Collapse: The Tale of Waking Marissa

by Jessica L. Gaffney

  Another hundred feet or so, and she’d be at the shack. If Hawke was running late, she’d have time to finish her assignment, now that she was feeling brave. She spotted a bench outside the old skate shack. He would certainly find her there, since her jacket was plaid.

  She removed the paper from her pocket. Without the heavy thoughts she glanced at her handwriting. The names on the paper were the same but the meaning behind them seemed distant. She looked at the word father and knew she would always miss her Dad. She would never replace him but she could still feel the strong arms of love around her. A love that someone would offer her, someday. And that was a chance worth living for.

  The next name was also less powerful with time. Sean. He broke her heart; there was no denying that. But to think the worst was only killing her spirit. He had loved her. And whether he still did or not, she had to believe that real love lasts. Just because he left and moved on, that didn’t mean someone else would leave her. She’d have to trust again if she wanted that fatherly love in her life.

  She inhaled deeply and prepared herself to write the final name. By writing it, she was accepting the fact that something terrible had taken place. Something tragic. She may never get over it, but it did not need to haunt her. And she had to choose whether to get over losing the baby. It would never go away by itself. Knowing she had a choice in the decision, she wrote out the name and folded it back up.

  “Use this assignment,” she declared. “Set me free God. I want to be free.”

  Marissa slid the paper back in her pocket and looked at the top of the hill. Hawke did say the skating pond, didn’t he?

  Her eyes wandered over the property as she tried to look for his gray jacket and dark pants. Suddenly, he appeared at the top of the hill. “Marissa.” Hawke waved as he shouted. “There’s been a change in plans.”

  Hawke was out of breath by time he reached her. “Evan and the boys want to challenge the staff in a game of football.”

  Her eyes flashed. “You guys are gonna beat them right?”

  “Basically,” he laughed, helping her up the final ascent of the hill. “The youth scrimmage the staff every year at the church picnic. I had the chance to play last year. So let’s just say I know all their weak points.”

  And by weak points, she knew they were both talking about Evan. “So what do you play, wide receiver or a tight end?”

  Hawke nudged her shoulder. “How’d you know that? I thought you’d be a baseball fan.”

  She shook her head. “On the contrary, my Dad and I used to watch the games every season.”

  “Do you still watch?”

  “No.”

  Hawke walked alongside her, keeping his eyes on the top of the hill. “Well maybe we can catch a game sometime?”

  “Maybe.”

  The conversation fell quiet. Was this her first test? Could she do something she used to enjoy with her father or would she keep that memory preserved?

  “Is it all right to talk about your Dad?”

  Marissa trudged on, “Yeah. I think I should talk about him.”

  Hawke was interested. “Is he on your list?”

  Marissa’s heart skipped a beat. She politely nodded then asked, “What about you, who did you put on your list?”

  He cleared the embankment and reached out to her. “Both my parents, and…” he paused. “An old friend.”

  Was she sensing a touchy subject? She pried no further knowing how that felt. “What about your family? Did they ever move back to town?”

  “No, they didn’t. I’ve gone to visit. Things are still weird, probably more on their part. I got over it. I sort of had to.”

  “Did Corbin help you with that?”

  Hawke smiled again. “Corbin and Rod have helped me with everything.”

  Marissa took his arm as they cleared the top and pulled close to him. “Well I’m glad because you turned out pretty good.”

  “Good?” he jived. “I thought I’d at least get amazing or fabulous.”

  She slowed her stride. “Don’t push it, mister.”

  “I’m just saying,” he teased. “Chocolate is good, a concert is good. But me, well I have aspirations.”

  “And don’t forget that big head.”

  His smile erupted. She wondered what was it about the two of them that made the other so carefree?

  Corbin and Rod waved as the couple rose from the far side of the hill. “Hurry up, you two! We’re about to start.”

  Hawke crouched. “Here, jump on. We’ll get there faster.”

