The Mysterious Stranger Manuscripts (Literature)

by Mark Twain

  "Aha! well, it did! He says the very minute she was stopping the praying, the two fleets were meeting, and the uncivilized one utterly annihilated the civilized one, and it wouldn't have happened if she had let the praying go on. Now then, you didn't know that, did you!"

  "No, and I don't know it yet."

  "Well, you soon will. The message was June 27, wasn't it?"

  "Yes."

  "Well, the disaster was that very day-right after the praying was stopped-and you'll find the news of it in the very next day's paper, which you've got in your hand-date, June 28."

  I took a glance at the big headings, and said-

  "M-y word! why it's absolutely so! Baker G., don't you know this is the most astounding thing that ever happened? It proves he is alive-nobody else could bring this paper. He certainly is alive, and back with us, after that tremendous abolishment and extinction which we witnessed; yes, he's alive, Mary, alive, and glad am I, oh, grateful beyond words!"

  "Oh!" she cried, in a rapture, "it's just splendid, oh, just too lovely! I knew I could prove it; I knew it just as well! I thought he was gone, when he blazed up and went out, that way, and I was so scared and grieved-and isn't he a wonder! Duplicate, there isn't another necromancer in the business that can begin with him, now is there?"

  "You can stake your tale and your ears on it, Mary, and don't you forget it-as he used to say. In my opinion he can give the whole trade ninety-nine in the hundred and go out every time, cross-eyed and left-handed."

  "But he isn't, Duplicate."

  "Isn't what?"

  "Cross-eyed and left-handed."

  "Who said he was, you little fool?"

  "Why, you did."

  "I never said anything of the kind; I said he could if he was. That isn't saying he was; it was a supposititious case, and literary; it was a figure, a metaphor, and its function was to augment the force of the-"

  "Well, he isn't, anyway; because I've noticed, and-"

  "Oh, shut up! don't I 'tell you it was only a figure, and I never meant-"

  "I don't care, you'll never make me believe he's cross-eyed and left-handed, because the time he-"

  "Baker G., if you open your mouth again I'll jam the boot-jack down it! you're as random and irrelevant and incoherent and mentallv impenetrable as the afflicted Founder herself."

  But she was under the bed by that time; and reflecting, probably, if she had the machinery for it.

  Chapter 32

  FORTY-FOUR, still playing Balthasar Hoffman the magician, entered briskly now, and threw himself in a chair. The cat emerged with confidence, spread herself, purring, in his lap, and said-

  "This Duplicate wouldn't believe me when I told him, and when I proved it he tried to cram a boot-jack down my throat, thinking to scare me, which he didn't, didn't you, Duplicate?"

  "Didn't I what?"

  "Why, what I just said."

  "I don't know what you just said; it was Christian Silence and untranslatable; but I'll say yes to the whole of it if that will quiet you. Now then, keep still, and let the master tell what is on his mind."

  "Well, this is on my mind, August. Some of the most distinguished people can't come. Flora McFlimsey-nothing to wear; Eve, ditto; Adam, previous engagement, and so on and so on; Nero and ever so many others find the notice too short, and are urgent to have more time. Very well, we've got to accommodate them."

  "But how can we do it? The show is due to begin in an hour. Listen!"

  Boom-m-m-boom-m-m-boom-m-m!-

  It was the great bell of the castle tolling the hour. Our American clock on the wall struck in, and simultaneously the clock of the village-faint and far, and half of the notes overtaken in their flight and strangled by the gusty wind. We sat silent and counted, to the end.

  "You see?" said I.

  "Yes, I see. Eleven. Now there are two ways to manage. One is, to have time stand still-which has been done before, a lot of times; and the other one is, to turn time backward for a day or two, which is comparatively new, and offers the best effects, besides.

  "-'Beautiful Snow,' you see; it hasn't been written yet. I vote to reverse-and that is what we will do, presently. We will make the hands of the clocks travel around in the other direction."

  "But will they?"

