The Mysterious Stranger Manuscripts (Literature)

by Mark Twain

  "Your eyes are wet; it's the right applause. But it's nothing, I could fetch that effect if they were glass. Glass? I could do it if they were knot-holes. Get up, and let's feed."

  I was so glad to see him again! The very sight of him was enough to drive away my terrors and despairs and make me forget my deplorable situation. And then there was that mysterious soul-refreshment, too, that always charged the atmosphere as with wine and set one's spirits a-buzzing whenever he came about, and made you perceive that he was come, whether he was visible or not.

  "*When we had finished feeding, he lit his smoke-factory and we drew up to the fire to discuss my unfortunate situation and see what could be done about it. We examined it all around, and I said it seemed to me that the first and most urgent thing to be done was to stop the lady's-maid's gossiping mouth and keep her from compromising Margot; I said the master hadn't a doubt that she would spread the fact of the unpleasant incident of an hour or two ago. Next, I thought we ought to stop that marriage, if possible. I concluded with-

  "Now, 44, the case is full of intolerable difficulties, as you see, but do try and think of some way out of them, won't you?"

  To my grief I soon saw that he was settling down into one of his leather-headed moods. Ah, how often they came upon him when there .vas a crisis and his very brightest intelligence was needed!

  Ile said he saw no particular difficulties in the situation if I was right about it: the first and main necessity was to silence the maid and stop Schwarz from proceeding with his marriage-and then blandly proposed that we kill both of them!

  It almost made me jump out of my clothes. I said it was a perfectly insane idea, and if he was actually in earnest—

  He stopped me there, and the argument-lust rose in his dull eye. It always made me feel depressed to see that look, because he loved to get a chance to show off how he could argue, and it was so dreary to listen to him-dreary and irritating, for when he was in one of his muddy-minded moods he couldn't argue any more than a clam. He said, big-eyed and asinine-

  "What makes you think it insane, August?"

  What a hopeless question! what could a person answer to such a foolishness as that?

  "Oh, dear, me," I said, "can't you see that it's insane?"

  Ile looked surprised, puzzled, pathetically mystified for a little while, then said-

  "Why, I don't see how you make it out, August. We don't need those people, you know. No one needs them, so far as I can see. There's a plenty of them around, you can get as many as you want. Why, August, you don't seem to have any practical ideas-business ideas. You stay shut up here, and you don't know about these things. There's dozens and dozens of those people. I can turn out and in a couple of hours I can fetch a whole swarm of-"

  "Oh, wait, 44! Dear me, is supplying their places the whole thing? is it the important thing? Don't you suppose they would like to have something to say about it?"

  That simple aspect of it did seem to work its way into his head-after boring and tugging a moment or two-and he said, as one who had received light-

  "Oh, I didn't think of that. Yes-yes, I see now." Then he brightened, and said, "but you know, they've got to die anyway, and so the when isn't any matter. Human beings aren't of any particular consequence; there's plenty more, plenty. Now then, after we've got them killed-"

  "Damnation, we are not going to kill them!-now don't say another word about it; it's a perfectly atrocious idea; I should think you would be ashamed of it; and ashamed to hang to it and stick to it the way you do, and be so reluctant to give it up. Why, you act as if it was a child, and the first one you ever had."

  He was crushed, and looked it. It hurt me to see him look cowed, that way; it made me feel mean, and as if I had struck a dumb animal that had been doing the best it knew how, and not meaning any harm; and at bottom I was vexed at myself for being so rough with him at such a time; for I know at a glance when he has a leather-headed mood on, and that he is not responsible when his brains have gone mushy; but I just couldn't pull myself together right off and say the gentle word and pet away the hurt I had given. I had to take time to it and work down to it gradually. But I managed it, and by and by his smiles came back, and his cheer, and then he was all right again, and as grateful as a child to see me friends with him once more.