  Marissa climbed on his back like a toddler hitching a ride. Hawke jostled her back and forth as they made their way onto the field.

  He set her down by Kirsten and some of the other female staff. “You good?”

  “I’m fine.” She brushed the snow off her coat and warmed herself in the sun.

  “Cheer loud. I’m still deaf from drumming this morning.”

  Marissa pushed him onto the field. “Go show ‘em who’s boss.”

  He winked at her and plunged into the deep snow.

  The boys were already lined up and Corbin flipped a quarter in the air. Some of the girls from church huddled near Stephanie and Brianna as they cheered for the boys. Despite the distance between the two sides, Marissa still felt Stephanie’s eyes on her.

  Evan called heads while the coin flipped. The staff won the ball. The teams huddled up and came together as Rod counted down. He clipped the ball to Hawke who ran wide. Jedd took off toward Hawke and pushed him out of bounds. On the second snap, Rod staggered back and spiraled the ball to Corbin, who ran downfield. Marissa’s group leader caught the ball and made it to the end zone. The score was 6-0, staff.

  Returning to midfield, it was Burton’s chance to show the girls his talent. He lobbed the ball toward center field. Evan rammed Hawke as he positioned himself to catch the ball, but the pass was incomplete.

  Burton gained three feet on the next play and again the men returned to the line, but this time they rushed him and got the ball. Evan was in an uproar. The staff was slower but they outweighed and outsmarted the boys on each play. Evan called a time out.

  More spectators joined the field. Kirsten and some of the other women stayed up on the hill between the lodge and field, yelling down from time to time, rooting for their husbands. Hawke jogged to the sidelines.

  “You alright?” He smiled at Marissa.

  “Of course.”

  He slowed down enough to squirt some water in his mouth and remove a pair of gloves from his bag. “Take these, you look cold,” he said to Marissa.

  She slid the massive gloves over her frigid hands. “Keeping me warm for our skate later?”

  “I’m keeping you warm regardless.”

  Stephanie looked away as Marissa turned her eyes to the field. Watching him jog back to the huddle, her grin widened and she clapped her gloves. “Go staff!”

  Her cheer worked and the staff scored again, making it 12-0. When the game was over, Jedd and Evan managed to get their digs in. They each tackled Hawke after the play was completed. Neither of them seemed to care about the penalties they racked up. The final score was 24-6.

  Evan was shouting as the boys dragged themselves off the field. Marissa jumped for joy. “You guys were awesome.”

  “Yeah, not too bad for these geezers.”

  Rod chuckled. “I think we won because we have the prettiest cheerleaders. Every good man has a woman in his corner.” He winked at Marissa.

  Hawke bent over to get some air. He was in shape, but the knee-deep snow took its toll. Evan lumbered through the snow with his band of cronies. “Looks like Loser here is in withdrawal.”

  Hawke stood up. “Anytime you want me to settle the score Evan, you know where to find me.”

  Evan slid his eyes over Marissa and took Stephanie’s hand as she eyed Hawke.

  He ignored them as they passed and tugged on Marissa’s sleeve. “Don’t pay attention to anything they say.”

  With her hands i
n Hawke’s gloves, the pair flirted their way off the field. Hawke needed to put his bag inside, where no one would take it. “How about we warm up before we skate?”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  Marissa followed the boy back into the lodge and down the stairs to the lower level. Hawke unzipped his coat and excused himself. “You know what? I think I need a quick shower. Then I’ll meet you down by the pond. How’s that sound?”

  Her hands slipped back into the warm gloves, the tip of her fingers resting in the same socket where his had been. Their eyes lingered on each other as they pulled away.

  “Okay. Bye.”

  Glad she brought her arctic gear on the trip, Marissa headed back down the hill. She took the direct route rather than trudging down the shoveled steps. She passed by the tracks she and Hawke made on their way to the football game. They had left their mark already.

  Her smile was relentless.