  "Sure. It will attract attention-make yourself easy, as to that. But the stunning effect is going to be the sun."

  "How?"

  "Well, when they see him come rising up out of the west, about half a dozen hours from now, it will secure the interest of the entire world."

  "I should think as much."

  "Oh, yes, depend upon it. There is going to be more early rising than the human race has seen before. In my opinion it'll be a record."

  "I believe you are right about it. I mean to get up and see it myself. Or stay up."

  "I think it will be a good idea to have it rise in the south-west, instead of the west. More striking, you see; and hasn't been done before."

  "Master, it will be wonderful! It will be the very greatest marvel the world has ever seen. It will be talked about and written about as long as the human race endures. And there'll not be any disputing over it, because every human being that's alive will get up to look at it, and there won't be one single person to say it's a lie."

  "It's so. It will be the only perfectly authenticated event in all human history. All the other happenings, big and little, have got to depend on minority-testimony, and very little of that-but not so, this time, dontcherknow. And this one's patented. There aren't going to be any encores."

  "How long shall we go backwards, Balthasar?"

  "Two or three days or a week; long enough to accommodate Robert Bruce, and Henry I and such, who have hearts and things scattered around here and there and yonder, and have to get a basket and go around and collect; so we will let the sun and the clocks go backwards a while, then start them ahead in time to fetch up all right at midnight to-night-then the shades will begin to arrive according to schedule."

  "It grows on me! It's going to be the most prodigious thing that ever happened, and-"

  "Yes," he burst out, in a rapture of eloquence, "and will round out and perfect the reputation I've been building for Balthasar Hoffman, and make him the most glorious magician that ever lived, and get him burnt, to a dead moral certainty. You know I've taken a lot of pains with that reputation; I've taken more interest in it than anything I've planned out in centuries; I've spared neither labor nor thought, and I feel a pride in it and a sense of satisfaction such as I have hardly ever felt in a mere labor of love before; and when I get it completed, now, in this magnificent way, and get him burnt, or pulverized, or something showy and picturesque, like that, I shan't mind the trouble I've had, in the least; not in the least, I give you my word."

  Boom-m-m-boom-m-m-boom-m-m-

  "There she goes! striking eleven again."

  "Is it really?"

  "Count-you'll see."

  It woke the cat, and she stretched herself out about a yard and a half, and asked if time was starting back-which showed that she had heard the first part of the talk. And understood it of course, because it was in German. She was informed that time was about to start back; so she arranged herself for another nap, and said that when we got back to ten she would turn out and catch that rat again.

  I was counting the clock-strokes-counting aloud-

  "Eight . . . . nine . . . . ten . . . . eleven-"

  FortyFour shouted-

  "Backward! turn backward! 0 Time in thy flight! Look at the clock-hands! Listen!"

  Instantly I found myself counting the strokes again, aloud-

  "Eleven . . . ten . . . . nine . . . eight . . . . seven . . . six . . . .five. . . .four. . .two. . . one!"

  At once the cat woke and repeated her remark about re-catching the rat-saying it backwards!

  Then FortyFour said-

  "see you'll-Count."

  Whereupon I said—

  really? it Is"

  And he remarked
-the booming of the great castle clock mixing with his words-

  "again. eleven striking goes! she There word (here his voice began to become impressive, then to nobly rise, and swell, and grow in eloquent feeling and majestic expression), my you give I least, the in not least; the in had, I've trouble the mind shan't I that, like picturesque, and showy something or pulverized, or burnt, him get and way, magnificent this in now, completed, it get I when and before; love of labor mere a in felt ever hardly have I as such satisfaction of sense a and it in pride (here his voice was near to breaking, so deeply were his feelings stirred) a feel I and thought, nor labor neither spared I've centuries; in out planned I've anything than it in interest more taken I've reputation; that with pains of lot a taken I've know You (here his winged eloquence reached its loftiest flight, and in his deep organ-tones he thundered forth his sublime words) certainty. moral dead a to burnt, him get and lived, ever that magician glorious most the him make and Hoffman, Balthasar for building been I've reputation the perfect and out round will and Yes,"-

  My brain was spinning, it was audibly whizzing, I rose reeling, and was falling lifeless to the floor, when 44 caught me. His touch restored me, and he said-

  "I see it is too much for you, you cannot endure it, you would go mad. Therefore I relieve you of your share in this grand event. You shall look on and enjoy, taking no personal part in the backward flight of time, nor in its return, until it reaches the present hour again and resumes its normal march forward. Go and come as you please, amuse yourself as you choose."

