A Moment to Remember

by Dee Williams

  During the afternoon they would sit in the garden and talk. They were growing up and the conversations were very intense, and Milly was learning so much. They talked of many things and would read the papers together, and Richard was always eager to answer any questions Milly had about world affairs. She found him easy to talk to; he didn’t appear to regard her as a waif or someone to be laughed at any longer. He was very clever and seemed to enjoy her company, and would often come into the kitchen to find out if she was busy. Sometimes he’d sit and watch her preparing the veg, and all the while they would laugh and talk together. When it was time for Jane to have her rest, they would sit and talk about their future.

  ‘What do you want to do with your life eventually, Milly?’

  ‘I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it. I just take one day at a time.’ Truth was, she was frightened of her future; all she knew was that she didn’t want to leave here.

  ‘You know father has now decided that I should go into the army?’

  ‘Yes, but why? There isn’t any fighting now.’

  ‘You never know when one of these upstarts might decide they want something another country has, and we have to be ready for that. Also, look at when the King has visitors. Look at all the pomp and ceremony we have then. On those occasions he needs soldiers to line the Mall, and I hope to be one of them.’

  ‘My brother Dan said he wanted to join the army. Billy wants to join the navy and see the world,’ Milly said, then added wistfully, ‘We all had wild dreams back then. It seems I was the lucky one.’

  ‘Do you ever want to go and see your family?’

  ‘Sometimes.’

  ‘You know I would always go with you?’

  ‘No. I couldn’t.’ The thought of Richard seeing her home and her father filled her with horror. Was he still as angry and aggressive? Was it Pammy that was suffering now?

  As Richard looked at her, he could see what a hard life she must have had, and sensing that she didn’t want to talk about it, he decided to change the subject. ‘Who knows, perhaps when I’m an officer, your brother might be in my regiment.’

  ‘If he is, you will look after him, won’t you?’

  ‘For you, anything.’

  She blushed and looked away.

  ‘You don’t wanna get too fond of him, me dear,’ said Betty one afternoon when Milly came in laughing, her eyes shining.

  ‘I can’t help it. He’s so nice to me.’

  ‘That’s his way. Remember he’s going in the army when he leaves school, and then he could be sent away like his father.’

  ‘I know.’ Milly was painfully aware that she was getting very fond of Richard, but she knew that was hopeless. What would he say if he knew how she felt? As her mother would have said to her, ‘Don’t you start getting above your station, young lady.’

  As he lay on his bed, Richard often thought about Milly. She was so different from the girls his mother was always bringing to the house when he was home. She was honest and full of laughter. He knew he could get very fond of her if things were different. Although the family liked her, he knew that she would never be accepted as one of them. What was her background? Jane would never break her promise to Milly and tell him. Perhaps when he was away he could write to her. Sometimes it was better to put your feelings down on paper. That was it. When he went away he would write to her. He’d ask Jane to pass on the letters, as he knew his mother wouldn’t approve of him writing to Milly.

  The summer was almost over and Richard had gone back to school.

  All through the autumn Milly worked hard at her lessons, and one day Miss Dance suggested she did an exam to gain a certificate.

  ‘I can’t do that,’ Milly said.

  ‘Why not?’ asked Jane. ‘You are very clever and I think you should.’

  ‘I agree with Miss Jane. Milly, you should take this opportunity.’

  ‘What if I fail?’

  ‘Then we shall know your weaknesses and work on them.’

  ‘But . . .’

  ‘There’s no but about it, you must take it.’ Jane smiled at Milly. ‘Besides, Richard would be so proud of you if you passed.’

  Milly looked at Jane. Did she know how she felt about her brother? He had written a few letters to her, but they were always in with Jane’s and not sealed, so Jane knew exactly what he had written and they were always very formal.

  ‘Please.’ Jane held out her hand to Milly. ‘You are my very best friend and you could go far with a good education. Who knows how long you will want to stay here with me?’

  Milly went to speak, but Jane shook her head.