  Then he went zealously to work on the problem again, and soon evolved another scheme. The idea this time was to turn the maid into a cat, and make some more Schwarzes, then Marget would not be able to tell t other from which, and couldn't choose the right one, and it wouldn't be lawful for her to marry the whole harem. That would postpone the wedding, he thought.

  It certainly had the look of it! Any blind person could see that. So I gave praise, and was glad of the chance to do it and make un for bygones. He was as pleased as could be. In about ten minutes or so we heard a plaintive sound of meyow-yowing wandering around and about, away off somewhere, and 44 rubbed his hands joyfully and said-

  "There she is, now!"

  "Who?"

  "The lady's-maid."

  "No! Have you already transmuted her?"

  "Yes. She was sitting up waiting for her room-mate to come, so she could tell her. Waiting for her mate to come from larking with the porter's new yunker. In a minute or two it would have been too late. Set the door ajar; she'll come when she sees the light, and we'll see what she has to say about the matter. She mustn't recognize me; I'll change to the magician. It will give him some more reputation. Would you like me to make you able to understand what she says?"

  "Oh, do, 44, do, please!"

  "All right. Here she is."

  It was the magician's voice, exactly counterfeited; and there he stood, the magician's duplicate, official robes and all. I went invisible; I did not want to be seen in the condemned enchanter's company, even by a cat.

  She came sauntering sadly in, a very pretty cat. But when she saw the necromancer her tail spread and her back went up and she let fly a spit or two and would have scurried away, but I flew over her head and shut the door in time. She backed into the corner and fixed her glassy eyes on 44, and said-

  "It was you who did this, and it was mean of you. I never did you any harm."

  "No matter, you brought it on yourself."

  "How did I bring it on myself?"

  "You were going to tell about Schwarz; you would have compromised your young mistress."

  "It's not so; I wish I may never die if-"

  "Nonsense! Don't talk so. You were waiting up to tell. I know all about it."

  The cat looked convicted. She concluded not to argue the case.

  After thinking a moment or two she said, with a kind of sigh-

  "Will they treat me well, do you think?"

  "Yes."

  "Do you know they will?"

  "Yes, I know it."

  After a pause and another sigh-

  "I would rather be a cat than a servant-a slave, that has to smile, and look cheerful, and pretend to be happy, when you are scolded for every little thing, the way Frau Stein and her daughter do, and be sneered at and insulted, and they haven't any right to, they didn't pay my wage, I wasn't their slave-a hateful life, an odious life! I'd rather be a cat. Yes, I would. Will everybody treat me well?"

  "Yes, everybody."

  "Frau Stein, too, and the daughter?"

  "Yes."

  "Will you see that they do?"

  "I will. It's a promi,r."

  "Then I thank you. They are all afraid of you, and the most of them hate you. And it was the same with me-but not now. You seem different to me now. You have the same voice and the same clothes, but you seem different. You seem kind; I don't know why, but you do; you seem kind and good, and I trust you; I think you will protect me."

  "I will keep my promise."

  "I believe it. And keep me as I am. It was a bitter life. You would think those Steins would not have been harsh with me, seeing I was a poor girl, with not a friend, nor anybody that was mine, and I never did them any h
arm. I was going to tell. Yes, I was. To get revenge. Because the family said I was bribed to let Schwarz in there-and it was a lie! Even Miss Marget believed that lie-I could see it, and she-well, she tried to defend me, but she let them convince her. Yes, I was going to tell. I was hot to tell. I was angry. But I am glad I didn't get the chance, for I am not angry any more; cats do not carry anger, I see. Don't change me back, leave me as I am. Christians go-I know where they go; some to the one place some to the other; but I think cats-where do you think cats go?"

  "Nowhere. After they die."

  "Leave me as I am, then; don't change me back. Could I have these leavings?"

  "And welcome-yes."

  "Our supper was there, in our room, but the other maid was frightened of me because I was a strange cat, and drove me out, and I didn't get any. This is wonderful food, I wonder how it got to this room? there's never been anything like it in this castle before. Is it enchanted food?"

  "Yes."

  "I just guessed it was. Safe?"