  “Rissa.” She turned to see Jedd plummeting down the hill. He sprayed fresh snow all over his coat as he descended.

  “Wait up.”

  She laughed as she got closer. “What are you doing? You could have fallen!

  He blushed. “I see an opportunity, I take it.”

  She sat down on the bench by the skate shop. Jedd hopped over the top and practically sat on her lap. He had four girls from another church at his beck and call but here he was, giving the impossible a try.

  “Why do I get the feeling you are the world’s biggest flirt?”

  “Because I am.”

  She was surprised at his honesty. “But you are only, what, like fifteen?”

  “So? I like girls. Sue me.”

  She looked up, conveying her concern. “I am waiting for Hawke. You do know that?”

  He pulled his body back from hers. “You really like him?”

  She took notice of the large black gloves Hawke placed on her hands. He had placed a claim on her without trying.

  Her heart swelled at the mention of it. “You know, I do. I admit it.”

  Jedd questioned her. “And you really know him, from before this trip?”

  She looked out over the pond. “Yes. And he’s not the guy you’d expect me to be with, that’s for sure.”

  Jedd batted his eyes. “So you’re not just using him to make me jealous?”

  “You are crazy.” She eyed him in a cute, little brother sort of way.

  He tried again, reaching closer. “You know I make you laugh. That’s a bonus.”

  “You make me a lot of things. And most of them aren’t good.”

  Jedd dropped the routine. “So you probably don’t like the things we said about him.”

  She nodded. “You guys have been really hard on him.”

  Jedd reclined and dug his boots into the snow. “It’s not me. It’s Evan.”

  She looked over her shoulder. “Then why are you listening to Evan?”

  Jedd squirmed in his seat. “Hawke and I go way back too, you know. He lived with my family for a bit. We got kinda close.”

  Marissa was shocked. “Then why are you so hard on him? You know the stuff Evan says is not true.”

  Jedd lowered his head. “I don’t know. Hawke knows we’re just playing around.”

  “Does he?” Marissa was upset. “Why would you do that to him if you guys were so close?”

  Jedd pushed himself off the bench. “You haven’t been around here long enough to know everything that’s going on.”

  “No, I don’t buy that. Evan’s jealous of Hawke because Stephanie’s still in love with him.”

  Jedd rose and walked away . “There’s no point in freezing out here if you’re not available.”

  Marissa saw someone in her periphery. “How are you doing, Miss Gladstone?”

  Pastor Rod made his way up the embankment. “Was Jedd misbehaving again?”

  Her eyebrows arched. “That boy is something else.”

  Rod laughed. “He’s a sly one all right¾ been that way since he was two.”

  Marissa slid to the side as Rod sat down. She looked for a ring on his finger. “I didn’t know you were married.”

  “I married my college sweetheart, twenty years ago last May. Jedd’s my youngest.”

  Marissa started. “Jedd is your son?”

  “Seems hard to believe, doesn’t it.” He sat back with a hearty grin. “Let me tell you one thing, a pastor’s kid is always the clown of the bunch.”

  They sat together like an estranged father and daughter. “Are you fitting in okay? Everyone’s being nice to you?”

  “Not everyone.”

  He rested his arm on the peak of the bench. “Stephanie. Am I right?” His grip tightened on the wood plank. “A lot of people around here can’t seem to get past Hawke’s rap sheet. I have a problem with that. No one ever asks him why he did it, so they miss out on the progress he’s made.”

  He turned slowly and looked her in the eye. “I wish my own son had his integrity and leadership.”

  “You sound very proud of him.”

  “I am.” Rod removed his arm. “And it’s my understanding you two are going skating.”

  She nodded with a hint of embarrassment. That was okay wasn’t it? Rod slapped his hands on his legs and excused himself. “Well I got forty other kids to check on. I better get going.”

  Marissa squinted as she looked up at him. “Thanks for checking up on me.”

  “You’re welcome, my dear. I hope to see you again once this trip is over.”

  “I think you will.”