  ‘None of us knows what will happen in the future, so you must take the moment.’

  Milly bent her head. What did Jane mean? Did she know of something that might happen one day? Had the family been talking about sending her away? Milly quickly dismissed that thought; she knew Mr and Mrs Green would do anything for Jane. She also knew her friend was right. This was a wonderful opportunity and she should take it. ‘All right, I’ll do it.’

  Miss Dance clapped her hands and her face was wreathed in smiles. ‘I shall be so proud to help you on your way.’

  Jane was smiling too. ‘And so will I.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Milly knew that she would work hard and pass.

  Chapter 12

  ONCE AGAIN WINTER was on them, and Milly was very excited when Betty told her that she was going to make the Christmas pudding again. She remembered last year and how she’d helped Betty put all the ingredients into the large bowl, stirring it all the time. Then when it was well mixed, it was ready to be transferred to another bowl and gently lowered into the pan of boiling water to simmer for eight hours. For Milly, Christmas had begun. She couldn’t believe that she had been living here for almost two years. She had worked very hard to change; she no longer had a cockney accent and she was also a lot wiser. So many times she thought about home and felt guilty, and she knew that one day she would have to go and face her family. Would Richard really be willing to go with her? Christmas meant that he would be home. She hugged herself and wished it were his arms round her. As she busied herself with her chores, she hoped that he would want her to help gather the holly and ivy and decorate the rooms again.

  Mr Green was also due home, and the whole household buzzed with excitement and anticipation.

  ‘I love it when we are all together. Are you looking forward to coming to Midnight Mass next week?’ asked Jane.

  ‘Yes, I am,’ said Milly. ‘At least I’ll be able to read all the words this time. Betty has bought a new hat and can’t wait to wear it.’ But it was the thought of Richard being home that thrilled her more than anything else. She treasured the letters she’d had from him, reading over and over again about all that was happening to him and how pleased he was that she was going to take the exams.

  At last the great day came when Mr Green arrived. When Milly opened the door she thought he looked a little different. He’d lost a lot of weight and his skin was very white. She noticed that Mrs Green looked shocked as she followed him into the drawing room and quickly closed the door behind her.

  Milly took his bags up to his room and hurried down to Betty.

  ‘You wait till you see him. He’s so thin and pale. Has he been ill?’

  ‘Don’t know. Mrs G ain’t ever said.’

  ‘Perhaps he’s never told her.’

  ‘Could be. Mind you, you never know what kind of terrible disease he could pick up in those foreign parts. Don’t hold with all this travelling about meself.’

  ‘But that’s his job. He’s some sort of ambassador, so Jane told me. I don’t think she really knows what he does, though he must be quite high up. After all he did go to the King’s funeral. All she knows is that he works in an office in Germany.’

  ‘Does he speak German then?’

  Milly shrugged. ‘Don’t know.’

  The bell rang for tea and Milly pushed the trolley into the drawing room.

&nbs
p; ‘Hello, Milly,’ said Mr Green. ‘I’ve been looking forward to a nice cup of English tea.’

  ‘Welcome home, sir.’

  ‘Thank you, and it’s good to be home.’

  ‘Do you want me to pour?’ Milly asked Mrs Green.

  ‘No thank you. I’ll do it.’

  Milly looked at Jane, who had a worried look on her face. Milly gave a little bob and left. For all her being part of the family, she still felt slightly intimidated when Mr Green was around.

  ‘You could cut the atmosphere with a knife in there. Something’s wrong, I can feel it,’ she said when she got back into the kitchen.

  ‘Don’t be so dramatic,’ said Betty. ‘I expect he’s just tired.’

  ‘Could be. But he wasn’t like this last year.’

  ‘Perhaps he’s got a cold.’

  Milly spent the rest of the afternoon deep in thought. What if Mr Green was ill, and that was what Jane had meant when she said she should take the moment. Was he coming back home for good, and would things be very different if he did? And what if he was ill and—

  ‘You’re very quiet,’ said Betty, interrupting her thoughts. ‘You all right?’