  Those were blessed words! I could not tell him how thankful I was.

  A considerable blank followed-a silent one, for it represented the unrepeated conversation which he and I had had about the turning back of time and the sun.

  Then another silent blank followed; it represented the interval occupied by my dispute with the cat as to whether the magician was come alive again or not.

  I filled in these intervals not wearily nor drearily-oh, no indeed, just the reverse; for my gaze was glued to that American clock watching its hands creeping backward around its face, an uncanny spectacle!

  Then I fell asleep, and when I woke again the clock had gone back seven hours, and it was mid-afternoon. Being privileged to go and come as I pleased, I threw off my flesh and went down to see the grand transformation-spectacle repeated backwards.

  It was as impressive and as magnificent as ever. In the darkness some of the people lay prone, some were kneeling, some were wandering and tottering about with their hands over their eyes, Katrina was walking backwards on unsteady feet; she backed further and further, then knelt and bowed her head-then that white glory burst upon the darkness and 44 stood clothed as with the sun; and he bent and kissed the old head-and so on and so on, the scene repeated itself backwards, detail by detail, clear to the beginning; then the magician, the cat and I walked backward up the stairs and through the gathering eclipse to my room.

  After that, as time drifted rearward, I skipped some things and took in others, according to my humor. I watched my Duplicate turn from nothing into a lovely soap-bubble statue with delicate rainbow-hues playing over it; watched its skeleton gather form and solidity; watched it put on flesh and clothes, and all that; but I skipped the interviews with the cat; I also skipped the interview with the master; and when the clock had gone back twenty-three hours and I was due to appear drunk in Marget's chamber, I took the pledge and stayed away.

  Then, for amusement and to note effects, 44 and I-invisibleappeared in China, where it was noonday. The sun was just ready to turn downward on his new north-eastern track, and millions of yellow people were gazing at him, dazed and stupid, while other millions lay stretched upon the ground everywhere, exhausted with the terrors and confusions they had been through, and now blessedly unconscious. We loafed along behind the sun around the globe, tarrying in all the great cities on the route, and observing and admiring the effects. Everywhere weary people were re-chattering previous conversations backwards and not understanding each other, and oh, they did look so tuckered out and tired of it all! and always there were groups gazing miserably at the town-clocks; in every city funerals were being held again that had already been held once, and the hearses and the processions were marching solemnly backwards; where there was war, yesterday's battles were being refought, wrong-end-first; the previously killed were getting killed again, the previously wounded were getting hit again in the same place and complaining about it; there were blood-stirring and tremendous charges of masses of steel-clad knights across the field -backwards; and on the oceans the ships, with full-bellied sails were speeding backwards over the same water they had traversed the day before, and some of each crew were scared and praying, some were gazing in mute anguish at the crazy sun, and the rest were doing profanity beyond imagination.

  At Rouen we saw Henry I gathering together his split skull and his other things.

  Chapter 33

  SURELY FortyFour was the flightiest creature that ever was! Nothing interested him long at a time. He would contrive the most elaborate projects, and put his whole mind and heart into them, then he would suddenly drop them, in the midst of their fulfilment, and start something fresh. It was just so with his Assembly of the Dead. He summoned those forlorn wrecks from all the world and from all the epochs and ages, and then, when everything was ready for the exhibition, he wanted to flit back to Moses's time and see the Egyptians floundering around in the Dead Sea, and take me along with him. He said he had seen it twice, and it was one of the handsomest and most exciting incidents a body ever saw. It was all I could do to persuade him to wait a while.

