as the boys approached.

  “Yummy.”

  She turned around to see the young boy standing beside her. “Come on Jedd, Leave her alone.”

  His midnight eyes batted at her. “Hey girl. Mind if I taste your treats?”

  She shifted her hip. “I’m sorry, how old are you?”

  Evan stepped closer. “Riss, I told him not to bother you.”

  Marissa chuckled as Evan grappled the boy. He shoved the kid toward the door and shook his head. Another boy, more shy and restrained, followed the duo off the bus, trailed by two preppy girls and their oversized Coach purses.

  Marissa stepped into the frigid air and tucked her hands in her pockets. Scurrying across the parking lot, she watched as the snow curled over the lip of her boots. It gathered along the curb and dusted windshields. Twenty more steps and she’d be inside.

  “Marissa?”

  Jedd opened the door as she looked up.

  “I want to be alone, Jedd. Go bother someone else.”

  “But you’re so beautiful,” he gushed. “You can’t blame me for trying.”

  She brushed by him and headed for the restrooms. “Just give me a chance.”

  He followed her around the growing line for Starbucks. He moved in front of her. “Are you going to do this,” she wound her finger in the air, “follow me around all weekend?”

  He rocked forward on his toes and batted his enormous brown puppy eyes. “All the way until Monday morning.” He turned to the Burger King and pointed to the seats. “Evan’s got a table already. Just sit with us when you eat. That’s all I’m asking.”

  Marissa scanned the grim lobby. The thought of sitting with strangers was not appealing. “Will you keep your hands to yourself?”

  He tilted his head like a puppy. “Is that a requirement?”

  Her eyebrows arched.

  “All right. I promise. I won’t touch you.”

  Marissa knew he was lying. Jedd rocked forward, “Not unless you want me to.”

  She shook off his antics and traipsed toward the Ladies’ room. The tiled entry to the restroom was accompanied by iridescent lights and the stale smell of women’s products. Marissa stepped over the wads of paper towels and tried to warm her hands under the water and get the germs off before eating.

  The bathroom was busy with the opening and closing of stalls. But at the far end, the preppy girls from the bus stared right at her. The girls sported their plastic grins and touched up their make-up. “She’s nothing like Evan described. I mean really, what did he ever see in her?”

  Marissa made no changes to her appearance. It wasn’t out of arrogance that she skipped the part most girls relish. It was her reflection she was avoiding. She couldn�
��t face herself and who she had become since Sean left. And because of that, her demeanor, her attitude, and her cheery self just seemed to slip away.

  She heard the girls. She’d heard every girl who pondered why Sean Moffit would waste his time with a lowly plain girl. But she wasn’t plain at all. Marissa soaked her hands with soap and rinsed thoroughly. If the girls were from the trip, she had to be on her best behavior. She didn’t need more enemies. She yanked a towel from the dispenser, smiled politely and arranged her shirt before she hurried out of the putrid bathroom.

  The thought of sitting with Evan and Jedd was nauseating. So rather than idle in the lobby, Marissa wandered through the gift shop. Every aisle was loaded with gadgets and postcards. Marissa spun the rack, glancing at the laminated cards. “Not much different from Jersey,” she sighed.

  Another look around the discolored rest stop and Marissa would regret her decision to get off the bus. She perused the shelves of candy and the wall of snacks until she found a pack of mixed nuts and dried cranberries. These would do.

  She rounded the corner, ready to pay, when a stranger with a familiar grin and DaKine sweatshirt sailed by the shop. Marissa froze instantly. The boy was a spitting image of someone she’d met at Sean’s fraternity. Someone who’d haunted her thoughts whenever she and Sean argued, or he left her to go to a ballgame.

  She studied the handsome boy as he wandered outside on his phone. She wanted to run after him, but what would she say? Hi, it’s me, Sean’s ex-girlfriend. Do you remember me?

  It was ridiculous to think Jeremy was there. He lived in Jersey and school was still in session. He wasn’t much of a snow enthusiast that she remembered. But what college kid was?

  Marissa hadn’t thought about Jeremy in a while, not since last summer when he came to her door to give Sean the news. That summer -- the reason she was here -- was the only link between her having a bright future and continuing on as she was: like a ghost.

  Jeremy was the typical fraternity boy. He was with a different girl every week and most of them, she assured herself, were only using him to get to Sean. Seeing him now would raise a million questions. Would he tell Sean that he saw her? What would she say?