  ‘I was just thinking about Mr Green.’

  ‘I shouldn’t worry about him too much. He’ll be fine after a few days of my cooking.’

  But Milly was concerned. What would happen to her if things changed? She knew she was being selfish and just thinking about herself, but she loved her life here, and she was always afraid that one day it could all end.

  The following day Richard arrived, and Milly was over the moon when he held her hand and kissed her cheek.

  ‘Lovely to see you, Milly. And later I want to know everything that has happened and all about these exams you’re going to take. Family in the drawing room?’

  Milly could only nod as she opened the door for him.

  When she got back into the kitchen she said to Betty, ‘Whatever is wrong with Mr G, Richard doesn’t know anything about it.’

  ‘I told you it’s nothing to worry about.’

  Mr Green wasn’t at breakfast the following morning, and Mrs Green came into the kitchen and told Milly to do a tray with something light. ‘Perhaps just an egg and some toast. I’ll take it up to my husband, as he’s feeling a little under the weather.’

  ‘See, what did I tell you?’ said Betty after Mrs Green had left. ‘He’ll be right as rain in no time.’

  ‘I hope so.’

  Walton had taken Jane out, and as lessons had finished for the term, Milly didn’t get to see Jane on her own.

  At teatime, when Milly pushed the trolley into the drawing room, the family were sitting around and it was very quiet, not like last year, when everyone was talking at once.

  Once again Milly voiced her fears to Betty.

  ‘Well Mrs G ain’t said nothing to me, and I think you’re worrying unnecessarily.’

  ‘I hope so.’ Milly was wondering how she could manage to see Jane on her own. It was always very difficult when the family were together, but they did usually include her when they had tea, or sometimes during the evenings when they played cards or just sat and talked. She loved those evenings, but these last few days that hadn’t happened.

  Tomorrow would be Christmas Eve and nobody had talked about going to Midnight Mass. For the past two days Mr Green hadn’t been down to breakfast, although he was always around later.

  That afternoon Milly was building up the dining-room fire when Richard walked in. He carefully closed the door behind him and Milly stood up.

  ‘You must be wondering what’s wrong.’

  Milly nodded. ‘Is your father ill?’

  Richard looked worried. ‘Yes.’

  Milly took a sharp intake of breath and put her hand to her mouth.

  Richard smiled. ‘Don’t worry, it’s not life-threatening. He’s just very under the weather. It seems he’s had a lot of bad days at the office. The government in Germany are having endless meetings and he’s been having sleepless nights. He’ll be fine by tomorrow. He just needed to rest and to be away from all the stress that goes with the job.’ Richard took Milly’s hand. ‘Let’s sit down.’ He pulled out a chair and they sat at the table.

  ‘He’s not going to lose his job, is he?’

  Richard smiled. ‘No, but you mustn’t worry about us. Now I want to hear all about you.’

  They sat for a while and talked. Milly found him so easy to talk to. He wanted to know all about the exams she was taking, and whether she needed any help.

  ‘Jane thinks you are going sail through.’

  ‘I hope so. I don’t want to let her or Miss Dance down.’

  He leant forward and ran his thumb along her brow. ‘Don’t frown. Do you know, you are very pretty.’

  She blushed. She wanted to grab his hand and kiss it. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered. If only she could tell him how she felt, but she knew that could never be.

  ‘Now, this afternoon we are going to decorate the hall, drawing room and this room. Will you help me cut down the holly and the ivy? Of course Jane will be supervising as usual.’

  Milly smiled broadly. ‘Yes please.’ Suddenly all the gloom that had surrounded her these past few days had disappeared. This was how she wanted things to be, everybody making plans.

  ‘Jane said she’s sorry she hasn’t been able to talk to you, but she has been very worried about Father. Now that he appears to be a little better, she said you must have tea with us this afternoon after we’ve finished.’

  ‘I would like that.’