  To me the Procession was very good indeed, and most impressive. First, there was an awful darkness. All visible things gloomed down gradually, losing their outlines little by little, then disap peared utterly. The thickest and solidest and blackest darkness followed, and a silence which was so still it was as if the world was holding its breath. That deep stillness continued, and continued, minute after minute, and got to be so oppressive that presently I was holding my breath-that is, only half-breathing. Then a wave of cold air came drifting along, damp, searching, and smelling of the grave, and was shivery and dreadful. After about ten minutes I heard a faint clicking sound coming as from a great distance. It came slowly nearer and nearer, and a little louder and a little louder, and increasing steadily in mass and volume, till all the place was filled with a dry sharp clacking and was right abreast of us and passing by! Then a vague twilight suffused the place and through it and drowned in it we made out the spidery dim forms of thousands of skeletons marching! It made me catch my breath. It was that grewsome and grisly and horrible, you can't think.

  Soon the light paled to a half dawn, and we could distinguish details fairly well. FortyFour had enlarged the great hall of the castle, so as to get effects. It was a vast and lofty corridor, now, and stretched away for miles and miles, and the Procession drifted solemnly down it sorrowfully clacking, losing definiteness gradually, and finally fading out in the far distances, and melting from sight.

  FortyFour named no end of those poor skeletons, as they passed by, and he said the most of them had been distinguished, in their day and had cut a figure in the world. Some of the names were familiar to me, but the most of them were not. Which was natural, for they belonged to nations that perished from the earth ten, and twenty, and fifty, and a hundred, and three hundred, and six hundred thousand years ago, and so of course I had never heard of them.

  By force of 44's magic each skeleton had a tab on him giving his name and date, and telling all about him, in brief. It was a good idea, and saved asking questions. Pharaoh was there, and David and Goliah and several other of the sacred characters; and Adam and Eve, and some of the Caesars, and Cleopatra, and Charlemagne, and Dagobert, and kings, and kings and kings till you couldn't count them-the most of them from away back thousands and thousands of centuries before Adam's time. Some of them fetched their crowns along, and had a rotten velvet rag or tw
o dangling about their bones, a kind of pathetic spectacle.

  And there were skeletons whom I had known, myself, and been at their funerals, only three or four years before-men and women, boys and girls; and they put out their poor bony hands and shook with me, and looked so sad. Some of the skeletons dragged the rotting ruins of their coffins after them by a string, and seemed pitifully anxious that that poor property shouldn't come to harm.

  But to think how long the pathos of a thing can last, and still carry its touching effect, the same as if it was new and happened yesterday! There was a slim skeleton of a young woman, and it went by with its head bowed and its bony hands to its eyes, crying, apparently. Well, it was a young mother whose little child disappeared one day and was never heard of again, and so her heart was broken, and she cried her life away. It brought the tears to my eyes and made my heart ache to see that poor thing's sorrow. When I looked at her tab I saw it had happened five hundred thousand years ago! It seemed strange that it should still affect me, but I suppose such things never grow old, but remain always new.

  King Arthur came along, by and by, with all his knights. That interested me, because we had just been printing his history, copying it from Caxton. They rode upon bony crates that had once been horses, and they looked very stately in their ancient armor, though it was rusty and lacked a piece here and there, and through those gaps you could see the bones inside. They talked together, skeletons as they were, and you could see their jawbones go up and down through the slits in their helmets. By grace of FortyFour's magic I could understand them. They talked about Arthur's last battle, and seemed to think it happened yesterday, which shows that a thousand years in the grave is :.aerely a night's sleep, to the dead, and counts for nothing.

  It was the same with Noah and his sons and their wives. Evidently they had forgotten that they had ever left the Ark, and could not understand how they came to be wandering around on land. They talked about the weather; they did not seem to be interested in anything else.