  "Perfectly."

  "Do you have it here a good deal?"

  "Always-day and night."

  "How gaudy! But this isn't your room?"

  "No, but I'm here a great deal, and the food is here all the time. Would you like to do your feeding here?"

  "Too good to be true!"

  "Well, you can. Come whenever you like, and speak at the door."

  "How dear and lovely! I've had -a narrow escape-I can see it now.

  "From what?"

  "From not getting to be a cat. It was just an accident that that idiot came blundering in there drunk; if I hadn't been there-but I was, and never shall I get done being thankful. This is amazing good food; there's never been anything like it in this castle before -not in my time, I can tell you. I am thankful I may come here when I'm hungry."

  "Come whenever you like."

  "I'll do what I can for pay. I've never caught a mouse, but I feel it in me that I could do it, and I will keep a lookout here. I'm not so sad, now; no, things look very different; but I was pretty sad when I came. Could I room here, do you think? Would you mind?"

  "Not at all. Make yourself quite at home. There'll be a special bed for you. I'll see to it."

  "What larks! I never knew what nuts it was to be a cat before."

  "It has its advantages."

  "Oh, I should smile! I'll step out, now, and browse around a little, and see if there's anything doing in my line. Au revoir, and many many thanks for all you have done for me. I'll be back before long."

  And so she went out, waving her tail, which meant satisfaction.

  "There, now," said 44, "that part of the plan has come out all right, and no harm done."

  "No, indeed," I said, resuming my visible form, "we've done her a favor. And in her place I should feel about it just as she does. FortyFour, it was beautiful to hear that strange language and understand it-I understood every word. Could I learn to speak it, do you think?"

  "You won't have to learn it, I'll put it into you."

  "Good. When?"

  "Now. You've already got it. Try! Speak out-do The Boy Stood on the Burning Deck-in catapult, or cataplasm, or whatever one might call that tongue."

  "The Boy-what was it you said?"

  "It's a poem. It hasn't been written yet, but it's very pretty and stirring. It's English. But I'll empty it into you, where you stand, in cataplasm. Now you've got it. Go ahead-recite."

  I did it, and never missed a wail. It was certainly beautiful in that tongue, and quaint and touching; 44 said if it was done on a back fence, by moonlight, it would make people cry-especially a quartette would. I was proud; he was not always so complimentary. I said I was glad to have the cat, particularly now that I could talk to her; and she would be happy with me, didn't he think? Yes, he said, she would. I said-

  "It's a good night's work we've done for that poor little blondehaired lady's-maid, and I believe, as you do, that quite soon she is going to be contented and happy."

  "As soon as she has kittens," he said, "and it won't be long."

  Then we began to think out a name for her, but he said-

  "Leave that, for the present, you'd better have a nap."

  He gave a wave of his hand, and that was sufficient; before the wave was completed I was asleep.

  Chapter 27

  I WOKE UP fresh and fine and vigorous, and found I had been asleep a little more than six minutes. The sleeps which he furnished had no dependence upon time, no connection with it, no relation to it; sometimes they did their work in one interval, sometimes in another, sometimes in half a second, sometimes in half a day, according to whether there was an interruption or wasn't; but let the interval be long or short, the result was the same: that is to say, the reinvigoration was perfect, the physical and mental refreshment complete.

  There had been an interruption, a voice had spoken. I glanced up, and saw myself standing there, within the half-open door. That is to say, I saw Emil Schwarz, my Duplicate. My conscience gave me a little prod, for his face was sad. Had he found out what had been happening at midnight, and had he come at three in the morning to reproach me?

  Reproach me? What for? For getting him falsely saddled with a vulgar indiscretion? What of it? Who was the loser by it? Plainly, I, myself-I had lost the girl. And who was the gainer? He himself, and none other-he had acquired her. Ah, very well, then-let him reproach me; if he was dissatisfied, let him trade places: he wouldn't find me objecting. Having reached solid ground by these logical reasonings, I advised my conscience to go take a tonic, and leave me to deal with this situation as a healthy person should.