  “Good to know,” he said, giving her a thumbs-up.

  10 Perspective

  Hawke sailed across the pond with both hands behind his back. Marissa forced herself to retain her composure as his lengthy strides were quite sexy. She loved the bandana he tied around his hair and the shades that perched high above his nose. He was hands-down the most striking guy she had ever met.

  “Hey there.” He shimmied over the ice and hopped up on the embankment.

  “Look at you, all primped up.”

  His smile was rapturous. “This is nothing. You should smell my cologne.”

  He waved her forward. Marissa balanced in the snow and inched up toward his neck.

  “Ooh,” she teased. “I like that.”

  “Thanks, I stole a squirt from the gift shop.”

  Marissa sputtered. “I can’t believe you just told me that.”

  “Why? I figured you might buy me the bottle if you like it.”

  She punched his arm playfully. “You’re too much. Most guys would never admit to stealing sample cologne.”

  He stepped away and presented her with a thermos. “Well I am not most guys. And I am on a budget these days, so free sounds good.” He twisted off the thermos lid and poured her a cup of hot cocoa.

  “Here, try some.”

  She sipped slowly as the steam wafted up to her lips.

  “Do you like it?”

  She nodded, her eyes locked on his.

  “I hope you weren’t waiting too long.”

  She shook her head. It was getting cold but Hawke could warm her up with his strong arms.

  He smiled and waited for her to finish her cocoa. She was more interested in seeing his moves than staying on the bench.

  “I’m ready when you are.”

  He cupped her hand and pulled her onto the ice. “Wait a minute. What about our skates?”

  “Skates are for dorks. Shoes are better.”

  She studied his cute button nose with its perfect slope. “I’m just warning you I am not a very good skater.”

  “Do I look worried?”

  His high cheek bones and that wild hair had her swooning. “No, but I hope you know what you’re doing. I haven’t skated since I was a kid.”

  Hawke led her farther away from the edge. “Come here, I want to show you something.”

  Marissa looked down at her feet. The ice was less snow- covered as they reached the center of the pond. “Are you sure it’s safe out here?
”

  “This pond has been frozen since Christmas. They don’t let anyone out here until it’s ready.”

  Hawke looked back and reached for her other hand. “Now turn around.” He looked up to the hills, scanning the tree line.

  “What’s up there?”

  Hawke stooped behind her and pointed over her shoulder. Follow my finger. “See that opening in the trees? Corbin and I hiked up there and found a cave.”

  “Really?” She moved her arm with his until she found the exact spot.

  He hunched down beside her, the vibration from his voice tickling her cheek. “It’s right there.” He nestled close beside her. Marissa exhaled and closed her eyes. It was only an hour ago that she wondered how she would find her way back to this state of bliss, and now here she was.

  He traced her arm with his hand. “A little higher.”

  The sensation of someone holding her made every inch of her long for more. She breathed deeply as he spoke softly. “It’s right there.”

  As his hand held hers in the air, the coveted feeling of being young returned. “Can you see it?” Her eyes were still shut, absorbing every second of his touch. She locked the moment into her memory. She opened her eyes and scanned the white pines dotting the mountainside.

  Marissa stepped forward, forgetting about the ice, and tried to focus. “Is that it?”

  Hawke moved his head beside hers. “That’s it. That’s the place Corbin took me last year.”

  She turned to face him. “My urban boy went for a hike?”

  “Yep. I had the sore muscles to prove it.” He cocked his arms like a weightlifter.

  “It must have been beautiful.”

  She felt his eyes sweep over her as she breathed in again. How was this possible? How was she here with him, as if nothing bad had ever happened? Where did all the pain go? Why were things falling into place so easily?

  “When you see the world from a place like that, you realize nothing happens by chance.”

  Marissa drank in his words. If only she knew how that could happen for her. She wanted her eyes to dance with the determination his did. She wanted the boldness to think she could achieve something more— to grab onto Hawke and be happy. “I want all that.”