  ‘Then tomorrow night we shall all be going to Midnight Mass.’

  Milly didn’t wait to be asked as she blurted out, ‘Betty’s got a new hat.’

  ‘And what about you, have you got a new hat?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘That’s a pity. Now go and see if Betty needs you this afternoon, then come back with your hat and coat on and we’ll start cutting what we need. By the way, I’m pleased you had a nice birthday.’

  ‘Yes, I did, and thank you for my card.’

  ‘That’s all right. I shouldn’t say this, but Jane threatens me if I forget anyone’s birthday. Including Betty’s and now yours.’

  Milly was a little sad at that remark; she’d thought he’d remembered it because he cared about her. She left him sitting at the table. She knew she loved him, but what good would it do?

  Richard watched Milly leave the room. He hadn’t needed to be reminded of her birthday, but he’d had to say something. He knew that he had feelings for her, but he couldn’t make them known. She was so honest and trustworthy. What would happen to her in the future? Could she stay here for ever? Would Jane get tired of her? She could take Walton’s place when the nurse retired, but when would that be? Could they ever be together? he wondered.

  Chapter 13

  ‘WHAT D’YOU THINK?’ Betty asked Milly, as she looked at herself this way and that in front of the large hall mirror, which had been decorated with holly and ivy.

  ‘It looks lovely, and that navy colour really suits you.’

  Betty was still fiddling with the veil on her new hat when Jane came out of her room. ‘Betty, you look lovely, doesn’t she, Milly?’

  Milly was beaming as she nodded. ‘I’ve just told her that. And so do you.’

  ‘Always have to have new ribbons for Christmas. It’s one of the things I can wear proudly, and I make sure my hair is one of my best features.’ When Jane laughed, her large pink bow bobbed up and down.

  ‘You have very pretty hair,’ said Milly. ‘Not like my straight locks.’

  ‘To get these ringlets I go through a lot of agony at night when Walton or Mother put all the rags in.’ She touched her hair. ‘As long as it looks fine, that’s all I worry about.’

  Milly, wearing the tam-o’-shanter that Jane had bought her last Christmas, looked around. She felt a lot happier now that whatever was wrong with Mr Green seemed to have passed and once again things were back to normal.

>   As they made their way to the church, despite the cold everyone was laughing and talking at once. In the church, the singing lifted Milly’s heart, and everyone was still singing on the walk home. When Richard took hold of her hand, she felt a thrill rush through her. She wanted this night to last for ever.

  When they arrived at the house, Mr Green said, ‘Betty and Milly, you must join us for a drink.’

  ‘Thank you, sir,’ they said together.

  It wasn’t long before Betty said, ‘Now, begging your pardon, but I must be off to bed. Milly, remember we have a very busy day tomorrow.’

  ‘I think you mean today,’ said Richard. He had a flushed face and Milly had noted that he had been drinking since they arrived back at the house.

  Betty laughed. Her eyes were sparkling. ‘So I do. Come on, Milly. Good night, sir and madam, and thank you.’ She gave a slight bow and left the room.

  Milly quickly said her good nights and followed.

  She was just getting into bed when there was a tap on her door.

  ‘Milly. Can I talk to you?’ It was Richard.

  ‘What do you want?’

  ‘Let me in.’ His voice was a hushed whisper.

  ‘I can’t.’ Milly sat on the bed, too frightened to move. She knew the door wasn’t locked; she had never had any need to. Besides Elsie had to come and wake her in the mornings.

  ‘Please.’

  ‘No, go away. What will your mother and father say?’

  ‘They don’t need to know.’

  ‘I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink.’

  ‘This is the only way I can get up the courage to tell you how I feel about you.’

  ‘I’m very flattered, Richard, but please go away.’ Although Milly was taken aback, she was thrilled that he wanted to tell her how he felt. She wanted to throw open the door and invite him in, but she knew that would be wrong. She was terrified someone would hear him and come to see what was going on. She always lived in dread of having to leave here. What would she do? Where could she go?