  Meantime, during these few seconds, I was looking at myself, standing there-and for once, I was admiring. Just because I had been doing a very handsome thing by this Duplicate, I was softening toward him, my prejudices were losing strength. I hadn't in tended to do the handsome thing, but no matter, it had happened, and it was natural for me to take the credit of it and feel a little proud of it, for I was human. Being human accounts for a good many insanities, according to 44-upwards of a thousand a day was his estimate.

  It is actually the truth that I had never looked this Duplicate over before. I never could bear the sight of him. I wouldn't look at him when I could help it; and until this moment I couldn't look at him dispassionately and with fairness. But now I could, for I had done him a great and creditable kindness, and it quite changed his aspects.

  In those days there were several things which I didn't know. For instance I didn't know that my voice was not the same voice to me that it was to others; but when 44 made me talk into the thing which he brought in, one day, when he had arrived home from one of his plundering-raids among the unborn centuries, and then reversed the machine and allowed me to listen to my voice as other people were used to hearing it, I recognized that it had so little resemblance to the voice I was accustomed to hearing that I should have said it was not my voice at all if the proof had not been present that it was.

  Also? I had been used to supposing that the person I saw in the mirror was the person others saw when they looked at me-whereas that was not the case. For once, when 44 had come back from robbing the future he brought a camera and made some photographs of me-those were the names which he gave the things, names which he invented out of his head for the occasion, no doubt, for that was his habit, on account of his not having any principles-and always the pictures which were like me as I saw myself in the glass he pronounced poor, and those which I thought exceedingly bad, he pronounced almost supernaturally good.

  And here it was again. In the figure standing by the door I was now seeing myself as others saw me, but the resemblance to the self which I was familiar with in the glass was merely a resemblance, nothing more; not approaching the common resemblance of brother to brother, but reaching only as far as the resemblance which a person usually bears to his brotherin-law. Often one does not notice that, at all, until it is pointed out; and sometimes, even then, the resemblance owes as much to
imagination as to fact. It's like a cloud which resembles a horse after some one has pointed out the resemblance. You perceive it, then, though I have often seen a cloud that didn't. Clouds often have nothing more than a brotherin-law resemblance. I wouldn't say this to everybody, but I believe it to be true, nevertheless. For I myself have seen clouds which looked like a brotherin-law, whereas I knew very well they didn't. Nearly all such are hallucinations, in my opinion.

  Well, there he stood, with the strong white electric light flooding him, (more plunder,) and he hardly even reached the brother-inlaw standard. I realized that I had never really seen this youth before. Of course I could recognize the general pattern, I don't deny it, but that was only because I knew who the creature was; but if I had met him in another country, the most that could have happened would have been this: that I would turn and look after him and say "I wonder if I have seen him somewhere before?" and then I would drop the matter out of my mind, as being only a fancy.

  Well, there he was; that is to say, there I was. And I was interested; interested at last. He was distinctly handsome, distinctly trim and shapely, and his attitude was easy, and well-bred and graceful. Complexion-what it should be at seventeen, with a blonde ancestry: peachy, bloomy, fresh, wholesome. Clothes-precisely like mine, to a button-or the lack of it.

  I was well satisfied with this front view. I had never seen my back; I was curious to see it. I said, very courteously-

  "Would you please turn around for a moment?-only a moment? . . . Thank you."

  Well, well, how little we know what our backs are like! This one was all right, I hadn't a fault to find with it, but it was all new to me, it was the back of a stranger-hair-aspects and all. If I had seen it walking up the street in front of me it would not have occurred to me that I could be in any personal way interested in it.

  "Turn again, please, if you will be so good . . . . Thank you kindly."

  I was to inspect the final detail, now-mentality. I had put it last, for I was reluctant, afraid, doubtful. Of course one glance was enough-I was expecting that. It saddened me: he was of a loftier world than I, he moved in regions where I could not tread, with my earth-shod feet. I wished I had left that detail alone.